Out Of The Blue (female) oneshot

[Chanel_no5]

***Note***

I’ve been watching so many press conferences lately. So, so many press conferences, by so many people, on so many subjects. Because I’m the most boring person in the world and a notorious news junkie, and if you watch the actual press briefings you get what’s actually being said rather than what various media (not to mention SOCIAL media) choose to report on later. You’ll be surprised by how much more sense things make that way. But anyway.

This is set in an alternate universe where none of these ridiculous current world events happened, okay? It’s just a hot, power suit-wearing lady politician doing a regular boring political press briefing because absolutely nothing reminiscent of the end of the world as we know it is going on. OKAY?

(also, I apologise for my writing, it feels kind of sucky lately. I can’t seem to gather my thoughts well enough anymore. I know the reasons but that doesn’t make it easier to live with. Well. All you can do is keep trying, right? 🤷‍♀️ )

***

 

It begins with no advance warning at all. Out of the blue, a twinge pricks the sensitive inside of her left nostril. It almost paralyses her, makes her trail off mid-sentence and blink in surprise. She sniffs lightly, realising the moment she does that it was the wrong move, as whatever it is that’s irritating her nose – a tiny speck of dust, most likely – settles even deeper inside her nose. Deep enough that it might make her sneeze.

No, there’s no ambiguity about it at all. It will make her sneeze.

That wouldn’t be a big deal if she was in her office, or in one of the regular meetings with her colleagues, or even doing an interview with just one reporter and one photographer. But in front of 40 reporters and photographers, knowing the press conference is broadcasted live online for anyone to watch, no, in this situation, it’s a big damn deal.

Christine is actually quite shy - no one in the public sphere would believe it, because being a career politician means having to hide that side of yourself - and sneezing during a live press conference is one of her biggest nightmares. Her mental block has always prevented it, even during cold and allergy season, but it seems like her luck is about to run out in that aspect… and for what? A random irritant, catching her off guard.

She scrambles to get back on track, pick up the threads of what she’s trying to say, but she knows she sounds distracted. Hopefully it will come across as simple searching for the right phrases, but she’s doubtful. She’d rather come across as slightly distracted than with so little self-control that she’d let her body dictate anything for her, but she’s a professional, she shouldn’t have to search for phrases either.

“So now we…” she pauses, taking a slow breath through her nose. The tickle twirls deeper into her nasal passages and blooms into a very blunt I-have-to-sneeze-now! itch.

No, no, I’m not gonna sneeze, not here, not now…!

She pushes on despite knowing the battle has already been lost, forcing herself to keep talking until the very final moment. Nevertheless, she hears her voice is becoming breathier, sounding almost choked as she’s fighting with all her might to get the words out while simultaneously keeping the sneeze in.

“So now, we n-need to –“ she can’t keep going. She just can’t. She turns her head and quickly gets her arm up, barely managing to shield her face from the cameras before the sneeze forces itself out in a harsh, explosive exhale: “-uEESCHUh!”

As she lowers her arm again, she feels her cheeks heat with a blush, but she has to trust her makeup to hide it. At least most of it. Never let them see you sweat, and all that. Well, she just let them see her sneeze. She’d rather not let them see how embarrassed she is about it on top of everything.

She blinks away tears that has welled up from the effort of controlling the intense irritation in her nose, sniffs gingerly, and goes right back to speaking.

“’scuse me, so now we need to focus on the facts that we do have, and revisit it if the facts… if the facts change…”

Her eyelids flutter and her nostrils quiver slightly as that persistent tickle returns, viciously attacking her sensitive nose all over again.

“… and at that point… hehh… w-we will bring the subje-ehh- KTSSSHoo! Subject back up for further discussion.”

This time she doesn’t even bother apologising, she refuses to acknowledge the fact that her nose is rebelling against her normally so perfect self-control. She glances at her sleeve, inwardly wincing at the glaringly obvious wet spot on the light grey fabric. If she had known she’d have to use it as a tissue, she would have chosen her black suit today.

She sniffles, wetter this time, hoping that the tickle is appeased by the sneezes.

It isn’t. What the hell is this?

“I’ll take some questions now,” she says, and she has already decided that she won’t take as many questions as she usually would. She needs to blow her nose, or the tickle might never go away. It’s still filling her sinuses, like a thousand tiny feathers all tickling her at once. Her eyes are watering again. It doesn’t feel quite like allergies, but she very rarely sneezes more than once if it isn’t, and she has never been in a position where the need to sneeze is stronger than her mental block. If she really doesn’t want to sneeze, she has always been able to stop it. With some effort, sure, but still.

