Dying to tell spouse

[peach2218]

It comes in waves (usually when I’m getting close to ovulating and I’m extra tuned in to the fetish, big surprise), but sometimes I almost ache with the desire to just tell my husband and get this massive secret off of my chest. 
 

But then I start going through the pros and cons and I yank myself back to reality for a bit. I like being able to enjoy him sneezing in peace. I might not want him to indulge in the fetish if I tell him and he offers. He might take it really hard and look at me differently. He might not take me seriously at all. 
 

I know that some of the members on this forum are completely content to keep this thing a secret forever. Some of you told a significant other and it went great. Some of you told, and it ruined your relationship or soured it. Is there anyone in the same boat as me? I’ve managed to go more than 8 years without bringing it up. 8 years with a pretty crazy mental block. 8 years of going through phases where I’m bursting at the seams to tell him. I’m going through one of those phases right now, and it’s quite the dilemma. It could open up a whole new level of trust in our marriage, or it could change the way he looks at me forever. 

[ALSF]

no offense but I find it astounding so many people have whole spouses that they havent told. I've told way more girls than I should have because for someone to be dating me, it's a big thing for them to know. I actually wish I had the level of secrecy you have because I worry my secret will get out at some point, but when it comes to a trusted significant other, there is no question that telling them has always resulted in a closer bond and a cathartic feeling. It's fun to have a sexy little secret with someone. I understand the allure of watching them sneeze without knowing what it means, but in my experience it doesn't lessen the experience at all. I promise you, if you really love and trust someone, they will be more than happy to hear it. Hell, he might think it's pretty cool that there is still more to learn after 8 years!

[sneezefan222]

9 hours ago, peach2218 said:

It comes in waves (usually when I’m getting close to ovulating and I’m extra tuned in to the fetish, big surprise), but sometimes I almost ache with the desire to just tell my husband and get this massive secret off of my chest. 
 

But then I start going through the pros and cons and I yank myself back to reality for a bit. I like being able to enjoy him sneezing in peace. I might not want him to indulge in the fetish if I tell him and he offers. He might take it really hard and look at me differently. He might not take me seriously at all. 
 

I know that some of the members on this forum are completely content to keep this thing a secret forever. Some of you told a significant other and it went great. Some of you told, and it ruined your relationship or soured it. Is there anyone in the same boat as me? I’ve managed to go more than 8 years without bringing it up. 8 years with a pretty crazy mental block. 8 years of going through phases where I’m bursting at the seams to tell him. I’m going through one of those phases right now, and it’s quite the dilemma. It could open up a whole new level of trust in our marriage, or it could change the way he looks at me forever. 

@peach2218 Why did you marry him?

[Guest]

I completely relate to your problem and I think about it often. I can’t pretend to personally understand your perspective on the situation as I am not married, but I wonder about how freeing it might be to tell an SO, or on the other hand, the hurtful consequences that might come of it. You’ve been together for 8 years, which is a relatively long time for such a young couple (if your listed age is correct), and that does require a high level of trust and commitment. But it is true that revealing something that big after being together for that long might be a shock to him, or might unnerve him, disgust him, or just confuse him. Again, I cannot completely understand your situation. You know yourself and your husband the best. If you feel he is open-minded, kind, forgiving, and a man who will love you despite of and also because of who you are, you should tell him. Your relationship could become stronger when you’ve entrusted him with your secret, like ALSF said. The decision is ultimately up to you, and I wish you luck with whatever path you take. Because I’m sure one day I’ll have to face this too.

[peach2218]

3 hours ago, sneezefan222 said:

@peach2218 Why did you marry him?

For all of the reasons most people marry for love. We were best friends and then we fell in love, he’s a good partner and a good man. I know I should just trust him and tell him, but I’m a very anxious person by nature and my mind comes up with all of the worst case scenarios. 
 

I’ve been lurking around this forum since I was 13, 5 years before I even met him, and I’ve seen a lot of stories of husbands and wives finding out about the fetish and being so weirded out that they never speak of it again. I know I should have brought it up when we were dating, but I didn’t and here we are. 

[sneezefan222]

15 minutes ago, peach2218 said:

For all of the reasons most people marry for love. We were best friends and then we fell in love, he’s a good partner and a good man. I know I should just trust him and tell him, but I’m a very anxious person by nature and my mind comes up with all of the worst case scenarios. 
 

I’ve been lurking around this forum since I was 13, 5 years before I even met him, and I’ve seen a lot of stories of husbands and wives finding out about the fetish and being so weirded out that they never speak of it again. I know I should have brought it up when we were dating, but I didn’t and here we are. 

By what you just told me, I know he’ll be accepting of the fetish.  He sounds like a man who would do anything to make you happy.  Be honest with him.  You just might surprise yourself.  

[peach2218]

22 hours ago, sneezefan222 said:

By what you just told me, I know he’ll be accepting of the fetish.  He sounds like a man who would do anything to make you happy.  Be honest with him.  You just might surprise yourself.  

You’re 100% right. I just need to find the courage, I don’t think I’ve ever been more nervous to have a conversation in my life. 

[sneezefan222]

37 minutes ago, peach2218 said:

You’re 100% right. I just need to find the courage, I don’t think I’ve ever been more nervous to have a conversation in my life. 

@peach2218 you’ll feel much better once you take that step.  No matter the outcome, at least you got it off your shoulders.