Work Place Professionalism Is Overrated (Secret Santa for HideAndGoSneeze~ !)

[SweaterWeather]

HOLY MOLY first of all, HAPPY 2018! 

Secondly, I was super excited to get the chance to write for ya' darling! Your stories are a treat to read, so I'm hoping my lil' gift fic can express that. Apologies for the lateness, retail sucks, pneumonia sucks, I tend to go between sucking/not sucking, but here we are! Enjoy~!

@HideAndGoSneeze Merry Belated Holidays!

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My personal policy on co-workers is simple: the most minimal interaction as humanly possible. Now, maybe that sounds more than a little on the 'stick-in-the-mud spectrum' than some people would like, but I didn't get to this point in my life by making friends with everyone I shared a cubicle with. Granted, even my Facebook 'friend' count has been pretty dismal since I created the damned thing back in high school. It was the time-wasting quizzes and random animal videos that sealed my social media-bound fate. 

But who said having one million friends was a good thing? I have the obligatory catching up sessions with my parents every month or so, maybe throw in a couple of crude back-and-forths with my brother.

Interns come and go faster than my old In-And-Out paychecks, so it really serves no purpose to bother remembering any of their names. Besides, more than half are already bashing their heads against the wall for getting trapped in hell's LA headquarters two weeks in and scrambling for the nearest glowing EXIT sign. The others are... kind of a mixed bag of personalities - the mary sue, the crier on cue, the ass kisser extraordinaire. It's become something of a tradition to hedge bets(whether it's actual money or something considerably less idiotic like, parking tokens) on who will last the longest . 

And yet, there's this one intern, and it's like the entire office can't decide whether to love or hate him. Granted he isn't particularly incompetent; compared to so many of his predecessors, he's timely, always clean-cut, chipper to a fault but, not in that 'My smile is so tight I think my face might freeze' type of feigned positivist way. Not one person can pass by him without a smile and a hearty hello, and if he isn't engrossed in a particularly time-consuming project, he's zipping back and forth between orders from his various supervisors - all with this look as if he's the luckiest goddamn guy on the planet just for being here. 

It hasn't phased me much. Of course he's offered more than a fair share of friendly exchanges towards me, to which I'll nod and continue on with my day. It's not that his demeanor is offensive-- well, not completely. And it hasn't been enough to deter him from leaving a coffee on my desk or offering to run an errand or two for me. Most of the time I politely decline; after all I'm not the one paying him for his time, but if he's already ordered an extra chocolate croissant, who am I to say no?

Still, as nice as the gestures are... It's just plain weird. No one is that happy, or generous, or caring. Not on their own.

 It also doesn't help that Janet from accounting had to add in her two cents during lunch a couple of weeks ago; apparently Jonathan has a thing for brunettes in communications who, in her own carefully selected words, "could freeze hell over with a single glance". Well, let's see: works in communications? Check. Brown hair? Yep. Eyes that, could possibly make the glacier that sank the Titanic go running for it's mom? As if genetics are even my fault! I had to admit, my faith in humanity had actually been rising when they first hired Jonathan, but if his willingness to help was just an excuse to check me out? The levels dropped back down to negative twenty.

I keep waiting for the day I'll find him leering at me above my cubicle, just oozing with anticipation to ask me out for a drink. Wearing that self-confident smirk because he just knows he's got me. Who could possibly say no to a guy at your every beck and call? Not like it's something I haven't gotten used to after twenty-seven years in the work force. Forty-second (third?) times the charm, right? But, four months in, still the same Jonathan, still no ulterior motive, and I can't help thinking of the most unlikely option: 

Maybe he's actually not a sleaze?

Maybe he's actually... genuine? But that's a big ass 'maybe', and dwelling on it won't make any difference. Like I said, getting involved with co-workers is nasty business.
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After the whole lunch-room gossip fest, I decided to forgo using the break room altogether. Besides, it's a relief to get some peace and quiet for an hour while everyone else trudges through heavy traffic and crowded sidewalks. And I'd rather catch up on some lighter work anyway, namely fixing my time sheet. In the blissful solitude, the sound of my mouse clicking along a Microsoft spreadsheet in-between bites of Caesar salad, I become lost in the process of entering data. I've barely taken another mouthful of greens when I hear one of the doors click open, but it's not enough to distract me. The sound that follows, however, is enough to make me freeze on the spot.

"hheeh!... heh-CHngt! ehhHCH'GSh!"

So, you know how some people have those... things, right? Let's call them quirks. Little details about themselves that might not be on par with liking the color red, or being a cat person. These quirks, they happen to be a tad more eccentric. While I'd hesitate to put eccentric in any sentence relating to me, this particular quirk makes it impossible. I just--

"hhh--! hhe'EECHSSH! HURESCHHUU!"

... yeah. Sneezing. It's... Yowza. 

My fingers are derailed from their rhythm, hovering above the keyboard as the rest of my body seems to hang in suspended animation. Of course, the one time I'm so solidly guaranteeing myself some peace and quiet by staying in, there had to be a hitch in the plan. Literally. And the worst part? I'm not sure if I should be sympathetic or frustrated or completely melting in my seat - I'll settle for all three. Three is good.

