haeeshoo Posted October 11, 2004 Share Posted October 11, 2004 Hello people,I wrote a story today which I want to share with you. I have some problems to say what I want to say in English,but I believe I have come to an acceptable result.The name anoushe (read: anoosh) was chosen because itsounds like a sneeze. The reason for that might becomeclear while reading the story.I hope some like some of it Best regards,H.--The stardust was hidden in the creases and folds of his wide coat.With great expectations he took some of it between his fingers andblew it into the world. A salty seawind took the dust and drove itpast mountains and valleys until it reached the room of Anoushe.Anoushe felt a breeze and attributed it to forgetting to closethe window. While the breeze gently caressed her hair and face somedust got trapped in her nose. She happened to sit at a table with dark thoughts crossing her mind.Suddenly she felt Tickle. Nothing to worry about, after all she knewTickle from many previous occasions. From experience she knew that Tickleneeded lots of attention. Each little bit of cold air she carefully breathed in caressed Tickle and made it glow with pleasure.It had happened before that Tickle suddenly disappeared, but Anoushe was determined to love Tickle, to caress it, to nurture and cherish it. She even had to let go of her dark thoughts while giving Tickle the first aid it deserved. Tickle reacted to her care by growing rather quickly.Anoushe felt a shiver going down her spine. She had to close her eyes to giveTickle the attention it deserved. Slowly she increased her rate and intensityof breathing. She turned towards the sun with her eyes closed. She was reallydetermined to test the limits of her Tickle.For just a moment her sense of time and space disappeared, and she became One withthe universe. Thoughts about past and future lost all meaning.For just one instant her consciousness flickered like a broken lamp. Her senseswent blank. Anoushe couldn't think or do anything anymore. Tickle had taken control of her and she wasn't going to resist anymore...In thousands of dizzying colors Tickle burst into pieces, colors she didn't evenknow existed, bright colors which whirled about in grotesque spirals and whichblended and weaved glimmering patterns. With the colors came the other experience. It seemed as if all her dark thoughts left her at once. Mists of antiquity left her as a warm rain with which she blessed and fertilized the desolate world around her. Her untamed hair danced in ecstacy to the rythm of her body. The room softly echoed her name. Finer mist drops caught her total surrender and together with the sunny warmth that filled her body formed scintillating fireworks of shimmering rainbows, enlightening her gloomy mood.Anoushe tried to hold on to that feeling as long as possible.And he saw everything that he had done, and behold, it was very good. Link to comment
WLF2226 Posted October 12, 2004 Share Posted October 12, 2004 WOW!! That was really good!! It seems you have less problems than I to express your feelings ans thoughts in english. It was a really good story, Keep the great work! Link to comment
nick Posted October 12, 2004 Share Posted October 12, 2004 Hhhmmm...not usually into fiction very much but that was nice. Thank you. Link to comment
Lynne Posted October 12, 2004 Share Posted October 12, 2004 Incroyable, mon ami J'ai beaucoup aimé ton histoire, et je trouve ton anglais tout aussi bon que le mien (not that this says much....) We must get together someday to combine our creative efforts LynneHello people,I wrote a story today which I want to share with you. I have some problems to say what I want to say in English,but I believe I have come to an acceptable result.The name anoushe (read: anoosh) was chosen because itsounds like a sneeze. The reason for that might becomeclear while reading the story.I hope some like some of it Best regards,H.--The stardust was hidden in the creases and folds of his wide coat.With great expectations he took some of it between his fingers andblew it into the world. A salty seawind took the dust and drove itpast mountains and valleys until it reached the room of Anoushe.Anoushe felt a breeze and attributed it to forgetting to closethe window. While the breeze gently caressed her hair and face somedust got trapped in her nose. She happened to sit at a table with dark thoughts crossing her mind.Suddenly she felt Tickle. Nothing to worry about, after all she knewTickle from many previous occasions. From experience she knew that Tickleneeded lots of attention. Each little bit of cold air she carefully breathed in caressed Tickle and made it glow with pleasure.It had happened before that Tickle suddenly disappeared, but Anoushe was determined to love Tickle, to caress it, to nurture and cherish it. She even had to let go of her dark thoughts while giving Tickle the first aid it deserved. Tickle reacted to her care by growing rather quickly.Anoushe felt a shiver going down her spine. She had to close her eyes to giveTickle the attention it deserved. Slowly she increased her rate and intensityof breathing. She turned towards the sun with her eyes closed. She was reallydetermined to test the limits of her Tickle.For just a moment her sense of time and space disappeared, and she became One withthe universe. Thoughts about past and future lost all meaning.For just one instant her consciousness flickered like a broken lamp. Her senseswent blank. Anoushe couldn't think or do anything anymore. Tickle had taken control of her and she wasn't going to resist anymore...In thousands of dizzying colors Tickle burst into pieces, colors she didn't evenknow existed, bright colors which whirled about in grotesque spirals and whichblended and weaved glimmering patterns. With the colors came the other experience. It seemed as if all her dark thoughts left her at once. Mists of antiquity left her as a warm rain with which she blessed and fertilized the desolate world around her. Her untamed hair danced in ecstacy to the rythm of her body. The room softly echoed her name. Finer mist drops caught her total surrender and together with the sunny warmth that filled her body formed scintillating fireworks of shimmering rainbows, enlightening her gloomy mood.Anoushe tried to hold on to that feeling as long as possible.And he saw everything that he had done, and behold, it was very good.<{POST_SNAPBACK}> Link to comment
haeeshoo Posted October 13, 2004 Author Share Posted October 13, 2004 Incroyable, mon ami J'ai beaucoup aimé ton histoire, et je trouve ton anglais tout aussi bon que le mien (not that this says much....) We must get together someday to combine our creative efforts LynneDoes that mean you're back into town? Woohoo!!As for combination of creative efforts: looking forward to that To all people who read the story: thanks! To all people who liked the story and posted here: extra thanks! Link to comment
Lynne Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 Incroyable, mon ami J'ai beaucoup aimé ton histoire, et je trouve ton anglais tout aussi bon que le mien (not that this says much....) We must get together someday to combine our creative efforts LynneDoes that mean you're back into town? Woohoo!!As for combination of creative efforts: looking forward to that Back in town? when was I gone? It means I'm sort of back in the land of the internet-privileged (at work, anyway)... As for creative efforts, I suppose technically you could say we've already combined them, but I wasn't present for the whole thing, so I'm feeling remarkably left out LOL *hug* take care, hope the little bump is doing well, and I'll be connected by the weekend! Link to comment
Frick Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 Amazing that this is your first attempt at a story in English, it was really good. Very descriptive.... Link to comment
Enkidom Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 Very well done and the imagery is splendid, thank you so much for sharing that. Link to comment
Guest sneezylass Posted October 14, 2004 Share Posted October 14, 2004 wow haeeshoo u have a real way with words and i hope u write something else like this soon ! Link to comment
Dr. Greg House Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 Very nice. I like the attention to details and such. I look forward to another story from you. Link to comment
nosferatu Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 Very well written...Je crois qu'ilt sont tres bons, ton anglais et l'histoire. Not like my french. "The room softly echoed her name". That was brilliant.Really great, both idea and realization. C'est pur poesie.F Link to comment
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