Admitting defeat (Ted Lasso, one-shot, cold)

[Guest]

Written for anyone else enjoying Ted Lasso, the most heartwarming and adorable show I've seen in a while 🥰 Sorry for the rubbish title.

 

 

 

 

 

Rebecca had become almost used to the morning routine of exemplary shortbread biscuits and chit-chat with Ted. It was a surprise, therefore, when he arrived looking less than his usual aggressively chipper self. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it – perhaps a little more crumpling to his jumper and shirt ensemble, a slightly dulled glint in the eye. He still deposited the pastel pink box of biscuits onto her desk with a bright “Morning boss!”, but then, as she was opening it and selecting one of the crumbly, buttery, tantalising delicacies, she was interrupted by a deafening sneeze.

“Hhh’AASSHOO!!”

Looking up, she saw Ted now seated in one of her office’s chairs, bent forward and holding a white handkerchief to his face with both hands. Straightening, he lowered the cloth slightly, gazing vaguely into the middle distance, then repeated the lurch floorwards.

“Hhuh’AASSHOOO!!” The extraordinary volume of this second sneeze bounced off the walls, and Rebecca would not have been surprised if she had seen plaster drifting down from the ceiling. Apparently now finished, Ted folded his handkerchief neatly and returned it to his trouser pocket.

“Bless you,” commented Rebecca, inconspicuously returning the biscuit to its box and eyeing Ted warily. “Are you alright?” Now that she looked more closely, she saw that he was looking a little off-colour, a little paler than usual and with a bit of a pink tinge around his nose and eyes.

“Fine and dandy, thank you,” Ted replied breezily. “There’s been a bit of a cold going round the locker room, though. Nothing to worry about.” But he looked relieved to finish their conversation as Higgins arrived at that moment to remind her of an early morning meeting.

 

Ted continued to believe his own story all morning, watching practice from the sidelines and attributing his running nose and scratchy throat to the chilly November weather. The increasingly frequent sneezing was probably also due to the cold British air, which must be somehow different to the Kansan variety.

After the team had showered, he assembled them back into the locker room for his and Coach Beard’s pep talk about the upcoming game against West Ham.

“OK, listen up folks…” he began, but immediately had to break off, yanking out his handkerchief and turning away from the whiteboard. “HH’AASSSSHOOO!!!” In the confined space, several players winced at this assault on their eardrums, and there was a half-hearted chorus of bless yous/saluds/gesundheits while he collected himself.

He tried again. It went worse. “Right, ok, this week’s game is against West Ham and….Heh! Hhuh’AASSSHOOO!!...’scuse me…so um, Coach Beard has been stu-heh!…studying their tactics and he…heh! Hh’AASSSHOOO!!...whoo, boy…well, I’ll let him tell you…” gesturing feebly at Coach Beard, Ted took a step back from the board and blew his nose.

Coach Beard stepped forward and pointed to the diagram on the board of their starting lineup. Never a man of many words, he nevertheless struggled to get his message across.

“West Ham have a very strong defence…”

“HH’AAASHOOO!!”

“Partnered with a pretty decent offence…”

“Huh’AASSSHOOO!!”

“So we’re gonna start with this setup and then later…”

“H’AASSSHOOO!!”

“…move to this one down here…”

“HH’AASSHOOOO!!”

Each outburst was accompanied by apologetic and encouraging gestures from Ted, half-hidden behind his handkerchief which he was now holding to his face semi-permanently. Eventually, Coach Beard finished (or perhaps ground to a frustrated halt). Ted attempted to address the team, now struggling to speak clearly around a completely blocked but somehow still running nose.

“I’ve been real impressed with how y’all’ve pulled together like a team in training – I mean, practice – this week,” he began, “and I really think we’ve got a good chance against West Ham…” looking around, he was surprised to see little recognition or response from the players. Several were frowning at him; others were turning to one another. Eventually, Roy Kent spoke up.

“Look, Coach, I think I speak for all of us when I say…you need to go the fuck home, alright? I can hardly understand you at the best of times and now I’m only getting about one word in three.” Some of the other players nodded. Ted turned to Beard and received a full double-barrelled stare of stern sympathy. He gave in.

“Well…maybe y’all’re right and I’m not feeling quite…” he trailed off. “Anyway, I’ll see y’all tomorrow. Good work today.”

As he left, he somehow found Coach Beard walking alongside him in companionable silence, the inverse of their usual morning commute. Ted was grateful, as his head was now pounding and he still kept forgetting which way to look when crossing British roads. As they reached the point where their paths diverged, Ted stopped and grabbed his handkerchief, lurching forward.

“Huh’AAASSHHOOO!!” Straightening, he caught sight of various pedestrians looking away from the source of the noise. “Well, see you tomorrow Coach.”

“Doubt it,” was Coach Beard’s taciturn response. “That cold’s a doozy.” As he let himself into his apartment, trying to turn the key while simultaneously staunching his running nose, Ted found he was inclined to agree.

 

He had just changed into sweatpants and a dressing gown and was settling on the sofa for some quality self-pity time when Ted heard a knock at the door. When he opened it, no one was there. Instead, on the doorstep was a basket of items, and a card. Unwrapping it on the kitchen table, he found Lemsip, manuka honey, three fresh lemons, Strepsils, various painkillers, and a big box of tissues.

Smiling to himself, Ted opened the card, which read:

Feel better soon, Coach Lasso!
All at Richmond FC

 

[Spoo]

I feel like not enough people watch this wholesome show, so this was a treat to read. 🥰 Excellent characterization as well! Thank you for sharing. 

[EveP]

I've never heard of this show, but like the story. :-)

[RedVelvetHeart]

I love Ted Lasso!! Awww, he needs some looking after. You really got Roy Kent perfectly, I could just hear him say it! 

[Mr. Black Cherry Berry Tea]

This is absolutely magnificent and you are a hero for writing it. Also I love that Ted basically sneezes ~identically each time. He just seems like the kind of guy that would have the same, intense, unstoppable sneeze every time, not much variety just like… violent. And I love the descriptions in here, the assaults on the ear drums, etc. Great story, thanks so much for posting!

[ellwren]

Very nice!

[Sneesee]

Ahhh I love this! And that is exactly how I picture his sneeze would be! So adorable! Thank you for sharing!

[Guest]

On 8/20/2021 at 1:11 PM, Triosk1 said:

He had just changed into sweatpants and a dressing gown and was settling on the sofa for some quality self-pity time when Ted heard a knock at the door. When he opened it, no one was there. Instead, on the doorstep was a basket of items, and a card. Unwrapping it on the kitchen table, he found Lemsip, manuka honey, three fresh lemons, Strepsils, various painkillers, and a big box of tissues.

Smiling to himself, Ted opened the card, which read:

Feel better soon, Coach Lasso!
All at Richmond FC

Aww I loved this fic right up to the ending! The team would definitely do this for him. Very Lasso-eque and adorable :3