A Tissue (MCU, Loki (no spoilers))

[warminside]

Back with more Loki. No spoilers for anything! Everyone is somehow living in peace & harmony in Avengers tower. Or at least they will be, once Tony gets Loki to realise he needs to take allergy meds.

(There’s a special place in hell for people who just sniff… and sniff… and sniff)

--fic begins--

 

Tony sighed, cracked his knuckles, and continued his modifications on the latest prototype of Clint's bow. Usually, this was work he quite enjoyed. Clint didn't care about profit margins, marketability, or much, really, apart from whether it could hold an arrow. Improving the weapon was a unique challenge, something that stretched him creatively rather than wore him into the ground; it was free from the obsessive pull of an unsolved problem, even mindless in a way. It was the perfect break.

Usually.

Sniff

But about an hour ago, the lovechild of Snape and Lucius Malfoy had decided the perfect spot for some afternoon reading was on the sofa across from his designated productive-relaxation zone. It was the ideal area for Tony: comfy leather seats with minimal give, sweeping views of the city, and a coffee-table so banged up that not even Steve bothered with coasters any more. But with over forty floors, you'd think he'd be able to avoid the one jackass dedicated to popping a vein in his forehead.

Sniff  

"Loki, you're killing me." A whole hour this had been going on. And the asshole didn't even look up!

Sniff

Tony put the prototype down a little more forcefully than was probably wise. "Oh my god. Loki."

Finally, Loki looked up from his book, one eyebrow delicately raised. Tony widened his eyes at him. He raised his eyebrow higher in response. Oh, my god. "Do you want to maybe... get a tissue?" Loki pursed his lips and looked up for a moment, as if considering. 

"Mm ... no." And he looked back down.

Sniff 

Tony kept his groan mostly quiet. They were under strict instructions to play nice with Loki, so that he might emerge from his shell (which Tony thought was something patently ridiculous to say about a guy who spent half the time wearing a literal helmet with actual horns). But seriously.

"Are you sure you don't need a tissue."

Loki raised his head again, and regarded him coldly.

"I'm fine." Tony was actually going to go insane.

"You don't sound fine," he managed through gritted teeth. "And I don't want to catch whatever alien germs you're carrying when you start wiping your nose with your sleeve." Loki gave him a disgusted look - the cheek - and returned to his book.

"I don't have any Asgardian germs," he said primly. Tony was ready to begin testing out the prototype on him, when he saw a pink flush spreading across his cheeks.

"Hang on... That's it, isn't it?" Loki was back to ignoring him. "It's not Asgardian, it's Midgardian. Something on this planet is bothering you, and you're too proud to admit it. Wow, this really takes the cake. I can't wait for you to get measles."

"I'm fine," Loki snarled. Sniff

"Uh-huh, and I'm a fully-functioning member of society."

"I'm not sick."

"Right, I can tell by how you're leaking out of multiple orifices."

"No." Loki looked up at Tony again, cheeks blazing but expression defiant. "Banner... said it was an allergy. To this place's hideous flora."

"You went to Bruce before me?" Tony said, sticking out his bottom lip. Loki rolled his eyes. "And, what, the medicine didn't work?" Loki snorted, and sniffed again. Tony felt his eyebrow twitch involuntarily.

"I didn't take any, of course. I'm not touching primitive Midgardian medicine, I'd probably end up losing an eye."

"Oh, my god." Tony stared at him, wide-eyed. "You'd be an anti-vaxxer in another life, you know that?" Loki gazed at him uncomprehendingly, and, now that he was looking for it, Tony could spot a pink rim around his eyes. "Take your medicine, you idiot."

"I'm fine without it." Sniff

"I'm not fine without it!" No response. Fine. He'd been playing nice, but God knows he wasn't about to give up his favorite spot for a stubborn demigod with a weakness for foliage.

He opened a new tab on the hologram interface he had up for the prototype, and keyed in new commands for the ventilation system. His hand was forced. He thought of his spaghetti that had turned out to be worms the other week, and his frown turned into a smirk as he cranked his messing up a gear. Fine without it, my ass.

"Heh." There you go. How'd you like them apples, pointy.

"Stark - heh - do you have a - huhh - tissue -"

"No, no, Reindeer Games, I concede your point. It is merely us mortals that must tend to our symptoms when-"

"Huh- eshoo! Escheww! Eh - ehtishoo!" Loki had covered his mouth and nose with his hands.

"Hm, good think demigods don't ever need to blow their goddamn nose."

"Stark - heh - hehh herushoo!" Glaring at him through watering eyes, Loki flicked a finger, and a miniature tree appeared on the arm of the sofa.

"Was - was that - what you were aiming for?" Tony asked, barely able to keep in hysterical laughter at the incredulous way Loki was looking at his creation.

"T - tuh... heschew - tissues -"

"Ohh, right, tiny tree, I get it. That's quite cute, actually, but not really how the manufacturing process works. Still, I guess you could use the leaves? Magical leaves, maybe worthy of your nostrils -" 

"HAAshoo! HAAshoo! HAAshoo!" Ok, that was starting to sound potentially gross. Tony got up to fetch some tissues from the kitchen, chuckling at the sound of increasingly desperate sneezing behind him. The pollen count was particularly high today; all it needed was some adjustment to the filtration system, a concentration of inflow in this room... really, it was a pity no-one else was here to appreciate his dastardliness. He winked at one of JARVIS's cameras for the feeling of conspiracy.

