Stealth and Sternuation (M)

[Skylacticon]

Hey! I've been on hiatus from original writing for a bit, but I got this little hiding scenario idea and thought I'd share it. Think Uncharted 4 auction heist, but with more dust, danger, and a poor thief with allergies. xx

-

 

“What the hell are they still doing here?” Connor muttered, edging around the boxes stored in the dark room.

 

“Not sure. Duke said they were scattered around the banquet.” Zeke followed closely behind, trying to lighten his footsteps. Connor was making his way to the other end of the storage space, toward another set of double doors. More boxes were stacked in front of it.

 

Zeke coughed quietly.

 

Connor turned his head. “You okay?”

 

“No, yeah, just-” It was dim, but soon his eyes picked up on the fuzzy coating that had settled on the cardboard boxes around the storage space. “Dust, or something.”

 

“Shh!”

 

Voices could be heard from behind the double doors. Connor quickly stepped on top of a box that was placed directly in front, and crouched down to peek through the tiny crack. Zeke quickly held his breath, and did the same behind the other door. There was a thin stream of light coming from between the doors that faintly illuminated Connor’s light blue eyes. There were definitely more than three men out there, and the sound of heavy footsteps suggested more.

 

“Oh, shit,” Connor swore under his breath.

 

Zeke took the next breath in slowly. His expression went from nervous to perplexed; his eyes narrowing. Barely audible, perhaps only to Connor, he tried quietly clearing his throat. Zeke’s brown eyes fluttered shut. He raised a fist to hover in front of his nose and mouth.

 

Connor’s gaze flickered from the crack in the door, to Zeke. “...You good?”

 

“Yeah,” Zeke whispered, slowly blinking his eyes open. As they did, they appeared more narrowed, as if irritated. Connor kept watching through the sliver between the doors, trying to listen to their conversation.

 

Zeke shifted his weight on top of the box, trying not to make noise. His feet bent the cardboard slightly, and shifting allowed him to get into a more comfortable position. Barely breathing, Connor watched as figures in black uniform gathered around the next room. Meanwhile, a weak cough, and a sniff came from Zeke’s direction. Connor ignored it momentarily and kept stalking the men through the crack in the door.

 

After a few more seconds- “Connor, we should get out of here.”

 

“Huh? Come on. We haven’t finished the job yet,” Connor shot back, eager to keep listening.

 

There was another sniff. And another gentle cough.

 

“I think I’m going-”

 

“Shh!”

 

Another person stepped into the next room over, heavy footsteps thudding atop the concrete floor. There was a silence among the men, as if this person was of heavy authority. Zeke leaned as far back from the door as he could, and muffled a few coughs into his sleeve. What followed was more than a sniff - they were now sniffles, relatively dry, but ultimately itchy-sounding. As Connor became aware of the situation at hand, he stared at Zeke, and as the new guest in the next room began to speak in a deep, booming voice, Conner raised an index finger to his lips.

 

Zeke tried to hold his breath. 

 

After the guest’s formal entrance, the conversation seemed to continue amongst the men that had gathered. Connor stayed frozen in his position, crouched on top of the boxes, as was Zeke. Connor heard some shifting coming from his side, and turned to look at him.

 

“Connor,” Zeke whispered, somewhat breathily.

 

“What?”

 

“I thigk I’b godda… hhgodda sdeehhze…”

 

“Wh- Don’t sneeze,” Connor hissed, like it was a stupid idea.

 

Zeke shot him a look that said 'Thanks dude, didn't think of that'.'

 

He wanted to sniffle harder, but they were becoming pretty audible. Zeke rubbed his red, flushed nostrils hard back and forth, and even that made wet squishy sounds. There were some more thick, itchy snuffles.

 

“ihhh…. hiehhh?”

 

“Don’t you dare sneeze.”

 

“ah’huhhh…. *snrk* hih! hih!” That last congested sniffle seemed to have made the itch spike. His breath came in small, erratic hitches, his nostrils flaring wide.

 

“Zeke-”

 

Zeke wanted to give an exasperated huff, but his breath was already hard to control as it was. He began muttering quietly: “S-so buch… hhso buch dust… haeh… hihh!” He gasped, and quickly pinched his nose between his thumb and forefinger. His body began to convulse, with near-silent, desperate stifles. “nxXgkt!!- kxgnt-! -gG’xXck!!-huhh… *sdrff* hiehhh…?”

 

“Shhh…”

 

“EH’g’chh!!-gtschh!! hehh,” His nostrils flared desperately, his nose burning with the insistent itch. He quickly pressed both hands over his nose and tried his hardest to smother the sneezes. “gxXNnn!!-huhh… huh’gxXg!!-unhh… huhhh!” God, he still had to sneeze. 

 

“Bless you. You okay?” Connor stared at him, half-focused on the activity outside of the closed space.

