F-ing Disgusting (Ted Lasso, Jamie)

[Guest]

First fic that I’ll be posting on here, so go easy on me. A small Ted Lasso fic feat. sick Jamie and (slightly) caring Roy, apologies if I wrote them out of character. This takes place sometime after S3E3, so please don’t read if you don’t want any spoilers! 

___

Roy gave a frustrated grumble as he pounded on Jamie’s door for the third time. It had been a week since they started their 4am training sessions, and Jamie had slowly begun to adapt to his trainer’s schedule—which required waking up in the wee hours of the morning.

Leave it up to him to forget about training… Little prick’s probably in bed right now, getting his fucking beauty rest… Roy brought his fist up to knock again when the door swung open, revealing a very tired, very dull, very un-Jamie-looking Jamie. Roy’s brain malfunctioned for a second, trying to process the strange sight in front of him.

Jamie was leaning lazily against the doorframe, whether for support, or to make him look even more like a knob than usual, Roy wasn’t sure. His glassy eyes were rimmed with circles of a sickly, greyish hue, and the lids were just barely open. His nose looked battered and raw, like it had been scrubbed at repeatedly, and the nostrils glimmered with a wetness Jamie hadn’t bothered to wipe away. His lips that were so often in perfect condition were uncharacteristically chapped. Yes, something was off about the man, and Roy’s mind fought to grasp at what kind of a game he was playing.

“Hey, sorry I’m late, I slept through the alarm again. Swear that thing’s busted,” Jamie explained, gesturing vaguely behind him.

Roy blinked. “Er, yeah. ‘S’alright.” He studied Jamie with increasing suspicion. “What happened to you?”

“Rough night,” he muttered with a faint sniffle.

“I bet, you look like fucking shit. Are you dying?”

Jamie drew back, looking slightly offended. “You’re not lookin’ too great either, grandad. You’re already decomposin’.” He let out a laugh, which quickly turned into a few harsh-sounding coughs.

Roy stared at him. “Really, though. You—” he cleared his throat. “You feeling alright?”

Jamie nodded and sniffed wetly. “Yeah, no, ‘m’fantastic. We goin’ or not?”

Roy paused, then turned and started to jog. Jamie followed after.

___

The next hour passed smoothly for Roy. The sky was still a pleasant shade of dark purple, and the air held a crisp coolness that he felt rejuvenated him, and left the grass in a thin film of dew.

Jamie, on the other hand, was struggling. After the first fifteen minutes, Roy noticed that he was much slower than his normal pace, and he quickly fell behind. The only indication that Jamie was still there was his painfully wheezing breaths, the constant clearing of the throat, and the occasional stifled sneeze. After he almost tripped over his own feet, Roy decided it was time they took a break.

Jamie jogged over to where Roy stood, gasping heavily through his mouth. “Dunno why me runnin’s so off.” He dragged a finger under his nose, making an awful squelching sound. “I think there's somethin' wrong with me hip—“ He interrupted himself a violent pair of sneezes he pinched between his fingers.

Roy grimaced at the sorry sight, and shook his head. “You’re sick, aren’t you?”

Jamie’s eyes widened as he kept a protective hand beneath his nose. “No, I-I think it's allergies… What’s the pollen count today?”

“Jamie, don’t fucking lie to me. That is like the tenth time you’ve sneezed this morning, and frankly, it’s pissing me off. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jamie sighed and shrugged. “I don’t—I just—heh-just a sec—hehNgxt! HeEishh-ew!”

"Fucking disgusting!” Roy scowled and jumped back from the pathway of infection.

“That’s why!" Jamie yelled, exasperated. "You've got, like, zero empathy! You're flat and boring, you're-you're just a big, hairy sheet of cardboard."

Roy gave him a shove at this remark. "I'm not fucking cardboard!"

"Get off me, twat! Want me to sneeze on you again?" Jamie feigned a buildup, and smirked when Roy scrambled away.

"You're aiming your germs toward me on purpose!"

"I can't help it if I'm sick! I just didn't wanna miss training, I was afraid y'might—“

"Might what?"

"Be pissed at me, but you are anyway!"

"I'm only pissed when you—when you don't fucking take care of yourself!"

Stunned silence followed Roy's outburst, and he shifted awkwardly under Jamie's surprised stare.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean," Roy faltered, "How can you expect to be a decent footballer if you’re not healthy?"

Jamie's gaze travelled to his feet. "I guess. But that’s not what Jamie Tartt’s supposed to do, yeah? I can’t just skip on training ‘cuz of a sniffle, me dad—I’d be a pussy.”

Roy felt a tinge of compassion as he recalled what happened at the Wembley match, but he pushed it away. “Did you just refer to yourself in the third person?”

“Fuck off, mate,” Jamie said with a snort. 

“Whatever. You’re still going home. Instructions from your trainer.” After he received no response, Roy looked over at his trainee. Jamie’s was slackjawed and his eyes were unfocused. His nostrils flared slightly, but he stayed frozen in anticipation, gripping the collar of his shirt and bringing it up towards his face. Roy began to retreat. “Oh, don’t you fucking do it—“

“Heh-HEishngxsht!” Jamie doubled over with the force of the sneeze, just barely catching it with the inside of his shirt. 

Roy shook his head. Fucking disgusting.

[SleepingPhlox]

Oh my goodness this is lovely. You describe sick people so wonderfully, I could just picture it as I was reading.  This was so very, very enjoyable.

I'm kind of surprised that Ted Lasso hasn't gotten the sickfic treatment more often, given the show's popularity!

[Guest]

3 hours ago, SleepingPhlox said:

Oh my goodness this is lovely. You describe sick people so wonderfully, I could just picture it as I was reading.  This was so very, very enjoyable.

I'm kind of surprised that Ted Lasso hasn't gotten the sickfic treatment more often, given the show's popularity!

Wow thank you so much!! I’m glad you liked my writing  If more people on the forum are interested in Ted Lasso fics, I will definitely write more!

[Alabaster]

Haha this is perfect and absolutely in character!

[lillian]

Love this so much. Thank you for bringing it into existence!! 

[Lady Blessington]

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Whistle! Whiiiistle! Love itttttttt Sincerely xoxo Ice Cream

[Bongo]

This is amazing!

[Guest]

On 6/10/2023 at 6:04 PM, Alabaster said:

Haha this is perfect and absolutely in character!

Ahh thank youu I’m so glad you thought so!! It was difficult to come up with dialogue that sounded like the characters.

On 6/10/2023 at 10:51 PM, lillian said:

Love this so much. Thank you for bringing it into existence!! 

Thank you for reading it!!

On 6/11/2023 at 3:47 PM, ice_cream_though said:

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Whistle! Whiiiistle! Love itttttttt Sincerely xoxo Ice Cream

Ty Ice Cream  I appreciate your comment 🫡

23 hours ago, Bongo said:

This is amazing!

I’m glad you liked it :))