The Apothecary (M, Various Causes)

[Pheonix_Mandrill]

A/N Ok, Imma try and write a story!!!! I got the random idea of this from a random dream I had XD. This takes place in a kind of medieval era kind of place, think into the woods. The main characters are humans, but the rest are non-humans, because I am the god of this story and that's what I want to write. Ok, here we goooooooo (The beginning is mostly intro stuff, but i will add a whole lot of sneezing soon!) 

 

I don't know why I started working at the apothecary. Maybe I wanted money. Maybe it was the only job available. We needed to put service hours in for school.

Ok, I lied, I know the real reason I took the job. 

It's because...........I'm never saying this out loud ever again....but.....

Ok I took the job because of my ridiculous sneezing fetish. 

Ok, not dwelling on that. Moving on. 

The first time I thought this was a bad idea was when I saw the uniform. It was tight, and brown. Greeeat. My partners had sucked it up and gotten dressed before me. Rolland was wearing  the same thing I was. His brown hair matched the suit. Trixie was wearing the same top and blue tie, but with a skirt. Regardless of gender we could pick skirt or pants. I only went with the itchy pants because it's freezing today. 

 

Mirstone is the only town between the rest of civilization and the Woods. It's easy to find work here because of all the different species mixing. Most people don't like all the predatory higher species mixing in the same area as their children. I get it. Goblins eat babies and demons are flat out dangerous. 

Honestly I just want to see a fairy, like an honest to god fairy. They'd better exist. 

 

Honestly since we started working here, nothing interesting has happened. At the moment Trixie was bent over the counter, her long blond hair flowing down her back as Rollan....admires her from behind. 

They've had this weird couple thing going on for years. It kind of sucks. I mean it's always been "Look Trixie and Rolland are having a moment...oh hey what's Emery doing here?

Third wheeling, hardcore style. 

 

"Hey Em, do me a solid and go take stock." Rolland said, pushing his red hair out of his face. It goes down to his chin. I would ask why he doesn't go do it, but I don't really want to hear his reasons. 

As sleazy as he is, Rolland's not actually a terrible person.....ish. 

The stock room is dark and dusty. There's no windows so you either have to bring some source of fire or hope there's enough natural light. 

I really hate the stock room. It's full of weird herbs that will one day be medicines but in the meantime it's a perfect ghost hangout. 

It was probably just my imagination but I thought I heard something rustling around in the background. 

I carefully began to count the jars. Five....ten...fifte-

Something fell to the ground and shattered behind me. I yelped and grabbed a duster as my weapon. (Terrifying) 

Something scrambled behind me, racing for the exit. I swung my duster (I'm strongly thinking of dubbing it Excali-duster or something) and actually managed to hit something. You'd think after this success I'd find an actual weapon and finish the fight.

Instead I bravely hid behind a shelf. 

I waited. There was silence. I was about to come out when I heard a soft noise coming in front of the shelf. Breathing. At first I thought Rolland had come down here for a "break" but then I realized it was a different sound.

It was unmistakably a sneeze building up. (Or maybe I'm finally losing it.) 

I held my duster over my chest like a shield, listening. (And totally not enjoying anything. I'm not a creepy stalker. Ahaha....totally....)

It started softly at first then grew louder.

"Hehhh...ehhhh...hehhhh..."

It was more then agony waiting. (I'm still not weird) 

"Ehhhhh....hahhhhh..."

I could see a silhouette in the sliver of light that was visible from the doorway. The figure's head was tilted upward and I could faintly see their chest rising and falling. Fingertips rubbed desperately at their nose. 

"Ah-KESHuu!" 

It was only a single (one more thing to complain about) but it was sharp and from the way the figure was breathing I could tell that they were fighting back more. I took this moment to launch my attack. I meant to shove them to the ground, but I ended up doing this weird tackle-thingy. 

I'm very weird. Draw a weirdness pyramid, add three extra levels, and that's where I am in terms of weirdness. 

 

 

I ended up literally rolling over the figure. 

