Critical Role Shorts (updated June 24, 2021)

[AppleBlossom]

On 12/3/2019 at 7:31 PM, RiversD said:

I  broke the drought! @AppleBlossom if you're still about, I wrote some pre-campaign Molly.

Oh my goshh!!! Thank you so much for writing this little gem - sorry it took me almost two months to express my gratitude! 😘

[MidnightCatK]

Okay, just wanted to share a little something here. I’ve been playing D&D with friends for a few years now, and they kept telling me to watch Critical Role, ESPECIALLY campaign 2. I considered it, but I wasn’t sure how entertaining I’d really find watching other people play, and so I put it off. When I stumbled across your thread late one night, a spark ignited or something. The next morning, I messaged my friends that I had a little epiphany and would start watching, and they all cheered!

It’s been little over a week since then, and I just finished episode 4 (I chose to skip campaign 1 and just go straight to campaign 2, as was recommended).  I’ve been listening to them as I draw or play video games, and I’m absolutely loving it! Thank you for being the straw that broke my camel’s back and made me realize how amazing it is!

[RiversD]

That's great to hear, @MidnightCatK ! Welcome to the Mighty Nein!

Picked a good time to pick it up while they're on pause too!

[RiversD]

 

Poke Him With Your Stick

There was a moment in the most recent episode where Matt said a lot of dust was kicked up and Taliesin did a cute fan-mime, so I quickly re-wrote it to be this.

 

“Why don’t you poke Fjord with it and see what happens?” Caleb suggested, deadpan as ever.

“Yeah, poke me with your stick.” Fjord joked back.

“Really?” Beau asked, shifting her grip on her new toy. She was clearly enamoured of it already. Fjord shrugged and gave her a wry half-smile.

“Sure.”

He waved off Jester’s expression of concern with a reference toward his armoured condition and raised a challenging eyebrow at Beau. “I’m sure this’ll be real bad.”

To his surprise, Beau took a couple of steps back, whirling her new staff through the air and thrusting it in his direction, too far away to make any impact.

Don’t you need to b-”

Fjord felt an unexpected breeze in his hair for a split-second, before a concentrated fist of air struck him across the midriff like an iron bar. He skidded backwards, off balance and winded by the blow, catching himself against the wooden wall of their temporary shelter.

The floor responded to Beau’s strike too, high plumes of dust flying up from the packed earth as the invisible force raced across it, filling the room with a temporary haze.

“Subtle,” Jester choked.

Beside her, Caduceus fanned a hand in front of his face in a half-hearted effort to dispel the dust which had been thrown into it. He blinked rapidly, his slim, pink-edged nostrils flickering in twitchy protest at this assault. He scrunched up his nose but couldn’t seem to placate it that way. His eyes glazed over as the ticklish presence of the dust all at once became too much to handle.

“heh’issschhuh!” Caduceus turned to the side, raising one arm to loosely cover his face as he sneezed. “Sorry, I- hah’schhhuhh!”

An uncharacteristic second sneeze had him pausing a few moments longer, elbow raised, in case anything else unexpected was about to happen. When it didn’t, he sniffed briskly to clear his head and turned bashfully back to the others.

“Uh. ‘Scuse me. Dust.”

“Gesundheit,” Caleb murmured.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, bless you.” Fjord righted himself, nursing his bruises. “Maybe next time you could use that particular ability outside?”

“Right, yeah.” Beau emerged briefly from her adoration of the staff to acknowledge this. “Probably sensible. Sorry, Caduceus.”

“Hey, it’s alright. ‘s only sneezing.”

“Good. Sorry. Such a cool staff though, right?”

“Oh yeah,” Caduceus smiled broadly at her. “Like it was made for you.”

“You know, I feel it.” Beau stroked lovingly down the runic inlay. “This staff and I are going to have some real good times.”

“Oh, gods,” Fjord groaned. “She’s a monster now.”

“Better believe it.” Beau made a sudden move towards Fjord and grinned to see him flinch. “World had better watch out.”

