(Absolutely not a) Mother Hen {Hetalia} US+UK

[lillian]

Performing necromancy and bringing up some content from the dead. Hetalia has never left my heart, and neither has grumpy England and puppy-dog America. Enjoy!

Some head canons I’ve come up with over the years: America’s sneezes come in twos, with lots of vocal buildup, and either sound like the stereotypical “ah-achoo!” or with lots of y and ew sounds, if that makes sense. Think cowboy. But unlike Prussia or Denmark, he’s actually kind of shy and apologetic about his sneezes, especially if he gets caught in a fit, which happens more often with a cold or allergies, but sometimes hits him out of nowhere. The self consciousness is directly inherited from England, who hasn’t sneezed unstifled since 1927

England wrapped his hands around the paper cup of English breakfast tea. Hearty and warm, it’d be enough to drag him along for the rest of the morning after this break. Meetings were tedious and stressful. He was not a people person, as many of his acquaintances could attest to, and being stuck in a room with so many strong personalities (many of which had centuries to curate their specific brand of annoying) gave him a bit of a headache. The irony of such a statement did not occur to him. 

“Yo, Artie, this seat taken?”

“Mm?” England looked over to find America settling himself into the armchair next to him. He’d thought this little nook, tucked in an alcove off the main hallway, would be too far from the main meeting room for anyone to bother walking all the way to, but America had wandering feet and a quick pace. 

“Well now it is,” England grumped, returning his gaze to the news article he was reading on his phone. Flash carnation sale in the Tube, skyrocketing fuel prices, nursery school children have a playdate with Prince Louis…

—-beep beep beep—- BEEP—- bzzztBEEP—

“America, would you turn that down?”

America looked up from his Nintendo Switch.

“Ah, yeah, sorry…” the beeping ceased. 

He was curled loosely in the chair with one suit-pant leg tucked under him and the other bent so he could rest most of his weight on it. Oddly crumpled-looking for such an energetic young nation. 

After a few more minutes of blessed silence while England read and America gamed, a small noise caught England’s attention. 

“mmNGT’uh…” 

He looked up to see America, pinching his nose with his entire fist, duck his blond head with another muffled sneeze—

“h’mmMPHschh…!”

—less successful than the first. He jumped a little at England’s polite “bless you.”

“Uh, thanks.” A small, damp sniffle. “‘Scuze be.” 

England frowned slightly, pushing a small, worried thought to the back of his mind. 

Ninety seconds of silence, then, into a hurriedly raised elbow,

“heh’shhgt! … hap’schhoo!” America cleared his throat before attempting a hoarse “‘scuze be.” 

“Bless you,” England said, as America cleared his throat harshly again. The little worried thought nagged at him, but he pushed it away firmly. No need to be silly.  America was perfectly—-

“Uh… heh… scuze be agaihh— hyehhh— hih! hyeshhoo! hah-ahh—atschhuh!” Cheeks and tips of his ears reddening and itchy tears welling in his eyes, America lifted his face from the crook of his arm and swiped a palm upwards against his nose, rubbing in circles, presumably to ease the remaining irritation.

He would not mother hen him. He would be distant and professional and—

America’s head jogged back as he hitched desperately. Hieeh… hih! hih—HIH’SCHH! ahhehh…ahd’TCHew!” 

“Goodness!” Blast. America sniffled blearily and looked up from the crook of his arm with hazy, teary eyes. He cleared his throat again to respond. 

England interrupted him, the worry ambushing him and his manners. “Are you alright?” 

“….yeah,” America said unconvincingly. His breath began to hitch and he once again swiped his palm against his nose, scrubbing rather harshly with a squelching sound that made England cringe. America snuffled, then switched to pressing his knuckles against his reddening nose, either holding back more sneezes or a running nose, or both. 

England was patting his pockets for his handkerchief before he registered what he was doing. It had been a very long time since he’d seen America have a fit like this. He’d always sneezed in twos, of course, but this was ridiculous. 

“…hrngh… d-dabbih-hih-HNGXT…! uh… hah…ETCHNNXX…! heh.. huh…goddabbit…” America kept his hands cupped around his nose, trying to hide the mess, as he caught his breath. He attempted a thick, slurping sniffle, which only served to set him coughing. 