“Yes?” she says, pointing at one of the reporters. As he begins to pose his question, she has to grip the podium with both hands to avoid scrubbing at her itchy nose. It would only make her look even less in control, but oh, it would feel so good. To just rub, as hard as she can, until that infuriating tickle is extinguished, crushed into oblivion.

Instead, she settles for wiggling her nose discreetly and sniffle as quiet as she can, hoping the sound won’t be picked up by the microphones.

“I’m glad you ask about that, because I have tried to get you to write about it for months,” she says with just a sliver of sarcasm, then compensates for it with sweet smile. “We have broad support within the coalition but need to work out some details regarding…” she pauses for a second, then takes a sharp breath that her body intends to fuel a sneeze with, but she cuts it off, almost bites it off, and ends up with an abrupt false start that’s almost more embarrassing than a sneeze would have been.

A couple of reporters chuckle a bit. She’s mortified, but it doesn’t show one bit when she picks up the pieces of her dignity and answers the question. A good politician needs to have a decent amount of acting skills, and a whole lot of “the show must go on”-attitude, and Christine is a very good politician.

The itch remains persistent throughout the rest of the press briefing, but she manages to suppress any further sneezy outbursts. Once she has wrapped things up, she hurries out of the room as fast as she can walk in her 5 inch heels. Hayden, her trusty assistant, having noticed the predicament from about the moment it first occurred, has a tissue prepared, and Christine snatches it as she walks by.

“Not one word,” she warns Hayden, who is used to Christine’s moods and doesn’t even flinch.

“No, not one. Two words: bless you. And for appendix, another four: what is this about?”

“No idea,” Christine replies, buries her red, itchy nose in the Kleenex and blows hard. “I think I just got something up my n-nose… EEESSSSHHooo!”

Hayden sighs, knowing only too well that Christine never sneezes like this from a random tickle.

“I’ll stock up on Dayquil and Claritin and we’ll see which way it goes.”

Christine hopes it won’t go down either path, but preparation prevents unfavourable results.

It could have been a mote of dust. Or a grain of her own makeup powder. Whatever it was, it’s over now.

Right?

She takes a cautious breath through her nose and immediately snaps forward, spraying yet another sneeze into the used tissue.

“AayEESSHuh!”

She supposes Hayden is right and she has to play the waiting game with this tickle, then. Wait for it to reveal its true nature.

She has outplayed opponents before. She can do this.

Would be easier if she didn’t have a full schedule today, though. 

[Arc Reactor]

Your writing is amazing as always! I really enjoyed this piece. The determination to keep quiet and failing is just 😍. Her being all indignant and fussy about it with her assistant was also hilarious, but I loved that Hayden just automatically knew to buy Claritin or DayQuil. I loved this story

[InLivingColor]

I've always loved your writing and this was no exception. The build up to the first one was absolutely remarkable and her refusing to acknowledge it certainly seemed like a character that would inspire you lol. Great story and I'd read more from her in future

[NoV]

Awesome story Chanel! Sneezing in public coupled with the intense feeling of embarrassment...? I'm there 

[Chanel_no5]

On 5/22/2020 at 10:36 PM, Arc Reactor said:

Your writing is amazing as always! I really enjoyed this piece. The determination to keep quiet and failing is just 😍. Her being all indignant and fussy about it with her assistant was also hilarious, but I loved that Hayden just automatically knew to buy Claritin or DayQuil. I loved this story

Thank you so, so much!!! ❤️ There is just something so delicious about someone in a power position trying not to appear vulnerable or weak, and then being completely overpowered by something as small as a sneeze, isn't there?? Hayden obviously knew what's up. They've probably done this for years.   I picture Hayden as the kind of person who's the ONLY one that gets away with being brutally honest and gruff towards Da Lady, because she in turn knows she can fully depend on them. 

On 5/24/2020 at 12:55 AM, InLivingColor said:

I've always loved your writing and this was no exception. The build up to the first one was absolutely remarkable and her refusing to acknowledge it certainly seemed like a character that would inspire you lol. Great story and I'd read more from her in future

Thank you!! ❤️ I may or may not have seen that sneeze tease in an actual presser, but that one never lead to an actual sneeze, and what is the point of writing sneeze fics if there is no sneeze?   I might write more with Christine, I just have to figure out more exactly what her position is and where she's at.  

On 5/24/2020 at 11:43 AM, NoV said:

Awesome story Chanel! Sneezing in public coupled with the intense feeling of embarrassment...? I'm there 

Thank you  so much!!! ❤️ Oh yes, strength and power and sneezy helplessness go so well together, don't they??  

 

[AntheaHolmes]

Amazing writing as always. Love the desperation. 

[MIN]

Uhm... exsqueeze me?!?! How in hell, heaven and Earth did I miss this beauty?! STUNNING! 😍