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My best friend and former flatmate, “H”, came to visit me for five days. They are very cute with short dark brown hair, hazel eyes and a long-ish straight nose. I have a big old crush on them. Strong flavours like mint, dark chocolate, and alcohol make H sneeze, plus they’re a very sensitive photic sneezer. H got a head cold towards the end of their visit, and I’ll give you some of the details 😊

Thursday – it was very hot, and we were in and out of the sun, cold water in the pool, and air-conditioned rooms. In the afternoon, after we had swum in a lake, H mentioned that they had a tickly throat.

Friday – H woke up with a sore throat and took some paracetamol. We were out in town during the day, and H forgot their sunglasses. Every time we stepped outside into the sun, H would sneeze, usually twice, into one hand. Their sneezes are always forceful and half-stifled (Hhnngxt! Hh… Huh-ngxxtsh!!), with considerable spray from mouth and nose. Every sneeze hurt their already irritated throat, and by the evening H was pretty unwell and could barely swallow

Saturday – this is where it gets good! H spent the entire day maxed out on painkillers for their sore throat. The morning wasn’t too bad, until we got into the city and it suddenly became a good 10 degrees C colder, with wind and rain. I had packed a second umbrella and gave H one, but they were only wearing a t-shirt and were shivering hard, so I ended up giving them my jacket for the day. H started sneezing more and more. Even small changes in brightness now set their nose off, and around noon they made the mistake of having some mint-flavoured gum. Usually H sneezes once with gum, but with their cold having moved to their sinuses at was a desperate triple, interspersed with the most desperate pre-sneeze expressions: “Hhhngsht! Ow, my throat… why did I decide to have gu- huh- eh’tshoo! Oh noHah – h- Huh’ISHOO!! *sniffle* Ouch.”

H also started sneezing these wet, forceful singles without any apparent triggers, and sneezed at least 8 times on our way home. They still pretended it was the sun (it was overcast) – “Heh-nngxxt! *sniff* wow, sorry, it’s just really bright”. At some point I said “No offense, but you’re sneezing way more than usual. This isn’t just the light; I think your nose is getting what your throat had.” H said that yeah, their nose was really bothering them.

H’s nose had been more or less clear while we were out, but that changed dramatically on our way home. On the train, H’s nose started running more and more, but we were out of tissues, so they kept ducking their head into their shirt and wiping their nose into the fabric. I felt so bad that I didn’t bring any more tissues. Their sniffles got so damp and desperate-sounding that I even offered my glasses cleaning cloth as a handkerchief. At home, H’s poor sinuses turned on all the taps. I brought them a whole stack of tissues, and boy did they need them! They kept catching these half-stifled, congested and wet-sounding sneezes in tissues, then folding each tissue neatly and blowing into it. Even though they blew their nose every 5 minutes it seemed, ever single blow was damp and productive and required a lot of aftercare in terms of wiping and sniffling. Within half an hour, H’s nose was red and irritated-looking and permanently threatening to drip – I was amazed how fast their cold had gotten worse. H was also starting to develop an irritating, tickly cough that acted up after each sneeze. They sounded so incredibly sick, I felt really bad. My room was slowly filling up with absolutely drenched tissues, decongestant sprays, and painkillers.

Sunday – I was woken up by H’s congested wheezing and snoring a few times, and brought them an extra blanket. In the morning, H showered in an attempt to loosen some of the congestion. I was cleaning up outside the bathroom and heard them coughing roughly, followed by two very nasal, wet sneezes of which they only managed to stifle the first one: “Eh-tshngxxt! *cough, cough* Heh… Heh’itshoo!”, followed by a bunch more coughing.

The steam had clearly loosened some of H’s congestion. They were still sneezing when they came out of the shower – only much wetter now. They normally just stifle with their nose, but now, H physically pinched their nose before every sneeze to avoid making a mess. This only worked sometimes, because those sneezes were forceful. One sneeze in particular was a disaster – after several seconds of desperate build-up and looking up into the lamp to trigger the release, H sneezed a massive, cold-filled stifle into their palm that no pinching fingers could contain.  It made a gut-wrenching wet squelching sound and got snot all over their lips and hand, and I quickly threw them a tissue because I was closer to the box.

All in all this was basically my fantasy scenario; except I obviously felt bad for my friend and am also trying not to catch their miserable cold myself as I’ve got some very busy weeks ahead. H is back home now and we just talked on the phone – though we didn't actually speak much, because they kept having coughing fits or needing to blow their nose. They were mostly complaining about being so completely congested they were probably not going to sleep.

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On 8/26/2018 at 11:13 PM, Nella said:

All in all this was basically my fantasy scenario; except I obviously felt bad for my friend

Gods and monsters, yes. The ever-present dilemma in the face of such superb displays.

This was a very well-written obs and I enjoyed it shamelessly. Thank you!

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