"Ow! What the-" It yelled. I could tell the figure was male now. I reached for a candle, managed to get my hands on a lighter and-

He was a goblin. About five feet tall with pointed ears. It didn't really look the way I thought it would. More human then monster. He looked human except for his eyes, ears, skin and teeth which were pointed. I also thought I saw claws. His dark hair was also sticking out in more directions then I thought was possible. 

"Hi...." I said, holding my duster in front of me. 

"What the hell is your problem?" he asked, sniffling heavily. His breath was uneven. 

"...." That's what I said (or lack thereof) next. 

"Jesus." the goblin grumbled. "Useless humans." his eyelids fluttered slightly and his breath hitched. 

"Uhh...you good?" I asked. 

He shook his head, breath hitching frantically. It took a lot of restraint to sit there and watch...Look at the ceiling, look at the ceiling.

"hehhh...ahhhhhh....Hyehhhhhh..."  

This fit was more desperate then before. His nose was twitching like a bunnies. 

"Hahhhhh ahhhhh ehhhh...god dammehhhh ahhhhh..." 

The sneeze was clearly stuck. In all of my useless glory I sat there...holding a duster. 

"Uh, hey...do you want some help?"

Stupid voice. Stop sounding so high pitched! 

The goblin shook his head. "I'm fi-fine. Perfectly...ehhhhhh fine...ahhhhh ehhhhh.....Hehhhhhh..."

Several false starts later I tried to be friendly/maybe weird again.

"Are you sure? You don't sound fine." I said, nodding like I was some sort of expert. (am I? I mean I'm sitting in the dark with a goblin) 

"I have this!" I said, lifting my duster. 

The goblin nodded, eyes tearing up. He was practically shaking. I took this as a sign to help. 

"Ok, just hold still I guess." I said.

I carefully brought a single feather up to the goblin's twitching nose. I carefully traced around the nostrils. The goblin's breath hitched sharply and his nose began to quiver furiously. 

"Is this working?" I asked. My only response was furious uneven breathing. I took this as a sign that I needed more. 

I carefully slid the tip of the feather into his nose and began to carefully stroke the walls. His breath began to hitch more frantically if that was even possible. HIs mouth fell open slightly and tears spilled down his cheeks. His body heaved with every breath. 

"I-it's w-working...ehhhhhh...I'm gonna...snehhhhhhh...ehhhhhhh...."

I gently inserted the feather in farther and began twirling it. 

"Ahhhhhhhh ehhhhhhhh.......hehhhhhhhhhhhh...."

I knew this was it. I carefully removed the feather and pulled a handkerchief out of my pocket. 

"Ahhhhh...hehhhhh...HEHHHHHH....HEKYSH! AKYSHU! KSHHHewwww! hehhhh...ahhhhh...KYSH!"

The goblin fell forward towards me. I awkwardly began rubbing circles on his back as he continued sneezing. It was brilliant  

"ahhhh AKYSHuu! Ok... Ok I'm good."

"Bless you." I said. What else could I have said. "That was the bestest thing I have witnessed in a long time please please please do it again." 

He sniffled and sat up, wiping his still-pink nose. 

"Can I ask why you're in the store room?" I asked. 

"Looking for stuff." he shrugged. "Not many places will sell to a goblin."

"I will sell."  I said. I'm not sure what I was going to sell. A child maybe? I was still in post sneeze shock. 

"Great." the goblin said. "Can we go up to the actual shop? It's dusty down here and its....it....AHKYSHHH!" 

"Bless you." I said again. Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod

"It's dusty." the goblin finished, wiping his nose again. 

"Right this way." I said weakly, leading him up to the land of the living.

 

A/N OK WHAT DID YOU THINK! Bad right? Really bad? Anyways, leave a review if you want, I might add more. Ok byeeeeeeeee XD

[Guest]

This looks so good! I love the goblin's breathy build-ups and the way the protagonist is screaming to himself while blessing him. 

 This wasn't bad at all! I look forward for more of this! 

[Luisa39]

I loved it!!

[Jelloicious]

This was a superfun read!   I hope you will do more!  Your narrator is wonderfully quirky and fun and I like the inner dialog!

 

[caramelfuzz]

Oh my gosh this is amazing!!!! I can't wait to see where it goes!

