The Meet-cute [A spin-off from The Advertisement] (Chapters 2/?)

[Not Telling]

Hello wonderful forum friends! For those of you have been following The Advertisement this is a spin-off from that. There is some mention of the characters from The Advertisement though this story can be read as a stand-alone. 

Derek has just been begging for his own story and well much like the dude, the writer abides. 

Enjoy! 

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Chapter 1: Derek

2 years ago

“I don’t understand Aaron.” I’m standing at the doorstep of my boyfriend, well my ex-boyfriend’s place. We were supposed to be boarding a plane in 4 hours to Chicago, where I was going to be attending a professional conference for people that worked in finance. It was a good opportunity for me professionally as a newly promoted director of data and qualitative sciences for Vector Inc an investment firm headquartered in LA.

I had invited my boyfriend, excuse me, my ex-boyfriend with me knowing he’d always wanted to go to Chicago. I had decided to make it a combined professional interest and personal holiday. But here I stand on his doorstep prepared to pick him up and he’s telling me that he isn’t coming.

I look back at him confused and upset. We had spent last weekend planning this trip, and he’d given me no indication that a break-up was imminent, in fact he had seemed genuinely excited about it. I had splurged a little and gotten us a suite at the hotel and had planned to surprise him with tickets to a Bulls game while there, he’s a big NBA nut. My stomach churns and the butterflies I had been experiencing all morning began to wither. I feel a pit begin to form in my stomach.

"Derek you always knew that I was waiting for something else, and I found it. I'm sorry for the timing but you can't control true love."

No, No I didn't know that. I didn't know that my boyfriend of three years was waiting for something else. I didn't know that he wasn't invested in this relationship. I didn't know that I wasn't enough for him. If I had I wouldn't have devoted myself so completely to this relationship. I wouldn't have devoted myself at all. I have so many questions. This doesn’t make any sense, did he literally just find his true love last night and that's why I'm only hearing about this just now as we're supposed to be leaving for the airport together? Couldn’t he have informed me of all this, oh I don’t know when we were planning this? Or maybe when he realized I wasn’t his “one true love.”  

But I don’t ask any of the burning questions on my mind and I don’t remark on the horrific timing of all of this and how inconsiderate it is, I don’t say anything. It’s pointless. The simple fact is he’s not coming, he no longer wants to be my boyfriend and nothing I say can change the fact and will only make me look even more the fool than I already am. Resigned I just nod. It's not the first time in my life I've been a placeholder for someone until something better came along and I suppose it won't be the last.

So I make it to Chicago alone but the enthusiasm I was feeling about this trip has all but diminished. It’s even hard to get into the conference panels and activities. A testament to how heartbroken I actually feel. An opportunity like this would have me bouncing off the walls normally, you wouldn't be able to get me to shut-up about it. Instead, I'm sitting alone in the dining hall eating the hotel provided continental breakfast, feeling despondent thinking about how stupid I am and wondering why I hadn’t seen any of this coming. I'm trying to muster up the energy to attend this morning's first panel when from behind me says

"Well that bowl of cereal must have really wronged you. Do you regularly assault your breakfast?"

I look up, there is a beautiful man standing in front of me. He looks like he belongs in the city I just left. Leanly muscled body, beach blonde hair, golden skin, and piercing blue eyes.

"Oh no, it's only cereal that makes me feel murderous, I'm a bit of a 'cereal' killer." I quip before I can stop myself.

His mouth twitches up into a small smile and I'm glad to see that he at least appreciated the corny joke.

"I'm Andrew."

"Derek." I reach out and take his hand in a friendly handshake.

Andrew sits down and joins me, and while I shouldn’t have, I forgo the panel I had been contemplating attending. Perhaps that wasn’t the most prudent decision, I had invested in attending the conference after-all but, well, getting dumped from a long term relationship that apparently meant little to the other person, does things to a person, namely it makes it that you aren’t operating with a sound mind. I’ll admit I’m more than a little addicted to the attention Andrew is giving me.

