Kind of Announcing My Retirement From Writing

[Chanel_no5]

Okay guys, I'm really going to try my very hardest to finish my Secret Santa and finish my ongoing Blake-fic, possibly one more project I'm in the middle of,  but even if I do, I'm afraid those might be the last thing I'll ever write for the forum. I'm so stuck in writer's block it feels like I'm creatively dead. I cannot write. It's impossible!!  

So I guess what I'm doing now, is to HOPE it will return to me at some point, hopefully soon, but if not... well, a heads up that I won't update old stories I have laying around, or write anything new except the Secret Santa fic, if I find myself able to. I hope one day (SOON) I will, but for the time being, I feel a bit like I should announce my retirement from not only fetish fic writing but also for fic writing altogether.

I'll be around on the forum, though maybe not to the same extent as before, and to be honest, I feel like an empty shell where there used to be story ideas. 

I'm so, so sorry about this and I feel so confused and honestly; lonely.  

Anyway. We'll see, but I really feel dead inside when it comes to fiction. It's not encouraging at all. 

Still clinging to trying to finish the Secret Santa at least, I swear. Please forgive. I have no explanations, it just doesn't work to write anymore. 

I'm so, so very sorry.  

Talk later. Take care.  

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

 

I understand. With me, it was/is medication-related, but that doesn't change how much it sucks. I hope you find comfort and something to fill up that creative hole. ❤️

[Chanel_no5]

It's never happened like this before. I've had writer's block many times, but nothing like this. It doesn't seem likely that it's medication related, however. I don't know what this is. I really, really hope it's going to recover because I feel like I've lost the only fun I ever have in life, and I don't think that's fair. I'm about to panic over it every day. The amounts of baths I have taken only to calm down, holy shit...!

I keep opening an empty goddamn Word document and stare at it for hours before closing it again. I can still string sentences together, right, so why can't I just write?!!

Okay, it's not a Snake Pit post so I'll just leave it there. Thank you for your support.  

[MyOwnPrivateSFC]

❤️❤️❤️

Again, I totally understand: the whole "I can think okay, and I can talk okay, so why can't I just WRITE?!" is something I struggle with, too. 

(Let me know if you'd like me to move this to the Support Group or Pit for you.)

[Chanel_no5]

4 minutes ago, MyOwnPrivateSFC said:

❤️❤️❤️

Again, I totally understand: the whole "I can think okay, and I can talk okay, so why can't I just WRITE?!" is something I struggle with, too. 

(Let me know if you'd like me to move this to the Support Group or Pit for you.)

Actually, you can just delete the whole thread. It was past 1 am and I had been desperately trying to get SOMETHING written, anything at all, since early afternoon and I was at the point of pure desperation, feeling as if I've had a vital part of my very being ripped out. I don't really have anything other than writing to give to anyone, and to fuck up a Secret Santa, or any promise in general, just makes me feel awful. I've panicked about it all day but I guess if I can't write, then I can't write, it's impossible to force it. Nothing to do about it. 

I'm really sorry to hear you dealing with the same thing. It's like being locked out of your own mind.  

[Shamaël]

Hello @Chanel_no5, I don't have much to say except that I understand what you're going through because I've been there before you, repeadetly, and I know how it feels, as if something had been taken from you, something you didn't think that could be taken away... I am very sorry this is happening to you. I think trying to write something by "forcing" yourself to write doesn't help, on the contrary. It only reinforces the guilt or the fear. (And there is nothing to be guilty about!) For me, it reappeared almost miraculously, when I stopped being obsessed by it, when I stopped fighting to write. I really hope that will happen to you as well. And I really hope you are all right and find other ways to express yourself and be creative. Take care of yourself.

[Alyssa1146]

I am so sorry.   If you were my Secret Santa, I would be more concerned about the pressure you're feeling than whether I got my story or not.  This forum is, as you know better than I, a place where people often come to relieve their feelings of stress and feeling alone.   I know you've always been a big participant and giver on here.  Why not just be a taker for awhile?  Let some of us who have lurked take up the slack.  While I don't even start to think I can write like many who have contributed on here for years, I can certainly do my part to add to the forum for others to enjoy and feel like they are among kindred spirits.

I hope your writers' block ends soon and you find your muse.  In the meantime, sit back, relax....observe and people watch.  Those creative juices will be flowing in no time.  That sounds like I'm eluding to the fetish.  I promise it was unintentional, but I think I'll leave it. 

[Jelloicious]

Sometimes, you just have to walk away from it for a while.  Do other things you enjoy and forget about writing, and take care of you.  

[Subtly Clashing Wishes]

I'm sorry you are having such a miserable time @Chanel_no5. I have been reading some posts on Tumblr about writing and a book about writing that all say that time that is spent "moodling" (staring at a blank page) is actually still considered writing. As the others said before me, don't pressure yourself and likely it will come back to you. I definitely approve of the suggestion to lurk and people watch and generally practice a bit of self care. 

[Shay]

As someone who's enjoyed many of your stories over the last several years, I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through this. I completely understand though. I myself have gone through long periods of time where I just can't write. I hope it will come back to you someday, and if not, I hope you can find something else to be passionate about that will give you joy.