“Here, love,” England said, half-stern with concern, and held out his handkerchief. America cautiously took one hand away from his face to take it, then turned slightly away and cleaned himself up. 

“What on earth is making you like this?” England asked, after America finished clearing his nose with gurgling, self-conscious blows. He decided to go with stern rather than coddling. “If it’s your dust allergies, there’s a very simple solution— cleaning every once and awhile!”

“Bad head cold,” America said softly, voice muffled slightly by the handkerchief.

“No excuses!” England continued, then stopped abruptly. “What?” He asked, eyes widening. Did America just admit he was ill? Surely not! His former colony turned chaotic world superpower was making his pledge to avoid all tenderness very difficult. 

America snuffled hard and thick, in case his voice wasn’t clear enough to be understood. “I got a bad head cold.” 

England tsked under his breath, clinging furiously to a reproachful tone. “You have a bad…” he trailed off as America’s eyes slipped closed and his flushed nostrils flared as his breath hitched teasingly. He fell forward into the damp handkerchief with two more exhausted sneezes. 

“ASHHuu! heh… huh… hah’eschhoo! Holy fugk…” 

America blew his nose, starting with productive gurgles and ending with frustrated stuffy honks. When his hazy blue eyes opened and met England’s, the older nation couldn’t help but tsk and murmur, “God bless you, poppet.” America coughed wetly into the handkerchief, and there was a slight wheeze to his breath as he got it back. England’s heart clenched.  

“You need a warm bed and some tea before that head cold becomes a chest cold,” he said. 

“With whiskey?” America croaked.

“Heavens no, you shouldn’t spike your tea with whiskey when you’re ill! That is an old wives’ tale if I ever heard one…” England paused, taking in America’s grin. “Wait, how did you know?”

“Figured id oud evedtually. Little for you in your tea, little for be in bide, ad I slept like a baby.” 

England rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll consider it.”

 

-fin!-

Edited April 17 by lillian

[Vinda]

This is so cute! I honestly don't even know the characters, but I found their interactions soft and adorable nonetheless! 

Quote

“No excuses!” England continued, then stopped abruptly. “What?” He asked, eyes widening. Did America just admit he was ill? Surely not! His former colony turned chaotic world superpower was making his pledge to avoid all tenderness very difficult. 

^ Like this has so many layers to it! I like how England is the caregiver but also somehow more willing to commit to the "denial" route than America. He was so ready to scold America about dust, but he was thwarted! 

Quote

“God bless you, poppet.”

^ Also, this line in particular! So soft! A blessing and a pet name! 💖

Thank you for performing necromancy / writing and sharing! 

[secret19]

Absolutely love this 

[lillian]

Oh my god y’all!! I have been in this fandom for ten years (first fic I wrote was in ‘13— it’s, um, rough) and I was sure this story would grow cobwebs. 

34 minutes ago, Vinda said:

This is so cute! I honestly don't even know the characters, but I found their interactions soft and adorable nonetheless! 

^ Like this has so many layers to it! I like how England is the caregiver but also somehow more willing to commit to the "denial" route than America. He was so ready to scold America about dust, but he was thwarted! 

^ Also, this line in particular! So soft! A blessing and a pet name! 💖

Thank you for performing necromancy / writing and sharing! 

I’m sooo happy to know that I could introduce these characters (who I love deeply) to you!! I’m hesitant to recommend hetalia to people because the fandom was notoriously problematic. Most of us have grown up and wised up, though, and there’s some stunning art and fic out there. Including on the forum! I suggest “Game On” and anything by the great Hatchimitsu Tea. The show is just goofy but the new seasons are alright! Thank you for reading! 

13 minutes ago, secret19 said:

Absolutely love this 

I’m so glad you do! Thanks for reading!

Edited January 29, 2023 by lillian

[secret19]

2 hours ago, lillian said:

I’m so glad you do! Thanks for reading!

Of course!! please please write more!!!! 🙏🙏🙏❤️

[lillian]

15 minutes ago, secret19 said:

Of course!! please please write more!!!! 🙏🙏🙏❤️

I plan to! Are you into hetalia?