[M214186]

This was great, I really enjoyed it. Please continue 

[Raven]

I loved this and would definitely like to see more!

[rockbell]

oh my goodness I love love LOVE THIS! Emery is such a refreshing protagonist and is totally relatable! please continue!!

[bcj1027]

Absolutely love this concept! Can not wait to see what other ailing patients will come through!

[Pheonix_Mandrill]

A/N AAAAAAAAGH YOU LIKED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I admit I went way out of my comfort zone   Anyways Imma add more. I kind of figured out a whole story line and I guess I'm writing it XD (If you guys want.) Anyways here's part two!

 

Thankfully Rolland and Trixie had already left. That was good because it would be beyond awkward to explain why I was emerging red-faced out of the basement with a goblin. 

Oh the fun Rolland would have if he could see me now. 

"Okie dokie!" I said cheerfully. I don't think I've ever said okie dokie in my life before now. Why am I so weeeeeeird. 

The goblin was looking around the store in awe. I guess he hadn't really seen many stores before. Everyone has goblins written off as disgusting, slimy, child eating nightmares. This one is way taller and a lot prettier handsomer cooler then I thought they'd be. Every few seconds he would rub at his amazing nose. 

I think I need help. 

"I can get you some tissues." I said. I gracefully whacked my knee on the corner of the counter and barely avoided a face plant behind the counter. 

"I'm ok!" I yelled, jumping up with a handful of tissues. "These weren't on the floor. Promise." 

I focused on the floor as the goblin blew his nose. My what an interesting floor....noise...FLOOR! 

"Can I get you anything else?" I asked. My voice was cracking and it wasn't from my voice changing. If the goblin didn't think this was normal, he didn't show it. I couldn't help noticing how the light reflected off his eyes. He was clearly oriented to the dark. 

"I can turn off the lights." I offered. I wondered if that was what was bothering him in the first place. 

"That would be good." He said. His eyes were watering profusely.

Ok, confession time. I am a horrible person. I admit, I should not have done this but I was curious....and it's nothing as bad as what Rolland's done. (There's a reason there aren't many female costumers.) 

I knocked a quill on the floor. (It wasn't even part of what I was doing. I'm just that klutzy.) "Can you...uh...get that?" I asked. The last time I attempted to get something off the floor, I rolled over the desk and got my pants caught on a loose floorboard. 

The goblin nodded and bent down to pick it up. I carefully angled a candle over towards the end of the table. When the goblin stood the beam of light made direct contact with his eyes. The catlike pupils dilated and his breathing became shallow and uneven once more. 

"ahhhh...ehhhhh Atshuuu! Etshuu! Hekyeshhuu!" 

These sneezes were more delicate then the harsh ones I had heard earlier. But they were still very enjoyable. Is there a crazy house for people like me?

"I am sososososososososo sorry!" I said, yanking the candle away. (And getting hot wax on my sleeve) 

"It's fi....etshuu! Fine." the goblin finished. "You understand why we come out at night yeah?"

"Yeah." I said. His voice had a rougher accent then what I usually heard. He was wearing dark pants and a vest made out of some scaled material with what possibly used to be a white shirt underneath the vest. 

The goblin carefully ran his fingers over the glowing bottles. "So you willingly help us here."

"Sure." I said. His nose was still pink. Look somewhere elseeeee. "Uh...what's your name?"

Is it cool to ask a goblin their name? Am I being a screwup as usual? 

"Azmin." he purred. I could see the predator now, runny nose or not.  But he was still adorable  cute human-ish. 

"So can I get anything else for you?" Look at me, being all buisness-y. 

"Nah, just checkin' on the safe places." Azmin said. "Nice to see that there's no pitchforks here."

"Nope. No pitchforks here." I said. "Go ahead and look, you won't find one." 

Azmin looked at me in the way you might look at a kitten or a puppy. Was I some kind of precious pet human? 

"See ya round' human." Azmin said. He turned and strolled out the door leaving me to wonder if this was a weird hallucination. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Did you sleep here or something?" Rolland asked, taking in my rumpled suit. 

"Yes." I said. 

