People with caretaking kinks and SOs - How do you deal with it?

[Travel]

Do your partners know? What do they say about it? How do you handle it when they're sick or if you're sick? Do you ever roleplay about it? Just curious since that's my main kink and I've not really been in a relationship with someone who knows. 

[2410Ar]

I really love caretaking. And I used to tell my boyfriends in previous relationships about it. I love taking care of someone. Asking them if they need anything or are warm enough(I can always be a handy heater). They would go along with it and they even enjoyed it. But I realized that I prefer it when someone doesn't know I like it. And they are ashamed of their weakness. I don't know but It just works better for me. Just try to think it through if you want them to know or not.  Majority of people like it when they are taken care of.

[Nas]

I like caretaking too  Depending on what's going on, I'll ask what what my SO needs, and do a pharmacy run. I'll get tea, sometimes gatorade, sometimes whatever snacks he wants, and like if he needs meds. Then we'll spoon, and I'll let him be the little spoon and rest on me, and I'll run my fingers through his hair, and we'll watch whatever he wants on TV, but he'll always ask what I want anyway. I'll still kiss him---he'll protest to the lips, but I honestly wouldn't mind. I mostly make sure he has enough to eat and drink, and if he wants ibuprofen or other medicines, etc. It's mostly that I want to help him feel comfortable & loved.

 

ETA: he knows about my fetish, but I never told him outright about caretaking, because I don't want him to think I like seeing him in discomfort. He has a pretty good idea of what's up, though, and I think it makes him feel special. I hope lmao.

Edited September 23, 2019 by Cecilia

[Travel]

1 hour ago, Cecilia said:

I like caretaking too  Depending on what's going on, I'll ask what what my SO needs, and do a pharmacy run. I'll get tea, sometimes gatorade, sometimes whatever snacks he wants, and like if he needs meds. Then we'll spoon, and I'll let him be the little spoon and rest on me, and I'll run my fingers through his hair, and we'll watch whatever he wants on TV, but he'll always ask what I want anyway. I'll still kiss him---he'll protest to the lips, but I honestly wouldn't mind. I mostly make sure he has enough to eat and drink, and if he wants ibuprofen or other medicines, etc. It's mostly that I want to help him feel comfortable & loved.

 

ETA: he knows about my fetish, but I never told him outright about caretaking, because I don't want him to think I like seeing him in discomfort. He has a pretty good idea of what's up, though, and I think it makes him feel special. I hope lmao.

That sounds like fun! Putting myself in you and your SO's shoes, that all sounds very sweet. 

Do you think your SO or anyone would be less worried about you or anyone with a caretaking kink enjoying their discomfort if the caretaking was in fictional contexts like roleplaying? That's kind of where I am right now. I really enjoy caretaking but when it's for something real, I become overly worried for my So and try to do everything to make them feel better, but if that gets us closer together then that's where the fireworks might start. 😄

[RedVelvetHeart]

Caretaking is one aspect of my fetish, I think of it as the romantic side. I once had a boyfriend who knew and TOTALLY took advantage of it! He just really liked that I would do anything for him when he was sick. He kind of liked having that power and getting that attention. I did role play a little with him a couple times and it was fun. My husband knows, but he is just not that way at all...he's a caretaker himself and is sort of perplexed and even uncomfortable when people try to take care of him. He doesn't slow down when he's sick, he's not super macho about it but he doesn't ever ask for anything for himself. We've been together for 12 years and he's never once spent a sick day on the couch or in bed, not even when he was getting chemotherapy. He does appreciate my taking care of him...he thinks the little things are cute, like me getting him tissues or kissing him when he sneezes. And the big things he really appreciates even though he just doesn't want to be a patient. I don't really think I could roleplay with my husband because being taken care of is so not his thing. He wouldn't enjoy it. 

[Travel]

2 hours ago, superimmunegirl said:

Caretaking is one aspect of my fetish, I think of it as the romantic side. I once had a boyfriend who knew and TOTALLY took advantage of it! He just really liked that I would do anything for him when he was sick. He kind of liked having that power and getting that attention. I did role play a little with him a couple times and it was fun. My husband knows, but he is just not that way at all...he's a caretaker himself and is sort of perplexed and even uncomfortable when people try to take care of him. He doesn't slow down when he's sick, he's not super macho about it but he doesn't ever ask for anything for himself. We've been together for 12 years and he's never once spent a sick day on the couch or in bed, not even when he was getting chemotherapy. He does appreciate my taking care of him...he thinks the little things are cute, like me getting him tissues or kissing him when he sneezes. And the big things he really appreciates even though he just doesn't want to be a patient. I don't really think I could roleplay with my husband because being taken care of is so not his thing. He wouldn't enjoy it. 

And do you enjoy getting taking care of yourself? What was your roleplay like? 

[RedVelvetHeart]

21 hours ago, Travel said:

And do you enjoy getting taking care of yourself? What was your roleplay like? 

You know, I am a little mixed about it! I think it's hard for me to enjoy it in a fetishy way. I like appropriate and normal amounts of care and attention - I find it deeply emotionally satisfying - but anything over the top that tries to play to my fetish can be icky. I could imagine it maybe being possible to explore with someone really skilled who "got" me. My husband has many, many wonderful qualities but role playing is not his forte!

