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Second Worst (female, Westworld)


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I am working on the things I've promised people, fear not, they're not forgotten. This is something I wrote a while ago and only shared with Selene, never getting around to posting it on the board. I'm still not sure whether anyone wants to read it or not, but it was embarrassingly entertaining to write, because for all the allergy whore I am at the core, this particular character, well... at the moment I seem to get no greater pleasure than slapping a messy (!) cold (!) on her and watching her muddle through the result. 

I'm not a cold whore, I insist. 

I don't like mess, I insist. 

Then Westworld's Theresa Cullen appears and this is what happens to that. Never say never, people, that's the word the Gods listen to when they want a good laugh. :rolleyes: 


If it wasn’t the worst head cold of her entire life, it was at least a close second. She was running a low-grade fever and her head felt fuzzy, but apart from that, it seemed the entire cold was focused to her nose and sinuses. She was so congested, and the thick liquid trapped deep within her nasal passages alone served as an irritation, constantly making her feel like she had to sneeze. Her nose was several shades of inflamed, from a bright pink high on the bridge, to a rich, rosy red around the edges of her nostrils.


Theresa turned to the side and sneezed angrily, wanting to get it over and done with despite knowing the prickle would return only a moment later. She couldn’t catch a break today. It felt like the only thing she wanted to do was to sneeze.  


She sniffed and closed her eyes for a moment, wishing she was back in bed. If the park could go one day without her, she wouldn’t have come down today at all, but it was a shitshow to run even at the best of days, and today they were starting a new narrative in Sweetwater, introducing two new hosts. So in short, the potential for fuckups was greater than usual. 

“Morning,” Lee Sizemore muttered as he came into the control room with a cup of coffee, slightly hungover. He walked up to Theresa, who was already viewing the 3D map, and when he saw her face he flinched. 

“Christ! You look awful!”

“Thank you,” she replied, and her voice was thick and wet-sounding, nearly drowning the sarcasm in it. 

“Shouldn’t you be in bed or something?” he asked. 

“Probably,” Theresa replied, turned away from him and half-heartedly raised her arm, not sneezing into it but rather at it. It wasn’t containing the sneeze, but he supposed it passed for cover in Theresa’s world. 


He winced at the nasal, congested sound of the sneeze. 

“Well, bless you,” he said. “And bless all of us, because we’re going to get it too, you sound contagious.”

“If you’re scared of my cooties, Lee, you don’t have to stand this close,” Theresa said. 

“Oh, what’s the point of standing back now, we’ve worked together all week,” he sighed. “But unlike you, I’m going to take a sick day if I get sick,” he added with a stern glare. 

“Be my guest,” she said, attempted to sniffle but only managed to ignite that burning tingle again. “AAAERSSHHHoo! F-fuhhh-uuhEEHCHOO! Fuck!”

“Are you sure you should be here?”

“I’ll be fine.” 

“Yeah, you look it,” he scoffed and rolled his eyes. 

“Lee,” she said tiredly. “Please don’t fuck with me today. You know as well as I do that if there’s the slightest glitch, I’ll be called down either wa-AYYESSCHHHoo! Way. I might just as well be here.”

Bernard walked in, making a beeline for the two of them, and gave Theresa a pack of tissues. 

“I assumed you could use these,” he said evenly, not letting slip that the reason he had the tissues was because she had stayed at his place overnight and forgotten them on the nightstand. Theresa took them, grateful both to get them and for how discreet he was. 

“Thank you.”

“So, has the show started yet?” he asked Lee. 

“Soon,” the head of narrative replied, barely able to contain his giddiness over his new storyline. That was probably why he was hungover; he must have celebrated his own genius all night. 

Theresa took several tissues, knowing this would be a messy affair where one simply wouldn’t be enough, and blew her nose loudly. She shuddered when she felt the fluids spilling into the paper separating it from her fingers. 

Last night she had been forced to blow her nose pretty much every ten minutes, and at first, she had gotten out of bed and gone to the bathroom to do it to let Bernard sleep in peace. Eventually she decided that it was probably as annoying to have her get in and out of bed, so she stayed put. 

At least then not every nose blow had triggered a sneeze, but that was clearly going to be the case today, given how irritated her poor nose was. 


Good thing she had the tissues to sneeze into, because that was one hell of a juicy sneeze. She wiped her nose and let out an involuntary, exhausted little sigh as she lowered her hands again, clutching the tissues in her right hand. 

“Bless you,” Bernard said. “Should you really be here today?” 

“Oh, don’t start you too,” she groaned. 

“Shhh, it’s beginning,” Lee hissed, gesturing to the zoomed-in image of what was going on in Sweetwater. Bernard gave Theresa a wink behind Lee’s back, and she smiled. 

The stand-off between the outlaw and the new sheriff began, and Lee was mouthing their lines to himself, looking like he was beside himself with how good it was. 

Theresa only thought it sounded stupid, like a little boy’s version of what a tough guy sounded like, but she had other things to focus on. Such as a never-ending burning tickle in her nose. 

“Huhh… eeRSSHHoo!” 

“Theres-a!” Lee whined without even taking his eyes off the events in the desert town. 

“Sorry.” She wasn’t. Well, yes, for herself, a little, because the need to sneeze was still there. She got the tissues up again. “AEESCH-choo!” She sniffed and immediately had to sneeze again “ESSHHoo! Hahhh… AAEESCHH!” 

No, this just wasn’t going to work. She began to walk towards her office instead, at least there she’d get to sneeze in peace without Lee’s annoyed glares. She kept sneezing over and over as she walked, soaking the already wet tissues completely. This violent fit started to loosen up the congestion, and her nose was streaming. 

Bernard caught up with her when she finally reached her office, and she had to lean against the doorframe to catch both her breath and her balance. 

“I’m beginning to think you have to survive without me today,” she said in a choked voice. “Hehhh… ehhhAAARSHHHOO! I feel like shit, and I just can’t stop sneezing.”

“Yeah, I noticed,” Bernard said dryly. Then he smiled. “Don’t worry, if anything glitches I’ll take care of it. Go to bed. But first, go find something a bit more efficient than tissues,” he added, still smiling. 

Theresa blew her nose again, not even trying to be discreet or quiet about it anymore. Not that she had earlier either, but she had at least tried not to be too gross, but ugh, there was more mess than she’d ever thought she’d have to deal with. 

“Like what, a towel?” She sounded sarcastic, but before Bernard could reply, she had to sneeze again. “HaAERSSSSCHoo!” This sneeze was so wet and so messy, she only sighed when viewing the result of it, then she resignedly began to clean it up. “Actually, a towel sounds about right.” 

“I’ll come check on you after hours.”

“You’re sweet. Too bad you’ll be rewarded by getting the same crap.” 

“So far, I haven’t caught a single one of your head colds.”

“Meaning you’re overdue.” 

“You’re such a pessimist.”

AaaEESCHHoo! Fuck.”

“Get going, Theresa. If anything comes up, I’ll fix it.”

“Thanks, Bernie.” 



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  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you so much for your comments, guys, I'm really glad you enjoyed reading, because I certainly enjoyed writing it!! ^_^:heart: 


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