More Good Omens drabbles (M)

[Masking]

Yes, I'm joining the flood of Good Omens content that this forum has to offer! (More tags to be added as they're used. :D) Using this set of drabble prompts.

#69: Attack (Aziraphale, snuff, based on @Nervous-Bean's amazing art). TW: drug mention.

"Oh, my," Aziraphale said, looking at the brown powder between his thumb and forefinger. "What is this? I like the box." It was a beautiful thing, silver and engraved with twining flower vines.

"Snuff," said Maitland, wiggling his eyebrows in the delightful way that half the fellows at the gentleman's club seemed to like. "I have cocaine powder as well. On your finger, darling." He brought his hand up to his nose and mimed an inhale. "I trust that's enough for you to go on!"

Aziraphale nodded and brought his hand up to his nose, inhaling the powder through his right nostril. At once, the burn made him cough, although he hid it politely in a fist. "Mmh," he said as a positively ineffable tingling sensation overtook both nostrils. "Dear me, that felt...well, different." He cleared his throat and blinked his suddenly-watering eyes. Goodness, was he about to sneeze? It had been centuries since he'd last had the pleasure. "Sorry, gentlemen - you'll have to excuse me for a momeehh - hh!"

He barely had time to turn away and cover his mouth before the sneezes hit. "So sorry - huh - hhhschhhuu! Hh...hhh'ahht'schuuhh!"

"Bless you," said a voice that might have been Maitland's, but was more likely Billingsley's.

"Mm-hm," Aziraphale gasped, nodding frantically in thanks. "Goodness, excuse me - nn'bhschhh!" He managed to stifle that last one against his fingers. Thankfully, it seemed to be the last. He straightened back up, sniffling; his face, he was certain, was red.

Maitland chortled and straightened his collar. "New to this, eh?"

"Ah...sorry, I wasn't," Aziraphale began, trying frantically to think of something to say. Whatever did one say when one had sneezed in front of a group of gentlemen? "I didn't know - pardon me, I've never tried that before."

"We can tell, Fell," said Maitland, amusement plain in his voice. "Be a dear and have a seat."

Aziraphale did as he was asked, rubbing his nose as he sank down onto one of the club's plush couches. His nose still tingled, but in a satisfied way that was somehow immensely pleasing. Crowley might even want to try. "I have a friend who would enjoy this," he said, half to himself.

"Oh, a friend?"

"We...it's complex," Aziraphale hastened to add. The lovely, spicy, soporific smells of the club were threatening to lull him into a stupor. "Wherever did you run off to, dear boy?" He hoped that he could find out soon.

 

[Nervous-Bean]

OH !! Oh gosh my entire heart is melting, I adore this! ;A;; and using the name Maitland , very nice touch. 

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Ooh goodness my dear, that was simply stunning. ❤️ Now for Crowley to join in with the fun...  

[Masking]

Thank you for the feedback, guys! I'm basing Crowley's sneezes on David Tennant's. The Tennantsneeze is a glorious thing. 

Yes, you can grow sunflowers indoors. I checked.

#1: Allergic (Crowley, flowers)

Crowley had been sniffling for the past ten minutes. Well, to be more accurate, he had begun by silently rubbing his nose and eyes almost as soon as he and Aziraphale sat down on his sofa. Then he progressed to sniffling, and Aziraphale doubted it had anything to do with the film they were watching (What We Do in the Shadows had very little to cry about). Normally, Aziraphale would have ignored it, but Crowley rarely did anything so human as sniffling. His curiosity was piqued beyond belief. "Crowley," he finally said, turning to his companion, "what in heaven's name is the matter?"

"Don't know," Crowley grumbled, palming his nose like he wanted to shove it off his face. "Satan, angel, I itch. What the heaven did you do to me?"

"Me?" Aziraphale drew back, affronted. "I haven't done a blessed thing to you, my dear boy. Whatever is ailing you, I have nothing to do with it."

"I'm not ailing," said Crowley. He rubbed the heels of both hands furiously against his eyes. Aziraphale noticed, for the first time, how red and irritated-looking they were around the yellow irises. "This has been bloody bothering me all day. I think my flat's got it in for me, if it's not something you did - w-wait -" He stopped, one hand suspended in the air, his eyelids fluttering shut. Aziraphale watched in fascination. "HAAEHSHHHH'uhhh!"

