"Can you stifle them for me today, babe?" (Umbrella Academy, Klave, snzy!Klaus+fetishist!Dave)

[Bee]

Exactly what the title says.

~

It had only taken Klaus three weeks of being (officially) with Dave before he discovered the man’s kink.

It was a happy accident that he had landed in Vietnam in the dead of April, when tree pollen was at its highest. When he got together with Dave, it was late May, and just when the tree pollen was starting to die down, grass pollen came in full force on top of it. He was surrounded by miles and miles of tall grass, in a climate he wasn’t used to, and antihistamines weren’t half as strong in 1968.

At first he’d held back his allergy sneezes around the other men, only indulging in occasional stifles around them, and frequently removing himself from the group when he was on the verge of an irrepressible fit.

He was even more careful around Dave, always pulling away if he had to sneeze while they were making out, and excusing himself profusely afterwards. It was in those moments when Klaus started to pick up on it. He noticed the little smile that always played at Dave’s lips afterwards, and the way he blushed a bit with every mumbled “Bless you, Bug.” He’d been around the block when it came to kinks, and it really wasn’t that hard to figure it out.

And although Dave was pretty uncomfortable when Klaus first confronted him about it, he didn’t protest when Klaus started bringing bunches of Chrysanthemums and handfuls of grass into the infirmary. That was the only room that was usually empty, and the access to wall to wall cabinets of medical supplies served as a bit of an insurance policy, just in case Klaus reacted too strongly to anything.

These past few weeks though, Dave hadn’t been reacting to Klaus’ sneezes like he normally did. In fact, Dave hadn’t been reacting much to Klaus at all. Klaus wondered if he’d done something wrong. Whatever it was, Dave clearly didn’t want to talk about it.

Klaus had done everything to cheer him up. Kissing him about fifty extra times every morning and night, wearing those big sunglasses he liked whenever he had the chance, and passing him all his strawberries whenever they had any at breakfast (Dave loved strawberries). He’d even induced himself three times (secretly) in the course of five days, and Dave had barely reacted. He’d just said “bless you,” without the bug. Klaus even tried making them extra loud for him, and Dave’s only reaction was to tell him he should take a bath.

Klaus tried to be easy on Dave, giving him his space and not bothering him about it but it was going on a week since they’d last banged now, and he was getting desperate. And with the rest of the camp hitting the bars tonight, they had the whole barracks to themselves. And it was mid-June, the height of grass pollen.  Klaus was not going to let this perfect opportunity go to waste.

He sauntered into the barracks with a tall strand of elephant grass in his hand, sniffling unapologetically as he made his way over to Dave’s bed. The other man had his back turned to him and was lying down with his chin propped up on his hand. He didn’t even look up in response to the sniffling.

Klaus went to town with the grass, sticking it directly up his nose and wiggling it all around. It didn’t take long for his breath to start hitching. That’s when Dave startled in surprise, having genuinely not realized he was there.

Dave turned around to lie on his other side, ready to snap at his boyfriend about sneaking up on him. 

“Jesus, Klaus! You can’t just - oh…” When he saw what was going on, and a grin inevitably spread on his face. Klaus returned the grin, even as his eyes unfocused more and more with each breath. Success.

“Davey, I…hh! Can you help me?” To his delight, Dave willingly obliged. Klaus scooted onto the bed to lie down next to him. They propped themselves up on their elbows as Dave brushed the end of the grass against Klaus’ nostrils, gently. Far too gently, for Klaus’ liking. “Ihhhh… come on, Davey, what’s that gonna -hih!- do?”

Dave went in just a bit deeper and sped up his finger movements. That seemed to do the trick. He only pulled it out again when he was absolutely certain that Klaus was over the edge.

“Ihhhh…hih! Het’shiuuu! Edtshuuu! Igxtshyuuu!” he sneezed against his wrist, merely inches from Dave’s face. He finished with a deep sigh, and rubbed profusely at his itching nose.

“Mmm, bless you, bug.” Dave kissed him on the cheek.

On the cheek!

“Did I do something wrong?” Klaus asked, pulling away with a sniffle.

“No, bug. You’re perfect.”

“You don’t seem that into it. Normally you’d be jumping all over me by now.” Dave just shrugged and started to turn back around. “Hey, hey, hey!” Klaus placed a gentle hand on Dave’s shoulder. “What’s wrong, Davey? You’ve been acting weird lately.”