With my ex boyfriend, the role play was very verbal, like we invented and told each other a story about him getting a terrible cold after being caught in the rain, and me putting him to bed, scolding him, and taking care of him. We didn't do it very often but when we did, it was always him being the one who got sick...the reverse is just very vulnerable and squicky. I think it could be done but we (my theoretical partner and I) would have to really work at getting my defenses down!

[Travel]

3 hours ago, superimmunegirl said:

You know, I am a little mixed about it! I think it's hard for me to enjoy it in a fetishy way. I like appropriate and normal amounts of care and attention - I find it deeply emotionally satisfying - but anything over the top that tries to play to my fetish can be icky. I could imagine it maybe being possible to explore with someone really skilled who "got" me. My husband has many, many wonderful qualities but role playing is not his forte!

With my ex boyfriend, the role play was very verbal, like we invented and told each other a story about him getting a terrible cold after being caught in the rain, and me putting him to bed, scolding him, and taking care of him. We didn't do it very often but when we did, it was always him being the one who got sick...the reverse is just very vulnerable and squicky. I think it could be done but we (my theoretical partner and I) would have to really work at getting my defenses down!

Oh yeah, I get that. My roleplays are pretty verbal too. Well, I do them more in writing since I've not really been able to make them very verbal but I imagine they would be. Now if I had a partner that wanted to make everything more physical and have us act it out, that would be pretty fun lol. Personally, it doesn't take much to get my defenses down. I definitely put up a fight but after a while, I just want to be pampered haha. 

[Travel]

Bumping this because I want to ask: Those of you who roleplay in real life, how good of an actor are your partners? Does that influence how much you enjoy it? 

[Privatedancer]

I love both care taking and being taking care of.  It is related to but separate from my fetish.  I love feeling appreciated and knowing I am making my SO feel really well taken care of and loved and special.  I don’t know that someone could be over the top in terms of taking care of me - I would Absolutely love it.  Even though it isn’t officially one of the “love languages” it is totally mine.  Maybe you could even word it that way to a SO.  If my SO loved care taking it would be obvious and would probably encourage me to really play up anytime I didn’t feel great which doesn’t have to just be when I am sick.  I would love it.

[Travel]

Bumping this again because I want to ask: If your partners know about you liking the caretaking aspect, how did you tell them? What was their reaction? 

[Rook]

I Deal using fanfiction

[SneezeManDE]

I have had a few different reactions- Some negative, but mostly positive. They usually understand how it is somewhat related to the Sneezing/cold or sick fetishes I have. 

But I've been with enough partners now to know that I need some aspect of it in my relationship.

 

[Travel]

1 hour ago, SneezeManDE said:

I have had a few different reactions- Some negative, but mostly positive. They usually understand how it is somewhat related to the Sneezing/cold or sick fetishes I have. 

But I've been with enough partners now to know that I need some aspect of it in my relationship.

 

If you don't mind talking about it, what were the negative reactions? How did you respond to them? And what were the positive reactions like? What are ways you keep caretaking in a relationship? 

[SneezeManDE]

Well, I’m sadly not in a relationship currently lol but when I am in one, it depends on who I’m with. I’ve had relationships where the roleplay was easy and effortless. Others where we had certain scenarios. But as for the negative reactions, some just thought it was crazy that I would want to be around them when they are sick to take care of them. And just didn’t like the idea of pretending either. 
 

To each their own, of course. But am at the point In my life now where I’d rather bring it up and potentially be rejected than not have it as an aspect of my relationship.

[Travel]

On 12/27/2020 at 4:45 PM, SneezeManDE said:

Well, I’m sadly not in a relationship currently lol but when I am in one, it depends on who I’m with. I’ve had relationships where the roleplay was easy and effortless. Others where we had certain scenarios. But as for the negative reactions, some just thought it was crazy that I would want to be around them when they are sick to take care of them. And just didn’t like the idea of pretending either. 
 

To each their own, of course. But am at the point In my life now where I’d rather bring it up and potentially be rejected than not have it as an aspect of my relationship.

Thanks for your reply! I hope your next partner is into it.

[SneezeManDE]

11 hours ago, Travel said:

Thanks for your reply! I hope your next partner is into it.

Thank you  

I hope so too. I think it’s worth the search. We only have the one life, after all.

[Lucielle]

i’ve never told any of my partners, sadly!! as of right now i am single (rip) but my first relationship was a few years long. he had a weaker immune system, so he got sick quite a few times during our relationship. i really liked taking care of him, making him tea and soup, helping him to feel relaxed, getting medicine for him... i know he appreciated it. 

[Travel]

On 12/2/2021 at 7:40 PM, Lucielle said:

i’ve never told any of my partners, sadly!! as of right now i am single (rip) but my first relationship was a few years long. he had a weaker immune system, so he got sick quite a few times during our relationship. i really liked taking care of him, making him tea and soup, helping him to feel relaxed, getting medicine for him... i know he appreciated it. 

This sounds so nice! I would love something like this.

[SneezyEeveelutions]

My boyfriend knows I have a thing for being a caretaker for people and loves to tease me about it! I never really realized it was a kink till now though, I thought it was just a weird quirk of mine cause I don't get too turned on or anything... More like a little flirty and like lovey lol. Looking back now though I definitely like it a little too much lol.