Aziraphale felt his eyebrows shoot up nearly to his hairline. "Goodness!"

Crowley held up a finger, clearly not finished. "Hhh'hnnnh...AEHSCHHH!" The sneeze bent him double, his nose nearly touching his knees with the force of it. "Shit, gotta...'n-nother in th-there...heh - HEHHH...! Hh'AAESCHHH!" He remained bent over, his face smushed against his knees, even after the fit ended. "Do me a favor," he moaned, "and shoot me."

"I certainly will not," Aziraphale said. "I won't discorporate you over a few sneezes. Dear me, Crowley, what's setting you off? I've only ever seen symptoms like yours in people who are allergic to something."

"'m'not allergic to anything," said Crowley into his lap.

"Are you sure? Sometimes, allergies don't develop until later in life." Crowley was over six thousand years old, after all. "Think - what was your routine today?"

Crowley let out a groan that indicated he was only indulging Aziraphale's whim because he wanted to. "Misted my plants," he said, sitting up and scrubbing at his nose. It had gone pink, Aziraphale noted with a feeling almost like delight. "Told 'em they'd better shape up or ship out. They're actually blooming in this weather, angel, can you - AAHSCHHHuhhhh! - fuck...anyway, can you believe it? Especially the sunflowers. I thought they'd never...hhh-hhh - eh-hhh...!" Aziraphale watched as Crowley's face tilted upwards, almost as if he were a sunflower himself, before he hung his head with an irritated snort. "Fuck. Thought I was about to -"

"Flowers," Aziraphale interrupted. "The sunflowers are a new addition this year, aren't they? You told me so. Just a moment." An idea was germinating in his head. Before Crowley could object, he was down the corridor and in the plant room, where he took a moment to admire the riot of beautiful flowers, leaves, and colors in general before he picked up the source of his suspicions. "These?" he asked as he re-entered the living room. "They certainly are lovely."

Crowley narrowed suspicious, watery eyes at him. "What're you doing?"

"Just an experiment." Aziraphale sat down next to him and set the pot of flowers on his lap. "Take a breath, dear, and we'll see if -"

"HEEH'AHSCHHH!" Crowley exploded with a sneeze that drowned out the rest of Aziraphale's thought. Right into the flowers. Aziraphale winced in sympathy for both Crowley and the blooms. "Fuck...a-ahhh-angel, what'd you d-do that fohhhh - hhh'r'EEISCHHHuhhh!" He gasped in an enormous, frantic breath and sneezed again, possibly loudly enough to break the sound barrier. "Hh...ahehhhh...I g-gotta - EHSCHHHahhh!"

"Oh, no. Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear." Aziraphale stood up and snatched the pot away. "What have I done to you?" Poor thing, he wanted to say, but he didn't dare. Crowley's eyes and nose were streaming, and he would swear that that last sneeze had loosened a petal or two. "I suppose that answers my question, but I'm terribly sorry."

"B-better be - HHFSCHHH!" Crowley muffled the sneeze into his hands. "Put that bloody thing away and come back and f-fihhhhh...fix what you broke!"

"I will, Crowley," Aziraphale promised, already on the way back to the plant room as fast as his legs would take him. "Bless you," he said, just quietly enough (and far away enough) that he knew the demon wouldn't hear. There was only so much softness that Crowley would willingly take from him in one sitting, after all.

[TheCakeIsAlive]

*giggles* The tennantsneeze is indeed a thing of beauty.   Poor demon...

The build-up  was simply stunning.   And his annoyance is hilarious. *giggles* Breaking the sound barrier, that seems actually likely.  Loving it! ❤️ 

[Nervous-Bean]

God that was absolutely adorable and David tennant’s sneeze is so funny and perfect, my entire heart is dying for this ! 

[March Hare]

Screw it, fanfiction first, source fiction second. THIS IS SO HOT.

Snuff! Of course, no one needs to be human for THAT to be a perfect... stimulus.

I love the idea of a demon being allergic to SUNflowers, by the way. LOVE that.

