Bad Dates

[RediChalyn]

Ugh...if I were just quoting the Indiana Jones movie in the title this would be a lot better.  So I had a date planned for tonight...a movie marathon with a guy I like and having a nice meal.  Right...well I was super excited cause we seem to have so much in common and are both such massive geeks that we both wanted to watch the Lord of the Rings movies (extended edition) together!  Win right?  Well let's just say there are no real men left around here just boys in man size bodies.  Call me old fashioned but there's more to life than sex, and in what world is it acceptable to talk about star wars and fallout through the dialogue of LotR (or any movie for that matter) especially when the volume is kept turned down so low that my partial deaf self can hardly hear it anyway?  Really thinking about giving up on dating...actually the best experience I've had in the past few years was a long distance relationship but that fizzled out (mutual agreement).  So I guess...I'm looking for advice?  Or someone to tell me I'm not some freak who's unworthy of happiness?

[bloom]

He probably assumed watching the movie with you was more of a social activity because you'd both seen it before -- at least, that's how I would view it if someone invited me to watch a movie we were both familiar with already. 

I think giving up on dating because someone talked through a movie is a bit of an extreme overreaction. I'm sure you'll be able to find someone for you who's adequately quiet during movies! You just have to keep your mind and eyes open.

[Reader]

What’s the title of the Indiana Jones movie? 😋

Girl, you’re worthy of happiness. You just gotta find the right person. Someone that doesn’t expect sex on the first date.

Talking through movies is definitely a pet peeve of mine too

[RediChalyn]

If that was the only thing that went wrong, yeah I'd say I'm overreacting.  But telling someone you're gonna buy their lunch at Subway then expecting them to pay for both meals is low, call me old fashioned I guess.  And then, still first date mind you, talking about marriage?  Not to mention making fun of me because the one creature I'm afraid of is an armadillo...not snakes or spiders or bears nope I'm scared of armadillos and let's just make fun of that fear.  But the worst part definitely was expecting sex.  Like, dude I'm not sleeping with you just because you think you're God's gift to womankind or whatever no. 

[RediChalyn]

And @Reader I believe it's Raiders of the Lost Ark.  The character John Rhys-Davis plays grabs a date out of mid air before Indiana can eat it because he sees the monkey ate one and was poisoned, then he says "Bad dates"

[Reader]

Hahahahaha got it! Movie buff I am not. Im going to see Jumanji soon though! Excited! 

My advice would be setting the rules so both parties know before going on a date. No point continuing just to be on a terrible date. It’s not like you plan on seeing him again. 

[Vetinari]

My advice, for what it's worth, is don't build your happiness around anyone else. Live your life. Find things you enjoy doing and do them with other people who enjoy them too. Or do them on your own. At some point, someone might appear who fits into your already satisfactory life and doesn't want to derail it. And if nobody does, then you still have a satisfactory life.

Personally I find getting out and helping other people raises my self-esteem. Is there somewhere you can volunteer? Again, only give as much of yourself as you can afford. Those would would take more are harmful to you.

Barring illness and accidents, life can be long. I have now been married almost as long as you have been alive and I was older than you when I walked down that aisle. I wish I had loved and respected myself more before I took that commitment.

 

[RediChalyn]

That...is the best advice I've gotten.  There's not many classic volunteer places here...small town.  But I can find a cause and fundraise for it like I did for Hurricane Harvey that felt amazing to help.  

[March Hare]

Some people do stupid things because they're lazy, or because they don't know any better. If they seem cool people otherwise, it's perfectly okay to call them out on their behaviour. "Oy, listen, when we planned this, it was actually my intention to watch this movie for real. Can we? Then afterward if you wanna do something else, we could, but I'm def not having sex with you tonight, so please stop trying to make that happen." Or something.

Of course, if it's a trainwreck every step of the way (bad metaphor mixing is totally my thing), the best thing you can do is give up... on that particular person. Take your time, and keep taking risks. There's good ones out there somewhere. (At least, that's what everyone keeps telling me!)

[beijoseternura]

 Hello @RediChalyn you are worthy of happiness- everyone is. Maybe the boy didn't know how to treat the situation better? I think it is a great idea helping other people. If you look for yourself to be happy you are never wrong and if you are you can be sure others will be too. And you are asked for bad dates? Once I was on a date with a boy and he asked me if my 'eyes are dead' - my eye color is very pale.. It was really hurtful for me and I didn't know how to treat with such a comment.