He rubbed at Dave’s shoulder and kissed him on the back of the head, rubbing his itchy nose in the other man’s curls. Even as stuffed up as he was, it still smelled distinctly like Dave.

“It’s the twins’ birthday this week.” Klaus smiled a bit, against Dave’s hair.

“Danny and Debbie?” Dave nodded his head in response. His hair tickled at Klaus’ nose.

“Hh’itshieh! How old are they turning?” Klaus asked with a little sniffle. He knew Dave was very protective and close with his younger siblings.

“They’ll be sixteen on Tuesday.” He let out a little sigh. “I just really miss them.”

“I know, Davey. I’m sure they understand it’s not your fault,” Klaus hummed, rubbing his hand up and down Dave’s arm. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

After a moment or so, Dave turned back around with a tiny grin and waved the blade of grass in his face. “Distract me?”

Klaus just rolled his eyes and lifted up his chin, to give Dave access to his nostrils. “You’re so predictable.”

“Mmm,” Dave agreed. “Can you stifle them for me today, babe?”

Klaus quirked a brow. “You mean like… hold them in?” Dave nodded, biting down on a sheepish little smile. Klaus cocked his head to the side. “Why would you want me to do that? I thought the whole point was the release.”

Dave blushed profusely. “Uh, it is, kinda. But I dunno, it makes it seem more desperate?” he looked down at the blade in his hands, twisting it around nervously as he searched for the right words. Klaus bit down on his smile; he was just too cute. “Like…like you’re trying to control it but you… can’t? I don’t know. It’s just… I don’t know, it’s sexy to me. You don’t have to, I know it’s weird-”

“Shh, Davey. It’s not weird – well, it is weird, but we’re weird anyway. And besides, it’s cute! And it’s what you like,” he kissed Dave on the nose, “so I’ll do it.”

Dave scrunched up his nose and pulled away, flashing Klaus a sheepish smile. “You will? It might hurt.”

Klaus giggled. “Pshh, I do that all the time anyway, it’ll be fine. Come on, Davey probe me!”

Despite his reservations, Dave’s libido took over,

“Okay… but only if you promise to never say that, ever again.”

He returned to stroking the tip of the blade of grass against Klaus’ nostrils.

“Hih….ihhhh….go deeper, for Christ’s ssake. Oh! I think I’m…hehhh good.” Dave pulled the blade out as Klaus raised his hand to his face. “I think I’m gonna - heh! Hih’iGTshyuu! Fuck!”

“Bless you! It’s okay, bug,” Dave said through a chuckle, though the blush returned to his cheeks. The familiar warm feeling rose up in his belly when his boyfriend brought his other hand up, steepling his hands over his nose.

“Wait… I can do it this… heh I’ll get it this ti-ih’nkxt! G’kt-ngktchiew! sndf Like that?””

Dave bit down on a huge smile and nodded. “Yeah, like that, baby.”

“Hihhh…. hih’nkxt! h’nxgt! xngt!” Klaus sniffled and removed his hands, grinning up at Dave. “Davey, I’m doing it!”

“Mmm,” Dave moaned as he returned the grass to his Klaus’s nose, the tip dancing against his already quivering nostrils, “Yes you are.”

“Ihhhh… ugh! Gimme that.”  Klaus snatched the blade of grass out of Dave’s hand and shoved it as high up his nostrils as it would go, wiggling it around wildly.

“Klaus, be careful,” Dave warned with wide eyes.

“I know what I’m…. hehhh what I’m doiihhh- nxgtshyuu! nXGT! XXGT!” He stifled the triple hands-free for a change. “Fuck, that felt good.”

Dave moaned. “Sounds good, too.” he brushed Klaus’ messy curls out of his eyes, which were really starting to tear up. “Okay, you can stop now.”

“N-no, I-l - hih! I love it so much, I don’t want to stop. Oooh it’s so,” he paused his movements, setting the grass down as he searched for words. How exactly does one talk dirty about sneezing? “It’s so itchy. Mmmm.”

Dave stifled a laugh. “Klaus, you don’t have to do that.”

“Mmm, what?” Klaus returned the grass to his nose. “Hihh I love sneezing, it feels soooo good.”

“You don’t have to try to be sexy,” Dave explained. “Just… talk about how it really feels. Or don’t talk at all. Trust me, you’re hot enough right now. Way more than enough.”

