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On Dating while Trans


Yuurei

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I've been single for a little over a year now, and have been trying to get back into the dating scene. I'm a gay trans man, but really just see myself as any other guy who's into other guys. The problem is, a lot of guys don't view me the same way. It's been very discouraging, and very difficult to find another man who wants to date someone like me. That's the sort of stuff that comes with being transgender, though-- I just think it's messed up that I'm so used to being rejected because of it. Or that I even expect it. I've even had bisexual/pansexual man tell me that they're not "into trans people" as if every trans person looks and acts the same.

I just wanted to hear some other people's stories, and know what dating has been like for them. If you're cis (someone who is not transgender), you're welcome to chime in-- but please be considerate and try not to speak over trans voices. I'm still young (22 years old), but sometimes I feel like I'm never going to find a partner because of how I am.

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That's so sad and upsetting...as if dating isn't stressful enough.  ):  I'm sorry you're having to deal with people like that. I'm cis so I don't want to go on and on, but I did want to share that a late friend of mine was a trans man and had met their boyfriend (who is cis) years ago when they were still presenting as a woman and afraid to come out due to family stuff. Maybe 4 or 5 years into the relationship they felt comfortable enough to come out and began presenting more masculine, and their boyfriend loved them just the same as always. Good dudes are out there who will want to be with you no matter what. :)

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24 minutes ago, murphy dee said:

I did want to share that a late friend of mine was a trans man and had met their boyfriend (who is cis) years ago when they were still presenting as a woman and afraid to come out due to family stuff. Maybe 4 or 5 years into the relationship they felt comfortable enough to come out and began presenting more masculine, and their boyfriend loved them just the same as always. Good dudes are out there who will want to be with you no matter what. :)

The same just happened to a friend of mine who has recently come out as a trans woman and is still married to their partner who is a cis woman who loves them just the same as when they first met each other

I don't know what your hobbies/interests are, but there tends to be more open and accepting people in some social circles, like in theatre, game communities, niche interests like renaissance fairs and some anime groups, etc etc. Maybe if you're not already active in a community like that, you can try branching out and you'll maybe meet some good people who you could end up dating (or at least people who could help set you up with someone they know!). 

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I have been kind of on the other side in a similar situation. I'm a lesbian cis woman. I am strictly attracted to people in women's bodies. In fact, the thing between male bodies' legs scares me. When I was active on online dating sites, I chatted back and forth with this woman, Jo. When we had talked for about three months, she told me she had a male body, while she identified as a female. She had no plans on gender correction surgery. Physically, that didn't work for me. I really tried to be respectful about it but I probably hurt her either way and that sucked. I liked this lady, but it just wouldn't have worked for me physically because I'm turned off by and scared of the male anatomy, regardless of the person inside that body. That's also the reason I'm not sexually attracted to cis men. There are men that I wish I could be attracted to, and once in a while I have a bit of a crush on one (James Comey, I'm looking at you... :rolleyes: ), but only as long as they are fully dressed. 

This is a subject that is really difficult to discuss for a person who doesn't have the first-hand experience, so I apologise if I come across as offensive to anyone. It's not my intention. I know what it's like to grow up a lesbian in a small town where nobody had ever met a homosexual person, but I don't know what it's like to live in a body I don't identify with, so there are a lot of things I can't understand. I do understand that it's painful to be rejected over something you never had a say in, though, and I'm sorry if my story here was yet another discouraging thing. :( 

I happen to know for a fact that Jo found someone shortly after this took place, and I'm sure so will you. You just have to stop wasting your time on those of us who are stuck on anatomy. There are more open-minded people out there and I'm sure plenty of them are looking for someone exactly like you, they just haven't found you yet. Don't give up.

Take care! :hug: 

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