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ok so a few years ago I started writing a story...


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so a few years ago I'd started writing a story that I never finished, a while back someone asked me if they could read it. so I sent it to them in a PM but would like to get other's thoughts as well so am posting what I have of it here. not that I really think anyone cares but, I ask only that comments be respectful I know I'm not a great writer and to be fair this is only a first draft of what I wrote I haven't worked on it in a long time. nor have I tried to edit the original draft yet. the whole idea is a Klingon bird of prey crew goes into battle during the dominion war and ends up in Samurai era Japan in the 1600's. it's told from the perspective of the 1st officer Commander B'Lara. here's what I have so far: Star date 51538.8 the cloaked Klingon attack cruiser Kartok flew silently on patrol along the Klingon, Federation and Romulan borders. in the holodeck the ships first officer Commander B'Lara finish the Bat'leth program she'd been running "computer End Program!" the door opened with a metallic sound and she headed to the bridge. when she arrived the Captain told her their status and to wake him in 6 hours before assuming command as he headed to his quarters. She nodded to his back "Lieutenant Sori make note of shift change in the logs" Said the commander without turning to face the Lieutenant. "Yes Sir already done!" replied the Lieutenant. an Orian woman standing at the tactical console, her dark eyes not even looking up from her screen. Commander B'Lara responded "very well" the first two hours were quiet but the Lieutenant informed commander B'Lara "sir sensors just picked up weapons fire across the Federation Border" "where?" replied the Commander, " bearing one six zero mark two four Sir" Commander B'Lara growled quietly "Lieutenant continue monitoring the situation I want to know immediately if they approach the border!" "Yes Sir!" replied Lieutenant Sori.

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Some formatting would really help a lot.  As it is, there's not even a break between you talking about the story, and the story itself.  It makes it fairly hard to follow. It sounds like an interesting story idea though.

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I second @SleepingPhlox because a lack of formatting makes it more likely people’s eyes will glaze over, and they’ll skip your story.

And capitalisation and punctuation please. For the same reason. A solid block of text with no paragraphs, or sentence structure that makes it difficult to tell who is speaking, is going to make people stop reading because it’s too hard to follow what’s written.


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  • 2 weeks later...

I do apologize and am grateful for the input, I admit I am not good with punctuation and capitalization.  I also struggle with making things work I get idea's but never in a way that goes together. like the gist of the story is a Klingon cruiser the (I.K.S Kartok) goes into battle against the dominion and Breen forces, during the Dominion war the energy weapons used cause the Klingon cruiser to go back in time unintentionally to ancient Japan in "Samurai" Era. it's from the perspective of the first officer B'Lara as mentioned.

I haven't even figured out what happens to the people involved or the consequences to the time-line for example. I haven't figured out what actually happens to the crew or the Japanese people involved? does the crew somehow get back to the proper time they belong in? what kind of changes to the timeline happen because of their going back in time? does the timeline somehow get corrected? these are all things I don't know yet after 4 years of trying to work on it. also it would include some of the Klingon language as part of the story the idea being a translation appendix in the back of the book to help those who are unfamiliar with the language but that's the easy part.

 another thing is that the LT Sori character is not actually a Klingon but an Orian woman who is "Parmach" (mate/ lover) of the 1st Officer B'Lara. I always have great idea's for stories but I can never seem to get the details to come together right. which is the main reason I never finished it (or most stories I begin for that matter.) another is Paramount studios who own the rights are pretty nasty to anyone who wants to publish fan fiction of any sort. their out to sue anyone for any possible thing that they deem connected to their franchises. I had a great idea once for a woman who gets allergies and then begins a sexual relationship with her allergist... but again. I just am not a good writer ... I get great ideas and such for stories but am never able to put them into actual stories. I will try to work on this story, I know there's a lot to work on and figure out and redo. this was my original beginning to the story as it was first put on paper, so it's by far not close to finished.

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