"Why?" Rolland asked. I know for a fact he thinks that I am the weirdest person on the planet. 

"Because I love love love work." I said.

I wonder why he thinks I'm weird.

We were sweeping the floors. We do this once every three months. Priorities. 

"Keep all that crap over there." Trixie commands. She's probably thinking about princes. Typical. 

"What's the big deal about princes anyways." Rolland grumbles. It's not a question. We have this conversation three times a day. 

"I don't know. They can sword fight." I said. "A lot of things can sword fight." I said brandishing my broom like a weapon. 

"Oh ho ho." Rolland said, picking up on my challenge. "En garde!"

"Oh god." Trixie muttered as we ran around the shop whacking each other with brooms. 

 

After creating a large mess, we finally calmed down and returned to more boring jobs. Trixie left to get food. I was forced to reorganize shelves while Rolland "supervised." 

"You are worthless." I said. 

"Eh." Rolland shrugged. "Kinda." 

I eventually gave up and laid down on the floor. I am equally useless. So what? 

"La la la laaaaaaa" I sang from the floor. 

"You're annoying." Rolland said. "I command silence."

I rolled over to the side and yelped as jars fell off the shelf around my head. (I rolled into the shelf. I'm graceful.) 

"That's not silence." Rolland said. 

A few moments of silence passed as I checked my face for cuts. 

Rolland sniffed a few times and rubbed his nose. "Shit." he muttered, rubbing it some more. 

I quickly turned my attention to the ceiling. The ceiling is my friend. 

I'd only seen Rolland sneeze a few times. The last time had been way more dramatic then this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had been trying to reach the top shelf by standing on a stack of furniture. Rolland had been annoying me, trying to make me fall. I know, what a good friend. 

"Would you please shut up!" I yelled, possibly hyper extending my arm. 

A few seconds passed. 

"I gotta sneeze." Rolland said. "Like really gotta sneeze." 

"Shut up!" I yelled. It was instinct

"How is that annoying?" Rolland asked. His eyes were fluttering and his breath was becoming uneven and shallow. 

I returned my focus to the shelf. It was very hard.

Rolland started rubbing tight, fast circles on his now pink nose. His nostrils started flaring I mean he looked really cute his eyelashes fluttered and his hazel eyes narrowed to slits. He drew in a slow deep breath and....

"Damn, lost it." Rolland said. He walked over and began shaking the ladder. "Are you done up there? Why are you so slow? Are you making out with the shelf or something?"

Trixie walked in just in time for me to fall on top of her. I think she's pretty done with us at this point. 

I couldn't help but feel kind of cheated. Luckily I wouldn't be disappointed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rolland kept sniffling and rubbing his nose. He always does this thing where he keeps rubbing the side of his nose. It's cute. 

It was very hard to look away. He was leaning back in his chair now, his hair falling back off his face, a rare occurrence. 

A few seconds later the sensation seemed to fade. The most annoying thing about Rolland is that it usually takes a freakishly long time for him to actually sneeze. It kills me. 

A few seconds after that he was right back into it. Fluttering eyelashes, pink nose, the works. 

I was still laying on the floor, straining my neck, trying to see. 

Ok I am now very very certain I need help. 

Rolland was like a statue now, the only movement the shallow movement of his chest. Slowly he brought his hand back up to his nose and gently rubbed it. The touch seemed to irritate his nose more and he sunk into a flurry of shallow breaths. 

"Ehhhh...ahhhhh....ehhhhh...ahhhhhh....ehhh..."

He was rubbing more desperate circles now. Slowly his fingers stopped moving. His hand dropped away from his face. He was now at the complete mercy of his nose. 

"Ahhhh.....ehhhhhhh....HE-" 

And nothing. He wiped at his watering eyes and turned back to the papers he had been examining. 

I decided it was time for something to be done.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rolland had been battling the same sneeze for the majority of the day. It was literally the most torturous thing I had ever been exposed to.

Trixie has this weird issue with germs or whatever, so she had been avoiding Rolland for most of the day. I stayed close, but not weirdly close, but like close enough to watch but not stalker-y...

Whatever. 

