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Dis-Order (D.Gray-Man; Kanda, Allen and Lavi)


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Hey, I'm on the forum! That must mean it's time for my bi-annual post. I actually wrote a story, which I haven't done in forever, but I didn't come up with the scenario completely. This scene actually came from a Japanese D.Gray-Man audio CD (I think?), and I'm pretty sure I first found this from someone on the forum like seven years ago, but now I can't find it anywhere online again. Thankfully I saved a copy of it and I uploaded it to vocaroo, so you can listen to it if you want. Basically it's the  voice actors of Lavi, Allen and Kanda and they're supposed to be carrying some kind of potions (from what I remember the user saying), Kanda sneezes, Lavi falls over and drops them, and suddenly they're all sneezing, then there's an explosion at the end. I'm not entirely sure what they're saying... so if anyone wants to translate that would be great, haha. I just took that lovely CANON scene and ran with it because it was too good not to.

This story doesn't take place during a specific time in the manga, but I pictured it being later when they're young adults and not just late-teen-year-olds like they are in the beginning of the series. I never actually watched the anime and I haven't read the manga since I was late-teen and now I'm 25 and moldy, so I only remember the bare minimum. So if any of the characters are acting kinda OOC or more like they do in the beginning of the series and not later on, that's why. 

Also I don't know why but it's almost impossible to find a normal picture of these three, this is the best one I could find:


From left to right is Yu Kanda, Allen, and then Lavi. The three of them are exorcists at the European Black Order; Allen is the nice main character, Lavi is like his cheeky cool friend, and of course Yu Kanda is Allen's rival later-turned kind-of friend and still rival. In the story, I refer to Yu Kanda as both Yu and Kanda. I'm now starting to worry that this is very confusing for people who don't read the series lol. But I hope not.

Also here's a picture of Komui throwing some papers which isn't great but it gets the job done to show his character:


And those are the main people in the story. This story is mostly self-indulgent but I thought I would post here in case someone would enjoy it and give me praise for my efforts. So please enjoy and if you don't that's cool too!



Officer Komui at the Order had finally fallen asleep after a night of finishing off some nearly-expired paperwork. Ahh… what a great feeling it was to sleep the day away after completing the worst part of his job – the work part. Tonight his dreams would be filled with sweet, lovely, non-paperwork-related things. Visions of rainbows, smiling clouds and green pastures danced behind his closed eyelids. Dream Komui turned to his left and there was Lenalee Lee, his darling sister, smiling at him. They held hands and danced happily in the grass, as Lenalee laughed freely and sang, “Oh, Komui, a loving brother is the only man I need in my life!”


He was flying so swiftly off to la-la-land that he didn’t even notice Yu Kanda swing open his office door with a loud bang.


“Komui!” he yelled from across the room, his long hair flying. The chief snorted in response. “It’s been a week already and I’m still waiting! Where’s my mission?!”


No response for a moment. Then Komui smiled in his sleep. “Oh, Lenalee… say that again but… slower this time...” He paused a moment, then began snoring again. Already passed annoyed, Yu leaned close and yelled, “Lenalee is married, now wake up!”


MARRIED!?” Komui thundered, sending papers flying around him as he rose. Kanda waved them away irritably. “TO WHO!? Was it you who stole her away, Kanda!?”




“You filthy tramp! Scum! Heathen!”


“I didn’t marry her, so listen to me-!”


“And why not?! Are you meaning to say she’s not good enough for you?!” Komui was inches from Yu’s face now, pressing his index finger into his cheek. It was all Kanda could do to keep from whipping out Mugen and cutting it straight off. “If it wasn’t you, then who was it!? I’ll kill them-!”


Listen,” Kanda growled, pushing his hand away. “You haven’t given me a mission in a week now. What’s going on?”


Komui blinked at him. “Lenalee’s not married, then?”


“I know there’s got to be at least one Akuma loose out there. You need to stop giving the big jobs to all the mediocre exorcists when there are people here who can actually handle them without dying.”


Komui gave him a perturbed side glance. “Your hair is so long, Kanda. If you’re so bored why don’t you go get it cut or something?”


Kanda returned the look with a silent death glare, which Komui ignored.


“And weren’t you just in the hospital, aren’t you on the mend?”


“I’m healed and I’m here now, and I’ve been ready all week, so why haven’t you given me a job?!”


Komui straightened his glasses. “Because you’re on my naughty list.”


“...I...” Kanda started, then stopped, sighing. “Come on, Komui, not this shit again...”


“The top of my naughty list. You know what people on the naughty list don’t get?”


Yu didn’t say anything; he was too irritated to respond.


“That’s right, jobs. No jobs for naughty boys. Now kindly get out of my office and let me sleep,” Komui yawned, fluffing up a pile of papers and resting his head on it.