[weepy]

Aha, short and sweet~ what a fun tweak to the moment, it's such a nice thing to imagine~~~ 

[RiversD]

Ah, thanks, @weepy! There are so many moments in media where my brain whispers to me "but what if they sneezed?"

 

From a prompt on Tumblr:

Focus

Fjord sat cross-legged on the floor of the barn and thought of a beach. Not the wide, deep ocean, not yet. The beach was a better subject for meditation while he was still learning. He could visualise the breakers on the shore, the tides pulling the waters in and out, in and out…

He slowed his breathing gradually, feeling more rooted, more grounded with each slowly savoured moment. This was good. This was right. He could set aside his many concerns, just for now. Take some space.

There was a persistent itch creeping up his nose, but Fjord resisted the urge to lift his hand and scratch it. This was something else he could leave behind. Probably. He was still learning about these things. But that sounded right. He went back to the beach of his mind and thought about the way water felt between his fingers for a while.

The itch was intruding again. It felt as though his nose was starting to run. Reasoning that it wasn’t too much of a deviation, Fjord sniffed hard, preventing the possibility of any embarrassing drips but coincidentally setting his nose on fire.

He tried to ignore it, but it was like trying to ignore a cactus you were sitting on. He could feel his nostrils flaring as his nose agitated for a response, and there was no keeping his breathing steady in the face of this. He tried, he tried, but the itch was in his nose, in his throat, in his eyes… even his ears felt tingly. His muscles were growing tense again, his nose becoming the centre of his universe of thought no matter how he struggled not to focus on the tickling, tingling, prickling…

“heh- eht’sSCHHHeuh!”

Fjord bent low across his folded legs, spraying the floorboards as he sneezed. He had been concentrating too hard on not thinking about that imminent need to give any thought to covering the result.

“Bless you,” came a soft murmur from his left. Caduceus had opened one eye, just in case Fjord needed anything.

“Uh. Sorry, I didn’t- didn’t mean… eht’ISSSCHH’uh! Sorry.”

“No cause for apologies.” Caduceus opened his other eye. “Everything alright over there?”

“Hnn. Nose feels- I feel like-”

Fjord turned to look around the barn with the sharpened eyes of suspicion. He found what he was looking for curled up inside a wheelbarrow, glaring at him with its evil yellow eyes.

“There’s a cat in here. Sorry, I’m going to have to get it out before-”

“Shh.” Caduceus stood up, pressing a hand to Fjord’s shoulder to keep him seated. “I can deal with that. You clean up, okay?”

He padded off towards the back of the barn, chattering away happily to the cat. Fjord sighed, reached for his handkerchief, and blew his nose.

[RiversD]

Another Tumblr prompt, featuring allergic Jester.

Gift

The circumstances which led to Jester giving this dance performance remain unclear in the minds of most of the Mighty Nein, but none of them can deny that she’s a crowd pleaser. So much so that when she finishes her piece and begins making an inordinate amount of bows, curtseys and blown kisses to the crowd, one member of it dashes off and returns a few minutes later with a brightly coloured bouquet of flowers, which he presents to her with a flourish.

A short and evidently flattering conversation later, Jester returns to the main group, clutching her prize.

“Did you see, did you see? He bought me flowers!”

“Hm, yeah. That’s all though, right?” Fjord tilts his head to watch the man depart past Jester’s shoulder.

“Well yeah!” Jester pouts slightly, cradling her bouquet. “He just wanted me to know that I was pretty, and that he liked the dancing, you know.”

“Good.” Fjord seems to realise he’s been frowning and smiles all of a sudden. “You were very impressive.”

“Yes, well,” Jester tosses her head haughtily, flicking her hair back. “I’m a pretty amazing dancer, you know, so…”

She holds the flowers close to her chest again, savouring their scent. She wrinkles her nose, very briefly.

“We do,” Beau agrees. “You rocked it out there.”

“Thank you.” Jester turns her head to grin towards Beau. She swipes a knuckle up beneath her nose at the same time, pushing its soft tip upwards for a beat.