"We need to move that table." Trixie said. "I think it's in the way of the door."

"But everyone loves climbing over the table on the way in! It's part of the fun!" I said

No one appreciated my humor.

The table in question was huge, round, and made of stone. It took all three of us to even push it. 

"Ok. Here goes nothing." Trixie said, pushing her blond hair back. 

We made it about three feet before we ran into conflict. 

"Oh no." Rolland said. "I'm gonna sneeze."

"Your sense of humor is flawed." Trixie said.

"No. I-I'm gonna sneeze. For real this time."

"Oh god." Trixie said. "Rolland Bennette don't you dare!" 

"I can't hehh...help it." Rolland said. 

The next two minutes consisted of Trixie and Rolland arguing and me trying and failing to not look excited.

Rolland launched into the most torturous buildup yet. 

"Ahhhhhh....ehhhhhh...hahhhhhhhhh...AHHHHHHH..."

I could tell Rolland was right about actually sneezing this time. Tears were streaming down his cheeks and his nose was twitching like crazy. 

"AHHH...AHHHHHHHHH...AHHHHHH...."

Trixie threw her part of the table and leaped away seconds before the initial explosion. 

"HEHHHAKYSHUUUU!" 

I reached out and grabbed Rolland around the waist so he didn't fall forward and possibly die. That also meant he sneezed all over me. I swear I didn't plan that.

"That's disgusting!" Trixie yelled, and went into the back room. 

Rolland was still sniffling and his nose was dripping so I reached over and grabbed a handkerchief. 

He took it and stood up. "Stop making me look gay."

"You're welcome!" I yelled as he went back to the desk.

I deserve appreciation but I will accept my payment in sneezes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rolland was still frozen in a pre-sneeze pose. His nose twitched lightly. 

I walked over, calmly as possible and picked up a tissue. I placed his over his nose. 

"Uh...sorry about this."

I began to gently rub his nostrils with the tissue. His breathing began to get deeper with every rub. 

"Ahhh....ehhhhhhhh...ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

I gently rubbed up and down the sides, then returned to rub gentle circles over the nostrils. Rolland had gone completely limp at this point. Finally I reached up and gently moved the tip of his nose. 

Rolland took his deepest breath yet the second I took my hand away. I took a step back. Unwillingly.

"Ahhhhh....“Huuuh... heeeh... heh’inxgt! Heh’iscch! Hyuh-huhSCHOO!”

I waited for him to yell at me for being too gay for his liking. 

Rolland sniffed and looked up at me. 

"....Thanks."

Not even a punch in the shoulder. Rolland stood up to leave....

And punched me in the shoulder. Never mind. Ow.

 

A/N ok, there! Done XD. I was trying to make it longer so that's why I added the stuff with Rollan in. I wasn't going to add it originally, but I hope you liked it anyways! Thanks for reading! Byeeeeeeeee 

[M214186]

So great,

[PennyLane]

That was AMAZING! I really hope you continue!

[caramelfuzz]

Oh my gosh I'm in love with Rolland and Azmin!!! And of course the narrator, who is adorable!!

[Bungee]

this is sooo good the buildups are to die for!!!

[Guest]

I. Love. This!

 The fact that it takes some long, breathy buildups for Rolland to sneeze is beautiful, I enjoyed that even more than I expected! I'll love you if you continue writing this!

[rockbell]

ahhhhh I love this SO MUCH!!!

[shadows45]

This is so great, love the buildups 

[Akahana]

What a gay icon

[kushamisukii]

This is soooo good!!! Can't wait for more

[Pixieflower]

I love this! Can’t wait for the next part!

Also I can relate to the mc in this fic in so many ways help

[GroundIntoDust]

I love the torturous build ups!

[Pheonix_Mandrill]

GUESS WHO’S BACK AFTER THE WORLD’S LONGEST HAIATUS!! I spelled that wrong! 
Anyways I’m back so let’s do this thing!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh give me a home” Rollan sang. “Where the unicorns roam.”

”Pleeeeease shut up.” I moaned debating shoving the cotton balls i was stacking into my ears. 
 

“Where kingdoms are heard, a discouraging bird-“

”It’s word moron.” Trixie said, rolling her eyes. 