Also MMMMHHHHELLO MMMMZPELLINGZ

[Masking]

#11: Broody (Crowley, being cold while catching a cold)

He'd been doing a lot of walking since the Armageddidn't (that was what he called it, anyway - Aziraphale had laughed and then looked horrified the first time he said it, and so the name had stuck). It was a good way to get to know the neighborhood, if that was something he cared to do (he didn't). Unfortunately, the weather didn't always cooperate with him. For the last ten minutes, he'd been pelted by rain to the point that he was absolutely drenched.

"EEHSHHHHuhhh!" He flipped two fingers at the gray, roiling sky. Fuck you very much, he thought, and lurched on towards his flat. If he had to brood inside, then so be it. Not that he was brooding, especially not over an angel not making a move. He was a demon, for the love of Satan.

Crowley reached his flat without further incident, only to feel his breath catch as soon as he got through the door. "Bless it," he said, feeling his breath stutter on a gasp, and brought his hands up to sneeze into. "Ehhh'HHSCHHH! - ow." His head pounded with the force of unsuccessfully trying to muffle a sneeze. At least, it had better be from the effort. He was absolutely not getting a cold. Demons didn't get sick, especially demons who had helped avert the Apocalypse.

"Crowley?" There was a tentative, familiar knock on the door. "Are you here? I thought I'd stop by. We've not talked in a while."

Aziraphale - just the person he did and didn't want to see. "Angel," he said, trying to clear the rasp from his voice. "Not the best -" Oh, to heaven with it, why not? He wouldn't get rid of his feelings any faster by avoiding him. "Come in." He didn't bother moving; Aziraphale was perfectly capable of coming in on his own.

That was exactly what he did. Aziraphale crossed to him, a smile on his face. "Crowley, how have you been - oh!" He stood back with a little noise of surprise. Crowley's heart cracked just a little more at the cuteness of it. "Oh, no, you're drenched! Were you outdoors?"

"Yeah, just out for a w-walk...hhhh..." Crowley turned away and rubbed his nose furiously. He was not about to sneeze. Not in front of Aziraphale. "Hh-hhhh-huhhhh..." Nope. He would NOT - "Huhh-huhhhh-HEHSCHHHooo!" The sneeze exploded out of him, uncovered and aimed towards the floor and utterly draining. And it wasn't alone. "Sorry - hhh'AESHHH!" He let his head drop, feeling almost more exhausted than embarrassed. Aziraphale had to be grossed out.

"Oh, Crowley." The angel's tone wasn't disgusted at all, and neither was the gentle hand on his back. "You're catching cold, aren't you?"

Crowley shook his heavy head. "Ndo. 'Course dot."

"Don't lie, dear." Aziraphale began to rub slow circles on his back. "What were you thinking, going out in this weather with a head cold?"

Crowley sniffled. "Didn't know I had it." Then, wonder of wonders, he felt Aziraphale's arms encircle his waist, and his wonderfully warm, solid body press up against his back. "Wait, adgel, do'dt - you'll get wet."

"I don't care." Aziraphale gave him a gentle squeeze before stepping back. "Will you turn around for me?"

Crowley did as he was asked, and saw Aziraphale's hand fly to his mouth. "What's wro'g?"

"Poor thing," Aziraphale said, his eyes full of sympathy. "Oh, my poor demon. You've caught a terrible cold, haven't you, love?"

"I have'd't - wait..." The impact of Aziraphale's words sank in as Crowley sniffled against the back of his hand, and he felt his eyes widen. "'Love'?" His demon. He didn't miss the impact of those words.

Aziraphale's cheeks flooded with color, but he didn't take it back. God and Satan, he didn't take it back. "Yes," he said softly. "Here -" He slid Crowley's glasses off his face, and Crowley let him. "I love you, and I wish I hadn't waited until you were so incapacitated to say it." His voice was quiet, but steady. "May I...?" He lifted a hand, hovering it next to Crowley's face. Crowley nodded helplessly, and leaned into the touch as Aziraphale cupped his cheek in his warm palm. "My dear."

Crowley swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat. "Love you, too, angel." His breath hitched, and it wasn't from emotion. "H-hold od..." He wrenched away reluctantly and brought his hands to his face just in time to catch a forceful "Hh'MMFSHHH!"

Aziraphale clucked his tongue and moved his hand to Crowley's back. "Gesundheit," he said, the word full of nothing but tenderness. "You're shivering. Let's get you out of these wet clothes and into something comfortable. Will you let me take care of you?"

