Male pollen is just satan’s dandruff [super mario bros., m]

[riyona_ebooks]

beep beep bastards guess who’s back with a fic. (its me)

i’ve actually had this one in the works for a while but never got around to finishing it. not until tonight at least :^)

anyway here’s “Luigi Suffers 3: Electric Boogaloo”

~~~

“H-Haa-HAA’SHH-!!”

 

More dropped boxes.

 

With a groan and a sniffle Luigi squatted to pick up the boxes that had fell from his grip, wiping his runny nose on his sleeve. “Ughh...s’cuse be..” he mumbled, to no one in particular.

 

“Bless you, bro!” His older brother chirped, running over to help him. “You sure you’re alright? You’ve been sneezing all day.”

 

“I-I’b..” Luigi started, but then sniffled deeply in an attempt to clear his airways. “ugh..I’m fine, big bro..” He reassured, only he sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince Mario.

With a nod Mario skipped off to go pick up some more of the boxes, leaving the younger brother alone.

 

Luigi groaned silently to himself as he picked up the boxes that got knocked over.

It was true that he’d been sneezing all day-everything was in full bloom, resulting in a lot of pollen coating nearly everything-which was torture for someone very allergic to pollen; namely, Luigi.

 

He sniffled and wiped his leaky nose on his sleeve as he stacked the boxes somewhere else. If he could just quietly help move things in and out of the castle basement, then he could go home and suffer in peace. He pawed at his reddened, leaky eyes and sniffled again as he trudged over to where another stack of boxes lay. Thank God that a few Toads were helping them out as well.

 

Luigi was just about to pick up the stack of boxes when a sudden itch ran through his irritated nose. “Hhh--...H-Huh..” Immediately his hands flew to cover his mouth-and just in time, too.

 

“H-Hhuh..hhHHII’KSSSH!! Hii-..hiI’ISSH-!!” He sneezed twice into his hands, coating them in a layer of fine allergic mist. Luigi sniffled afterwards and rubbed his hands on his overalls before wiping his nose with his sleeve. “S-S’cuse be..” he slurred, without even turning around. He knew everyone was staring at him.

 

“Weegie? Ya sure you’re doin’ alright?” Mario asked.

 

“I’b f-fide, Bario..” Luigi slurred, too disoriented to notice the congestion in his voice. He sniffled deeply and rubbed the tears from his itchy eyes with his sleeve.

Mario didn’t seem convinced, but didn’t press the situation further. “Well, alright. If you say so.” He set down the few boxes he was carrying and sat down near the basement window, sighing in exhaustion.

 

Meanwhile Luigi just sighed, grateful that no more attention was on him. He idly scratched at his arms and plopped down near the boxes that he hadn’t moved outside yet. He wouldn’t admit it, but he was feeling sick.

 

If only they hadn’t ran out of allergy medicine this morning.

 

He let out a cough as he pawed at his leaky eyes, not noticing the warm hand being pressed to his forehead.

 

“Luigi?” a disembodied voice called, snapping the disoriented plumber out of his haze. His vision was blurred by the allergic tears dripping from his reddened eyes, creating only a fuzzy blob of blue and red.

“...Mario….?” Luigi slurred, his voice pathetically hoarse.

 

“Hmm…You’re a little warm, but you don’t have a fever...” the voice stated. Whoever this was, they were right.

 

Luigi barely felt the hand being pulled away from his forehead, only noticing when he started coughing again. He groaned in discomfort afterwards and rubbed the tears from his eyes. So it was Mario all along. A weak smile crossed his face as his older brother sat down next to him, sighing softly as he instinctively leaned over and rested his head on his shoulder.

 

“Let me guess...allergies?” the older plumber asked. An admittedly well-timed “hh-hHEHH’IISSHH-!!” was Luigi’s only response.

 

“Bless you, bro.” Mario giggled, offering his sniffling little brother a pack of tissues. “Still feeling up to working? Nobody’ll be mad if you go and rest up.”

 

“T-Tha’gs, B-Bario...” Luigi sniffled. “B-But I’b… I’b f-fide.”

 

“You sure? You look like you just crawled out of a contagion horror movie.”

 

“That wasd't fuddy.”

 

“Whatever.” Mario pulled his younger brother over so that his head was resting in his lap, smiling warmly as Luigi shifted around to get comfortable. “Still, you should rest a bit.”

 

“I’b..HAA’SSH-!! Ugh… I’b fide, big bro…” Luigi complained, pawing at his leaky nose.

 

“No you’re not,” was Mario’s only response. “You look like you could pass out at any second now.”

 

“I’b fiiiiiiiiide!” Luigi whined like a needy child. Still, Mario wasn’t convinced. “Luigi..”

 

With a determined sniffle the younger plumber pulled himself out of his brother’s lap. “I can finish this!” He shouted, going over to a nearby window which had boxes piled under it.

 

Mario just sighed and shook his head, watching his little brother. “If you say so, Weeg.”

 

---

 

Barely five minutes had passed and Luigi was already regretting his decision.

The boxes that had been sitting under the window were coated with a thick layer of fine pollen, which blew into the air when he touched them. Naturally this spelled trouble.

 

“HAAA’SSHH-!! Hh-hHHH’SHHH-!! Ahh...HAA’AASHIIH-!!! Ugh…” With a sniffle he rubbed his sore nose on his sleeve. Already his eyes were watering up again.

 

Luigi groaned in discomfort as he picked up the boxes and nearly threw them outside the basement. Unfortunately that brief moment of contact coated his shirt, sleeves and hands in pollen. The slightest movement sent flecks of pollen into the air around him, which greatly irritated his eyes and nose. This wasn’t going well at all.

 

“HII’IISSH!! Ehh...hEHH’ISSH!! *snrf* M-Maba *snf* Mia…” Luigi sniffled deeply and rubbed away the watery mess that was now waterfalling out of his itchy nose and dripping onto his sleeves. It felt gross, and he hated every second of the sensation. Even worse, his nose still burned, and his attempts to scratch the itch away only made it worse.

 

Mario got up and lead Luigi out of the basement, and sat him in a nearby chair. “Wait here, I’ll get you some tissues.” He darted off, and was back with a large, fresh box of menthol tissues before the congested younger brother could even cough.

 

“Thaaahh...th-thaaaanks…” Luigi hitched before snatching a handful of the tissues and quickly pressing them to his nose before finally exploding. “HAAA-K’SHHH!! Uughhh….”

 

Mario couldn’t help cringing as he passed his sniffling brother a few fresh pieces of tissue. “Yikes. Allergies that bad?” His only response was a weak sniffle followed by a loud, wet honk as the younger brother blew his nose.

 

“Maybe we should stock up on allergy meds from now on,” Mario sighed, helping Luigi to his feet and leading him to the castle infirmary. “But for now, we should get you to the infirmary. You think they have allergy medicine there?”

 

“I-I *snf* hope so…” Luigi sniffled, rubbing at his nose again with his jacket sleeve. Unfortunately the rough fabric of the jacket sparked another itch in his reddened, sore nostrils, and he barely had time to react before he doubled over with a wet “HHI’GSTCH!!”

He ended up sneezing right into the sleeve, coating it with a clear, stringy web of allergic snot. which ran from the mess on his sleeve to the mess running down his nose. Luigi groaned softly, today was going to be a VERY long day...

[Sneezergirl]

WE NEED MORE OF THIS!!!