Office temp from heaven (or hell?)

[anikadicara]

You guys.

I've been afraid to write about this man for a while, because he's super online and what if he finds this and recognizes himself?  But it's all just too good not to share, and he's so unembarrassed in his sneeziness that I'd be shocked if he were here, and if he is, well, that's so hilariously unlucky that maybe it would be worth it.  Anyway.  Meet John.

John is in his 30s, attractive in your classic aging-frat-boy way - imagine Sam Neill in Jurassic Park but like 10 years younger.  John sits like 10 feet from me, all day, every day, and I am in love with him (it is only mutual when he's drunk, it's bad, I'm working on it.)  

John is a generally very sneezy person.  It's rare that a day goes by without him sneezing at least once, loud spraying singles that sound like huh-CHUSSHH! usually followed by a groan or a comment ("ughh..." "sorry guys", "ow.  that hurt!")  If he's at his desk he usually pulls several tissues from a box beside him and catches the sneeze, if we're out he'll pull his shirt over his nose and sneeze into his chest - often leaving behind a wet spot on the shirt.  It's a lot on a day-to-day basis.  It's even more when he's in the throes of allergies, or sick.

Here are my top three memories of John's nose, and I'll keep you posted for however long his contract lasts!

 1) At some point last year, John had a major allergy attack.  It was at the start of us becoming friends, and he came up to me while I was working, pulled his white T-shirt up over his face, and sneezed massively - even for him.  Then he announced "I can't stop sneezing!"  We had a short conversation about it and then he left.  Later I walked by our office area and saw him sneeze twice through the door.  When I finally got to sit back down at my desk across from him, he gave another huge sneeze and I found that he was sniffling wetly and constantly, and was out of tissues.  I offered him a box from my desk, which he gratefully accepted and gave several gurling blows followed by a groan.  For the next hour, he blew his nose constantly and continued to sneeze.  I was in and out of the office, but because of its glass walls I could keep checking up on him.  At one point, I looked over and he had a tissue stuffed into each nostril and was valiantly attempting to continue work.  Eventually, back at my desk, he was complaining about how bad he felt and I said maybe it was time to go home - he sounded awful.  He eventually left, and the next day told me he took allergy medicine and was feeling a lot better but that when he'd got home from work he just sat on his couch with paper towels shoved up his nose for the evening.  What an image.  Also at some point much later he was talking about the allergy attack and said "remember how bad it was?  I went through a whole box of your tissues!"

2) Last spring John got a cold.  He came into the office wearing a mask, and when I asked if he was okay he said "yeah, I have a head cold".  What followed were several days of him coughing loudly and blowing his nose.  I don't remember him sneezing more than he normally does, but there was a lot of stuffy talk and him complaining about not being able to smell anything, and how when he's sick his body won't let him rest because he's such a loud cougher and sneezer and it keeps him up all night.

3) Recently John had another allergy attack that lasted several days, which we blamed on our building turning the heat on for the first time this season.  He was sneezing way more than usual, like every 10 minutes or so, and going through boxes of tissues blowing his nose (by this point, he'd found the office stash and just keeps replacing his empty boxes).  Several times he'd blow his nose mid-conversation, while maintaining full eye contact with me.  He often also spends longer than necessary wiping his nose afterwards, so I've spent lots of time looking into this man's beautiful eyes while he swipes at his nose with fistfulls of tissues.  Send help.

[SleepingPhlox]

I melted reading this.  You lucky, lucky, lucky person, you.

[sneezysunshine]

1 hour ago, anikadicara said:

so I've spent lots of time looking into this man's beautiful eyes while he swipes at his nose with fistfulls of tissues

I would not have been able to stand up!! Like, especially if I'd have a crush on the guy. My god!!! 

[Barbie]

Omg girl!! That’s hot 🥰🫠

[solitaire-au]

@anikadicara If he’s spending that long maintaining eye contact with you, especially during times where people normally look away, like blowing their nose, I wonder whether he has feelings for you?

At the very least it sounds like he wants some sympathy and attention when he’s suffering from his allergies?

[anikadicara]

8 hours ago, solitaire-au said:

@anikadicara If he’s spending that long maintaining eye contact with you, especially during times where people normally look away, like blowing their nose, I wonder whether he has feelings for you?

