Everything Wrong With...

[FadedRose]

Hey y’all! Since all the other movie/media topics in this section were big hits, I decided to create one too.

THERE WILL BE MOVIE SPOILERS IN THIS TOPIC!

The idea started in journalism today when we had to make a podcast, so we decided to do ours on everything wrong with the titanic (in ten minutes or less), which reminded me of the CinemaSins YouTube channel! I thought it would be a fun game to come up with everything *wrong* with a movie.

Again, don’t just go to CinemaSins and look up the movie you want to do... make it fun and be original.   feel free to be as petty as you want with your reviews! 

I’ll just briefly start with the Titanic (which I may add more to later):

- Jack wouldn’t have been able to get on the boat in the first place, considering there were many safety procedures he was supposed to go through before he could enter. He wouldn’t have been able to shove his way through and get in that easily with time to spare.

- Rose closed her eyes when chopping Jack free with the axe. She literally could’ve killed him right then and there, considering the water was already nearly up to her shoulders and she was shaking real bad. She also wasted time looking for the keys when she could’ve used the axe in the first place.

- Jack shouldn’t have been able to get into the first class dinner, even though Rose invited him. Third class passengers weren’t allowed in first class, no exceptions. 

- When Rose nearly jumps off the boat, why would she listen to a stranger to come back in the rails? Why should she care what he thinks? There’s no “love at first sight” when you’re contemplating things like jumping into the freezing cold water at one in the morning. She’s not even anywhere near the right mindset. Plus Jack was kind of a jerk in this scene too.

- And a last one, in general about the movie, the budget to film the titanic was more costly than the price to build the actual boat itself.

have fun, lol! I look forward to the responses.

[Janenotsoplain]

I watched it a while ago so the details are fuzzy but I remember thinking that Rose totally looked like a girl from that time period, with her hair and outfits. But Jack to me looked like he had just gotten his hair blown and gelled in a salon. Way too modern IMHO.

[FadedRose]

In case I didn’t clarify, feel free to do whatever movie you’d like! 

[Chanel_no5]

Everything wrong with Waterworld, then. Let's stick to the sinking ships theme.  

 

* There's crystal clear water everywhere, yet everybody looks dirty and sweaty. 

* We get that cleaning drinking water is a process you have to consciously think about in this reality, but what's with the pee scene(s)?

* Those goddamn floating metal islands they call "atolls" (or "atollers", depending on... who even knows...) could not sustain 1/10 of the population they supposedly have. It's stupid. And yeah, I know "atoll" is the name for a ring-like shaped island, but it's made all out of metal so it doesn't deserve a name for a natural thing.  

* Oh, the inconsistencies. In one scene "a reflecting glass" is something unheard of, in the next the same character expressing awe over it casually compares another character to a mirror. "Atolls" and "atollers" - just pick one! In one scene they measure time in "lunars", in another they casually say "month". If you're going to have a terminology that sounds fantasy-ish, stick to it.

* The plot holes created because big explosions and jet skis were more important to keep in than any form of coherent story. The scene explaining why Helen and Enola are determined to escape their home is deleted. (Apparently Helen is the only one in the entire colony who realises they're running out of resources and are doomed to die, and everyone turns against her for that.)

* There are so many issues with the "love story" that you can't even call that Stockholm syndrome. 

* How the hell does the tomato plant even survive all the tossing and throwing?

* Speaking of tomato, and thank God that scene was cut from at least one of the versions, but the tomato eating scene was so poorly acted it hurt to watch.

* "I won't drink." "For twelve days?" "Uh-huh." You can't even say that with a straight face. 

* How can you live in a world with no known landmass and not be able to swim? Wouldn't that be the first thing you'd be taught?

* The bad guys are referred to as "Smokers". Which is funnier when you know that both the protagonist actors smoke(d?).

* So the kid was found floating in a basket in the ocean, many, many, many miles away from her home. Yeah. Makes perfect sense. 

* Apparently Denver, Colorado is very close to Mount Everest. 

* When the "big reveal" comes, it's just kind of... meh. So? 

* Nobody would be able to dive that deep, and even if they could, it would be pitch-black down there.

* Just my personal opinion, but if it had focused on finding out WHAT "The Ancients" did to cause this worldwide flood, it would've made a pretty cool adventure sci-fi. 

* Also, if you're out in the sun that much, you'd either be really, really darkly tanned or burnt to a crisp (I mean lobster red/blister/peeling burnt). You would definitely not have skin that looks like something from a lotion commercial.

* The weather patterns on such a planet would be BRUTAL. 

* Where did all the water even come from? Even if the polar ice caps melted, and all the permafrost/inland glaciers as well, it wouldn't cover the entire planet. 

* It might be a personal quirk and not part of the acting, and I have a huge crush on her so I forgive almost anything, but CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED, WOMAN! 

* In a world consisting of a single vast ocean, how can it be an abomination to be able to breathe underwater? Wouldn't such a person be considered an asset rather than a freak?

* An oil tanker is the logical place for chainsmokers to live.

* Nobody knows where they're going at any point in the movie, but somehow always end up at the exact right location with zero navigation equipment or maps (which of course would be largely useless anyway, so never mind), in really short time, despite enormous distances. 

* Textbook "deus ex machina" comes rattling out towards what you would think is the end, but then the movie goes on for what feels like another 8 hours or so. 

 

There is so much more but I just can't go on, it's depressing. I enjoyed it when it first came out because I was like ten years old. Now I enjoy it because I have a crush on the leading lady, and because I liked it when I was a kid, so it's nostalgia.  

Here's the deal. It could have been a really good movie, if the focus had been on character development and plot. And if they had all been making the same movie. You can really tell there was a lot of different wills pulling in different directions. So many of the plot-driving, building scenes have been deleted. Some scenes are well-acted. Others are terrible. I think it has to do with when the particular scene was shot - I think it started out ambitiously and then towards the end of filming, nobody gave a fuck, they just wanted it to end. Lots of money and detail went into the set, but that doesn't matter because it looks boring. It's just... at some point the whole project started sinking, and nothing could quite make it stay afloat. 

I wouldn't mind an updated, more consistent remake of this flick, though.