 

“…hehhh… still have to sdeehhh… hhsdeehh… *snrff* hihh! hgG’xXckk!!-unhh, *sdrf!* Huh! aht’chh!-chh!-chh! -g'TCHH!! -hunhhh… *sdrff*" He blinked and sniffled thickly under his sleeve.

 

“Bless you.”

 

“heehhh?” His head was tilting back, as he took longer, replenishing breaths. His red nostrils were twitching, and his eyes were squeezed shut. He quickly pinched his nostrils shut and stifled. “huh’gkxXXNntt!!-chhiewww…” The harsh sneeze came in two syllables; one painfully swallowed, the second a long, exhaled whisper.

 

“Bless you.”

 

“*snnrfff!* huhh *snnrff* Thagk you,” Zeke whispered. He wiped his eyes with the heels of his palms, his poor, sensitive nostrils still flaring. “*snrk*” He felt a long index finger press under his pink, tender nostrils. “-hih!”

 

“No more sneezing,” Connor ordered strictly.

 

“g’hehh!” A soft hitch was the only response Zeke could give, his itchy, sensitive nostrils flaring against the finger. It pressed harder. “huhhh… ‘b godda s-sdeeh-“

 

“No you’re not.”

 

“Hhuhhh…” His nose was beginning to leak down his upper lip - creating a breath-seizing, torturous itch. A high-pitched gasp emerged, but then he felt pressure against his flaring nostrils, as Connor began to rub back and forth. He gave a soft breath of relief, his eyelids fluttering shut.

 

“Better?” he asked softly.

 

“Hhh… Uh-huh… *snrffh* hihhh…” The flushed rims of his flaring nostrils twinged against the gentle rubbing. For a few more seconds… Then, there was a whistly attempt at sniffling. “Wait stop. S-stop-” The index finger lowered. Zeke sucked in a wet sniffle, and his expression crumbled into an even more agonized state. A shaky, quiet inhale, then his hand shot back up to pinch his nose. “huh'gxXTsch!!-gtxchh!-tchh! -hah'tschh! *snrk!* Hihh! huh’gxXNN!! -ohh…” He gave a soft, breathy sigh after that last heavy stifle, his eyes closing wearily.

 

“Bless you.”

 

Then with no hands, a choked back sneeze barely kept behind clenched teeth- “k’gxXtchhtt!! -huhhh…”

 

Connor watched the phenomenon in awe. Then, after a beat, “Bless you.”

 

Zeke leaned back and closed his eyes, his frame heaving with a few panting breaths. 

 

“Hey. You okay?”

 

He looked rather dizzy. Slowly, his eyes opened. They were glassy and irritated-looking.

 

“Just a little bit longer,” Conner breathed.

 

His weary eyes narrowing, Zeke raised his hand and stifled a single, wet-sounding expulsion. “huh'gk’nxXgkt!!”

 

“Bless you,” Connor shifted his weight carefully. “Jeez, you’re really allergic.”

 

Zeke rolled his watery eyes. He snuffled softly, rubbing at his buzzing, itchy nostrils. His lips were parted, taking soft, shorts gasps. “*snrff* hhh…” His teary, irritated eyes blinked slowly. 

 

“I think they’re gonna leave soon,” Connor began softly, his blue eyes lit up in the small stream of light coming from the crack of the door. 

 

Then, with a miscalculated step, Connor’s foot slipped from one of the boxes he was crouching on. He nearly fell - but he managed to catch himself before anything could come tumbling down. However, he did manage to disturb another small patch of dust that had settled, releasing it into the air in a thick plume.

 

“Oh shit,” he breathed, remaining extra still. “Sorry.”

 

“hih-!” A tiny, desperate gasp. Zeke’s facial figures were crumbling, slender nostrils flaring wide, his brow furrowing as the itchy feeling overwhelmed him.

 

“No-no-no, don’t-” Connor grabbed Zeke by the left shoulder and pulled his back towards him, then used his other hand to cover the lower half of his face.

 

‘Connor, what the fuck, you weirdo?’ Zeke was mentally jabbing, unable to speak. Although if he’d hadn’t covered Zeke’s face, what happened next would probably have resulted in a much worse outcome, despite how absolutely mortifying it was-

 

“kg’MMFF!!” A harsh, wet sneeze, smothered hard into Connor’s bare palm. Connor felt Zeke’s long, bony frame shudder against him, and tightened his grasp to prevent any sound from escaping. Zeke tried to come up for air, gasping behind Connor’s hand. It loosened, allowing him to take a few ragged breaths.

 

“Co- hih! Coddor-” Zeke huffed. He brought up his own hand and pinched his flaring nostrils shut. “hd’jdschh!! -nxXG'shiu!!”

 

Connor felt a pinch of sympathy and sighed. He casually wiped his hand on his jeans, and took one last peek through the sliver in between the two doors.

 

“Come on," he breathed, gently patting Zeke’s arm. "Let's find another way around."

 

Zeke was more than eager to oblige, moving carefully to climb off the box. One hand hovered over his pink, twinging nostrils, and his lips were parted, his breath coming in gentle huffs. Connor stepped off the boxes and put a hand on Zeke’s shoulder. As quietly as they could, the two scurried off the way they came.