At the very least it sounds like he wants some sympathy and attention when he’s suffering from his allergies?

Oh, he does - but I asked him out and he said no.  Too scary.  I've spent like six months accepting that just because these feelings are mutual doesn't mean we will or should end up together.  He's anxious and depressed and self absorbed and our relationship would be a disaster.  But also I love him.  It suuuucks.  

He absolutely wants sympathy and attention - whether he's allergic or sick or sad or anxious.  I'm more than happy to give it to him...

Edited December 12, 2023 by anikadicara

[anikadicara]

When I got to work this morning John already had a crumpled tissue on his desk.  A few minutes into working, I saw him pull a tissue out of the box beside him and wipe his nose.  We chatted for a little bit, and at one point he came over to my desk to take some snacks.  We were right next to each other, he reached for some food but then abruptly announced "I'm gunna sneeze" and turned away.  He directed a strong "huhSHHH!" into his fleece, bending toward the floor and staggering a bit (his sneezes are always a dramatic, full-body experience).  A colleague said "are you just allergic to being here?" and he joked "I'm allergic to ugly."  

Maybe fifteen minutes later, I was in another room and happened to look over at John through the glass wall.  Luckiest timing in the world.  John had tissues tented over his nose, and he snapped forward with a sneeze.  I wish I could've heard it, but even just the visual was top notch.

I sat across from him at lunch, and at one point he pulled his T-shirt up over his face and sneezed loudly into his chest.  

[solitaire-au]

12 hours ago, anikadicara said:

Oh, he does - but I asked him out and he said no.  Too scary.  I've spent like six months accepting that just because these feelings are mutual doesn't mean we will or should end up together.  He's anxious and depressed and self absorbed and our relationship would be a disaster.  But also I love him.  It suuuucks.  

He absolutely wants sympathy and attention - whether he's allergic or sick or sad or anxious.  I'm more than happy to give it to him...

How long ago did you ask him? And did you ask him out on a date, or to pursue a relationship? Is it too scary for you or for him? Is it possible he’s changed his mind in the meantime but is too afraid to make the first move to take it beyond friendship?

And why do you think a relationship with John would be a disaster? It already sounds like he is closer to you than anyone else and more comfortable showing vulnerability to you.

 

[anikadicara]

11 hours ago, solitaire-au said:

How long ago did you ask him? And did you ask him out on a date, or to pursue a relationship? Is it too scary for you or for him? Is it possible he’s changed his mind in the meantime but is too afraid to make the first move to take it beyond friendship?

And why do you think a relationship with John would be a disaster? It already sounds like he is closer to you than anyone else and more comfortable showing vulnerability to you.

 

It was months ago - we were talking about dating in general, and how he's afraid to do it because he fucks up all his relationships (the "too scary" is for him.)  And I get it - the stakes are high, we work so close together and he's a temp looking for full time work.  I'm confident that he hasn't changed his mind.

Our relationship would be a disaster for a lot of reasons - he is one of the most anxious people I've ever met, and is also clinically depressed (and I have a history of dating depressed men, and before I met John vowed that I'd never do it again).  He closes in on himself when he gets anxious and doesn't communicate, which hurts me over and over in tiny ways even though I don't think he means to.  He also never wants to socialize or go anywhere but the gym, and I'm an extroverted adrenaline junkie who needs to be out in the world all the time.  Even though in this moment all I want out of life is to hole up in John's apartment reading while he plays video games and shows me videos from Reddit, I don't actually think I'd last long as a homebody.

Also, he doesn't want to date me.  Or is afraid to.  ("Is it really your anxiety / that stops you from giving me everything / or do you just not want to?" - Taylor Swift)

[anikadicara]

Only one sneeze from John today.  We were out for coffee, and he had his back turned to me as he added cream and sugar to his cup at the counter.  With almost no buildup, he suddenly popped the collar of his fleece and sneezed a restrained (for him) SHHHUuhh! into it.