Fine,” Yu said through gritted teeth. “With all this free time I have, I guess I have no choice but to go marry Lenalee-”


“There is one job I can give you,” Komui said, suddenly sitting up straight again. “Just a normal, normal errand, though. I need you to move several large boxes of potions from the downstairs laboratory up to the west tower.”


Kanda waited a moment, then when he stopped, Kanda asked, “Is… that it?”


“Yep. That’s it. It needs doing and you’re a big strong man, aren’t you?”


“...What do you need them moved all the way up there for?”


“Failed experiment need to get them out of the way have to put them somewhere you’ll do it won’t you?” Komui said tiredly.


“It’s a complete waste of time! Akuma are running rampant and you want me to move boxes for you?! You can't even think of one more productive thing-”


“Geez, you sure are whiny. Look, just do it and I’ll give you a job, all right?”


“Fine,” Kanda muttered. “If that’s what it’s going to take for you to finally give the right people missions...”


“Oh, but you won’t be working alone. That way you can get it done even faster, isn’t that grand? Let’s see who else is high on my list of nuisances…” Komui sifted through the papers around him before spotting a small piece of parchment and unearthing it from the pile. “Let’s see… Lavi aaaaand… Allen, what a surprise. They’ve been begging for jobs left and right, too. All right, go fetch them and get it done. I'll give you an hour. Come straight back when you're finished or no job for you. Chop chop.” He patted the table as he said this, which forced a small avalanche of paperwork to slide onto the floor. As Kanda was exiting the room he called out to him, “And Kanda, one more important thing!”




“If even one single potion bottle is broken,” Komui told him finitely, “I’ll know, and I’ll revoke any chances of you getting a job this month, do I make myself clear?”


“Like hell you do,” Kanda muttered, leaving his office to go find Allen and Lavi. But he was a little suspicious. It’s not like he often broke things. Maybe there was a catch with these potions, and it was like Komui to withhold some information about them. There must’ve been something wrong with them… he’d have to be cautious.


Of course he found Lavi and Allen eating like pigs in the dining hall. Even though they were still in the middle of their meal, all he had to do was say to them “Komui says we have to move his things in an hour and then we get missions again so get up” and they followed him out. The building was large, so it took them a while to get down to the basement laboratory, but when they did it wasn’t hard to find the potions. Someone had stacked them up right by the door, nine of them total. All they had to do was lift them up and carry them away.


“Is this them?” Lavi asked. They were labeled “Komui’s Abominations” on the box, so they were unmistakably it. Kanda went over to them and lifted one of them down – it was quite a bit heavier than he expected, it felt like it was about fifty pounds. He picked up one of the bottles and examined it closely – he noticed it didn’t feel burning hot or strange. The bottle itself was heavy and appeared to be filled with a dull purplish, pinkish liquid. As he turned the bottle around the liquid flowed easily like water. He wasn’t going to open it, but when he brought it up a little closer to his face he noticed it had sort of a strange smell coming through the cork stopper; it was oddly floral and musty both at once. Other than that, it didn’t seem too weird. Maybe it was safe after all… but Kanda wasn’t about to trust Komui so easily, either.


“I suppose we’ll each take three?” Allen said, going to lift one up. “Wow, these are heavier than they look. Is there something strange about the potion, Yu?”


“...Not really,” Yu said. He placed the potion back in the box, then picked it up. “Komui told me if we break any then we don’t get jobs so just carry them and don’t mess around. If either of you drop even one I’ll kill you, understood?”


“Gee, Yu, are you always so pleasant?” Lavi asked, hoisting up his share of the boxes. “What the hell are they so heavy for?!”


“If you can’t handle the weight then give them to us or go find someone else who can manage it.”


“I can handle it fine, I’m just saying. You’d think we were carrying bottles of rocks or something.”


“Where do we have to take these, Yu?” Allen asked as they walked their boxes down the hall.


“Up to the west tower.”


“The west tower-!” Lavi exclaimed. “Do you know how many flights of stairs there are in that stupid section?!”


"I said if you can't handle it then leave."


Lavi rolled his eyes. "Sorry, Yu, I forgot only you're allowed to complain."


Yu ignored him as they walked the boxes over to the west wing. They had to walked sideways to see around them and in awkward steps due to people passing by. The three of them were strong, and Allen wasn't really struggling because of the innocence in his arm giving him strength, but there was something else about the boxes that was making it difficult. The scent from the potions was slight, but it was distracting. Not that there was much that could be done about it. The top of the second box was right at face level, and the smell permeated the air around him. Though he turned his head away, it wasn't enough to escape it. It's wasn't that it smelled bad, just sort of strangely sweet, and something about it was just... irritating. He was surprised Lavi and Allen weren't complaining about it, but they were too busy talking about all the foods they didn't get to eat yet in the dining hall to notice.