Crowley nodded. "I will," he said, and let Aziraphale lead him.

***

(Is there any way I could edit the thread tags?)

[TheCakeIsAlive]

*ALL* the fluff. ❤️ It's wonderful, thank you for sharing that.   (I blame you for any loss of teeth, btw).

[Spoo]

Tennant/Crowley’s scream-sneezes are everything.  Love these!

[Fuzzy&Warm]

❤️ Aziraphale is such a soft wonderful caretaker which is good when Crowley is in denial and wandering around in the rain.  Love this. 

[Masking]

For @Spoo, whose idea this was. >:)

12. Loud (Crowley [in Aziraphale's body], park allergens)

He hadn't died. He hadn't died. Which had to mean that Aziraphale hadn't died, which in turn meant -

Crowley let the line of thought come to its logical conclusion and strode through the park, letting the spring in his step go on as it liked. At least that would make him look more like Aziraphale, the bouncy little bastard. Learning how to walk in a distinctly un-snakey body, in such a limited time period, had definitely been a job.

He stopped some distance from their regular bench as an unwelcome sensation came over his nose. An all-too-familiar sensation, although it usually didn't happen here. He squinted and looked around at the bright green grass. The flowers and hedges were growing nicely, too. Heaven, he could practically see the pollen. Did Aziraphale have some kind of allergy? He'd rarely sneezed here, so he must be using miracles to keep the sensitivity down.

Heavenly miracles. Which Crowley, as a demon, didn't have access to.

"Hhh-hhhehh!" His breath stuttered, and he bit his lip in a sudden realization. That was his usual build-up, not Aziraphale's. Aziraphale built up with softer breaths whenever he had to sneeze, and ended up with sneezes that were much softer than Crowley's. So despite the fact that he was in a different bloody body entirely, it seemed that he was going to let out his usual sneezes. In Aziraphale's body. With people around, people who could hear - people who possibly recognized him.

He couldn't sneeze, not like this. There was only one thing to do, no matter how much it hurt: hold back.

Easier said than done. "Hehhh-EHHH...!" Crowley pressed a finger under his nose (well, Aziraphale's nose) and rubbed furiously. It didn't do much to help. Bless it, Aziraphale, he thought. Why couldn't the angel just be normal and take medication like everyone else? Or at least try, even if it didn't work. "Huhhh!"

This was clearly going to happen. The pollen had it out for him. Time for Plan B. Crowley brought his elbow shakily to his face and let loose. "EHHSCHHooo!"

As usual, it was loud enough that people looked around for the source of the noise. Crowley snarled, which was interrupted by the arrival of another sneeze. "Hhh'EHSHHH! GHSCHHuhh!" Or two. He might have ruined the elbow of Aziraphale's jacket, but at this point, he figured the angel deserved it for leaving him to deal with allergies. Demons didn't have allergies. They were too badass. "AEHHSHH - fuck, bless it - hh'GHSHHHuhhh!"

He sniffled and cautiously removed his face from his elbow. Seemed like this was it for now. If this body was going to go for another fit, he wanted it to be while Aziraphale was back in it.

Of course, it turned out that even if Aziraphale hadn't heard, he had other ways of figuring out what Crowley had done while in his body. "Goodness," he said as soon as they were on their way to the Ritz, "my throat hurts." He patted his neck and narrowed his eyes at Crowley. "What have you been doing? Were you screaming at your plants?"

"What - no! For your information, I was sneezing." Crowley glared at him. "And I tried to hold it back. You're welcome."

"Sneezing?" Aziraphale cleared his throat. "My word, Crowley, is this what sneezing does to you? I always knew yours were loud, but this is...this is ridiculous." Crowley would swear his cheeks flushed. Angels were weird. "You must have a throat of cast-iron."

"Years of practice," Crowley said. "Now shut up and let me get you lunch."

[Spoo]

YESGOOD.  

This is honestly just how I imagined it. Crowley might be able to disguise himself as Aziraphale and even mimic that angelic behavior, but those harsh sneezes will always give him away.   Thanks for wiring this!

PS:

7 minutes ago, Masking said:

He patted his neck and narrowed his eyes at Crowley. "What have you been doing? Were you screaming at your plants?"

