One year anniversary

[Reader]

So today is a year since my transplant and there’s so much to be grateful for and so many changes and many inconveniences out of the way, but I’ve nurtured an extreme (by my family and maybe some friends viewpoint) and anxiety-inducing phobia of germs now (although I was called germaphobic in high school for not drinking after ppl) because of my low immune system. You can imagine the worst flu strain in years this past winter did not help that. For some reason my immune number was around 2 when a transplant person should be 4-6 in the first year and then a person that doesn’t need a transplant and is healthy is around 11 or 12. I also couldn’t get the flu shot because my immunity was still low.

I can’t balance between wondering if I’m overreactive of germs or being logical. I see things that people seem to miss. So someone washes their hands in the kitchen sink before they eat a box of pizza and turns off the sink with their elbow. (My mom taught us that)That’s nice and you’d think ok good, right? For me, I see them wash their hands, turn off the sink with their elbow, grab a paper towel, and then open up the pizza box with their hands and grab a slice...but to me, all that work is ruined by touching the pizza box with the same hand or hands that will grab the pizza. Because the box went through the hands of someone dealing with money, touched the counter, touched whatever in whatever room it was sitting in. Yes, I could play the devil’s advocate and point out everything like do I wash my sheets everyday and stuff like that until I’m crippled with fear but the point of my case is that the things I’m thinking about bother me, not whether a dish is in my room. My mom was like you’re thinking about the wrong thing. What about this and this and this. Like my parents wanted me to drive 16 hours with them and I’m like no then I get grief, feel guilty, and then find out my dad started to get a cold as they are leaving or sometime during the trip so then I’m like well maybe I’m right. It’s happened so many times. So many times. One time my siblings were in my room and my brother pulls out a tissue and puts it to his nose and I’m like no get out. He’s like I’m just rubbing. And I said very incoherently, “when you touch the doorknob, I touch the doorknob. Out!” And then he told my mom I needed counseling. Then two days later when three of my siblings left, he said I won’t hug you because I feel something in my throat...I wasn’t going to hug him anyways because his voice was congested and stuffy and I knew he was sick! Today I poured some chips onto my plate. One fell halfway off my plate and rested on the table so I moved it fully to the table. My dad picks it up and dips it in the jar of cheese. I didn’t say anything because I can just not eat anymore dip or put it in the microwave and he just didn’t think about it. But I’m so much more aware of things.  I’m a very logical person so I feel like everything I do and think when it concerns germs is logical, but I know I’m intense and hyper aware of everything but I feel it’s for a good reason because I went through a lot before the transplant.  Everyone expects you to only feel happy with a transplant so I just wanted to post on here (since it’s a nice zone) and if there’s any transplant recipients or ppl who want to comment, message below. 

[beijoseternura]

Hello @Reader  
you received your transplant on April 10?
It seems to be a Special day on which life is given. I admire how you live with it, in face of your young age.
You are such a strong, exemplary woman. I hope your family is very proud of you and is your source of love, energy, comfort and lust of life.
For sure, I can understand your concerns.
My doctor explained everything to me last week for a lung transplant.... I do not know what to make of it right now.
I hope you are fine today and you can be happy every single day 

[Reader]

Hey hun! The ninth of April is my anniversary 😊 

Thankyou boo! They do give me lots of joy and I’m slowly working with the other issue 🙃

WHAT?! Ok I’ll do a bunch of research so I’m up to speed. If you do decide to get on the list, you’ll have a lot of time to wrap your head around it and be informed. I’m on this journey with you now. ♥️

[beijoseternura]

Hello @Reader thank you for your support.
I'm so happy for you that your family supports you, that's so precious. I think we can go part of our journey together. At the moment I'm thinking more of a rehabilitation like a dialysis, the doctor told me everything about it. I'm sorry, in English I can not explain it well. After that we will see how the situation enhances.

A lot of hugs for you

[Reader]

@beijoseternura Even though I don’t know about lungs, I do know what you mean pretty much. There’s always two options. There’s the transplant and then there’s another alternative method. You’re going with the second method. That’s good too. Whatever you decide and are comfortable with. 

Received and cherished! 

[beijoseternura]

Thank you yes, I think initially it is a good method to start with. Try to make little progress. I hope you are fine today