"...Yu? Did you hear me?"


At least he thought they were. "What is it?" he asked, turning to face Allen.


"Are you doing okay?" Allen asked. "I know you got out of the hospital recently, is it okay for you to be carrying heavy things like this?"


"Obviously," Kanda grumbled, turning back away from him.


"...Yeah, no problem, just checking in on you and being nice," Allen sighed, rolling his eyes. "Anyways, we should probably go through the corridor on the left instead of the main hall. It’d be good to avoid people if we can so we don't get bumped or anything right? ...Uh, Yu?"




"Did you hear me?"


"Yes, I heard you already!"


"Then what did I say?"


"What are you testing me for?!" Kanda hissed, though he felt his cheeks heat up a bit.


"Because you keep making a strange face. Are you sure you're feeling all right?"


Yu turned away from him quickly. Was he really doing something strange with his face? It must’ve been because of that weird smell… "Stop asking me and just focus on carrying your box without dropping it."


"Alright, alright, just remember to go through the corridor and not the main hall."


"As long as you don't tell me what to do."


At last Allen left him alone, which was good because his nose was starting to get just a little too bothered. At first the smell had just been a nuisance, leaving a little tingling feeling around the edges. But now an itch was growing where the smell was collecting in the back of his nostrils. Even when he breathed in through his mouth, he could still feel it stirring up inside him uncomfortably. Yu leaned in and rubbed his nose against his shoulder, not that it did much good, but it's not like he had a free hand to utilize. The smell was still so slight, but each little bit of it was building up more and more to something. And he knew that something would eventually be a sneeze.


Yu was already not the type to sneeze openly. He always thought it was disgusting when other people did it – it was vile that they would risk spreading germs to him. If he ever had to do it he would either stave it off or pinch his nose and stifle it. Well, right now he couldn’t use his hands, so that was impossible, and at this point holding back was, too. Yu swallowed hard, pulling back with his tongue, but unfortunately it didn't subside a bit. As long as he kept smelling it, it would just keep getting worse. Really, was this not affecting Lavi or Allen at all? He would’ve thought Komui planned it on purpose, but if other people weren't reacting to it, then maybe it was just his own sensitivity? Yu thought about letting himself sneeze, but what was he supposed to do, just put his boxes down? But there was no way in hell he would allow himself that – not with these two in tow. Lavi would just say something stupid and Allen would ask if he was okay again. Besides, there was no time to waste – they had to hurry or they wouldn't get a mission, and the thought of spending even one more day doing nothing at the Order would kill him.


But his nose really did itch him now. He pressed it into the shoulder of his jacket again, even though it didn’t help. The sunlight from the windows stung at his eyes and sinuses and he was grateful when they got to the dark, windowless corridor. Unfortunately it didn’t do much good. The sneeze was already coming, and it was strong, and why the hell did these potions smell so damn weird?! He felt something bubbling in his throat, a mix of an agitated growl and a whine of irritation. Fine, so he’d just have to sneeze, right? But he didn’t trust himself to do that while holding three boxes and… he really didn’t want to have to stop in front of these morons, who were still chattering away. Thankfully, they quickly gave him a reason to do so.


“What! Hey, Yu!” Lavi called behind him. “Yu, you don’t know how to swim?!”


Yu stopped, only partially feigning annoyance. Quickly he seized the opportunity – he jerked into his shoulder, pushing lightly against the wall to keep the boxes steady, and stifled the sneeze as best as he could. “Hh-Tzz-!”


“I didn’t tell him that, Kanda!” Allen protested, shuffling his boxes to one hand and smacking Lavi on the head with the other. Thankfully neither of them seemed to notice his small outburst. “I… I mean, I was just saying that I heard, um, that’s why maybe you wouldn’t come on certain missions with us-”


Yu sniffed subtly and kept walking quickly, unnerved. The relief was only temporarily, but at least it was something. “Why the hell would I know how to swim?! …And how many missions have you been on where I couldn’t go because of that?!”


“You’re from Japan, right? Isn’t it like, I dunno, surrounded by water?”


“I never actually lived there, and what the hell do you care anyways?! Stop… acting like idiots and just f-focus...” Kanda’s voice tapered off as his nose interrupted him. What, again already? The conversation had temporarily distracted him from the smell but it was still getting to him. He winced, feeling his nose wrinkle involuntarily. At least with these boxes no one could really see his expression, and he was left to suffer unnoticed.


A few minutes later they reached the stairwell, and at that point Yu’s nose was prickling terribly again. His eyelids already fluttering, he stepped to the side while Allen opened the door to the staircase, since he was the only one who could manage holding the boxes one-handed. Yu hesitated a moment, reeling, while Lavi went up the stairs first. Allen waited, holding the door open for him. “Are you uh, are you gonna go?”