He paused, as he returned, to survey his handiwork. Loki's slight figure was bent forwards, elbows resting on his knees, long fingers steepled over his nose, eyes tightly shut but tears escaping from under the lids.

"Heh-ishoo! Hehchoo! Hehishhoo! Hehchoo - choo - choo -"

"Alright, alright, here you go," Tony said, nestling the tissue box in the branches of the tree. Loki grabbed four, simultaneously wiping his hands while clutching them to his nose.

"Heh... Hehh..."

"So. Antihistamines sounding good roundabout now?" Loki flipped him off. Well, really. He tapped the hologram a few more times.

"Hehchoo! Hehchoo! Ishoo! Ishoo, ishoo, ishoo, ishoo, aascheww -"

Tony stared at Loki, slightly shocked despite himself as the demigod disappeared into a paroxysm of sneezing. And to think he was refusing to take medication for that.

Tony walked back to the kitchen, and found some medicine in a drawer. He popped out the suggested dose, fetched a glass of water, and returned to what had formerly been his relaxation zone. Although - he must admit - this was turning out to be rather fun.

He stood in front of Loki, and sighed. Well, there was no way he'd be able to swallow like that.

"Hehchoo - huhreshoo - hitchoo - kgnxt - kgnxt - kgnxt -"

"Come on, don't stifle them, you'll wreck those immortal eardrums of yours. Just -" Tony pulled his hands away from his face for a second, and Loki writhed, nose pink and twitching, eyelids fluttering.

"St - Stark-" Tony threw the glass of water in his face. That had been to wash the pills down with, but oh well. Loki gasped, eyelashes wet, beads of water trickling down his cheeks. "Wha -" Tony placed the pills in his open mouth, and shut his jaw.

"Now. Swallow." Loki did, and Tony jerked his hands away just in time as he let out another massive sneeze.

"HuhRESHOO!!"

"Ok, ok." Tony returned to the prototype, and, as subtly as possible, reset the ventilation settings. Lesson learned, he thought.

"Heh... hehchoo! Isheww! Isheww! Heh - hehchoo!" Tony was starting to feel slightly bad now, and cursed the conscience that always seemed to rear its head at inopportune moments.

"Wash your face, it'll help." Loki made no move to do so, and, when taking into account the exhausted sound of his sneezes, Tony allowed that he might not quite have the energy. He sighed, walked to the bathroom to wet a flannel, and returned to see Loki in little better, if slightly less desperate, shape.

"Huhchoo... hehhchoo... huh..." He didn't even resist when Tony pulled his hands down to apply the flannel to his face, and Tony felt a little guilty again.

"Cold water, that'll set you up. That and meds." Loki began scrabbling against his hands, but Tony kept the flannel in place; "Come on, everyone has their weakness. Mine is the Star Wars prequels. It's healthy to admit it."

"Huh-huhshoo!"

"Oh, ok, gross, that was gross, you win that round." Tony moved Loki's hands to hold the flannel and took a step back. Loki wiped it down his face, and looked at Tony; eyes red, nose still twitching a little, but all in all significantly better.

"Stark. If you ever-"

"Oh trust me, angelcakes, that's not a moment I'm eager to share with the team either. Keep taking your meds, and it's our little secret."

Loki blew his nose - finally - and returned to his reading, occasionally looking up, nostrils quivering, mouth slightly open, but always returning to his book with no further incident. After watching him for a couple of minutes Tony went back to his modifications, sighing peacefully in the continued silence, broken only by the occasional sound of a turning page.

--fic ends--

 

Wow, that went further than I expected. I don't even particularly like the care-taker trope, but it seemed to fit well and I didn't want to deprive anyone  What did you like? Hope you enjoyed! 

 

[Coffee Mug]

Gnaaaaa!!! Wonderfully written! Poor allergic Loki! I hope he didn’t learn the lesson 

[Jelloicious]

Aww...I don't normally have sympathy for Loki, but...  Yeah, and Tony Stark, he was just lovely here.   

[BookQ36]

I... didn't know I needed this in my life. Thank you! <3

[RedVelvetHeart]

Allergy sneezing is not my usual thing but I just loved the dynamic here! Awesome story.

[DanniSneeze]

Aww, loved the story! Loki stuff is always great

[Sneezyflowergal]

Awww poor Loki, midgaurd must be killing his poor nose  

[RavenWatson]

I keep coming back to this. It's adorable. 

[mordaciousghost]

I love the interaction between them, you wrote it so well. Super believable. And allergic Loki, omg...

[MIN]

Wow! How have I only just found this, I'm usually not one for male sneezes but Holy heck this was divine in every aspect!

[hetchiew]

Wow!! He’s really allergic! Now if he was outside… I’d love to see that mess of a man! (well, god I guess lol) 🤭

[MessyOnMain]

Ahhh this is so cute!

[DullSpike]

On 12/15/2017 at 10:39 AM, warminside said:

There you go. How'd you like them apples, pointy

I laughed so hard this sentence made my day. The story was really well written.

[farre385]

came here tonight looking for sneezy loki and was NOT disappointed