The Commute

[RiversD]

Can't find this in my recent topics so I guess I never cross-posted this here? If I did and I'm duplicating then I apologise. Little allergy one-shot for a while ago (I don't think I'm ever likely to write these two again, but feel free to imagine your own future for them)

 

 

The man naturally drew the eye, being somewhere close to six feet tall and laden down with enough shopping bags to take up the space of a second person. Wherever he was going this morning, it was obviously his responsibility to bring supplies. He had long blond hair, pulled into a ragged bundle at the back of his head, and a somewhat harried expression on his face.

When he first boarded her train, Lauren assumed from his flushed appearance that the heat outside was rising back to the levels of the day before. But as she considered him, she realised that although his face was red, it was dry, and there was no sign of any other effects of heat nor exertion on the pristine shirt he was wearing.

No tie, though, and he had unbuttoned it at the neck in concession to the discomforts of rush hour travel-and perhaps conceding other sources of discomfort as well. Now that she was paying attention she could see the subtle but definite sniff, every couple of seconds, and the unusual intensity he was bringing to each eyeblink.

Allergies, then. It was the right season for them, and the platform he had been waiting on was thickly overhung with trees. Lauren felt a warm sort of sympathy for him, recalling the misery of her own more Autumnal allergies as she watched him shuffle his bags around so that he could rub his nose against his upper arm.

He was clearly trying to be discreet about his suffering, which made him perversely more interesting to watch. Lauren allowed herself to study him more openly as it became obvious that the man wasn’t aware of much in the carriage beyond his immediate circumstances. He had managed to get his back to the wall, using it to steady himself occasionally against the train’s sway. And still, hands full of bags, he kept returning to his upper arm in an attempt to scratch an itch they both knew wasn’t going away so easily. He sniffed more audibly than before and wrinkled his nose as though doing so had been a mistake. Lauren could see tell-tale tears gathering in his eyes, blinked back rapidly, but returning as reliably as his compulsion to grind his nose against his arm whenever the prickling itch inside it grew too much to ignore.

He was still making an effort to keep the pretence of composure, but was undermined at every step by the deepening squint of his eyes and his increasing inability to leave his nose untouched for more than a few seconds at a time. Two stops later the pause between rubs was scarcely a second, and his eyes were visibly watering with the effort of keeping it at that.

Lauren was so focused now on the details of his face that she seemed to see it happen in slow motion. The man’s long, red-lined nostrils gave a dramatic, angry twitch. Wrinkling his nose, he pressed it to his left bicep again, but Louise could see from the wide flare of those nostrils against his arm that it wasn’t backing down. He lifted his arm higher, bags knocking together, just managing to tuck his face into his elbow before he was overwhelmed by the allergic urge to sneeze.

“hht’CHHszchH!”

Lauren could see the strength of it ripple through his shoulders, hear the cost of restraining it on his throat. His body had obviously wanted to give an even more attention-grabbing display.

The man’s face half-lifted from his elbow shield. There was a fresh shine under his nose and his nostrils were still extended, greedy for air. The man breathed unsteadily through his mouth, his expression pleading as he tried to close the floodgates on this reaction, to no avail. His face crumpled and he dived back into his elbow with a sharp:

“haht’CHIUH!”

It was a surprisingly abrupt sneeze, but the hasty inhale which followed made it clear that this was only the herald to an unstoppable flood. Lauren knew that feeling far too well- the moment when your body has stopped listening, the allergy has taken over, and you’re just going to keep sneezing until it says you can stop. Not the best time to also be on a train with standing room only with your hands otherwise occupied.

“hhHCHHSCHH! hhaH!”

He made a last-ditch effort to hold it there, but couldn’t hold his breath for more than a heartbeat.

“’CHHSHH! haHTSSCH’HUH!”

Accepting his fate, and showing impressive athleticism under pressure, the man sank into a squat, backside steadied against the carriage wall, allowing the majority of his bags to rest against the floor as his nose burrowed deeper into the crook of his left elbow with every miserable sneeze.

“Ha’ZZISSCHhhuh!”

Oh, they were getting wet. Lauren wondered if his sleeve was going to survive.

“huh- hah…TZZCHHuh!”