[sneezysunshine]

On 12/13/2023 at 5:16 AM, anikadicara said:

It was months ago - we were talking about dating in general, and how he's afraid to do it because he fucks up all his relationships (the "too scary" is for him.)  And I get it - the stakes are high, we work so close together and he's a temp looking for full time work.  I'm confident that he hasn't changed his mind.

Our relationship would be a disaster for a lot of reasons - he is one of the most anxious people I've ever met, and is also clinically depressed (and I have a history of dating depressed men, and before I met John vowed that I'd never do it again).  He closes in on himself when he gets anxious and doesn't communicate, which hurts me over and over in tiny ways even though I don't think he means to.  He also never wants to socialize or go anywhere but the gym, and I'm an extroverted adrenaline junkie who needs to be out in the world all the time.  Even though in this moment all I want out of life is to hole up in John's apartment reading while he plays video games and shows me videos from Reddit, I don't actually think I'd last long as a homebody.

Also, he doesn't want to date me.  Or is afraid to.  ("Is it really your anxiety / that stops you from giving me everything / or do you just not want to?" - Taylor Swift)

Speaking from past experience, dating people who cannot communicate their feelings messes with your head. All it's ever done is leave me sad and hurt, so I think you're probably going to be better off trying to avoid that. And it's really not worth it chasing after someone who doesn't show that they want you. So I think you have a very level headed attitude or take on it all. It's still nice that you get to enjoy his sneezes though, I mean one can look but not touch hahaha

[Lookatthelight]

On 12/10/2023 at 4:15 PM, anikadicara said:

You guys.

I've been afraid to write about this man for a while, because he's super online and what if he finds this and recognizes himself?  But it's all just too good not to share, and he's so unembarrassed in his sneeziness that I'd be shocked if he were here, and if he is, well, that's so hilariously unlucky that maybe it would be worth it.  Anyway.  Meet John.

John is in his 30s, attractive in your classic aging-frat-boy way - imagine Sam Neill in Jurassic Park but like 10 years younger.  John sits like 10 feet from me, all day, every day, and I am in love with him (it is only mutual when he's drunk, it's bad, I'm working on it.)  

John is a generally very sneezy person.  It's rare that a day goes by without him sneezing at least once, loud spraying singles that sound like huh-CHUSSHH! usually followed by a groan or a comment ("ughh..." "sorry guys", "ow.  that hurt!")  If he's at his desk he usually pulls several tissues from a box beside him and catches the sneeze, if we're out he'll pull his shirt over his nose and sneeze into his chest - often leaving behind a wet spot on the shirt.  It's a lot on a day-to-day basis.  It's even more when he's in the throes of allergies, or sick.

Here are my top three memories of John's nose, and I'll keep you posted for however long his contract lasts!

 1) At some point last year, John had a major allergy attack.  It was at the start of us becoming friends, and he came up to me while I was working, pulled his white T-shirt up over his face, and sneezed massively - even for him.  Then he announced "I can't stop sneezing!"  We had a short conversation about it and then he left.  Later I walked by our office area and saw him sneeze twice through the door.  When I finally got to sit back down at my desk across from him, he gave another huge sneeze and I found that he was sniffling wetly and constantly, and was out of tissues.  I offered him a box from my desk, which he gratefully accepted and gave several gurling blows followed by a groan.  For the next hour, he blew his nose constantly and continued to sneeze.  I was in and out of the office, but because of its glass walls I could keep checking up on him.  At one point, I looked over and he had a tissue stuffed into each nostril and was valiantly attempting to continue work.  Eventually, back at my desk, he was complaining about how bad he felt and I said maybe it was time to go home - he sounded awful.  He eventually left, and the next day told me he took allergy medicine and was feeling a lot better but that when he'd got home from work he just sat on his couch with paper towels shoved up his nose for the evening.  What an image.  Also at some point much later he was talking about the allergy attack and said "remember how bad it was?  I went through a whole box of your tissues!"

2) Last spring John got a cold.  He came into the office wearing a mask, and when I asked if he was okay he said "yeah, I have a head cold".  What followed were several days of him coughing loudly and blowing his nose.  I don't remember him sneezing more than he normally does, but there was a lot of stuffy talk and him complaining about not being able to smell anything, and how when he's sick his body won't let him rest because he's such a loud cougher and sneezer and it keeps him up all night.