Kanda sucked in through his teeth, tilting his face behind his boxes. “Y… You go first…”


“Um, then who will hold the door?”


Kanda flicked his head to the side, trying to get a few loose strands of hair out of his face. Instead, of course, he only made a few of them tickle at the edge of his nostrils, which only urged the sneeze to come out immediately – it was all he could do to hold it back– “HiiH-Ttz-!”


Quickly he steadied his boxes – even the slight jerk made them feel like they would topple. He hadn’t meant to jerk so much, but it was getting harder to contain. He felt an ounce of relief, for a second, but then of course the desire to sneeze came trickling back, more quickly than he would’ve liked it to – and Allen was still standing there.


“...Are you all right? Did you say something?”


No,” he hissed, feeling the blood creep into his cheeks. Quickly he walked through the doorway before anyone could see, Allen following behind. Lavi was waiting for them a flight up the spiral stairs, staring at them from below.


“What’s holding you up? You were the one rushing us a minute ago, ya know!” he called back. Yu just held his tongue – he couldn’t afford to talk and risk sneezing again. The stairway was tall and narrow, and the stairs coiled all the way up without any breaks in between. If he stopped, Allen would notice, and then he’d ask him if he was okay for the millionth time. And there was no way Kanda would allow that. He sniffed softly to try and abate the itch and of course regretted it immediately. Perfumes and other flowery aromas had always forced a reaction from him and this was no exception. Maybe if Allen was in front of him and he was in the back instead, he could stop and keep from being noticed. But there was nothing he could do to change it now. He’d just have to hold it in, all the way up…


Unless he could sneeze and keep walking? The thought made him let his guard down for a moment and the tickle threatened him just a bit – his breath staggered and he quickly caught the reaction in his throat. No – he’d better not try it. He watched his steps carefully, counting the stairs as he went to help distract himself. 30, 31, 32… 35… ugh, even when he breathed through his mouth, he could still smell it! It was amazing how holding back one sneeze affected his whole body – it made his steps uneven, his fingers writhe with the want and the inability to prod. Just a single rub in the right place was all he needed… but of course there was no way. So stupid-! He just had to remain calm, put one foot in front of the other, as best as he could, just keep going, and don’t think about it… don’t think…


But it all began to fall out of his control, and it all happened so fast – his nostrils twitched. The bridge of his nose spasmed. His eyes blinked and he couldn’t force them open again. His mouth yawned, his lips pulled back, and his chances of stifling it were completely depleted – before he could even register it, it decided on its own that enough was enough, and out it came–




DAMmit-! He never allowed himself to sneeze so strongly like that, and now he’d really done it – instead of relief he felt the boxes in his hands begin to slip – as if in slow motion, he saw the topmost crate teeter above him. He didn’t even have time to feel humiliated – he tried to steady the boxes with one hand and grab for the top with the other, and he managed to save it – but felt himself just barely bump into Lavi in front of him – shit. He heard Allen start to ask him if he was okay behind him, and he would have killed him if he’d finished. But before either of them could say another word they heard Lavi cry out “Waghh-!” and then the unmistakable crash of one whole box of his potions meeting the ground.


They shattered instantly, and a cloud of dusty pink fog burst into the air around them. Once the potions were opened, the smell magnified and engulfed them, and the result was almost instantaneous for Yu. He felt himself wince, his eyes tearing up, but it was his nose that took the brunt of it. He tried to breathe in through his mouth, but there was no use – the itch was already blossoming into a harsh, terrible burn. His body was rejecting the smell, and he knew he was going to sneeze again, but Lavi turned to him before he could.


"Nice one, Yu! Remember when you said you'd kill us if we broke even one? Well, now you broke a whole bunch of them!"


Damn it was strong, were they not smelling this?! Aggravated but unable to respond, Yu steadied his boxes, tucked his head into his shoulder and sneezed for a second time. "HiiHh-TZUuh-!"


"Lavi, Kanda, are you all right? What happened?" Allen asked, switching his boxes to one arm like they were hardly heavy. Yu sniffed but didn't respond, still holding tight to his boxes – already he could feel more coming.


“Yu sneezed and knocked me over, that’s what happened!”


“Th… That is not-! You’re the one who d... did i-hii-TzshUuu-!


“Okay, Yu, if that’s not what happened then what did?!”


"Did the potions do that? I mean, that smell really is... powerful," Allen said, his brow furrowed. "Lavi, do you smell that...?"


"Yeah, it's weird, it..." Lavi's brow furrowed, too. Then it hit them both at once, and they looked up at each other. "Aww… shit, I think I have to-"


“HuhKSHH-!” Allen was lucky to have a free hand to use – he brought it up to his nose, rubbing at it quickly, but by now it was too late for all of them. His breath caught again, his eyes squeezed shut and the sneezes came again a moment later- "Hu'h-KCHh-! -Kch-! Hh-Kschh-!"


