Assignment: Cat (Star Trek AOS; McCoy)

[Spoo]

This little fic is 100% based on the Star Trek TOS episode "Assignment: Earth", where the crew basically deals with this weird dude and his super cute cat.   It's canon that Spock likes cats, so I decided to have some fun with the AOS boys (and when I say ‘boys’ I really only mean Karl Urban Dr. McCoy ). I've kept some original lines from the actual episode, but I've also added/tweaked most of the dialogue to reflect the reboot personalities~

Lastly, the cat is all black in the episode, but I took some artistic liberties and made her a tuxedo kitty with white paws for the sake of a cute naming idea I had. Enjoy!  

~*~

 

Assignment: Cat

by Spoo 

 

With the prisoner secure in a holding cell until Bones could determine whether or not the man was human, Jim was finally free to meet Spock in the briefing room. Dealing with a crazy guy in a suit wasn’t how he’d planned on starting alpha shift, but here they were and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Well, except maybe figure out what the man’s problem was and why he insisted that his participation was crucial if Earth was to survive.

Jim had expected to find Spock already waiting for him, which he was, but he didn’t expect to find his First Officer with a cat in his arms. Jim figured that after they were examined in sickbay the cat and her owner would have been put in the holding cell together, but either she’d managed to slip free or she’d been intercepted by Spock on the way there. Based on what he was seeing, Jim was leaning towards the latter option.

After taking a seat adjacent to where Spock sat, Jim began: “I’ll be honest with you, Spock. I’ve never really pictured you as the type to go for something cute and cuddly.”

Spock, who had taken to stroking the cat along her back, glanced towards Jim in between gentle strokes. “This is quite a lovely animal, Captain. I find myself strangely drawn to it.”

Jim felt a corner of his mouth twitch up in amusement. “Seems like your new friend there feels the same about you,” he said.

“While I may find this creature’s presence agreeable, I would not say that we are ‘friends’,” Spock replied.

Jim’s smirk broke off into a sigh; he really should have seen the logical response coming. Hell, he’d practically walked into it. He decided to press onward, though, by seeing how things were going in sickbay. Accessing a nearby intercom, he contacted his Chief Medical Officer.

“How’s it coming, Bones? Are you finished with that analysis yet?”

“Just about,” McCoy reported. “Still need to tie up a few loose ends before I draw any concrete conclusions. Snf! Shouldn’t take more than five minutes.”

“Good. Head on up to the briefing room once you’re finished.”

Severing the communication, Jim turned back to Spock and found him scratching a few slender fingers against the cat’s whiskered cheek. She leaned into the attention and gave Spock’s hand a chirruping headbutt in return.

“Before my mother married my father and left Earth, I was informed that she owned a cat similar in appearance to this one,” Spock said, recalling the story he’d been told as a child. It was a rather enjoyable tale his mother tended to recount whenever Spock experienced bullying or ostracism from other Vulcan children. “She expressed great affection for the cat and was understandably disheartened when she could not bring it with her.” 

“Did that cat have a name?” Jim asked, mostly for the sake of encouraging Spock to speak about his memories. 

“Mittens,” Spock answered, and if he’d said it any more monotone Jim might have laughed. “The name was a direct reference to the white coloration of the paws and their likeness to the mittens one wears on their hands.” 

“I figured as much.” Jim looked at the cat again, who was now slowly kneading her claws into Spock’s science blue uniform. “Just try not to get too attached. As soon as we figure out where this cat and her owner came from, we’re following protocol and taking them to the nearest starbase. Pronto.” 

“A logical decision, Captain, as a spaceship would not prove to be a suitable environment for a cat,” Spock agreed. “However, I believe that an appropriate accommodation could be arranged in my quarters for the time being.”

It was then that the doors to the briefing room slid open to reveal Bones, who approached the table and immediately launched into his findings. “He’s human alright, but something doesn’t add up. There isn’t a single physical flaw on him.” McCoy’s sharp gaze went from Jim to Spock, though it stayed planted on Spock when he realized what Spock was holding.