She sniffs too, when she turns back to her bouquet, producing a damp little sound that makes Fjord ask:

“You okay there, Jessie? The flowers aren’t-?”

“Aren’t what?” Jester’s question is all innocence, but her nose is scrunched up against an itch and she contorts her whole face in a mostly-subconscious attempt to scratch it.

“They’re not bothering you, uh, nasally? It looks like you might be reacting to them a little.”

“Oh, I don’t think that’s it.”

Jester smiles and shakes her head dismissively, but her very next breath catches in her throat. Her eyes haze over, the tip of her nose actually twitching as an acute irritation takes sharp hold of it.

“Actually- can you… holdthisasecond?”

Fjord takes the flowers from her, then takes a few steps back, because they’re obviously making her sneeze and he’s thoughtful like that.

Burden relieved, Jester fans one hand in front of her face as her breath dissolves into a series of high, soft hitches. Her eyes flutter closed and she wrinkles her nose tightly at the last moment before she starts sneezing.

“hh…ih…hh-ihh’tsschh’ew! ih’tsshhiew!”

Jester sniffs urgently and begins a belated search for a handkerchief amongst her many pockets. She is building up to a third sneeze as well, continual rapid sniffles doing absolutely nothing to slow its approach.

“ih-hh-hihh! hh’sschh’ew! Oh no…” Jester moans into her sleeve, wetness audible both in the sneeze and in the frantic sniff which follows on its heels.

Caleb comes to her rescue with a clean handkerchief, pressing it against her searching hand with an embarrassed-sounding “Here.”

“Oh, thank y’isschhiew!”

Jester clasps the handkerchief to her face and blows her nose, dabbing it delicately to the underside of both nostrils as she finishes.

“Oh man. Thank you, Caleb. I’m going to clean this before I give it back, okay?”

Caleb responds with an awkward half-laugh that stops almost as soon as it’s formed. “Okay. You are welcome, though.”

Fjord clears his throat. “I’m going to… do you want me to get rid of these?”

“Oh, no!” Jester spins around, hands flying to her mouth. “They’re so pretty, Fjord! I can’t just throw them away!”

“You can’t keep holding something that makes you sneeze like that either. Trust me, it gets old fast.”

Jester wavers for a long moment, working her bottom lip with her teeth.

“I could press them for you,” Yasha suggests from behind her. “I’m pretty good at that now.”

“Oh! Yasha, you would do that for me?”

“Sure,” Yasha shrugs. “It’s not that difficult, you just have to-”

“Ahhh, thank you!” Jester leaps up and gives Yasha a quick but rib-crushing hug. “I want to remember this, you know?”

“Of course. Shall we go back to the inn, and I can start them now?”

“Yes, yes, come on!” Jester takes Yasha’s hand and sets off at a skipping pace, trailing the rest of the Mighty Nein behind her. Fjord holds the flowers awkwardly, exchanging an understanding look with Caleb as they follow on. Jester can be a whirlwind, but being close to her is worth all the side-effects of chaos. He shields the blossoms with one arm and picks up the pace.

[RiversD]

More photic Molly! This is set in the middle of Episode 14, the morning after their first meeting with the Gentleman and the Zone-of-Truth-assisted friendly interrogation that took place just after that. Go gently with spoilers in the comments: lots of people aren't that caught up!

 

Window

Fjord rolled over, knocked his head against the unfamiliar bedframe, and jarred himself awake. It was morning, or close to it. The light in this two-man room above the Leaky Tap had the weak, tentative quality of a sky that hadn't got any real warmth in it yet.

Mollymauk was standing at the window, already dressed. He turned as Fjord pushed himself up and asked:

"You alright there?"

"Yeah, uh... yeah." Fjord shook his head. It throbbed slightly where he had bumped it, but his thoughts settled into better focus. "Ugh. Good morning."

"Same to you. How were the dreams?"

"Non-existent, thankfully."