“If someone were to take an extra five minute break, the concert would stop, hint hint.” Rollan said, elbowing me. 
 

Trixie and I looked at each other, thinking about freeing Rollan as we rotted in boredom. 
 

“I’d like to make a song request.” Trixie said. Rollan snorted and mimed strumming a guitar. 
 

Sadly we never got the concert. We got a customer instead. A thin figure with mussed brown hair stumbled through the doors. Judging by the purple robes with the gold sigils on the side, the stranger was a member of the New and Alternative Church. (The name was a work in progress.)

“Um, I need a specialist.” The flustered convert squeaked. They had wire rimmed spectacles and pale blue eyes.

“A specialist?” Rollan asked, standing up. I looked back to my cotton balls. 
 

“My good friends Em here is as special as it gets.” Rollan said, clapping my shoulder. As the convert’s eyes lit up, I debated killing Rollan with cotton balls. 
 

Sadly my murder plans never came to be, and the convent, who introduced themself as Hazell, talked my ear off nervously. 
 

“So I summoned a demon right??“ They said, stumbling over their robes “And I messed up, I know I did because it’s acting funny like it’s sick so I thought maybe I’d ask you and your a specialist so everything will be ok!” Hazell beamed up at me. 
 

I mentally groaned the call of the panicking introvert. Rollan would most likely be killed after my humiliation. 
 

Hazell pulled me through the spiked gates of the courtyard and into the twisting tunneled bowels of the spiky black church. I almost passed out from dizziness as I was dragged this way and that until we arrived at a red door. 
 

Hazell held out a finger, which glowed the same shade as the door. A grating sound scraped past my ears as whatever magical lock was in place undid itself. 
 

“Ok, he’s nice, I think? And he contracted with me so he has to do what i say and he can’t hurt me but you...um, don’t make him mad.”

Well that was lovely. Rollan’s life was getting cut shorter every time Hazell spoke. 
 

And that is how I, Emery the False Specialist, came face to face with a demon that looked nothing like I thought it would. 
 

He had ashen skin, a painfully thin almost bony figure, and long, lean build. The skinniness was masked by the cloak the demon was wearing, giving him a sleek look. Ink black hair hung at his waist, shiny and slick. Thin fingers tapered into cruel claws, and an angular face topped off the creature. It’s sharp features included snake like bloodred eyes, a mouth parted enough to show vampire like fangs and thin dark eyebrows giving the demon a superior look. 
 

And then there was the nose. The sharp, pointed, slightly pink nose. 
 

Oh. 
 

The demon was reclining on a stone outcropping in the center of the circular stone room. (Everything was stone here) he looked up at me, sized me up and then turned away, allowing me to panic in peace. 
 

Not before I saw him subtly rub the tip of his nose. 
 

“He’s breathing funny and his eyes are watering and he keeps on taking these deep breaths and nothing happens and he’s probably dying.” Hazell said. “Oh and I’ve been calling him Noir. You know, cuz of the hair” 

Hazell went on to describe the summoning ritual and I watched as Noir’s fingertips massaged his nose again? The red eyes narrowed and his chest expanded once...twice...

“And nothing! So I had to run and get some more incense. The cheap stuff but we’d already sacrificed the goat and everything so there was no stopping-“

I was forced to state the obvious and wonderful-no not wonderful-truth. 
 

“I think he’s trying to sneeze.” I said, staring at the floor. Floors don’t sneeze. Floors don’t have embarrassing kinks. Floors are nice. Floors are friends. 
 

“Oh! The incense. It must have irritated his nose. Duh! I’m an idiot!” Hazell said, smacking their forehead. 
 

We stood in an awkward silence. 
 

“So...why hasn’t he sneezed yet?” Hazell asked, breaking the silence. 
 

After being near Rollan, king of torturer build ups and stuck sneezes, I recongnized the signs instantly. What a useless talent. I turned to Hazell. “I need a feather, a blade of grass, anything I can use to tickle his nose.”

Soon I was approaching the demon with a small, soft ornate paintbrush like brush. The tip was small, small enough to be inserted into a pink, shivering nostril. 

