Asking for life advice

[Lauren]

Hi guys! I want to ask for your advice on something...

So I'm a student, and I've been living abroad for the past almost six months. Right after I got here, I starting dating the guy who is now my boyfriend (I've written a few posts about him on other boards). I didn't really "date" any decent guys before him, and he's really the most incredible human being and I love him very much. 

But, from the start of the relationship, and even now we have checked in about it, we've been on the same page that we will break up when I leave the country to return to school in the U.S. The journey from my home to his is almost 12 hours, and neither of us want to do long distance. Also, as much as I love him and I could definitely see a future with him, I am still young and I want to at least try to date some other people before assuming that he is *the one.* 

Thus, I'm not asking if you think we should break up, because that's pretty much a final decision, and I'm leaving in a few weeks. My question is, where do I go from here?

Is there a healthy way for us to stay in touch with each other? It will suck either way to leave him, but I can't imagine just getting on the airplane and thinking I'll never speak to him again (at least, for a while). On the other hand, trying to keep in touch with an ex is a slippery slope. Also, he's the first and only person I've ever told about the fetish, and in general he knows a lot about me, and he's always been great to talk to. Besides all of the other reasons, it will also be terrible to go from having somebody who knows and appreciates my fetish, to being alone with the secret again.

If anyone's ever been in a similar situation, or just has any thoughts to offer, I'm all ears. Thanks in advance ☺️🙏

[facet]

.

[Reader]

One healthy way to stay in touch would be to not mention other people you guys start to date. 

[PuddinPop]

I agree with facet. One of ny past relationships ended on good terms and we stayed friends after. I got with someone else and so did he and we all used to hang out together. There was nothing weird or sad about it because we cared for each other enough as friends for it not to be awkward. 

I think how you keep in touch depends on how things end. My advice would be to make agreements together, like, how you're going to keep in touch: messaging, video calls, phone calls etc. If you guys want to stay friends and want to keep in touch with each other then you'll find a way to make it work. 

[Lauren]

15 hours ago, facet said:

I'm curious as to why you say that keeping in touch would be a slippery slope.

 

I guess just because if we are talking to frequently, it's like we never broke up in the first place, and we would have a hard time moving on.

14 hours ago, Reader said:

One healthy way to stay in touch would be to not mention other people you guys start to date. 

Yeah that's definitely true, although at some point if things got serious it would have to come out

12 hours ago, PuddinPop said:

I think how you keep in touch depends on how things end. My advice would be to make agreements together, like, how you're going to keep in touch: messaging, video calls, phone calls etc. If you guys want to stay friends and want to keep in touch with each other then you'll find a way to make it work. 

That's a smart idea, and it's good to know you were able to make it work!

[_Daisy_]

My advice is do what feels natural and don't go in with any assumptions! Like you said, this could be your forever person...or one/both of you might find someone else! Honestly, there's no way to prevent bad feels in situations like these. It's just part of life! I think if you both treat each other with kindness/respect and are ready to experience anything (be it good OR bad) it will go as well as things possibly can. 

Also...keep in mind that relationships don't have to be monogamous. I think that's important to keep in mind if either of you winds up seriously seeing another person. Remember to be upfront with your new partner and be honest with yourself about whether you really are "just friends" with your old flame. That said, these things can take a while to sort out, so don't feel bad if you're unsure how you're feeling for a while. My partner of five years and I were BOTH hung up on our exes for quite a while when we first started seeing each other. We were very honest with each other about how we were feeling and it ultimately brought us incredibly close. 

[beijoseternura]

hello @Lauren,
Thanks for your post. It's good you can talk to us about your situation openly. I think if you want to stay in touch with your friend, a good solution would be to make phone calls with him. Via video chat, etc. - you will find a good way. As already written before, it would be a better idea not to tell him if you meet other boys.

I would suggest that you both could choose a time of the day in which you can talk to each other and that only belongs to both of you? In which you can take time for each other and you can also tell him everything about the fetish, fetish related things?  If you feel comfortable with it, tell him about your concerns. That you do not want to be alone with your fetish, it means a lot to you, he knows about it and it's hard for you to leave it all behind. Would it be an idea if you write some kind of 'diary' about observations, self observations, thoughts or feelings that go through your mind regarding your fetish? And share that with him? It's just a suggestion.

Another way you can write him letters, sometimes you can express your thoughts better when you write them down, but the decision is Always yours.

I hope I could help you, all the best for both of you.