“That leads me to believe that he’s actually some kind of parasitic lifeform that’s found himself one hell of a perfect host,” Jim speculated, crossing his arms. A strong sniff from McCoy had the captain eyeing him and noticing a wet sheen flooding the waterline of the doctor’s brown-green eyes, giving them a shimmery and irritated kind of look. “You alright there, Bones? You’re looking a little…leaky.”

Instantly, McCoy raised a hand and swiped the heel of his palm into either damp eye. “I’m fine. It’s nothing.” He sniffed again, harder, and seemed grateful (for once) that Spock stole the spotlight.

“An alternative explanation would suggest that the prisoner is telling the truth.”

“Either way we need proof,” Jim stated, looking at Spock. He watched as the cat, soothed by the continued back strokes and cheek rubs, started to purr and doze. “This whole ‘he might be lying, he might be telling the truth’ isn’t giving us the answer we need.”

“If I may, Captain, might I suggest that we proceed to—”

“Hhh’MFFSCHMPHH!” 

The abrupt outburst put an early end to Spock’s sentence and caused both he and Jim to openly stare at McCoy, who had swiveled away to smother the loud sneeze into the hands he’d tightly steepled over his face. The cat, previously calm, grew startled in Spock’s arms and leapt down onto the floor of the briefing room. 

“Bless you,” Jim offered, while Spock remained silent.

McCoy didn’t reply and instead sneezed twice more, unmuffled. “Hhh’ATSCHhh’uih!—hhah’AHDSCHHhh!” 

“Jeez, Bones. You alright there?” Jim had heard the man sneeze plenty of times throughout the course of their friendship and professional career, but these sneezes were something else entirely.

As usual, Spock filled in the missing pieces. “I had thought Dr. McCoy’s condition to be obvious, but it would appear that he is experiencing an allergic reaction. Most likely attributed to the protein found in feline fur.”

Jim blinked in surprise at the revelation he’d never known. “You’re allergic to cats?” he asked, once Bones had recovered and faced them once more.

“It’s a mild allergy,” he muttered, clearly displeased by the know-it-all announcement from Spock. Wasn’t like he’d asked for one. Sniffing, McCoy dug into his back pocket and retrieved a small cloth that he wiped under his nose. “And it doesn’t apply to all of ‘em. I’m alright with some cats. SNF! But the ones with shorter hair don’t tend to agree with me.”

“I’m guessing that’s because cats with longer hair trap dander better than cats with shorter hair,” Jim presumed.

“Precisely such, Captain,” Spock confirmed, much to Bones’ growing annoyance. 

Jim tried to defuse the doctor’s temper before he started throwing any verbal barbs Spock’s way. “Have you taken anything for it? I know from personal experience that this ship is stocked with plenty of hypos and plenty of antihistamines.” 

“It’ll die down on its own,” McCoy said, and then snapped at Spock before the Vulcan could put his two cents in. “And no, it’s not to ‘uphold my pride’ or whatever smartass mumbo-jumbo you were about to give me.” 

Down below, the cat had begun winding herself along McCoy’s shins - something that encouraged one of Spock’s upswept eyebrows to arch. Clearly, the cat knew no loyalty. McCoy attempted to step away, yet she only followed him and repeated her winding gesture. 

“Looks like Spock isn’t the only one she’s taken to,” Jim observed. 

“Well, she’d better un-take herself with me, because I—hh!—d-damn ihht…!” Again, McCoy sneezed harshly - though this time into a curled fist. “Hhh’ATSCHHhh’uh!”

“That did the trick,” Jim commented, watching as the cat spooked like she had before and ran over to the doors. As they hissed open and she bolted out, a ship-wide announcement made itself known overhead: 

‘Security alert! The prisoner has escaped!’ 

