MzMental Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 So this is my first attempt at a fic. Hope you guys like it! ------------------------------------------------------------------ Snuuuurrkkk The sound jerked Emma out of her daydream, turning from her window on the train. Whatever field her mind had be dancing through had disappeared as she tried to identify the sound. Standing before her, the gorgeous woman who had step on the train messily wiped her nose on the back of her hand. Or, probably goregous, Emma would say. For now, she looked like she'd been left in the rain and hung out to dry. Her bedraggled dirty blonde hair pulled into a bun, and she was wearing sweatpants and an oversized hoodie Comfort clothes to be sure. Emma watched as the woman sniffled and sat down in a subway seat a feet down and across from her. She coughed wetly, ruffling through her messanger bag, producing a packet of tissues, her breath hitching. Emma peered at the woman through the waves in her own mousey brown hair, squeezing her legs together in anticipation.Heh...heh...HEH! Uhhhh The woman's hitching died down, as the impending sneeze disappeared. Emma frowned disappointedly, and relaizing how tense she was, attempted to relax. She straightened her skirt and went back to looking out the window, but keeping an ear out for the sickly woman to her right.Hih-hih...heh...snuuuurkk The woman hitched and sniffled heavily, before wetly blowing her nose. Emma crossed her legs, hoping no one would notice. Damn these buildups, Emma thought. She hoped the woman either sneezed soon, or left. She couldn't stand the teasing. She pulled out a book and bent forward, pretending to read so she could observe the woman. Her nose was bright pink, her delicate nostrils flaring with irritation and glistening with mucus as it dripped profusely. The woman ran the back of her hand underneath her nose with a loud messy SNUUURMPF, causing another hitching fit, but no sneeze. This pattern continued for several more minutes, each time ending in a gurgling blow of her slender nose. The woman's lap becoming littered with used tissues. Emma was becoming increasingly frustrated and uncomfortable. Luckily her stop was coming up soon, and she would be able to go home and calm herself down. She doesn't know why the thought of sneezing turned her on so much, but the string of false starts had taken it's toll on her. As the train approached her stop, Emma stood up and prepared to leave, as the woman started another one of her hitching fits.Hih..hiih...snuuuurrrkkk...heeeh! But this time, the build up seemed to have some forward momentum. The woman snuffled and gasped for air, as Emma began to feel weak at the knees.Heh-hheehh! *sniff* heeehhh! HEEEEEEHH! Emma grabbed onto a pole for balance, pretending it was the bouncing of the train that was throwing her off balance. They were almost to her stop. oh please god, hurry up and sneeze, She thought. The woman's nostrils flared wildly as she tried to find a clean tissue, she had seemed to use them all trying to quell the flood from her running nose.SNUUUUUUUURRRKKKK! HHIIH-HEEEEEHHHH!!! The subway car pulled into the station, and as Emma stepped to leave-HHEEEEESCCHHEEEWWW!!!! The woman let out an uproarious sneeze, snot spraying into her cupped hand, and all over the passenger in front of her. She sniffed in embarrassment as she finally found the last tissue she had. Emma blinked a few times and shakily stood up straight. "Bless you", she said, and walked out onto the platform as gracefully as she could muster, leaving the woman to clean herself up sheepishly. Righting herself, Emma looked back into the train car at the sniffling woman, surrounded by disgusted passengers. She looked a miserable mess. I know how you feel, lady. Emma thought to herself, as she headed home to freshen up. She definitely needed it. Link to comment
Reader Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Nice teasing throughout! Link to comment
ZakuConvoy Posted October 13, 2018 Share Posted October 13, 2018 Good work! Hopefully, we get to see more of Emma. Link to comment
MzMental Posted October 13, 2018 Author Share Posted October 13, 2018 13 hours ago, Reaper said: Nice teasing throughout! Thanks! I was hoping that's how it would come out ^-^ 12 hours ago, ZakuConvoy said: Good work! Hopefully, we get to see more of Emma. I'm working on a new story right now. Hopefully will have more for you guys soon! Link to comment
forgivemeforihavesneezed Posted October 20, 2018 Share Posted October 20, 2018 oh....wow. Very teasing throughout but I loved it! Also, a great use of sounds and spelling for the sick woman's sneezes and utterly congested sniffles. Would love to see more from you! Link to comment
macrotwentytwo Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 I know this was a one shot but if you could just keep going that'd be great.... And if she could just stay in public around other people it'd be extra cool The snuuuurk will forever live in my mind Link to comment
MzMental Posted November 27, 2018 Author Share Posted November 27, 2018 @macrotwentytwo you know what, that is a great idea. I've been having trouble coming up with a good scenario for Emma, but maybe I was focusing on the wrong character. Thanks for the inspiration! I'll try to have more for you soon! Link to comment
macrotwentytwo Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 @MzMental - or - to stay with Emma, you could kind of rename the theme/title to "exposed" and throughout the day she keeps running into sick people and starts to get closer and closer to them each little chapter, watching them cough and sneeze on others or openly, until everything climaxes as she finally gets too close/involved and gets sprayed herself Link to comment
macrotwentytwo Posted November 27, 2018 Share Posted November 27, 2018 brownie points if you put someone in an elevator lol Link to comment
NoV Posted November 29, 2018 Share Posted November 29, 2018 On 10/12/2018 at 6:33 AM, MzMental said: HHEEEEESCCHHEEEWWW!!!! The woman let out an uproarious sneeze, snot spraying into her cupped hand Finally got around to reading this and really enjoyed it I get a very pleasing mental picture of this 'uproarious sneeze'; it somehow manages to convey the truly huge, uncontrollable sneeze she releases! Link to comment
MzMental Posted November 30, 2018 Author Share Posted November 30, 2018 5 hours ago, NoV said: Finally got around to reading this and really enjoyed it I get a very pleasing mental picture of this 'uproarious sneeze'; it somehow manages to convey the truly huge, uncontrollable sneeze she releases! Thank you, that means a lot! I'm finally working on the second piece, I've decided to develop the sick woman's character into her own story, so hopefully more "uproarious" sneezes for you to come! Link to comment
sneezy24 Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 This is beautifully written, love the teasing build-ups and the setting. Link to comment
Chelegirl Posted December 22, 2021 Share Posted December 22, 2021 Bring this one back! Link to comment
fluffystuff Posted January 17, 2022 Share Posted January 17, 2022 GREAT work, I live train vased scenarios, and the teasing is great too Link to comment
Germophobe Posted January 19, 2022 Share Posted January 19, 2022 This is great, I’m looking forward to seeing what you do in the future! Link to comment
Engmanny Posted January 19, 2022 Share Posted January 19, 2022 Wow., keep up the writing this is an amazing start fab story telling Link to comment
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