Lavi leaned into the side of the wall to steady his boxes and quickly snapped his head to his shoulder. "ETT-SHCHiuu-! Wh... wh-ETSHCIUuh! HETSCHHiih-! Haah.. wh... what the hell is this stuff?!"


“-Kch-! I… I dunno but I can’t… stop- HUHh-KCHh-!”


None of them could. Yu was still trying to hold more of his back, but it was a wasted effort. Another violent sneeze caught him and he couldn't even think to hold it in – he quickly steadied himself- "HIIH-TZHUUuH-!"


“B...Bless you- kch-!”


"Don’t tell me-! Shut up!”


EH-TCHiih-! Aww man, Yu, there's broken glass all over, too... how are we gonna get missions now? ETtCHiuh-!"


Allen rubbed a finger under his nose, eyes watering with desperation. “Come on Lavi, you smell it now, Yu couldn't help it if he had to sneeze.”


Kanda stopped himself mid-sneeze. “W-What did you say, idiot?!”


“What do you keep getting mad at me for?! I’m d... defending you…HhkCchh-!”


Heh-CHIh-! Well, it is his fault the rest of us have to now!” Lavi grumbled. “And think about it, how many times did you ask him if he was okay a-and- ehHCHiuh-! -and he said he was fine? About a million?"


"Well, that... is true." Allen turned to Kanda. "Did you have to sneeze that whole time I was asking you?"


Kanda bristled. "No."


"Yu, why didn't you just tell us, we could… KChh-! We could've stopped for you!"


"I s... said no, didn't I?!" Yu growled, biting back the urge. Again, it was a waste of time – it wasn’t getting any better. "Li… LiHihhHiiHT-TZUuh-! …li… sten, we… we're suh… supposed to get this done in theITSCHh-! -the hour... or we won't get a miss...sion... s... so we have to keHEPTSHHu'Uu-! -keep g…" His voice faltered for second; he shook his head. "Keep… go… goiNGITZUHh-!"


Allen furrowed his brow. Lavi blinked at him. "Uh, what did he say?"


"I said keep going!" Kanda hissed, hoisting his boxes up. "We don't have much t... time-Mmf'ITZHUuu-!"


"Oh come on, you're the one who told us that Komui would... E’SCHIuh-! know if we dropped any! We're already screwed."


"I dunno," Allen said, as they began to walk up the stairs again. "I'm sure Komui knows these potions smell and make people start sneezing, so he'll probab…ly… h… hhKSCHh-! …He'll probably know if we dropped some based on whether or not he sees us sneeze. Do you really think he knows how many failed potions he made? It's certainly not like him to remember something like that- Kchh-!"


"Yeah but how much longer do you think we'll be sneezing for?" Lavi asked. "I mean, I've never had to... had to sneeze this... much... everyone stop a second- EITSCHiuHh-! …EschHUuh-! …Nn… Okay, I think I'm good."


"W-HiiTZHh-!" Kanda barely stifled his sneeze against the side of his arm. "W-We can't afford to keep stopping!"


"Well, if someone hadn’t bumped into me we wouldn’t all be sneezing, would we?!"


"Maybe you shouldn't have tripped, you idiot!"


“Maybe if you didn’t sneeze in the first place!”


Kanda seethed but couldn’t think of a proper retort, except to reluctantly sneeze again.


"Kch-! Okay, look, how about every time we get to a window, we'll stop and steady ourselves and sneeze?” Allen suggested. “That way we won't have to worry abou… TCHhk-! about stopping without warning or tripping and dropping our boxes again.”


Lavi shrugged. "All right, I guess we can try it."


"Yes, just go already-HiiTZUuuh-!"


"What the hell, Yu, you yell at me to go and then you sneeze?!"




"Kchh-! O... Okay, let's go!"


So they walked up the rest of the stairs, fighting against it as best as they could on the way and then sneezing hysterically every time they got to a window. It was amazing how no amount of sneezes could fill them with any more than a brief moment of partial relief. Every time they'd finish and start walking again Yu could already feel another fit coming on that he’d have to hold back for another minute, and it wasn’t easy to do. Allen and Lavi seemed to get a little better each time they stopped, but his just kept getting worse. It certainly wasn't helping that the smell coming from the corked bottles bothered him on top of what Lavi had dropped. By the fourth window and Lavi and Allen only sneezed once, whereas Yu was still having trouble stopping.


Hiihhh-TzuuH-! HiiH-TZ’Uu-! HhTZUu-! …nHHh-Tzzu-!


Hu’hh-Kshu-! Wow, Kanda, it really got you good, huh?” Allen asked, sniffing, and immediately dropped it when Kanda shot him the darkest glare he could muster while trying not to sneeze.