Fjord rubbed the back of his neck and yawned. He squinted over at Molly, who was still watching him. The Tiefling raised a slow eyebrow and Fjord shrugged and looked away, paradoxically embarrassed to have been caught staring at somebody who was already watching him.

"I have to admit, I was worried that I might wake up and you'd be gone."

Molly gave a short, bitter laugh and turned back to the window. "If I'm planning to run away from something I usually spare myself the trouble of baring my soul beforehand."

"Right. Makes sense." Fjord pushed his legs off the side of the bed and ran a hand through his hair. "It did get a little intense last night. I'm sorry."

Molly unlatched the window and leaned his elbows on the ledge, letting a mist-laced cold seep into the room. "Couldn't be helped. You'll get yours later."

"What's that?" Fjord moved unsteadily across the room and leaned against the wall so that he could see Molly's face. It was wearing an unsettlingly smug grin.

"Oh, don't tell me there's no skeletons in your closet. None of us joined this group with nothing to hide."

"I... expect that's true," Fjord conceded.

It was both an uncomfortable and strangely heartening thought to entertain. He contemplated the ceiling for a moment before returning his attention to Molly, who was still staring out across the alley to the muddled rooftops of Zadash, watching cloud-occluded sunlight struggle against the lingering dregs of a pre-dawn fog.

"Are you alright, though? Do I need to get the others to, I don't know, be a little more sensitive today? You did... bare your soul or whatever, last night. That's not easy."

Molly smiled, one pointed canine peeking out above his lower lip. The sun broke through a gap in the clouds at just the right moment to spark a glint off it.

"It's sweet that you think you could wring sensitivity out of any of them. I do appreciate the- th- oh-"

Triumphant sunlight bathed Mollymauk's face as he spoke, catching at the red tones in his cheeks and turning his delicate lashes into pale halos. Fjord, who had been appreciating the effect, watched as Molly faltered, blinked, and screwed up his face in an expression that seemed to indicate acute distress.

"Wha-?"

"heht'IZZSCHH'eue!"

Molly pitched forward with a gasp that might have been the single most uncalculated sound Fjord had ever heard him make. He curled half-way out of the window and sneezed violently towards the bricks below.

Fjord blinked. That was... something. "Bless you."

Molly shook his head in response. His eyes were still closed, his mouth hanging dazedly open. His shoulders moved with a mounting series of gasps that peaked into a spraying, full-body sneeze, Molly's knuckles showing almost white where they gripped the window-frame.

"hieh'SCHZZHH'eue!"

He chased it with a high-pitched inhale that was almost an inverted moan, and reeled back from the window, sniffling rapidly. The barbed tip of his tail flicked edgily from side to side.

"Excuse me, sorry. Gets me every bloody time."

"What does?" Fjord wanted to know.

Molly made a vague gesture upwards. "The sun. Magical lights too, sometimes. Always happens, and I always forget."

He wrinkled his nose, patted his pockets, and drew out a surprisingly ordinary handkerchief.

"Oh." Fjord stared at Molly as he blew his nose, then realised what he was doing and dragged his eyes away. "I mean- bless you."

"Thank you." Molly smiled at him, eyes still carrying an unnatural watery shine. He dabbed at them and tucked the handkerchief away, the usual mischief quickly returning to his face.

"Fjord. Aren't you ever going to get dressed?"

 

[RiversD]

Hayloft

Some more pre-campaign Caleb and Nott. A couple of dust sneezes from Caleb.

 

"What if we cause a scene?" Nott worried. "I can spook horses, sometimes. I think they smell me."

"Horses are nervous animals," Caleb whispered back. He was leaning against the side of the shed, hands tucked into his armpits, and concentrating on manipulating a Mage Hand with the limited visibility he could get through a knothole. "Cows, not so much. Once we are in the hayloft they will soon be quiet."

"You're sure?"

"I am fairly confident, ja. Besides, it is freezing out here."

Nott glanced up. Snow was still swirling down from the grey sky above them. Flakes were settling on Caleb's eyelashes in-between blinks and nestling into the weave of his scarf.