Quickly, Jim contacted Security on the intercom he’d previously used to speak with Bones. “This is the Captain. What’s going on down there?” 

“Captain, the prisoner has escaped. The transporter circuit is showing someone preparing to beam down, so there’s a good chance he’s attempting to escape.”

“Override the command and close him off,” Jim ordered, prior to standing up. “Looks like you’ll get a break from the cat after all, Bones. We’ve got bigger problems now.” 

Together, the three rushed out and headed for the transporter room. 

[Guest]

This is awesome, Spoo! I really like Bones and all three of them are so funny and in character, and the sneeze spellings are so hot. Also, your signature slays me 

[Shamaël]

OH. That was. Just. Amazing. I'd like to quote the whole story, and all the small references to the canon (TOS and AOS, and especially Spock's story about his mother, which is totally believable), and... just... everything. Thank you SO MUCH! I've always loved your writing and I hoped you'd eventually come back to Star Trek one day... Well, I'm not disappointed.

2 hours ago, Spoo said:

Jim had heard the man sneeze plenty of times throughout the course of their friendship and professional career, but these sneezes were something else entirely.

This sentence just worked with me, I don't know why. And, also, your spellings are to die for.

I love McCoy's sniffling on the communicator before he enters the room, I love Jim's comment about hime being leaky, I love Spock's scientific precisions, I love the way you write the characters, but above all I love... the cat.

1 hour ago, Spoo said:

Down below, the cat had begun winding herself along McCoy’s shins - something that encouraged one of Spock’s upswept eyebrows to arch. Clearly, the cat knew no loyalty. McCoy attempted to step away, yet she only followed him and repeated her winding gesture. 

Cats ALWAYS do that kind of things. If a person in the audience is allergic, or afraid of cats, you can be sure the cat will go stright to them. Spock's jealous reaction ("clearly, the cat had no loyalty") is also precious.

(Can I hope / ask / beg for a second part without being too forward? )

[AngelEyes]

Love this!!!! 

On 1/12/2018 at 10:36 AM, Spoo said:

After taking a seat adjacent to where Spock sat, Jim began: “I’ll be honest with you, Spock. I’ve never really pictured you as the type to go for something cute and cuddly.”

Spock, who had taken to stroking the cat along her back, glanced towards Jim in between gentle strokes. “This is quite a lovely animal, Captain. I find myself strangely drawn to it.”

This is perfectly their characters.

 

On 1/12/2018 at 10:36 AM, Spoo said:

“You alright there, Bones? You’re looking a little…leaky.”

This is a perfect reboot Kirk comment!

 

On 1/12/2018 at 10:36 AM, Spoo said:

“Have you taken anything for it? I know from personal experience that this ship is stocked with plenty of hypos and plenty of antihistamines.” 

Of course he is! LOL

 

On 1/12/2018 at 10:36 AM, Spoo said:

“Well, she’d better un-take herself with me, because I—hh!—d-damn ihht…!” Again, McCoy sneezed harshly - though this time into a curled fist. “Hhh’ATSCHHhh’uh!”

“That did the trick,” Jim commented, watching as the cat spooked like she had before and ran over to the doors.

LOL

[Shamaël]

(Yesterday evening I've been watching "Assignment: Earth" and I realised with shock - something I had completely forgotten - that the cat is in fact a woman... ?!? And Spock just... took her on his lap and... stroked her... )

[AngelEyes]

6 hours ago, Aliena H. said:

that the cat is in fact a woman... ?!? And Spock just... took her on his lap and... stroked her... )

LOL!

[Spoo]

Thanks for the comments, everyone!  You're all very sweet. 

 

On 1/15/2018 at 7:20 PM, Aliena H. said:

(Yesterday evening I've been watching "Assignment: Earth" and I realised with shock - something I had completely forgotten - that the cat is in fact a woman... ?!? And Spock just... took her on his lap and... stroked her... )

 

It's even funnier with that in mind!