“Funny, ‘cause I was the one who fell face-first into it,” Lavi said, still sounding bitter. “I think we’re getting close now, at least, it’s about damn time.”


“Then let’s go already,” Kanda muttered, collecting himself as best as he could. He still had to sneeze, but he knew that wasn’t going to end any time soon and he was ready to put down these awful potions already. Not only did they reek, but they were starting to get heavy. Of course he was just as likely to admit that as he was to admit that the potions made him sneeze in the first place. But he didn’t care anymore. All he wanted was to get to the top of this horrible tower, his new least-favorite place in the Order.


So they climbed and climbed on. And they still hadn’t reached the top. Not only that, but there were no more windows, and so they didn’t make any more stops. The other two seemed to have forgotten, but Kanda didn’t – not with the irritation there to remind him every half-second. They’d gone up about three more windowless flights when his nose was beginning to call it quits. And where were the damn windows?! Why weren’t their any windows close to the top?! Why weren’t Allen and Lavi sneezing anymore?? He was clenching his teeth so tightly that he didn’t notice until he felt the pain in his molars, but he didn’t care – anything was better than sneezing, at this point… And just then, they turned around the last spiral and he saw the door at the top, and he heard Lavi yell “It’s about damn time!” and he let himself slip, just a little, he could hardly help it anymore, and when he tried to catch himself it was already too late. It was right on the edge, and he knew it was about to come, and with the last shred of dignity and self-control he had left he managed to call out, “I’m- sneeze-


Just before he released he felt a hand press underneath his boxes and move them away, and his hands conceded immediately in return – finally he brought them up to his nose and mouth and let himself have what has body had begged him for, and this time with no interruptions.


HIIiTZZ-! Hiitz- HiiITZZJSHUu’UU-! HhhKSh- HttTZHuu'-! HITKkZuh-! HiiTZCkk-! Hiih… HtzSHH-! Hih… HiiH-! HITZSHUUuh-!


He knew, as he was sneezing, that Allen was the one who caught his boxes, who brought them the rest of the way for him, and who came back while he was still sneezing relentlessly. And he was disgusted with himself, and humiliated that it was all because of an allergy and nothing more, and as relieving as it was he was horribly embarrassed. He could tell Lavi and Allen were back now, and yet he was still sneezing. What the hell was he supposed to say when he stopped?! Well, if he stopped… it was amazing how it could just itch and itch and tease him like this. They started walking again and he was still going, since he no longer had to worry about dropping anything. At least rubbing it really helped, and the fact that he was no longer smelling it – that was the big difference. But before he could even stop the fit, they got back to where they’d originally spilled the potions. There was still a bit of the pink haze hanging in the air, and it wasn’t long before Allen and Lavi joined him in sneezing again. Ugh, that smell, a mixture of soap and spice and pollen all in one, itched in the deepest parts of his sinuses and he couldn’t rub it away. They got to the bottom of the stairs much faster than they’d gone up, wiping tears out of their eyes and still going at it, and Allen stopped them before opening the door.


“O-Okay- H-KSChh-!” he stammered, holding a finger under his nose. “We… we maybe have about five minutes left in the hour… I think we can still… m-make it.”


Lavi’s expression was lopsided. “Yeah, great, let’s just go report to Komui now, I’m… I’m sure he… EhKShii-! Sure he won’t… notice anything weird about us, do you think?”


“We… don’t have a choice,” Kanda managed. “If we can jus… juSHKSchh-! Just hold it in… for a few minutes we… should be fiNE-ESCHHu-!


“Yeah, a few minutes? You can barely hold it in for a few seconds as it is.”


-HhiiH-SKSH-! If… if I don’t have to say anything, I should… shHSHUuu-! -should be fine.”


“Okay, let’s practice not… not sneezing,” Allen said. “Just really quickly, while we’re walking.”


“If one of us starts to sneeze, it’s all over, and I do not want to give Komui that satisfaction,” Lavi said as they started back down the corridor. “So everyone try not to sneeze, startinggg...”


“W-Wai- K-kch-!” Allen sneezed, holding up a finger. “W-We should at least… make sure we sneeze before we st… start…kch-!


“O-Okay, fair enough… heh…HII-chiiuh-!” Lavi snapped into his hands, squeezing his visible eye shut. He twitched his nose, his mouth open with anticipation. “Okay, maybe one more- HiiTSchuu-!


Ahh-kChh-!” Allen sneezed one more time as well, rubbing at his nostrils. They both blinked, then turned and stared at Kanda, who immediately looked away.




“W… what the hell are you looking at me for?!” Kanda hissed, even though he knew why.


“Were you, uh, did you want to sneeze before we start?” Allen asked, still holding a finger under his nose.


