Which one of you was it? Spotting fetishists IRL

[Guest]

I definitely spotted a fellow sneeze connoisseur on the tube this week. Go on, own up, which of you was it?   

 

On my daily commute to work, a sweaty slog through the hellish timewarp that is London's Northern Line, a rather beautiful woman stepped on board and stood just a short distance from me in the crush. Stunning chocolate eyes and sleek dark hair, a lovely elegant nose set above rich red lips always teasing at a seductive smile, demurely wearing a gorgeous long coat that hugged in all the right places. 

"Hello," my inner creepy commuter pervert* opined, "What do have we here?"

I'll be honest guys. This woman, with whom I had instantly decided to elope and raise three small children, paid me absolutely no attention. At all. 

Any of you that know the London Underground at 8am appreciate the situation we were in: a hundred grumpy travellers trying desperately not to make eye contact with one another lest the British secret police descend upon us, all packed against each other like expired sardines, and she did a stellar job of not even looking in my general direction. Stops came and went, I had only a few to go, and I was shamelessly drinking in the subtle twitches of her crescent nostrils and the delicate sniffles she kept trying vainly to ward off with a scrunching of her nose.

"Oh dear sweet Jesus let there be a signal failure," my inner repressed English voyeur* wished in earnest. Low-key loving strangers is a full time occupation and I was in full flow let me tell you. 

Suddenly, a sneeze!

"Hehh-ESCHHH!"

The pregnant woman sitting to our left had given in to the feathery pressure brewing softly under her brows and pitched forwards in a strong if unremarkable single sneeze, caught in her right hand but audible above the din. She rubbed mightily at her nose with the back of her hand and leaned back against the grimy window, barely acknowledged by the shapeless London crowd standing all around her.

That is of course, except for two people.

Me, who had twigged what was happening a half-second after the first fluttering intake of breath and tilted my head like a full-on weirdo for maximum visibility, and the exquisite creature so-described above, who turned a full 135 degrees and grinned giddily in the direction of the sneeze with all the tact of an Eddie Izzard routine. 

Before I had the chance to fully digest this fascinating start to yet another day of depressing capitslism, we landed at Old Street and my suspected fetishist exited the carriage without a second thought. The woman to my right failed to loose another of her tickly sneezes into the morning air, and the world moved swiftly  on to other things as I made my way to the office thinking only of coffee.

 

I assume that one of you matches the slightly exaggerated description of the woman I saw on the underground that morning and am now typing out an anecdote about in a half dazed mess of insomnia and Lemsip. All I can say is, I hope you liked the sneeze more than I did  

* not really a creep I swear

Edited April 26, 2018 by Shining Light

[skater]

it was me

[guynextdoor]

[brokensneeze]

I don't know what sort of denouement this eternuement deserves...

[Joal 555]

On 4/26/2018 at 2:37 AM, Shining Light said:

a rather beautiful woman stepped on board and stood just a short distance from me in the crush. Stunning chocolate eyes and sleek dark hair, a lovely elegant nose set above rich red lips always teasing at a seductive smile, demurely wearing a gorgeous long coat that hugged in all the right places. 

I'm gonna need a new disguise now......

 

 

[Guest]

6 hours ago, brokensneeze said:

I don't know what sort of denouement this eternuement deserves...

Niiiiice