 

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Screaming at his plants indeed.   Ooh this is a most delicious idea. And so well done too.  Poor embarrassed demon. 

[Masking]

For @TheCakeIsAlive.

15. Control (Aziraphale, dust)

Aziraphale had a new book. That would have been a cause for celebration under any circumstance, but this one dated from around 1440 and purported to be the only complete manuscript of The Book of Margery Kempe to have been circulated prior to the sixteenth century. Aziraphale would celebrate with wine later. Right now, he intended to unpack his treasure and immerse himself in the mystery of whether it was authentic.

"You know, angel," said Crowley from Aziraphale's chair (where he had been lounging for the past ten minutes), "it won't get any longer if you just stare at it."

"Hush." Aziraphale adjusted his gloves and ever-so-carefully opened the book. "Oh," he sighed happily. It certainly looked authentic enough. Its cover was typical of the time period, and he could tell right away that the pages were real vellum. Quite good quality, too. The cloud of dust that puffed into his face spoke to its authenticity, too.

A few seconds later, when his nose began to tingle as he lifted the first page, he regretted having leaned in so close.

"Aziraphale," Crowley said, "you okay?"

"I th-think so," Aziraphale said, his voice stuttering into a not-quite-gasp. Oh, no. This was entirely the wrong time and place to sneeze. If he sneezed all over a possible first-edition Margery Kempe, he would never forgive himself. "Oh, dear, the d-dust - ihhh!" His breath hitched and his eyelashes, entirely involuntarily, fluttered. He knew that he wouldn't be able to get his hands out of his gloves in time to fumble out his handkerchief before the sneeze struck. "Crowley? H-ehh-help?" His head tipped back, and he felt his nostrils flare.

He expected Crowley to refuse, or even to laugh, but Crowley got up readily and put a hand on his shoulder from behind. "I have no idea what you'd do without me," he said, and pressed a finger firmly under Aziraphale's nose.

It felt almost good, just concentrating on his breath while Crowley held his finger against his septum. "Hhh-hh'ihhhh?...hhhh...oh..." Aziraphale froze on the edge of both sneezing and not sneezing, his head still thrown back and his mouth open. "Hhihhh - HEHHH!" Crowley was warm behind him, and so was his other hand when he reached around and pulled the reading glasses off Aziraphale's nose. "Oh - thank you, dihhhh - dear Crowley, I -" He sniffled and concentrated on controlling his reaction. This was torture, but a strangely nice torture, all things considered.

"Come on, stand up," Crowley said. Aziraphale hastened to obey, following Crowley's pace so as not to lose control completely. "There we are." He stopped next to the chair and wrapped his arms securely around Aziraphale as he pulled his hand away from his face. "There we go," he said. "You can sneeze."

"Ehh-hh-TCHuhh!" Aziraphale sneezed freely over Crowley's shoulder, feeling a bit like he should be embarrassed. But the feeling was far too relieving for him to let shame overtake him - much. "Hh'ihhh'hschh! Ehhh'hschh! Iihh - oh, one...one more...hhh'HSCHoo!"

He shivered in Crowley's arms as the last of the tickle left him. "Better?" Crowley asked, giving Aziraphale's back a somewhat awkward pat. "Never knew there were so many occupational hazards to books, angel." He let go of him and produced a tissue, which Aziraphale took with relief. "Probably safe for you to go back to that book. Just warn me if you need to do that again, yeah?"

Aziraphale wiped his nose. "Yes, my dear boy. Thank you again."

[SterlingSilver]

These are absolutely precious  You write them so brilliantly!! And I love how creative you are with the circumstances! Each drabble is totally unique. I could read these all day  Thank you for sharing them!

[TheCakeIsAlive]

❤️ Thank you so much for writing that for me. That was such a lovely surprise to get home to after a weekend away.  Oh Aziraphale... he gets so wonderfully flustered. And Crowley is such a sweet being... I mean such a bad-ass demon, that one.

[Coffee Mug]

I don’t know the fandom nor do I remotely know the characters but I loved every single drabble you wrote!!! Especially the allergies ones 💜 nice nice nice!!!! 

[Glowie]

For some reason I didn’t discover this thread until incredibly late last night. And I just had to come back and read them all again this morning (when I wasn’t half asleep). I love them so much, major butterflies happening here for these two adorable idiots. Good stuff. 😍