Picture of Responsibility (Knives Out/Glass Onion, Benoit)

[Masking]

I...yeah, this happened. Yes, I know Daniel Craig is in his fifties, but an adult character I'd like to see sneeze is an adult character I'd like to see sneeze, even if they're older than me. 😄

Anyway, enjoy some sneezy Benoit/Philip fluff. I don't own the franchise. Spoilers for Glass Onion ahead! (Also, a warning for non-explicit mentions of COVID, which is NOT the cause of the sneezing here.)

-

"Do we have any honey left?"

"Go fish," Philip deadpanned.

Benoit blinked at him. "What?"

Philip shook his head. "Oh, you are far too easy to twit," he said. "If you want me to make honey cake, you can just say so, you know. You don't have to interrupt me when I'm scrolling the news."

"And what news it is!" Benoit said, sitting down on the couch and immediately scooting closer to his husband. "Just think, if it weren't for Helen Brand and her stick-to-it-iveness, we wouldn't be seeing Miles Bron - oh, goodness, is he -"

"I think," Philip said, pointing to the video on his phone screen, "that even someone as ridiculously wealthy as Miles Bron is going to get a citation for doing that while he gets arrested."

Benoit sat back against the couch cushions with a self-satisfied smile on his face and brought his hand to his mouth, clearing his throat. "Why, I do believe I might be entitled to a little ego-stroking on this matter, Philip."

"The world's best detective can have a bit of ego as a treat." Philip bumped their shoulders together.

They sat together in silence for a few minutes, watching the video of Miles getting what was coming to him, before Philip suddenly frowned. "I don't think I've seen you miss a day of video games with your friends in the last week," he said. "But here you are."

"I have been out of the bath since I came back," said Benoit, and made a sound that almost sounded like a cough. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Well, yes, but that hour online has been your modus operandi." Philip lifted his thumb off the phone screen. "Is something wrong, Blanc?" He looked at Benoit. "Maybe you've finally decided that your ego can't stand constantly losing at those games."

Benoit looked like he was about to say something, then let out his breath, shaking his head. Philip waited. "I...I do feel bad," Benoit said after a long minute of silence, and cleared his throat again.

"Bad? You don't have a thing to feel bad about."

"No, no." Benoit ducked his head and rubbed the tip of his nose. "I feel bad."

It only took Philip a moment to understand what he meant. "You're sick?"

"Mm-hm."

Philip dropped his phone on the rug and moved to the opposite side of the couch. "It isn't..."

"Not that!" Benoit exclaimed. "My stars, no. I had a test for that yesterday, the accurate kind. It's just -" He paused to let out a full-on cough this time, as if he was only now starting to feel sick now that he was honest about it. "Just a cold, Philip."

"And how long have you known about this 'just a cold,' if you were tested yesterday?" Philip asked.

Benoit sniffed. "I had a feeling about something. That heavy feeling in my head, if you take my meaning. Apply a few detective skills and it doesn't take a genius to wonder if you might not be at your best. But I didn't really feel it until this morning."

"You've had colds before," Philip said. "Why didn't I notice anything this time?"

"Because..." Benoit looked guilty. "Because I've only been letting out those coughs and sneezes in the bathroom while you're busy."

"Blanc!"

"Don't give me that. You have enough on your plate."

Philip rolled his eyes. "Enough on my - what exactly do I have on my plate, hmm? Sitting around and making biscuits?"

"I just, well." Benoit shrugged and muffled a cough, half-stifled and as polite as the Southern gentleman he often was, into his shoulder. "You've worried since I got back. I wasn't even burned, now, so you shouldn't have fussed yourself over it."

"Your plan backfired," Philip said, "because now I feel even more guilty. Your voice has gone deeper and I didn't even notice. And..." He leaned closer, catching Benoit's chin in his hand, and studied his face hard. "Your eyes - they look tired. Do they itch?"

"Dry," Benoit admitted. He pulled his head away and gave another sniff, this one closer to a sniffle. "But you're not a detective, so you shouldn't expect to n-notice..." He blinked a few times, his chest giving a single hitch. "Oh, damn, I - I should -" He made to get off the couch, but stopped partway through, face falling, as the itch got the better of him. "HhhrSHhh!" He muffled the sneeze into his elbow and let out an annoyed noise.