[secret19]

Not specifically, just love your writing 

[lillian]

3 hours ago, secret19 said:

Not specifically, just love your writing 

Aw thank you. You have no idea how much this means. I’ll get that next part going

in the meantime, feel free to check out the other things I’ve written for this site! 

Edited January 30, 2023 by lillian

[RosyLights]

This is really good! It's great to see some new Hetalia stuff on the forum. I used to be a huge Hetalia fangirl lol. I look forward to seeing what happens next!

[Akahana]

Hetalia never leaves us… v cute though

[Guest]

Ohhh, this is so so cute. Making me feel all nostalgic for this series, it's been a while haha. Lovely work!

[OneSaltySir]

THIS 👏👏👏 soft Arthur is my everything!!! If you plan to continue, don't mind me while I hit 'follow'

[lillian]

On 1/30/2023 at 1:59 AM, RosyLights said:

This is really good! It's great to see some new Hetalia stuff on the forum. I used to be a huge Hetalia fangirl lol. I look forward to seeing what happens next!

 

On 1/31/2023 at 2:39 AM, daydreamer<3 said:

Ohhh, this is so so cute. Making me feel all nostalgic for this series, it's been a while haha. Lovely work!

 

10 hours ago, OneSaltySir said:

THIS 👏👏👏 soft Arthur is my everything!!! If you plan to continue, don't mind me while I hit 'follow'

Ah thank you all so much! Love that Hetalia lives on in all of us. Thanks for witnessing ❤️ 

This is not a continuation, but it's along the same premise. I don't necessarily ship USUK as I'm much more interested in the father/son relationship and for me the two don't jive (no judgement to anyone else, just my preference). I like to think that America and England have a lot more in common than either would like to admit, including their disastrous political landscape and their out of place pride... 

I quickly wrote this as I had the day off and couldn't get it out of my head. There is very little plot, except first England has a cold and then a few weeks later, it's raining and America has to be in London and for some reason ends up staying at England's house and happens to be catching a cold. Y'all get it.

___

England knew it wouldn’t help, but as soon as the tickle flared up again he pressed his balled-up handkerchief to his nose, pinching his sore, pink nostrils tight through the damp fabric. Good habits must be kept, no matter how futile the fight felt. Stiff upper lip. 

“ngxt!”

A short burst of strangled sound, perfectly rehearsed into repression. He was well into his cold, and his whole head felt stuffed with cotton. Each sneeze made his ears pop and his sinuses throb with congestion. This being his current state, he allowed himself a stuffy exhale, a desperate inhale quickly following.

“Hah! het’nxgt! epp’nxxt! Blast…” Why he kept forcing himself to prolong a sneeze or two into a drawn-out, frustrating fit because he couldn’t bring himself to just sneeze was a question he would not allow himself to stew on. 

“hngxt’chh!”

Even when he was ill and it was clearly not accomplishing the job of keeping quiet, or–

“ehd’sch’nght!”

Tidy. He ruefully wiped his nose and blew with short, stuffy honks. Pulling the handkerchief away, he scrunched his nose with several wet sniffles. Though he rarely held back a lecture when he heard America indulge in a loud, productive sneeze, and then another that he could never help, he always felt a sting of jealousy at the satisfaction on his face and the rough upward swipe against his nose. 

___

It was only a few weeks later when England found himself ushering a damp, shivery, sniffly America into his London townhome. 

“Shoes off, you’re leaving puddles.” 

America toed off his sneakers. “S’fucking c-cold in here…”

England rolled his eyes. “So news of the heating crisis hasn’t made it across the pond yet? Still too busy squabbling and overturning civil protections?” 

“Ain’t here to t-talk a-ah-about my poli– ihh… hiehhh! h’YESHhoo!” 

England waited. 

“huhh… heh’ESHHew!”

“Bless you. I think discussing your current events with an older and wiser…” England trailed off as America turned away to muffle a string of croupy coughs into his elbow. 

“Yeah, roger that,” he croaked, swiping his palm against his nose with a sniffle. His eyes, still watery and squinty from his sneezing, were tired and bruised. The boy looked exhausted.