3) Recently John had another allergy attack that lasted several days, which we blamed on our building turning the heat on for the first time this season.  He was sneezing way more than usual, like every 10 minutes or so, and going through boxes of tissues blowing his nose (by this point, he'd found the office stash and just keeps replacing his empty boxes).  Several times he'd blow his nose mid-conversation, while maintaining full eye contact with me.  He often also spends longer than necessary wiping his nose afterwards, so I've spent lots of time looking into this man's beautiful eyes while he swipes at his nose with fistfulls of tissues.  Send help

Edited December 14, 2023 by Lookatthelight

[anikadicara]

Ten minutes into my day, John and I were chatting at our desks and he sneezed a strong "HUHSHHH!" uncovered toward his desk.  Then in the afternoon we were hanging out in the break area at a small table and he sneezed a similar single, this time into his hands.  He was a bit sniffly for a while afterward - it was hard to force myself back to work!  Tomorrow is his last day before the holiday break, I'm going to miss him so much (but a few weeks of distance is probably good).

[Lookatthelight]

On 12/12/2023 at 3:39 AM, anikadicara said:

Oh, he does - but I asked him out and he said no.  Too scary.  I've spent like six months accepting that just because these feelings are mutual doesn't mean we will or should end up together.  He's anxious and depressed and self absorbed and our relationship would be a disaster.  But also I love him.  It suuuucks.  

He absolutely wants sympathy and attention - whether he's allergic or sick or sad or anxious.  I'm more than happy to give it to him...

 

Edited December 15, 2023 by Lookatthelight

[solitaire-au]

Please consider keeping in touch with him.

He may reconsider his decision not to pursue a relationship with you if he’s no longer working at the same place as you.

That said, he needs to get help for his mental health issues.

In any case, thank you for sharing the observations with us!

[anikadicara]

Two solid sneezes from John today.  The first was early in the morning while we were both sitting at our desks, a strong "SHHUUuh!" directed toward the floor.  A little while later, John pulled two tissues from the box beside him and blew his nose.

Another time, the moment I walked into our shared office John let out a very loud "huhCHSHHHH!" - it shook his whole body as he pitched forward toward his desk.  Then he said in a cutesy joking voice "Big sneezies!  Big, big sneezies!"  I said "sorry," (why??) and he said "it's not your fault," to which I said in mock seriousness "I take full responsibility."  John shot back "you're apologizing for my big sneezies?", then proceeded to sniffle congestedly for a while.  Maybe 10 minutes later, he pulled out two tissues and blew his nose loudly several times.

In the afternoon John didn't sneeze, but at one point while we were chatting he started wiping as his nose with a tissue - of course maintaining perfect eye contact the whole time.  We have some time off now, I'm going to seriously miss this man (and his nose).

[Lookatthelight]

On 12/10/2023 at 4:15 PM, anikadicara said:

You guys.

I've been afraid to write about this man for a while, because he's super online and what if he finds this and recognizes himself?  But it's all just too good not to share, and he's so unembarrassed in his sneeziness that I'd be shocked if he were here, and if he is, well, that's so hilariously unlucky that maybe it would be worth it.  Anyway.  Meet John.

John is in his 30s, attractive in your classic aging-frat-boy way - imagine Sam Neill in Jurassic Park but like 10 years younger.  John sits like 10 feet from me, all day, every day, and I am in love with him (it is only mutual when he's drunk, it's bad, I'm working on it.)  

John is a generally very sneezy person.  It's rare that a day goes by without him sneezing at least once, loud spraying singles that sound like huh-CHUSSHH! usually followed by a groan or a comment ("ughh..." "sorry guys", "ow.  that hurt!")  If he's at his desk he usually pulls several tissues from a box beside him and catches the sneeze, if we're out he'll pull his shirt over his nose and sneeze into his chest - often leaving behind a wet spot on the shirt.  It's a lot on a day-to-day basis.  It's even more when he's in the throes of allergies, or sick.

Here are my top three memories of John's nose, and I'll keep you posted for however long his contract lasts!