Philip tugged him back down onto the couch. "Bless you," he said, his voice filled with more sympathy than irritation now. "I suspect you'll be doing quite a bit of that over the next few days, hmm?"

"I'll try not to be obnoxious about it."

"Obnoxious? You're - oh. Again, Blanc?"

Benoit held up his finger and nodded. "Just a...a minute, I h-have to..." His mouth dropped open just slightly, lower lip quivering. "Hhh...hhRSHhh!" He half-stifled against his fist this time. "Pardon."

"Bless you."

"Don't, I'm not...hhhhuhhh..."

Philip rolled his eyes and grabbed both of Benoit's hands, holding them firmly by the wrists. "For God's sake, don't hold back your sneezes. You won't feel any better until you let them out."

"HHRSHhh!" Benoit snapped his head to the side and barely managed to sneeze into his shoulder. "Oh..." He coughed a few times and blinked his watery eyes. "What did you do that for?"

"It'll help. You've been doing that in the bathroom all morning?" Philip asked. Benoit nodded. "Well, no more. You'll be ill openly, and I won't hear no for an answer. Let me take care of you, Blanc."

"Have I -" Benoit paused to sniffle. "Have I been acting like the stereotypical sick man? I don't think so. Haven't been pretending I'm dying, haven't been snapping at you and brushing you off..."

"Yes," Philip said, "you're the absolute picture of health."

Benoit looked mock-offended even as he rubbed his nose. "The picture of responsibility, I'd say."

"Responsibility, my eye. Don't go anywhere." Philip stood up and went to the kitchen, coming back a minute later with a box of tissues. "You'd be more believable," he commented, "if you weren't all stuffed up. Blow your nose, Blanc."

Benoit took a few tissues out, filled his hands with them, and cupped his nose in his palms as he turned away to blow as quietly as he could. "I'm sorry."

"If you try apologizing to me again for being sick," Philip said, "I'll put you on a one-way train to the middle of nowhere, and you won't have anyone to take care of you there - wait." His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "That's why you wanted the honey, isn't it? To take care of yourself. You wanted to make tea." Benoit opened his mouth to speak, and Philip cut him off with a sharply-raised hand. "In secret. I'm a bit of a detective, too, when I want to be."

"Well, I suppose."

Philip stared him down, then took his hand. "Now, you're coming with me to -"

"Don't!" Benoit snatched his hand away like Philip had burned him, staring at him with a frantic look in his eyes. "You'll get sick, Philip."

"With your cold? Oh, what a truly dreadful thought. I don't know how I'd ever survive." Philip sighed and clicked his tongue. "You're very sweet to worry about me. I hope you know that. But I'm more interested in helping you than protecting myself." He reached for Benoit's hand again, and this time, Benoit let him. "We'll go to the kitchen now and I'll make you that tea myself. You're going to rest."

Benoit put up no protest, getting up, grabbing the tissues, and following Philip to the kitchen, where Philip directed him to sit down at the table. As soon as he did, he let out a volley of coughs that made him shake in place. "Hurts a little," he said softly, a touch of a rasp in his voice, when he was finished.

"How did I not hear you doing that?" Philip asked as he found the electric kettle and put it on. "The bathroom isn't that soundproof."

"I held them in," Benoit admitted. "As much as I could. The sneezes, too."

"Well, no wonder it hurts to cough now!" Philip filled the infuser with tea and set it in the teacup he pulled out, along with two generous spoonfuls of honey. Then he sat at the table and tapped Benoit's wrist. "Look at me, Blanc."

Benoit stared at him, blue eyes wide. "What is it?"

"I meant it when I said you'll rest. Tissues, bad telly, tea, the whole TLC package. What use am I as your husband if I can't pamper you when you're sick?"

"Now you're the one who's being sweet," Benoit said with a smile. "Better than sweet tea. I -" His face wavered. "I - move..."

Philip watched his eyelashes flutter and his breath hitch. "Bless you?"