"Hh'ugh, *sniff!* Cobe od, gim'be a break already--! hh'ACHhshh! eehH'CHH'huh!..." An absolutely spent moan rolls through the air, my toes curling inside of their nylon confines as I stifle a groan myself. With that little pre-sneeze plea being anything to go by, those sounded... exhausted. Well, they did say the pollen count was gonna be high today. Or maybe his allergy meds are already starting to wear off. Oh, I should be so lucky-- 

Wait. Are those footsteps?

I'd tilted my chair back just a fraction of an inch off the floor, subconsciously leaning in the hopes of getting a glimpse of the sneezy culprit. I was riding such a blissful audio high that I barely even noticed that, let alone the fact this person was actually about to pass my fucking cubicle. I jolt upright, but the roller my chair is depending on surges forward from the sudden jerk. Any semblance of poise or composure flees from my body, arms flailing backwards to grab something, anything to keep myself from tumbling backwards. But no awkward situation is complete without somebody falling flat on their ass. 

The initial gut-churning terror dies down, and I'm left splayed on the carpet, swearing under my breath as I shut my eyes. Maybe whoever it is didn't hear? God, if you're actually out there, please just let them walk away.

"Oh God, are *sniff!* are you okay?"

Another curse hisses through my teeth. God is dead. 

============================

Eventually I'll have to open my eyes, despite my brain rationalizing that it is completely normal to never, ever have to pry them open ever again, for the rest of my natural life. It's only when the sniffling sounds right in my ear, and suppressing a shudder I crack one lid up, then the other. It's hard to tell with so many panicked voices crowding my head, but I'm pretty sure I squeak - actually fucking squeak when I see whose knelt down beside me. But that's not even half of why I've suddenly lost my ability to speak, no; it's the fact that Jonathan mother-fucking megawatt smile Intern should not look this sexy. Or sexy at ALL. 

But there he is, red nosed, clutching a seriously poor excuse for a tissue underneath it, and for all the world gazing at me like I'm on my death bead. I mean, if he keeps the whole allergy-ridden mess look up, you might as well stick a fork in me and call the family for dinner. 

"I'm... Uh, fine, I think," I do a quick self-diagnostic check - no bruised or broken bones to be found. If anything it's just my pride that got more than a fair share of scrapes. "I'd be a little better off of the ground so, if you'll excuse me," I'm already moving to stand, but my body stiffens when I see Jon's hand reaching for my forearm. 

"Are you sure? Thad wasn't exactly a... *sniffl*, a small tumble," Granted, I'm grateful for the concern, but it's impossible to focus on anything besides the cause of my current predicament. While he's worrying over me, the hand clasping his handkerchief is still hovering near his nose, sniffling wetly every other word. 

"Believe me, I'm... I'll be fine once I'm actually right-side up," I manage to give a nervous croak of a laugh, relenting in letting Jonathan help me up. He chuckles, actually honest-to-God laughs at my dry attempt at humor, and for the first time I notice just how his eyes seem to light up with the tune. Red-rimmed or not, there's something endearing about his gaze. No matter how mortifying the whole situation is, I can't deny that being so close isn't the worst predicament in the world. 

His grip doesn't falter until I'm sitting back down, and his fingers press against each side of his nose with a tight sniffle. "Well, righted you are, and hopefully that doesnd't change any tiihhh... t-tibe suhhhh-hoon..." A brief panic flashes across his features, chest shuddering as he presses a knuckle underneath his rambunctious nose. When he speaks, or at least attempts to again, I'm nearly melting from the inside out. 

"Suuhhhh-sorry I... hhh!... ugh, m'by allergies... hheh!... thhhheery're huhh-- hH'RRESSCHHUUuu! h'gk-- eeeeEEHHH! hHHE'GSHHUH! HUH'RUSSCHH! h'UUSCHHH!'hh..." The first one seems to take him completely by surprise, and what follows is a miserable attempt to stifle. Whether it's for my benefit or not I can't tell, and I can't put any thought into it. It's taking all of my willpower to keep myself upright as it is, and I manage to mumur a blessing while Jon recoils from his fit. 

"Thad'k you," he sighs, massaging his blushed pink nostrils almost methodically. When he resurfaces, he looks even worse for the wear than before, swollen eyes glancing at every inch of my cubicle aside from where I'm sat. "I-I'b really sorry, usually m'by allergy m'beds last lod'ger thad this," 

God, as if he actually has to apologize. It just makes him all the more -- no, no nonononoNO. Stay. Professional.

"You really don't have to be sorry," Biting down on my lower lip, I try my best to lighten the mood, "But, if it makes you feel any better, you're excused for that completely involuntary reaction. No hard feelings," 

Jon gives a snort, pressing his palms together with a small bow. "You're a saint in an office of sinners. Many thanks. Well... um, if you're alright then I'll let you get back to your work. Oh, do you need anything before I go?"

"No, I'm fine really-- Wait..." I raise an eyebrow, amused but above all, incredibly perplexed. "Aren't you technically off already?" 