“Sneeze already, Yu, or we’re starting without you and if you sneeze first we won’t let you live it down- Hii-KTchIHh-!


Kanda tried to give him his usual death glare, but it was softened by the irritation making his eyelids flutter. Of course he soon had to concede. “Hi-ihT’SCHUu-!


“Okay, quick, everyone go!”


Well, they did try to hold it in. They made it about ten seconds. But it wasn’t a sneeze that stopped them – it was the sound of Lavi laughing.


“Wh-What are you laughing for?!” Allen asked. Lavi sneezed, then continued.


“It’s, it’s Yu!” Lavi said. “His try-not-to-sneeze face looks pissed as hell-”


“S-Say that again,” Yu growled before sneezing.


Huh-Ksh-! Look, we’re all… we’re all going to look ridiculous,” Allen said. “I don’t know if I can make it… without holding my nose or anything. And I hope we don’t… have to ta-alk… ahKCh-! Talking… definitely makes it worse.”


EttSCHiii-! Yeah, well… I guess we just have to try,” Lavi shrugged, as they reached Komui’s door. “Damn, are we really here already? We… aren’t ready at all, are we…”


Ksch-! Well, here goes nothing, I guess,” Allen started, but then Kanda stopped him.


“W-Wait- HiiTZZuu-!” he started, then cleared his throat. “I… I might… accidentally… sneeze,” Kanda muttered, feeling ashamed to even say it. “Of course I’m not trying to, I just… HiiKShu-! I dunno what I’m so sensitive to it for so… If you do then whatever. Just… try not to, or something. I dunno. I’ll try not t-tTZIuh-! To… do that, too. Okay?!”


“...Was that Yu’s attempt at being nice?” Lavi said. Allen took a deep breath, then exhaled hard.


“Yeah, let’s all just try. For our missions, right?” he said, grimacing. They all nodded, paused to sneeze once more, and opened the door to Komui’s office.


Surprisingly, and unfortunately for them, the chief officer was already awake, but barely. He was sipping a cup of tea, bags under his eyes, while seemingly working on a piece of paperwork, but no doubt it was just a creative project of his own. He barely looked up when they walked in, but when he saw who it was he immediately straightened and smiled at them. “Oh look who it is, the problem children! You just barely made it back in time, you must’ve really wanted your missions. So, how did it go?”


“…Fine,” Allen managed, glancing nervously at the other two. Already Kanda knew if he had to open his mouth it would be the end of him – the urge was unrelenting.


“And did you drop any?” Komui asked, walking over to inspect them. It was all Kanda could do just to keep a straight face, but he knew at least if he looked a little aggravated it wouldn’t be entirely unusual – Komui only ever saw him annoyed. Then again, so did everyone else.


“Of course not,” Lavi piped up with surprising clarity. “We… want our missions, so...”


“Right, yes, your missions! Well, a promise is a promise. Let me see what I can find.”


He turned their back to them, and immediately the three rubbed at their noses as fast as they could. Sensing their movements, Komui quickly turned back around, but they’d already stopped. Still, unfortunately, the first beats of a sneeze were beginning to sneak their way onto Kanda’s features. Without meaning to, he felt his breath hitch erratically, just for a moment, but Komui was sharp and he noticed.


“Did you say something?” he asked, turning to Kanda, who quickly shook his head. Of course, as he did, his awful bangs brushed across his face and against the inside of his nose. Shit… He felt his expression falter a little, and he tried to compose himself. But Komui was all over him at this point and he was breaking down fast.


“Yu Kanda,” he said, in a mock-teasing voice, “did you drop one of my potions?”


Komui knew, and Kanda knew it. But like hell he was going to be the one to screw it up again. Not when Komui was looking at him so damn smugly. Like hell he was… He couldn’t… But then Komui did something unexpected – he lightly poked Kanda in the nose.


His composure fell apart. His brows knitted tightly, his nostrils widened in expectance. He was so tired of sneezing, but his body needed the relief, and so he did. But just as he finally surrendered control, a millisecond before he started, he heard another sneeze just to the left of him-




It was Allen – much smaller than his, but still first. Unable to keep anything more in, he let out a violent “HiiIIIhhHH-KKSHHUuu’uu-!”, bending at the waist as he did, and then they all fell apart together.














Komui let them go for a few minutes, as long as they could go. Admittedly, it was such a relief to let it out, without trying to contain it, but the thought of not having missions was killing him. When their sneezes slowed down, until they were almost nothing, Komui put his hands on his hips, pretending to scold them, but he still had a huge awful smile on his face.


“Well, well, well! Bless you. Just how many did you drop? And I knew you would. You three idiots make a terrible team.”


None of them said a word, just continued to sneeze every now and then.


“Well, I guess the deal is off, then. You dropped my potions, so no missions for you. So-rry!”