 1) At some point last year, John had a major allergy attack.  It was at the start of us becoming friends, and he came up to me while I was working, pulled his white T-shirt up over his face, and sneezed massively - even for him.  Then he announced "I can't stop sneezing!"  We had a short conversation about it and then he left.  Later I walked by our office area and saw him sneeze twice through the door.  When I finally got to sit back down at my desk across from him, he gave another huge sneeze and I found that he was sniffling wetly and constantly, and was out of tissues.  I offered him a box from my desk, which he gratefully accepted and gave several gurling blows followed by a groan.  For the next hour, he blew his nose constantly and continued to sneeze.  I was in and out of the office, but because of its glass walls I could keep checking up on him.  At one point, I looked over and he had a tissue stuffed into each nostril and was valiantly attempting to continue work.  Eventually, back at my desk, he was complaining about how bad he felt and I said maybe it was time to go home - he sounded awful.  He eventually left, and the next day told me he took allergy medicine and was feeling a lot better but that when he'd got home from work he just sat on his couch with paper towels shoved up his nose for the evening.  What an image.  Also at some point much later he was talking about the allergy attack and said "remember how bad it was?  I went through a whole box of your tissues!"

2) Last spring John got a cold.  He came into the office wearing a mask, and when I asked if he was okay he said "yeah, I have a head cold".  What followed were several days of him coughing loudly and blowing his nose.  I don't remember him sneezing more than he normally does, but there was a lot of stuffy talk and him complaining about not being able to smell anything, and how when he's sick his body won't let him rest because he's such a loud cougher and sneezer and it keeps him up all night.

3) Recently John had another allergy attack that lasted several days, which we blamed on our building turning the heat on for the first time this season.  He was sneezing way more than usual, like every 10 minutes or so, and going through boxes of tissues blowing his nose (by this point, he'd found the office stash and just keeps replacing his empty boxes).  Several times he'd blow his nose mid-conversation, while maintaining full eye contact with me.  He often also spends longer than necessary wiping his nose afterwards, so I've spent lots of time looking into this man's beautiful eyes while he swipes at his nose with fistfulls of tissues.  Send help.

I’m so curious about what has gone on between you two?! Was it that there have been a few drunk incidents after which he was basically like “I’m not ready for a relationship”?

[anikadicara]

On 12/18/2023 at 11:46 AM, Lookatthelight said:

I’m so curious about what has gone on between you two?! Was it that there have been a few drunk incidents after which he was basically like “I’m not ready for a relationship”?

We've never actually done anything sexual - but we have chemistry and early on when I noticed it I asked him out.  He said no because he's too anxious in general and specifically about dating and even more specifically about dating at work and also he has a friend with benefits and then he proceeded to share all of his major mental health issues - most but not all of which I'd already picked up on.  Then I was like, okay, time to get over him, and I thought I was making progress until he got drunk on a plane and confessed that the feelings are mutual.  When I tried to talk about it while he was sober, he freaked out and repeated all the stuff about how anxious he is, and we've been in this weird complicated friendship ever since and I still love him and it's a problem.  So here we are.

Anyway.

Today was John's first day back at work.  I was so happy to have him back that I didn't give his nose a thought all morning.  And then.

I walked into the office in the afternoon to find John sniffling.  He pulled a tissue and gave the tiniest blow ever, like one little exhale, into it.  Then a few minutes later he blew his nose for real, and pulled two more tissues to wipe afterward.

A bit later we were mid-conversation and John pulled a tissue and sneezed into it, while I was talking, maintaining eye contact.  It was one of his usual loud but not very vocal "huhUUCHSSHHH!", after which he kept talking to me and sounded congested.

From then on John was giving huge sniffs, and at one point commented "my nose is acting up again," to which I said "welcome back!"  He's clearly allergic to something in our office.  He pulled three tissues and blew his nose twice, sounding very wet and congested.  Not long after that he left for a bit, and then came back mouth breathing and looking really uncomfortable.  He collected his stuff and on his way out said "well, my nose is fried so I'm leaving."

[solitaire-au]

Thanks for keeping us updated!

I’m glad you still get to see him, even if it never progresses beyond the current point, because seeing him clearly makes you happy.