The rest of his face seems to take a cue from his nose, cheeks displaying a rising flush. "Ah, technically? Yes. But I'm waiting for this next round of Benadryl to kick in before heading back out. I haven't exactly mastered driving while sneezing yeeeeeh--..." It's like the word acts as a trigger, his lips twitching into a viciously irritated snarl before he ducks into his shoulder. "hEET'SHHh!" Groaning softly, he straightens up, a vaguely ticklish expression still lingering. A shake of his head clears it away, but his streaming eyes give away the height of his allergic misery. "Guh, or sneezing while talking either. Sorry - again," 

"Gesundheit. And, again, you're excused... Hold on, let me just... hold on," A part of my brain is completely against what I'm inclined to do. Like somehow it would be a dead give away that I enjoyed our little conversation way more than any average person should have - but I've already rolled back to my desk, and my fingers are reaching into the drawer, automatically wrapping around a small, square plastic package. "Here we go," I hold out the travel pack of tissues, trying to keep my fingers from trembling. "A little ammunition before you head back into the battle grounds. And, uhm, thank you for earlier," 

"Oh my God," He nearly gasps, relief seeming to flood through him at the sight of my small gift. I never thought tissues could bring a person to tears, but Jon comes close. "You seriously are a saint, thanks!" When he accepts the pack, our fingers brush, only a fraction of a second, but I still catch his watery gaze long enough to feel my heart skip a thump. 

Reeling back, my voice feels strained when I can finally speak. And I would have to utter the most awkward, office-pal-iest ways of dismissing somebody. "Of course. No problem... Well, have a good one, Mr. Kade," With that, I whip myself back around to face the computer screen. 

"Uh, yeah, you too. Thanks again, Ms. Martin,"

My fingers still don't enter any actual information until no longer hear Jon's retreating footsteps, and even then I wait a few seconds before groaning into my hands. Have a good one? Ms. Martin? I've sunk to a new rock bottom low when it comes to social interactions. And the worst part? 

For once in my six years of working here, I actually care.

 

[starpollen]

This is delicious!   I hope there’s more?...

[HideAndGoSneeze]

Wow...WOW!!! I just...You..GAAAHHH! *blushes immensely*

 

4 hours ago, Grey on a Sunday said:

I was super excited to get the chance to write for ya' darling! Your stories are a treat to read, so I'm hoping my lil' gift fic can express that

That was one of the nicest things to say...thank you!
 

 

4 hours ago, Grey on a Sunday said:

It was the time-wasting quizzes and random animal videos that sealed my social media-bound fate.

OMG I died. This is me to a T.  

 

4 hours ago, Grey on a Sunday said:

The sound that follows, however, is enough to make me freeze on the spot.

"hheeh!... heh-CHngt! ehhHCH'GSh!"

So, you know how some people have those... things, right? Let's call them quirks. Little details about themselves that might not be on par with liking the color red, or being a cat person. These quirks, they happen to be a tad more eccentric. While I'd hesitate to put eccentric in any sentence relating to me, this particular quirk makes it impossible. I just--

"hhh--! hhe'EECHSSH! HURESCHHUU!"

... yeah. Sneezing. It's... Yowza. 

Yowza indeed! I love how you wrote this! 

 

4 hours ago, Grey on a Sunday said:

Hh'ugh, *sniff!* Cobe od, gim'be a break already--! hh'ACHhshh! eehH'CHH'huh!..." An absolutely spent moan rolls through the air, my toes curling inside of their nylon confines as I stifle a groan myself.

Huh? What? I'm not blushing...who's blushing--what's blushing??  

4 hours ago, Grey on a Sunday said:

"Well, righted you are, and hopefully that doesnd't change any tiihhh... t-tibe suhhhh-hoon..." A brief panic flashes across his features, chest shuddering as he presses a knuckle underneath his rambunctious nose. When he speaks, or at least attempts to again, I'm nearly melting from the inside out. 

"Suuhhhh-sorry I... hhh!... ugh, m'by allergies... hheh!... thhhheery're huhh-- hH'RRESSCHHUUuu! h'gk-- eeeeEEHHH! hHHE'GSHHUH! HUH'RUSSCHH! h'UUSCHHH!'hh..."

*melts into pure bliss* You...the talking-while...AHH...my weakness...God, I love this part so much!!

What am I saying?! I LOVE ALL OF IT!!! The backstory you gave, the detail, and...yes...the sneezing-while-talking...omg I love it... It's a perfect SS Gift and WORTH THE WAIT!! Thank you!!!

I do enjoy how this story is somewhat left with the possibilities of a continuation.....?????   

 

Thank you for the wonderful gift, @Grey on a Sunday!!!!!!

[supernaturalfragalistic]

Please continueeeeee

[Alyssa1146]

I was thinking this one may not appeal to me.  Wow, am I glad I kept reading!  This one draws you in hook, line and sinker!  Oh the possibilities!  

[Usagi]

Oh wow! This as great! It didn't have as much buildup as I normally like, but this couple is so adorable! I'd love to see more of them for sure.