Komui shrugged, turning and walking away from them, but Kanda called out, “W-Wait”, and Komui turned back around, amused. “Fine, look, I’m the one who d-dropped theEMKSCHu-!” Kanda continued. “But we… we finished everything else… and, well… they… didn’t do anything,” Kanda mumbled, thumbing at Allen meekly.


“Wow, really, you?” Komui said. “I definitely pegged Lavi to be the one to do it.”


“And… And what the hell kind of… potions are they anyw-WIKSCHU-!” Kanda went on. “They smell terrible!”


“Oh, yeah, that… See, you’re quite lucky, really. The initial potions I made were explosives, but this batch just ended up being more potent than anything. If you’d dropped any, you’d be dead. Better to sneeze than to die, right?”


Kanda was seriously doubting that at the moment. “Y-You knew what would happen if we dropped one.”


Komui shrugged. “Did I, though?” He shook his head, then winked at them. “Just kidding. You all can have missions again.”


“Really?!” they exclaimed simultaneously.


“That’s right, my little idiots. You’ve paid your price. But not today – tomorrow. I mean, you’re tired after carrying those boxes, anyways, aren’t you?” Kanda said, and they all immediately shook their heads. “Oh, come now. I can’t have you sneezing on your missions, anyways. You’ll give yourselves away. So go back to your rooms and get some rest and come back here first thing tomorrow, is that clear?”


They all nodded gratefully, then quickly fled from the room before Komui could change his mind. Immediately Allen and Lavi headed towards the dining hall, and Kanda followed, deciding he definitely deserved a good bowl of udon after his ordeal. The smell of the noodles would be the perfect therapy for his sinuses. On the way, Allen went over to him and said, “So, are you feeling okay now, Kanda?”


Kanda glared back at him. “How many times are you going to ask me that?”


“Oh come on, you’re not even in good spirits? We get our missions back, aren’t you happy?”


“Stop talking to me like we’re buddies or something now,” Kanda said, rubbing at his nose subtly. “Yes, we got our missions back, now you’d better rest up for tomorrow so you don’t cause trouble for me again.”


“Um, me cause trouble for you? Hey, I saw you were about to break in Komui’s office – you’re lucky I made myself sneeze first!”


“Oh, I’m sure that’s what it was…”


“Hey, come on! You know you owe me one for that, and for helping you with your boxes in the stairwell.”


Kanda shut his eyes in contempt. He hated to admit it, but he was right. “Fine, all right,” he mumbled, quietly. “Thanks...”


“I’m sorry, what was that?”


“I said, don’t bother me while I’m eating.”


“Uh, that’s definitely not what you said...”


“Get lost already, bean sprou-heh... HiiJjSCHuu-!


“Right, right. Bless you.”


Shut the hell up!




I hope you liked it! Please comment if you did. Also if you didn't or let me know if anything was confusing. Thanks everyone!

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I really enjoyed this! It’s been a long time since I’ve watched/read D. Gray-Man, but this was super in character and the storyline was great! :D

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OMG this was a masterpiece!!! :yes:

Well written and so in character!!!

Thank you so much i LOVED it!!! :heart::wub:




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Thanks both of you! I barely ever post and I always worry when I do I'll be terrible and out of practice or just write stuff that's too long, haha. So I really appreciate the positive comments!

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Holy shit you're alive lol.  Before I read the fic I'm gonna give a rough translation of what I can understand.


Lavi: Something about himself or what they're doing?? Idk the beginning of the sentence is cut off

-Kanda sneezes and Lavi drops something, then they're all sneezing-

Lavi: Yuu!! Be careful~!!

Allen: What is this stuff? Lavi!

Kanda: YOU'RE the one who should be careful-

-then something explodes and Allen screams-

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Ahhh~ this is such a throw back!!  The scenario is super cute and I love Kanda's inner suffering lol I love him <3

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On 3/28/2018 at 10:54 PM, Akahana said:

Ahhh~ this is such a throw back!!  The scenario is super cute and I love Kanda's inner suffering lol I love him <3

Thanks! I love for the inner suffering, haha. I feel Kanda will always be one of my favorite manga boys he's just so great, so full of angst...

Also, thank you for the translation!! I don't know any Japanese but when I was trying to translate I got similar results but also couldn't tell what Lavi was saying in the beginning - I didn't realize it was because he was cut off. I guess we'll never know, haha. All I gotta say is... Kanda sneezes first. That's the best part... Anyways thanks again!

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Oh my gosh, this fic is so good!! :wubsmiley::heart::heart::heart: You shared this at such a great time, too, I just started re-watching this anime and picking up the manga for the first time. I love this scenario and all of the amazing sneezes you wrote into it. :heart: Thank you for sharing! :biggrinsmiley:

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