Dad's Birthday

[RediChalyn]

Okay so, today's my dad's birthday!  He's officially made it 23 years past the age he thought he would!  (Ironic, considering I'm 23 haha!)  But I'm having a slight issue...

We're celebrating his birthday this Saturday because his girlfriend will be down over the weekend, and he'll be off work.  Father's Day is also coming up (either this coming Sunday or the Sunday after...need a calender) and usually I buy him one big thing for both.  The biggest/best gift of mention was a couple years ago I bought him a new grill, and it's a good one complete with attachments (except the rotisserie stick cause he doesn't do that) cleaning supplies, new tongs, and a cover.  Last year we went to Silver Dollar City (an 1800s themed amusement park) and he got in free for being law enforcement but I paid my way and bought us the most expensive lunch known to mankind (welcome to buying food in an amusement park!)

This year however, money's a bit tight for me as I'm between jobs.  So I got him a card (of course I did) and on Friday I'm going a couple towns over to buy a whole bunch of seafood at a good wholesale place (especially shrimp, his favourite).  And for Father's Day I'm taking us both to the zoo.  But I didn't/can't get a physical gift for him this year.  He doesn't seem to care too much as long as he gets a card (which he did and he'll be getting his Father's Day card soon) but I feel really bad.  Like, I know we're both adults and I know that personally I don't care at all if I get gifts for my birthday as long as there's a cupcake involved, but I just feel like I'm not doing enough.  He's my dad...he's always been there for me he never left me or gave up on me even when I gave up on myself and he's the only one who's got my back no matter what.  But if I had ordered what I'd planned on getting for his actual gift, I wouldn't have enough money to pay my bills this month.  Someone help me out here...I just feel like a failure because he deserves so much more and I can't do it.

[Reader]

Talking to your dad helps you get out of your head a little. You can’t help how you feel so it’s best to go to the source and tell him so he can assure you. If he knew that it’s between your rent or his present, he would pick your rent. And if he knew you were upset by this, he would be upset. Don’t forget you’re the child still. He just wants to spend time with you and you’re doing that by going to the zoo. If you have a DVD player, you can rent a dollar.fifty movie at Redbox and spend more time with him. Write out all your feelings of the sacrifice he’s made in the card with your thanks and that’ll be enough. You’re not a failure and I guarantee that you’re one of the rare ones that get gifts for your parents.  

[RediChalyn]

Thanks @Reader...it just seems so unfair.  I wrote something for him but idk if I really want him to see it or not because it's really deep and personal and it's hard for me to actually BE personal. 

[Reader]

Ahh I’m not sure since I don’t know what it contains but just imagine it as if you are a father and reading it. How would you feel as the father reading the letter?

[RediChalyn]

Considering I've never actually told him how much it means to me that he stayed...it'd mean more than words can describe.  It's weird for me...my dad's side of the family is very loving but my mom's isn't really I mean you know that they love you but it's never really said or shown.  Then there's me, and I feel things really deeply but I can't actually say them or express them properly so it ends up I never tell the people I care about that I care about them.  So yeah my dad is the most important person in my life because he never left, never gave up, always fought for me always has my back and is always there to help me when I need it but I've never actually told him what it meant to me...you'd think that as a writer words would come easy for me but when it's actually ME they don't

[Reader]

@RediChalyn Usually when people try to explain a situation, everything they write is perfect for the person they are talking about. So the words you explained to me to show all that your father has done were very beautiful and would be great in a card. So if you know that what you’ve written to him is something you won’t give him, use the phrases in this topic. It’s not too personal or maybe too embarrassing to give to him from you. If you can though, he would really like the one you’ve already written. 

[RediChalyn]

He would...and I know he would.  I just wish it was easier though it's always been easier for me to show people I care about them by buying them things I've never been rich by any means but I've always had some form of income that I knew was coming in so I could do nice things for special people.  My cousin pointed out that buying seafood and taking him to the zoo isn't exactly cheapskate material but still.  So I'll polish up what I wrote, make a nice cake, and take loads of pictures this weekend and when we go to the zoo.  Kinda ironic I'm always the first person to say that it's the memories and thought that matters not the items or price tag, yet I'm the last one to follow my own advice.

[Reader]

when you go to the zoo, you’ll give it to him? The one crucial thing I think you wanted included was left out. Hahahahaha 

But yea you know what to do. It’s just hard to do it. But imagine the letter is the cupcake. You said that all you needed was a cupcake over  presents. The same applies here. Just run away when you give it to him 😊 Or tell him to read it later. 

