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"I Know Him Too Well" - Original, M, cold (Can be F/M or M/M)


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A very quick little oneshot story. I've left out a lot of descriptive details so that whoever reads it can superimpose their own personal fantasies over the characters. Our sneezer is written as male, and our narrator I tried to make as gender neutral as possible, but considering they are a blatant self insert, might still come across as female.

This is just basically a fantasy that's been playing through my head that I thought I'd type out and share.  A male character is just back from a trip (Where does he go and why? Is he a high-powered businessman who travels a lot for work, crisp suit and tie in tow? Down-home guy who moved away but goes back to help his parents out a lot because he's just that sweet? It's up to you!) and his partner notices he's getting a cold.  Like he always does.


"I know Him Too Well"

I'm lying with my head on his chest and my arm draped over him, as if I am trying to melt into him, merge with him on an atomic level or something. He was only gone for two days, and he came back yesterday evening, and it's not like I don't know how to do my own thing or exist as an individual or whatever, but damn if I don't want to soak up his very essence now like I'm a paper towel and he's some coffee I spilled on the counter now that he's back.

I can feel his chest suddenly expand, and I brace myself.


He sighs and makes a noise that's not quite a grunt and not quite a groan. It's that little “guh” noise people sometimes make after a sneeze that took a lot out of them. He does it after most of his sneezes. I can hear him sniffling, and then his chest rocks back and forth ever so slightly – he's reaching up to rub at his nose – but I don't let go or change my position. Nothing will make me let go and change my position, not until one of us needs to get up to eat or go to the bathroom or something like that.

“I don't know why I keep doing that,” he remarks, the frustration evident in his voice. And, okay, the absolute pressing need to raise my head to give him my very best Are you serious right now, my dude? Is very much urgent enough to get me to move my position.

He just looks at me, bemused, and offers back a perplexed “What?” as if he doesn't know.

Wait...he genuinely looks like he doesn't know. He...doesn't know, does he? Has he...has he really never noticed? I've never brought it up because it's so obvious, I just thought...

Seriously? Has he seriously never noticed?

Well, duh,” I say. “Your flight got back yesterday, so...”

So..?” He still looks confused, an expression on his face like he's a dog who's ball just rolled out of sight behind a chair, and he can't figure out how the dang thing just up disappeared like that.

So you're getting a cold today. That's your pattern, that's what you do.”

He pauses, and he looks like he's pondering it, but when he opens his mouth, it's just to say “Wait, what? No...” and then to follow it with “HihhhEHHPPtchhh!” and another sniffle – louder and wetter this time. He's pondering it a little more... “Okay, I'm feeling a little off, but you can't say those two things are related.”

Oh yes I can. Because they are.”

And down come his eyebrows, bunching up together in the middle, while he ponders this some more. So I decide to add some clarifying information.

Every time you take a flight somewhere, you come down with a cold the day after you get back home. Doesn't matter how long you're gone, and you never get sick while you're away, it's always, always the day after you arrive home. Doesn't matter whether you get home at 5 AM, or the afternoon, or the evening. Day after. Without fail. Seriously, think about all the times you've gone away, involving a flight.”

He's thinking about it, and he still wants to say it can't possibly be true. I can tell by the look on his face.

He's thinking about it, and he's becoming a little more convinced I'm right. His expression is definitely pointing in that direction.

He's about to say something, he's looking thoughtful and he just took a breath...

HiihhhPTCHHgghh!” Another miserable little "guh" follows.

Okay, I got that one wrong. But now he really is about to say something...

How did you work that out? How would you even notice that?”

Because I love you, dummy. I notice things about you because I love you. And also because you end up in a little Sick Person Nest on the couch sneezing your head off watching your favourite movies every single time. It's kinda hard not to pick up on it.”

Not every single time. I'm sure sometimes I...do something different.”

I shake my head. “Nope. I know you too well, my darling. I even have one of your DVDs in the player, ready and waiting for you.”

Wait, really? Wow. You are truly wonderful, you know that?” His voice cracks on the last word, and his voice is sounding heavy and congested now. The cold is definitely progressing, and he'll be too miserable but do anything but curl up in his sofa nest soon. Good thing his favorite blankets are folded and ready, his first comfort movie is already in the DVD player, and the others are stacked next to it, in the exact order he likes to watch them, and I've already bought a decent supply of the foods he craves when he's sick.

I know.” I smile teasingly and run my finger down the length of his nose. I keep my touch to a safe area, not near the nostrils which are now very damp and noticeably runny. He sniffles again, but it does precious little against the trickle that is escaping toward his upper lip. He'll need a tissue soon. I suppose that's kind of gross, but I don't mind. It's that thing where if you love someone, you just love them. All of them. I love him from the jealousy-inducingly-soft hair on his head that I love running my fingers through, to the tip of his toes with the toenails he lets get a little bit too long before he trims them. I love him when he's healthy and cheerful and surprising me with an arm around my waist and kisses on my neck, and when he's lying on the sofa attempting to clear his profusely runny nose with tissue after tissue until the skin on his nose screams redness from the constant irritation, and letting the soggy used tissues pile up on the floor.

And I know he'll be doing that soon. And then later I'll be putting on rubber gloves to clear them away while he snores with a half-watched movie playing in the background, and then I'll have to hear the movie twice because he'll want to play it again to try to watch it all the way through when he wakes up. And he'll probably fall asleep again anyway. And then I'll clear up more used tissues, and I'll bring him soup and crackers when he wakes up again, and he'll only eat half of it all before he has to lie down again.

I know this, because I know him too well.

And I'll happily do it over and over and over again.

Because I love him.

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29 minutes ago, SleepingPhlox said:

A very quick little oneshot story. I've left out a lot of descriptive details so that whoever reads it can superimpose their own personal fantasies over the characters. Our sneezer is written as male, and our narrator I tried to make as gender neutral as possible, but considering they are a blatant self insert, might still come across as female.

thank you for this  😳🧡

the story was super cute, I love the pattern idea 💙

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  • 3 weeks later...

Oh my goodness, this was ADORABLE!!! 🥰

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