The most likely culprit for his allergies at the office are dust mites and/or mould, (unless he is allergic to dogs and/or cats and he’s reacting to the allergens people bring in from their pets on their clothes.) It could also be some kind of fragrance, but that’s usually easier to detect, (unless it was say, a room fragrance/air freshener only present in the men’s toilets.)

[anikadicara]

Another allergy day for John!

- John sneezed a quick "huhTSHHH" which seemed to sneak up on him before he had a chance to get a tissue.  Afterward he brought two tissues to his nose and spent a while wiping it, then sniffled congestedly for a bit.

- Once again I glanced over at John through a window from another room just in time to see him in profile, hovering a tissue in front of his face.  He tented it over his nose and bent into a sneeze that I sadly couldn't hear.

- Back in the office he was unabashedly sniffling, long and wet.  He blew his nose several times, a few minutes apart, once with a groan afterwards.  At one point while I talked with another coworker, John sniffed so loudly that it interrupted us. 

- A bit later John sneezed enormously, a vocal huhIISHHHUUhhh!" followed by a wet noseblow.  Only a couple minutes later he pulled a tissue from his box and held it in front of his face for a minute, seemed to lose the sneeze, and blew his nose again instead.

- John complained about his allergies, and decided to put on a mask to see if it helped.  It did, he didn't sneeze any more after he put it on (and honestly I was a bit sad).  He did keep pulling it down to wipe his nose with tissues.

- After several hours of wearing the mask John said that he wished he could take it off but "I'm trying to keep my nose from exploding."

[anikadicara]

John struggled with his nose for a while this morning, sniffling and wiping his nose for a few minutes then eventually blowing it.  He pulled two more tissues immediately afterward then gave a strange noseblow - like a light exhale into the tissue, followed by a big sigh.

A bit later I was sitting right beside John, struggling to edit a video on my phone.  He blew his nose wetly, twice in a row, and I died inside while pretending I didn't notice.

In the afternoon John sneezed once, a very vocal hitCSHHooo!  He sniffled for a while after, occasionally wiping his nose with tissues.

[Lilsgjerd]

Love these obs! Thanks for updating

[anikadicara]

John started sniffling aggressively this morning and blew his nose a couple of times. 

A bit later John brought a used tissue to his nose and sneezed a heavy "huhISSsshh!", followed by a dramatic exhale ("UUuhh...").  After this first sneeze he immediately put on a mask, only to lower it like a minute later for a wet blow and a groan.

15 minutes went by.  Then John pulled down his mask and sneezed another loud "huhUSHhh!" into a tissue, again groaning dramatically.  He pulled another tissue and wiped his nose as he crossed the office to the trash can, then blew his nose standing over the trash before depositing the used tissue.

John complained that his allergies start as soon as he walks into our building.  He pointed out all the dust around our office - which IS kind of gross.

At lunch John was sitting next to me and got up to buy more food.  The moment he stood up, directly behind me, he sneezed a tickly "huhTSChhh!"

We had cake in the breakroom in the afternoon and a colleague jokingly told John he'd have to take his mask off to eat cake.  John explained about his allergies and said "I'll take it off but I might sneeze on the cake."  (Sadly, that didn't happen.)

[anikadicara]

I was working intently on my computer when John sucked in a breath and snapped forward with an uncovered “hutTSHhh!”.  He shook his head and made a sound I don’t know how to describe - sort of like a horse-like raspberry.  As if saying the sneeze disoriented him, or something.  He then took a tissue and wiped his nose. 

I came back into the office later to find John wearing a mask.  While we were talking, he pulled a handful of tissues from the box on his desk and started wiping his nose with a frankly ridiculous number of them.  He was sniffling a ton, and complained “ughhh my nose!”

At one point John sneezed very vocally into the mask - yelling “huhIISHHHhooo!” followed by a bunch of wet, congested sniffles.

John and I were chatting again and he brought several tissues to his face and gave some of the longest, most congested blows I’ve ever heard.  Mid-conversation, too.  Like he just stared at me while I was talking and blew his nose endlessly.  Y’all.

John accumulated a mountain of used tissues on his desk.

[solitaire-au]

Aww, he really wants your attention and sympathy.

Do you know if he’s tried any allergy meds or been to see an allergist?