Benoit shook his head. "I - hehhh..." He built up again, then let his breath out, frustrated. "I'm trying to l-let it out, but I - hhh...oh, I can't."

"It won't come out," Philip said in sympathy.

Benoit, now too entrapped by the stuck sneeze to reply, nodded instead. His eyes watered as he blinked frantically, lifting a hand to hover most of the way to his nose. "Hhnhhh..."

"That must feel awful." Philip leaned in. "Let me help."

"Hh-huhh-help?"

"Don't pretend like I haven't done this for you before. Hold still." Philip reached out and tapped Benoit's nose with his fingertip, watching his nostrils flare. "Like that. Just let me..." He ran his thumb down the bridge of Benoit's nose.

"Philip..." Benoit's voice was strained with the need to sneeze.

Philip rubbed the tip of Benoit's nose in a circle. "Let it come."

With a gasp, Benoit helplessly let his eyes flutter shut. "Gol dahhhng it -"

Philip took his hand away and pulled a few tissues out of the box, closing Benoit's fingers around them. "Bless you."

"Hhh'IHSHH!" Benoit pressed the tissues to his nose with both hands, eyes scrunching fully shut with the force of the sneeze. "Hhh...hhRHFSHhh! - hhh...hh'MPFSHH!" He lowered the tissues, revealing how much his nose was twitching still. "I have to..."

 "Shhh." Philip patted his arm. "Go on, those sound like a relief."

Benoit nodded and brought the tissues back, shoulders shaking. "HRSHhh! Hhh-hh...ihhIFSHH! Ehh...rrHSHH!" His breath hitched one more time, and then the last sneeze shuddered through him. "EHHRSHH!"

He breathed raggedly into the tissues, and didn't have to be told to blow his nose this time. "I'mb a mess," he said, sounding utterly ashamed.

"My mess," Philip countered. As soon as Benoit took the tissues away from his face, Philip cupped his cheek. "You're all right, after all that?"

Benoit shivered. "Mm."

With a frown, Philip moved his other hand to Benoit's forehead. "Do you feel cold?"

"It's not the flu," Benoit said. "Just a cold."

"You're allowed to feel run-down even with a cold," Philip told him.

"I'm not -" Benoit stopped to cough. "I'm not that bad."

Philip rolled his eyes. "Blanc..." Another shiver went through his husband, and he softened completely, deploying his secret weapon. "Ben. It's all right. You can be weak with me. Let yourself go, sweetheart."

A small smile came over Benoit's lips before a cough replaced it, followed by an exhausted-sounding sniffle. "It feels good to do that," he said, "but bad, too."

"Of course it does." Philip stood up and came around behind Benoit's chair, kissing the top of his head. "Poor thing," he murmured into his hair. "I've got you."

Benoit slumped forward in his chair as he finally relaxed fully. "Bless your heart," he said. "And I don't mean that in a passive-aggressive way, now. Don't mistake my meaning."

"Don't talk," Philip said. "And I know what you mean. Bless my heart and bless your nose, hmm?" He stepped away from the chair. "That's the water boiling. Stay here and I'll bring you your tea. And if you move a muscle -"

"I know," Benoit said through a low chuckle. "That sounds just fine to me."

[TheCakeIsAlive]

I love it.  It's so on point for them (from what I've seen in glass onion). I'm glad that the boyfriend/husband is getting a bit more screen time this way.  And the reference to the games... 👄

[marzipan]

This is so good! You capture the atmosphere of the film perfectly - and Benoit checking to make sure Philip knew his "bless your heart" wasn't passive aggressive made me giggle 😊

[ID2006]

Aww, I don't know this Fandom but loving this 

[a-and-b-snz]

I loved this movie so much, but I never expected to find such a fantastic fic of it! This is wonderful, thank you for writing it 😊

[90percenthoneydew]

Stop this is so cute. I love your writing, it has just enough detail combined with dialogue that feels perfectly in character. So so good  

[snifflesncuddles]

This was so lovely! I love the implication that Philip has helped Blanc induce before- such a fun little detail. So well-written too. Lovely work! ❤️

[Alexmeiai774]

I need more philip and benoit content in the movie series! I love daniel Craig and Hugh grant.