England cleared his throat gruffly. 

“Go upstairs and change. I’ll put the kettle on for tea. Sounds as though you could use a cup.” He handed America his duffle bag and walked briskly towards the kitchen.

-a bit later-

England busied himself in the kitchen, putting the mugs away and folding tea towels. A muted, insistent sound came suddenly from the living room.

“hup’ngggxt!!” Another quickly followed. “atch’ngt!!” And again. “ehh… hap’shkk! hh! heh’ngxt-NGXT!”

England hurried to the front room, just in time to watch America gasp and pitch back into the throw pillow. 

“mm’NGXT! aheh! NGXXXT-NGXT!” A wheezy inhale, and another set of smothered sneezes – “etch’nxxt!xxt!GNXXT!” 

“Bloody hell, bless you!” England exclaimed. America lifted his face from the pillow, eyes trying to slip closed as his nose twitched against the constant tick of suppressed sneezes. He raised an elbow and sneezed again, freely this time.

“ATSCHHoo!” 

“Goodness. Are you done?”

“HASHHyeww!”

America hesitated, using his sleeve to rub at his nose, then nodded. A rough, wet sniffle made England cringe. Trying to ignore America’s downcast, slightly embarrassed expression, he pushed on. 

“What the blazes do you think you’re doing? Trying to smother yourself? Into my good throw pillow, no less!” 

America just sniffled and wheezed as he caught his breath. 

England bit back the rest of his lecture and let out a slow breath. “Are you alright, love? That was quite a fit.” 

With an oddly familiar expression of hurt pride, America nodded. 

“Cad I have a dtissue?” He asked, voice chesty and hoarse. 

England pulled a clean handkerchief from his pocket and crossed the room to hand it over. 

He crossed his arms over his chest while America cleaned himself (and the pillow) up. 

“You’re only going to end up feeling worse if you try to hold them in like that,” he couldn’t help but say. 

“Didd’t wadt you to hear be sdeezi’g,” America said softly. England’s eyes widened in surprise. 

“Why on earth not?” He asked, even though he knew the answer. 

America had to sniffle before he could respond, and even still his voice was thick and stuffy. “I dod’t wa’d you to lecture be because I’b worryi’g you.” 

“Oh, America.” England sat down next to him and put an awkward hand on his knee. “I’m always worrying about you,” told the floor. “Especially when I see you acting just like me.”
 

[OneSaltySir]

I'm actually crying-

 

This is ART

[lillian]

30 minutes ago, OneSaltySir said:

I'm actually crying-

 

This is ART

Welcome to the forum! I'm so glad you're enjoying my entirely out-of-date drabbles!!

[Vinda]

I still haven't read any of the original / canon material for this, but I really enjoyed this continuation / cousin fic. A few of my favorite parts: 

Quote

A short burst of strangled sound, perfectly rehearsed into repression.

^ Lovely description, both in terms of alliteration and imagery. 😈

The line about England knowing how America always sneezes in doubles! (1) Great foreshadowing, and (2) such a succinct way to show how well he knows him. 💗

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“What the blazes do you think you’re doing? Trying to smother yourself? Into my good throw pillow, no less!” 

^ I don't know these characters very well, but this line struck me as especially funny and British. Particularly as a response to uncomfortable amounts of *whispers* feeligns or vulnerability. 

Quote

“I’m always worrying about you,” told the floor. “Especially when I see you acting just like me.”

^ And, NGK, this is such a strong and lovely ending! It ties the story together very well! 

[Ignis]

Okay i’m rarely on here anymore but i was lurking and HAD to drop a comment because i love this ❤️ it’s been a while since ive engaged with Hetalia fic and i enjoyed this a lot! your spellings for alfie are so good <3<3<3

[Femilloween77]

Can't believe I'm only reading this now! This is adorable and you pictured their relationship perfectly. Thanks for writing ❤️ 

[Kolen]

Ahaha, I love this. I've Hetalia for a decade now, writing my own personal fics about it, quietly fanboying over the characters (my favorites are Prussia and Germany) but I love all of them still! ❤️ thank you for blessing my eyes with these lovely reads.