One time I wrote a really sappy thing to my dad but it wasn’t hard because I posted it on fb right after I wrote it when I was stuck in that feelings zone so there was no hesitation. Maybe try to find that moment and then give it to him

[RediChalyn]

Yeah...it's exactly like the cupcake isn't it!  Like, seriously that's all I ever want on my birthday is a cupcake I don't care about presents or a party or even if people remember (although at an old job I was pretty bummed when NO ONE remembered...probably because they'd been asking me when it was and I told them all an easy way to remember:  Payday.  payday came and not one person remembered it was my birthday!  except my residents...they remembered) I just want a cupcake.  So...yeah, this time I'll give Dad all he really wants/needs.  And yeah you included the crucial part: give him the card and letter at the zoo I'm thinking when we're at the camel exhibit cause that's his favourite animal (well camels and peacocks, but at this zoo the peacocks are loose just wandering around so they're always there).  Thanks...guess I just needed some perspective.

[Reader]

You’re welcome. Have a fun weekend! 

[RediChalyn]

Oh we will!  Now to decide what kind of cake haha I epic failed last time I tried making a pineapple upside down cake

[RediChalyn]

I hate cliffhangers so I would just like to put out there that my dad and I had a lovely evening for his birthday.  We haven't properly celebrated yet that's for Saturday with his girlfriend and seafood, but we did have cake just the two of us and binge watched some Arrow on Netflix.  He thought his card was hilarious (it really is haha) and I'm saving the letter for the Father's Day trip to the zoo however I did make a bit of a *aherm* speech about how I'm so glad that he's here for another birthday because it's always a little hard for him (less than a week ago was the anniversary of his dad's death) and this year I'm 23 (until next month) which is the age Dad was when Grandpa died.  He got teary eyed, I ended up crying, we hugged and had a few drinks then watched Team Arrow kick some arse  Nothing like a crossover episode where Oliver gets kicked in the teeth by his Earth X doppleganger to end the night!

[Sneesee]

In my honest opinion, it isn’t the physical gifts. It is all about time spent with someone special. Maybe ir’s Because I’m getting older, and have seen people I care about leave this world, but I think that spending time with a loved one, making them a dinner or homemade gift, and just talking is the best gift of all. Because memories are more important than things. 

Was your celebration yesterday? If so, I hope you had the most amazing time! The time you spend with him on his birthday sounded like so much fun!

[RediChalyn]

3 minutes ago, Sneesee said:

In my honest opinion, it isn’t the physical gifts. It is all about time spent with someone special. Maybe ir’s Because I’m getting older, and have seen people I care about leave this world, but I think that spending time with a loved one, making them a dinner or homemade gift, and just talking is the best gift of all. Because memories are more important than things. 

Was your celebration yesterday? If so, I hope you had the most amazing time! The time you spend with him on his birthday sounded like so much fun!

Thanks and yes the celebration was yesterday it was great!  Had his favourite food (shrimp) and he grilled a whole bunch of kebabs cause that's what he loves most is grilling.  Then we watched some old concert videos on youtube of his favourite bands, and overate.  Like, WAY overate haha totally worth it though that was good stuff!

[Reader]

Did you give him the letter? 

[RediChalyn]

Yes I did and there were tears but it was good...needed.

[Reader]

Fantastic! 

[RediChalyn]

I think it really helped @Reader...I'd always taken for granted that he knew and understood how much everything has meant to me without my saying it but, idk he seemed actually surprised.  I guess I should've known not to take it for granted though, since I'm always saying how my mom's family shouldn't take for granted everyone knows how much they care when they don't say it.

[Reader]

I’m proud you were brave enough to be vulnerable. That really takes a lot and I know I need to work on stuff like that too. I’m not surprised he was surprised though. That usually happens. People don’t realize how impactful they are to others. 

[RediChalyn]

Guess I just spent so much time trying to repair damage from old wounds and rekindle relationships with everyone I failed to express how much it meant for him to have my back...felt oddly good to actually tell him 

[beijoseternura]

Hello @RediChalyn I am sorry this post is late and I hope for you spend a great and amazing birthday with your father. In my opinion as it was said before it is not only about gifts. You spent the day together that counts the most. If your Dad would have read your first post and all your words full of love for him - I can tell you cause I have children too - it would have meant a lot to him. Words reach a father's or mother's heart always a special way. It is good you felt brave enough you talked to him how much you appreciate that he was always by your side. I am very happy for you.