“Hmm…. you know what would be really hot?” Klaus snapped the blade of grass in half, and handed one piece to Dave. “Wanna help?”

Dave chuckled deeply. “You’re killing me.” He went in for Klaus’ left nostril, while Klaus took his right nostril with the other half.

“You’re weh -hih!- welcome…. hihh! H’nxg! Inxgt! Ehhh…” Klaus frowned when Dave removed the blade of grass from his left nostril. He continued to attack his right nostril with the other blade, but it was his left that really needed the extra push. “It’s st-suck. Hih!… Fuck! Help me out, Davey. Pleeeease?”

Dave grinned devilishly. “No, I think you got this babe.” He raised his brows playfully. “It’s not rocket science.”

“Wha-?” Klaus could barely think, his brain was so preoccupied with finding this sneeze. His eyes were streaming, eyelids fluttering rapidly as his chest rose and fell with each hitchy breath. He made grabby hands at Dave’s blade of grass, but his boyfriend put it in his other hand and held it out away from Klaus, way too far for him to reach.

“Fuuuuck,” Klaus whined. He continued to rub the blade of grass up and down his right nostril until, like Athena bursting from the mind of Zeus, the answer finally came to him. “Oh! Hihhhh.. duh!” Quickly he removed the blade of grass from his right nostril and jammed it into his left nostril. Dave tensed beside him.

The reaction was instantaneous.

“Fuck it’s workihhhhh…” He removed the grass from his nose and steepled his hands over his nose in the nick of time, just before his head snapped down. “ihh’nXGtsh! Sorrry - heh’nxgt! Ixtchuhhhh!!” He didn’t even open his eyes, even as he heard Dave moan deeply, and felt his hands press a tissue against his nose, which was now running like a leaky faucet. He removed his hands, allowing Dave to cover for him with the tissue. “hih’NXGT! Uhhh… hihhh? Ihhh?! Hiehhtshieww! H’tDZshyuuu-nxgt! Ngt-nxgtchiew!”

Klaus literally felt Dave shiver against him. After a few moments of silence, he swatted Dave’s hands away, and blew his nose himself. 

This seemed to snap the blushing man out of whatever stupor he was in.

“Shit, Klaus,” he finally spoke up. Klaus chuckled; Dave rarely swore. “That was… fuck.”

“Sure was,” Klaus agreed, breath finally evening out a bit. He blew his nose a second time.

“Ugh, shit, sorry those last few get out,” Klaus said with a smug little grin, knowing full well that it didn’t matter from Dave’s more than enthusiastic response.

Dave was in a daze beside him. “Are you kidding me? That was so hot.”

“Really?” Klaus teased, a grin crossing his face when his nose twitched again. “But -hih!- isn’t this better?”

Before he could respond, Klaus buried his nose into Dave’s neck.

“Ih’ngxt! Hhn’xgt! Gnxtchiuu!”

He sniffled, a deep gurgling sound, as Dave went completely still against him. When the once-again blushing man finally spoke up, he was breathless.

“Holy fucking shit.”

Klaus giggled and pulled away to boop him on the nose.

“Language, Davey!”

[Wilde]

I love this! It’s one of the rare occasions that I’ve come across an M/M fic I really enjoyed. It’s cute, it’s outrageously indulgent, and overall a very fun read. Thank you! 

[facet]

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Edited November 1, 2019 by facet
Removed by user.

[Bee]

@Wilde one Ahhh I'm glad you like it! I've got another little Klave ficlet coming out soon!!!

@facet Hey I'm glad you're liking it all! There will be another Klave ficlet coming soon (less inducing but still cute boyfriend stuff) and two other sick Luther fics (I am a Luther stan and I get a lot of requests for sick Luther on my Tumblr lmao). Plus still 4 more chapters on the long one hehehe

[mystic-chibi]

Oh this was wonderful! I’ve never seen the show, but I loved your spellings and the explanation of the stifle kink so much! 

[Bee]

@mystic-chibi Glad you liked it! I really recommend watching the show!! It's on Netflix and it's really good.

[mordaciousghost]

"How exactly does one talk dirty about sneezing? “It’s so itchy. Mmmm.”"  this made me laugh. I could totally imagine Klaus saying it. And there's something super cute about someone who doesn't have the kink being sweet and trying to accommodate someone who does.

[Privatedancer]

Amazing

[dwaekki]

Omg this was actually amazing 😭😭