She pulled a half-full bottle from an inner pocket and took a hasty swig. "Yes. Yes, you're right, Caleb, I'm sorry."

"Shh, no need for that. Come on."

Caleb's mage hand lifted the bar holding the door closed and he nudged it open with his foot. Nott slipped inside and Caleb followed, taking the bar into his physical hands to steady and replace it. Nott could have picked the lock on the rear door, of course, but Caleb preferred this way. It was harder to re-set a lock that required a key, especially such a heavy one.

The barn was incredibly warm compared to the frosty air outside, and smelled strongly of cow. Caleb closed his eyes for a moment, shivering as his body responded to the sudden change in conditions. He felt Nott's hand on the back of his leg, and then the press of a heavy head against him as the nearest cow came to investigate the intruders.

He opened his eyes and moved a hand to gently push against the cow's nose.

"Guten abend, Frau Kuh. We will be sharing your shed tonight. Come, Nott, there should be a good place to sleep up that ladder there."

Nott ducked out from under Caleb's coat and scampered up the ladder until she was well clear of the cows, most of whom were now turning to look at her. She crouched down at the top, wide yellow eyes peering back down.

"Be careful, Caleb!"

"Shh, shh," said Caleb, mostly to Nott, but at least partially talking to the cows. He moved his hand up to give his newest friend a firm rub behind the ears. "It is alright, Nott. I am on my way."

He moved much more slowly to the ladder, murmuring sweet nothings to the cows and enjoying the familiar beats of their company for a time. But nostalgia could only last so long before it turned bitter, and he soon turned away and climbed the wooden steps to the hayloft where a trembling goblin was waiting for him. A reminder that the comfort of their surroundings was only a veil.

The loft was well stocked. This winter was already harsh, but it was still early in the season, and high mounds of hay filled the space from wall to wall.

"There, you see?" Caleb looked down to where Nott was huddled nervously beside his leg. "This will make a good safe bed for us tonight. Hay is much warmer than you might think, and if we sleep at the back we do not need to worry about being up before dawn. The stacks will hide us."

"If you say so, Caleb."

Nott's tone was uncertain, but she was already moving away from him and towards the rear of the loft, testing the hay with each step before committing her weight to it. Caleb smiled. She was more capable than she seemed to know, this goblin. He was lucky to have her by his side.

He followed her cautious lead, remembering that it was never wise to presume that the boards beneath a pile of hay could also take the weight of a grown man. This barn had looked well-maintained at a glance, but... better to be safe.

By the time he caught up, Nott had selected a little bank of hay in a back corner, well hidden from the ladder. Caleb nodded approvingly, and she set to making herself a nest where she sat. Caleb moved deeper into the same section of loft, following a heavy beam decorated with spider-webs overhead.

He dipped his hands into the hay to check if it was as dry and clean underneath as above. They came back pretty dusty but if anything, that was a good sign. There was no rot to be concerned with. He began making his own burrow, turning over hay until there was enough of a dip for him to squirm his way down into a comfortable position.

Turning the hay disturbed the dust which had been trapped in it for months or more. It rose in a gentle cloud, lingering all the longer as there was no wind to disperse it. Pale yellow motes clutched at Caleb's coat and tickled his nose. He rubbed at it with the back of his hand.

Though it made his eyes somewhat prickly, the dust didn't truly bother Caleb until he sat down to settle into his bed. It hadn't occurred to him to wait for the dust to disperse, and the cloud was thicker down here. Caleb took a dust-laden breath and realised his error at once, his nose filled with a familiar tingling sensation that would only resolve with a good firm sneeze. He didn't fight it.

"hah- H'RRSCHH'huh!"

There was a very brief squeal from his right as Caleb's sneeze caused Nott to jump, almost spilling her bedtime drink. She recovered quickly, tucking the bottle away as she turned solicitously towards him.

"Oh! Bless you, Caleb! Are you alright?"

"Ja, ja, I am fine." Caleb held his nose between the finger and thumb of his right hand and worked it back and forth while his left searched his pockets for some scrap of cloth which could answer his need to blow his suddenly-running nose.