 

Edited July 24, 2023 by Skylacticon

[dwaekki]

Omg so sweet, I love small stifled sneezes :,) All the characters were adorable taking care of him too 

[starpollen]

Lovely! 😍

[secret19]

This is amaaaaazinnngggg!! 🤗🤗Please continue!!

[Dream Moon]

I love it, please continueeee 

[SweaterWeather]

The descriptions on this were to die for, what a cute fic! 

[Hyacinth]

this was AMAZING. omg zeke sneezing into conner's hand.. i died 🤤

[Skylacticon]

Hey again. Here's another little bit I wrote that follows after. Thank you for all the sweet comments~ 😚❤️

-

 

“*snnrff*….. *snrf, sdrff!*”

 

Connor could hear a soft rustling and then a wet squishing, as Zeke rubbed hard at his nose. The poor guy kept sniffling and clearing his throat. 

 

They’d made quite a bit of progress since they’d left the kitchens. Now, as they made their way through another dim corridor, it was quieter. There didn’t seem to be any henchmen around. Although Zeke hadn’t stopped sniffling. Connor felt a pinch of guilt that he'd tried to wait out whatever was going on downstairs - but it was their most convenient route, and he didn’t expect the area to be monitored at the time.

 

“*snrf!* hihhh… *ahem, snrff!*”

 

“You okay?” He asked for about the tenth time, looking sideways at Zeke.

 

Zeke’s nose wrinkled in a rather itchy-sounding sniffle, and he cleared his throat again softly. “Yeah, I’ll be fide,” he breathed, his voice sounding rather croaky.

 

“You sure?” Connor pressed a little.

 

“*snrff!* Uhhb,” Zeke’s voice fluttered a bit, and he quickly rubbed his nose. “*snrk!* Yeah.” 

 

Connor tugged the pocket square from his suit jacket, and folded it inside out. “Here,” he said softly, touching it to Zeke’s hand.

 

Zeke sucked in another wet sniffle, and blinked down at the folded cloth with watery eyes.

 

“It might help if you blow your nose.”

 

After a short beat, Zeke accepted the cloth, and sniffled again, liquidly. He unfolded it with clumsy fingers, breathing softly through parted lips. The gentle rhythm was interrupted by a soft hitch, one that he’d failed to suppress. Once it had escaped, Zeke’s nostrils seemed to flare desperately, and he hastily lifted the hanky over his nose.

 

“huh’USCHhhiu!!” Muffled, but way less suppressed than the ones he’d been choking back for the past half hour. There was a short, startled beat, then his brow furrowed again. "hrR'ESCHhhm!!" Zeke’s teary eyes blinked with mild surprise - appearing almost apologetic a second later. They still seemed dazed, but the pair of small, lesser restrained sneezes had actually seemed to have brought some relief.

 

“Bless you,” Connor breathed.

 

Zeke exhaled softly, and moved back a little, with another damp sniffle. He lifted the cloth over his sore, itchy nose, and began to give it a slow, gentle blow. It tickled, not being able to do it quite as forcefully as he preferred, but it was better than nothing. Zeke paused and sniffled cautiously. There was a quiet moment of misery and dissatisfaction as he rubbed gently at his nose with the cloth.

 

“You good, kid?” Connor stood at a distance, watching with sympathy.

 

Zeke cleared his throat again and sniffed. He lowered the cloth slowly, revealing what could only be described as an allergic nose, flushed red in hue around the rims of his twinging nostrils. Zeke raised a curled index finger to wipe his eyes, and sniffled hard again, making his neck muscles tighten for a split second. Then he let out a soft exhale through rounded lips. God, even the skin above his Cupid’s bow seemed a sore red.

“Um, yeah. *snff* I think so,” Zeke responded softly, wrinkling his nose again. “Thanks. Let’s go,” he gave a faint nod, and started walking.

 

Edited July 25, 2023 by Skylacticon

[dwaekki]

Aww cute! I feel so bad for Zeke but he's just sooo cute omg XD

[mordaciousghost]

Omg I love this! Best fic I've read in a while. I love the part where he sneezes into his friend's hand. The whole "friend has to muffle the sneeze for them" is one of my favorite tropes. And of course the hiding and having to be quiet. 

[Not Telling]

I am captivated! The whole story pulls you right in, and the sneezing is so beautifully written. *Swoon*. Absolutely love. I do hope that you continue.

[Catsgotyourtounge]

I am absolutely in love with this one! Please continue!!!

[lighthousegirl]

Just caught up with this. So yummy. 🫠 Would love to know more about the background of the characters and their relationship! 

[shrinkwrap]

Love the combo of having to stifle and caretaking!

[Catsgotyourtounge]

I am so excited to see what happens! Love it!!!

[AceOfSpades]

Oh, this is absolutely delightful. Love a good swh scenario.