The other commuters were studiously ignoring the unignorable. The man’s right hand began trying to reach his trouser pocket- perhaps he had tissues in there?

“hah’TSCHHHhh!”

If that was his aim, he was pretty hampered. The weight of the carrier bags was one thing, but squatting had tightened the opening to that pocket, besides which-

“’TZSSCHH!”

Every sneeze knocked him off balance which, combined with the motion of the train, meant tissue retrieval efforts were paused until he was no longer in danger of toppling over… by which time he was ready to sneeze again.

“hah’CHISSHuh!”

Lauren couldn’t bear it any longer. She had a travel-pack of tissues in her own bag, after all. She retrieved them, opened them, pulled out the first one, and on reflection pulled out two more. From the sound of that fit, one wouldn’t nearly be enough. She stood up, bracing herself to break the prime directive of commuter travel- acknowledge nothing, and Do Not Get Involved.

“hah… ha’TSSZCHHHuh!”

Lauren got up from her seat and crossed the carriage. The man was halfway to his next sneeze already, eyebrows furrowed above the modesty shield of his elbow, the fingers of his right hand trembling as they made another doomed bid for his pocket. Taking the triple-layer of tissues, Lauren pressed them against his left hand, which was hanging uselessly in space. He gripped them by instinct, fingers tightening into a fist around them as consciousness was momentarily obliterated by a wet, wrenching, desperately irritated sneeze.

“TSZZCHHHuhH!”

Blinking hard to clear his vision in the following moment of clarity, the man managed to understand the gift and dragged it to him with a clatter of bags. Lauren caught a glimpse of his face- flushed, tear-streaked, scarlet-nosed, already folding into an allergic grimace before a mass of white tissue hid it from view.

“hhah’TZCHHFF!”

His large hand clamped tightly down on the tissue, muffling the final syllable of the sneeze. He squinted pathetically up at Lauren, eyes so watery she knew she must be a pencil-skirted blur.

“Th- th-huh! ah-”

A loud bing-bong from the train’s PA system drowned out the sound of the man’s unravelling breath control, though the visible parts of his face continued to tell the story just as eloquently.”

A recorded voice announced:

“Now approaching: Little Nanton. Customers for Little Nanton, Toombe and Fidditch, please disembark here. This is Little Nanton.”

“hh’TSSCHFF!”

Damn it, this was her stop. Maybe it was a blessing not to be part of the inevitable awkwardness afterwards, but Lauren had become weirdly invested in this man’s battle with the day’s overwhelming pollen count. Reluctantly, she accepted that getting to work on time was probably more important than seeing this epic sneezing fit to its conclusion.

“My stop,” she told the man, tucking the pack of travel-tissues into his now-unoccupied right hand as he sniffled urgently behind his left.

“Thank y-y- youehHT’SZHHUE!”

He rocked forward almost hard enough to reach her, a couple of loose strands of hair fluttering against her legs as he rocked back into place again. The train doors opened.

“This is Little Nanton.”

Damn it. Lauren stepped out onto the platform, feeling a hot blush roll across her own face. As the doors hissed closed behind her, she heard one last, desperate: “hh’SZCHHuH!” break through before the train rumbled away and left her alone, feeling strangely cheated.

As she walked up the platform towards her place of employment, Lauren couldn’t help hoping that man’s journey was to be a regular one. Not that she wanted him to suffer, but… she would pack extra tissues tomorrow, just in case. After all, this pollen season was due to last at least another couple of weeks…

[Privatedancer]

Wow- just wow

[starpollen]

Ohh I am with Lauren!  Would love to see this continued.  Incredible description of the visual: him hunkered down sneezing uncontrollably whilst laden with shopping bags? SO very hot.  Thank you!

[SleepingPhlox]

Holy moly this is some good stuff! 😮

[Cedar]

This is so well written!!! Public allergy attacks are so embarrassing 😩 I feel for this fictional stranger

[Privatedancer]

Hoping for more

[krazykat]

Yum

[Tumble]

🥰nice🥰

[BCCLX]

LOVE THIS 💗💗💗 hope they meet again!!

[Tess]

I commute to work by train, and this would be a dream come true 🤩 Love your work 😍

[Lilsgjerd]

Omg I love this!!! Please continue if you're up for it