...how did I get here. 
 

Noir watched me approach. Like Azmin, he was more human than monster. Up close he looked less corpse like and more like his body was the shade of pale mist. I half expected him to pounce on me and devour my soul, but he merely adjusted his pose, cool inhuman eyes kept on mine. 
 

Would now be a bad time to mention that being stared at makes me nervous? 
 

I knelt down beside him, holding the brush out, hands trembling. I could see his slender nose clearly now, twitching with the irritation of an allergen that was enough to tickle, but not allow a sneeze. 
 

“Um, so, I’m gonna help you. Hopefully this’ll make you sneeze, it’ll feel good I swear, um, please don’t kill me...I’m just gonna make you sneeze now...please don’t hurt me...”

Noir only tilted his head back, giving me a clear shot. I should not be this excited but here we are. I steeled my nerves, calmed the weird tingly sensations of excitement (not that kind of excitement. I know where your mind went!) and gently slid my brush into the demon’s left nostril. 
 

He gasped slightly, nose quivering. I slid the brush in further, giving the rims a quick tease before resting the brush against the wall of the nostril. 
 

“Ok, I’m gonna um, tickle your nose now.” I said, looking at my steadfast friend, the floor. 
 

I started with slow, gentle circles. I stroked the nostril, coaxing out every ticklish sensation, slowly increasing the urge to sneeze. I didn’t even have to look up to see the effects. 
 

“Hhh...hhehh...hehhhh...”

Urged on by the beginning of the build up, I switched nostrils stroking the right rim before sliding the brush in, and resuming the slow ticklish circles. 
 

“Hehhh...heeeehhhh...eeehhhh...ahhhh...” 

the reptilian eyes were teary now, the demon’s head tilted back as I tickled more and more of his slender nose. His nose twitched, the nostrils shivering, his chest rising and falling. 
 

“Ahhhh...ehhh...hehhhhh..ahhhhh...”

The demon gasped desperately. I could feel him sniffing at the brush, he wanted to sneeze, badly. I reached up with my other hand, stroking the brushless part of the nose.  
 

“Haahhhh.....hahhhhh...HAHHHHH...”

It was coming. Noir’s eyes were closed, head tilted back, eyelids fluttering, back arched, nose quivering. In that moment it was just me, the demon, and the oncoming sneeze. 
 

I stroked both nostrils as I twirled the brush over the tip of his nose, than massaged the bridge as I ran the brush under his nostrils. 
 

“Hope this feels good.” I said, sliding the brush into the left nostril once more. 
 

“AHHH...EHHHHH...AHHH...HEHHHHH...AHHHHH...AHHHHHH...”

I twisted the brush one last time and quickly pulled it out, stepping back before-

“AHHHH....HAHHHHHH....EHHHAHHHH...HAKSHUUU! Ahhh...EHHHH-ASHUU! Ah-ahh-ahhh-AHHH-AHHHHEHHHEKSHUU!”

The demon sneezed and it was glorious. I mean I had done my job. Yeah. I like floors. 
 

After recovering from the blissful sneezes Noir got to his feet in a graceful single motion. He walked towards us. 
 

“Uhh...bless you?” I offered nervously. 

“You can’t say that to a demon” Hazell hissed. 
 

Noir stopped in front of me, eyes locked on mine. Then he smile. 
 

“You’re right. It felt amazing.”

With that he strode out of the room, silent as a ghost.

“YOU CAN TALK?” Hazell shrieked. “HEY WAIT FOR ME I AM YOUR MASTER!” They dashed off after Noir. 
 

Leaving me trapped in a creepy church with no clue how to get out. Rollan was going to pay if I ever got out of here. 
 

~~~~~~~~
A/N: and there we have it! Sorry if it’s a mess. I’m just writing at this point. Hopefully I’ll write more. Hope you enjoyed!!

[rockbell]

love love LOVE ITTTT!!!!!

[Secret Sneezer]

I'm so glad to see this come back! I love the dialogue and the variety of the sneezes. I hope you continue!

[peach_princess]

OMG love this 😍 The best thing is how relatable the narrator is lol