Completely Effable Drabbles (Good Omens)

[Tissue Bosch]

Hello, my fellow humans! This is a place for me to round up my shorter Good Omens fics. I'm not working off of a prompt list, but feel free to send in any prompts you have!

[Tissue Bosch]

Stuck in the Rain- "Pennies from Heaven"

Crowley had an impeccable ability to be walking outside at the exact second it began to rain. Maybe it was a demon thing. Maybe he was being punished for something. Maybe he was just unlucky.

It really was a shame. He’d quite liked this shirt. It had been shoplifted from one of the more pretentious boutiques in Knightsford. The kind of store that sold 500 quid ripped jeans that looked like they’d been stolen from a dosser. Now it had gotten thoroughly drenched in the rain. He could always try to get it dry again, but he was afraid it was past the point of no return. The poplin would dry right out, but his magic would bounce right off the pleather detailing [^1]. Mixed materials weren’t usually his style, but one must spread minor demonic influence however they can these days.

It wouldn’t take more than a little demonic miracle to keep the rain off his shoulders, but he was solely focused on getting himself indoors and warm. And preferably intoxicated.

The chime of the bell above the bookshop door was drowned out by the slurry of curses Crowley let out as he barrelled through the door.

“Fuck it’s cold out there.” He proved his point by sniffling thickly and shivering as he took off his glasses with his signature flourish.

Aziraphale emerged from behind a stack of books.

“I do wish you wouldn’t curse like that, dear.” Crowley waved a hand and hissed under his breath.

“What’ve you got to drink?” The demon was already shuffling through the bottles on the bar, trying to make out all the labels. He eventually settled for something dark and fragrant. It might have been port [2], but it was all the same to him. Brown and wet. He poured a substantial splash into a cut crystal glass.

He took a tentative sip. He coughed roughly into his fist as the alcohol burned at his throat.

“Alright, dear?” Aziraphale was immediately at the demon’s side. Crowley set the glass down and caught his breath. He cleared his throat with a grimace.

“Fine, angel. Just a bit chilled. Rain’s trying to kill me.” Crowley swiped a damp shirt cuff under his nose, damming a clear trickle that was snaking its way over his cupid’s bow.

Aziraphale hmmed his disapproval as he scanned his demon’s shivering frame.

“Let’s get you out of those clothes.” The angel miracled Crowley’s fashion-over-function peacoat onto the coat rack before frowning at the pleather. He sighed before he started pulling the wet shirt off the carved contours of Crowley’s shuddering chest. When the offending miracle reflector had been peeled off, the snap of a finger had the demon dry and warm and wearing a set of garish pinstripe pyjamas.

They were warm and comfortable, but definitely not to Crowley’s taste.

“Angel…” The angel in question rolled his pale eyes and when he looked back Crowley was wearing black silk pyjamas and a deep red robe with a delicate gold embroidery pattern of a snake [3].

“Mmm… feels nice, angel.” Crowley closed his eyes, savouring the warmth. He frowned as his nose twitched, paused for a second, and then suddenly pitched forward with a convulsive “Ha-RUsch…HAsch-uh”

“Guh.. sorry ‘Zira. Don’t where that came-ca- HA-HurrASCH -sorry- came from.” He sniffed again, thicker this time, and coughed into the silk elbow of the robe.

The angel looked on in concern.

“Perhaps I should make you some tea?” Aziraphale had one very predictable response to almost any situation. Tea. Come as he might from Heaven Above, he was an Englishman at heart.

The demon smiled brightly and flopped onto the settee.

“Tea sounds lovely.”

[1] Vegan leather has never been claimed by either the celestial or tenebrous council of the Board of Ethereal Patent Approval, so a copy of form K-213b(subsection 12) was never submitted, and no magical tampering can affect an item until it is approved by the Board. It’s a point of contention at the holiday parties in Hell’s accounting offices. It may well be the most ethically ambiguous material in haberdashery history.

[2]It was actually a rather dark rum Aziraphale had, er, liberated from a British fort in Barbados on a summer holiday in the 1690s. He was a fan of the liquor, not so much the boat ride.

[3]It was not the most flattering picture he had ever taken, but Crowley supposed it was the thought that counted.

[Sneeze-aholic]

This was great, I love Good Omens. 

Thanks for sharing it.  

[angora48]

Love it! You captured the style really well - the footnotes are the perfect touch!

[Reader]

So sweet!! I love this ❤️ 

[AngelEyes]

Love it! 

On 9/12/2021 at 3:06 AM, Tissue Bosch said:

[1] Vegan leather has never been claimed by either the celestial or tenebrous council of the Board of Ethereal Patent Approval, so a copy of form K-213b(subsection 12) was never submitted, and no magical tampering can affect an item until it is approved by the Board. It’s a point of contention at the holiday parties in Hell’s accounting offices. It may well be the most ethically ambiguous material in haberdashery history.

I'm dying! LOL