He found one, but the trickling moisture in his nostrils had a ticklishness of its own, so that when he released his nose to introduce it to the cloth he had no choice but to sneeze again.

"hh! hH'RSSSCHhff!"

"Oh, Caleb!"

He raised his head, still needing to blow his nose but delaying for the alarm in Nott's voice. With a slight effort, he opened his eyes and blinked until he could see her clearly. she had come up onto her knees and was watching him in urgent concern.

"Something's wrong, isn't it? Did we stay out in the snow for too long? Oh, I'm sorry, I can be so slow when I'm nervous, I-"

"No, no, it is alright, truly. It is just-" at this point Caleb had to blow his nose, or he was going to start choking, which would do nobody any good.

"It is just the dust," he finished at last. "A little too much got into my nose, that is all."

"Oh." Nott twisted a dry stalk between both hands. "Won't that bother you in the night? Do you need to sleep away from all this?"

Caleb shook his head. "No, I only need to get used to the atmosphere in here and all will be well. I have slept in many barns, little one, do not worry. It was only a sneeze."

"Two sneezes," Nott reminded him, slinking slowly back down into her nest.

"Two sneezes, then. I think I will live to see morning." Caleb settled down into the hay and began to sweep it over him as a blanket. The feeling was comforting, as long as he didn't think about why. "Good night, Nott the Brave."

He closed his eyes and lay back, putting on an attitude of greater ease than he felt until he heard Nott turn away, apparently satisfied, and curl up to rest herself.

"Good night, Caleb. Sleep well."

"I will do my best," Caleb promised. He wriggled a little deeper into the hay and relaxed with a sigh.

Tonight, they were safe and dry and warm. And together. Yes, that was more than enough for now. More than he deserved. And tomorrow, he would try again to do better. Be better. Stronger. His time would come. He just had to work for it.

Eventually, he slept.

[Comfortandstuff]

OMIGOD THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POSTING!! I literally swear to you, I legit pray every day that you will post another one of your critical role shorts because I adore them THAT much. The way you write just butters my eggroll, I swear. 

If you ever did anything at all of Caleb and Essek with like Bless you’s and caretaking, I would probably cry. I would happy cry, and maybe do a dance. If you do commissions, I would PAY you- that’s how much I love these. 

Sorry.. got a little carried away. 

Anyway, seriously thank you so much, you made my freaking day. 

[RiversD]

On 7/7/2021 at 6:57 AM, Comfortandstuff said:

OMIGOD THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POSTING!! I literally swear to you, I legit pray every day that you will post another one of your critical role shorts because I adore them THAT much. The way you write just butters my eggroll, I swear. 

If you ever did anything at all of Caleb and Essek with like Bless you’s and caretaking, I would probably cry. I would happy cry, and maybe do a dance. If you do commissions, I would PAY you- that’s how much I love these. 

Sorry.. got a little carried away. 

Anyway, seriously thank you so much, you made my freaking day. 

Thank you! It's really good to know that somebody out there is reading and enjoying this stuff.

I would like to do something Caleb/Essek-y soon, but it would likely be a longer piece so I need a bit of a run-up at it. "Real" life concerns keep getting in the way too.

Skint as I am, I appreciate the enthusiasm, but regrettably it is illegal for me to offer fanfic commissions for cash in a forum like this because fanfic/art is only legal as long as you're not making money off somebody else's intellectual property. Most companies don't care that much, but just so you know ❤️

And thank you again for the comment, I really do appreciate the love.

[RiversD]

Briefly updating this thread to note that there are two (so far) Critical Role Campaign 2 stories in my Sneezetober thread here:

https://www.sneezefetishforum.com/topic/78790-riversds-sneezetober-thread-2021/?do=findComment&comment=937352

So that I can find them again and so can other people looking for CR content.

Stories in question are days 4 and 5, featuring Essek and Caduceus respectively.

Will edit this post if I add more there.