Suddenly my lonely wallowing is not so present. For whatever reason this movie star of a man is interested in me and he isn’t being shy about it. His flirting is so overt that even I, in all my dorky inexperienced cluelessness can see it for what it is and it feels nice especially after finding out that I was second-rate, undesired, and easily tossed aside. This celebrity-esque man could handily attract the attention of anyone I'm quite sure and yet he's set his sights on me. Now despite what current circumstances might belie, I'm not so naïve to think this means anything or that we're going to run off together and start a fairy-tale life but it doesn't hurt to have one's ego stroked in a time like this. A short-lived dalliance my be just the prescription my heart-ache needs.   

Half an hour later I find myself in this man's bed being split in two. In my 22 years I've never been so reckless in my life. In fact my entirety of sexual experiences is marginally low. My ex is the only other person I have ever been involved with in that sense. I’ve never been one for the party scene or for circulating through a series of one night stands. My course-load kept me busy and there was the fact that I had entered college at an atypical age.

I started college curriculum at 16 years old, have a dual bachelors in Computer Science and Data engineering and have recently completed my masters in Statistics and Operations research. I began working at Vector just after undergrad and upon graduating from my master’s program the company had promoted me to my new position as Director.

Maybe it’s just my broken heart talking but there is something liberating about this no obligation sexual encounter. I feel empowered and free. That is until it all comes crashing down on me when the door beeps and opens and a man begins talking from the hallway outside of the line of sight of the bed.

"Hey babe I know you were a little upset about us not being able to have an extended morning together with how tightly packed the conference schedule is but you’ll be happy to know the second panel I was going to attend got cancelled so I thought with the extra time maybe we can do what you had suggested earl-" the man walks into sight of the bed and trails off as he sees me still naked on the bed. And holy shit! It’s Phoenix Hathaway! THE Phoenix Hathaway! A man who is heralded in our industry, my personal idol, and admittedly a man who has been featured in more of my fantasies than I care to admit, that has walked into the room.

I let out an embarrassing squeak reaching for the covers, while trying to shimmy back into my underwear I sweep off from the floor.

He looks at me with a bewildered expression “Umm hi?” I have to bite back a laugh. This man comes back to his hotel room to find his boyfriend in bed with someone else very obviously having just done the nasty and the first thing he says is Hi to said other person. I have a horrible tendency to laugh at inappropriate times, usually when I’m in embarrassingly uncomfortable situations or I’m stressed. It’s like my body doesn’t know what to do with the excess of negative emotion and releases it through ill-timed giggle fits. This situation certainly qualifies but it would be incredibly insensitive to laugh right now, so I somehow miraculously manage to not fall prey to the laugh that’s bubbling up and sitting right there just below the surface itching to break free.

Phoenix’s eyes flick away from me, to Andrew. "Drew?" He questions.

"Nixy!! I didn't expect you back so soon."

"Yes, uhhh I can see that." he says calmly but his tone effuses hurt, the pain in his eyes is so heart-breaking and I hate that I am now an accomplice in putting it there. The fact that he doesn't immediately react or lay into Andrew while I'm still present is a testament to the kind of person he is, as if I needed more fuel for my hero worship. You know how they always caution that you shouldn't meet your heroes because you're only going to be disappointed. Just based on this small encounter I think the opposite holds true for Phoenix. And then it truly starts to hit me the Wednesday casserole of a situation I am in. I am lying naked in the bed of my idol’s boyfriend. I am the other man! Okay forget laughing now I feel like I’m going to be sick. I don’t know maybe laughing would be better?

Mortification takes hold. I can feel the beet red color that has flooded my cheeks, and probably down my neck, which is going to be patently visible because once again I AM NAKED!

I look to Andrew to Phoenix back to Andrew. “Well uhh I think a conversation probably needs to be had that I shouldn’t be here for so I’m just going to uhhh get my things and leave.”  I say as I scramble off the bed grabbing for my clothes and stumbling into them as quickly as possible, needing to exit immediately.

Phoenix hasn't moved from where he stands in the middle of the hallway, presumably in a state of shock. I have to angle my body to slide past him to get to the door. As I pass him, I’m not quite able to look him in the eye, really it's the least I should do for the man whose relationship I just likely helped ruin but I don't because I’m a spineless coward. I do at least mumble "I'm so sorry. I had no idea." That’s hardly adequate but I’m sure the last thing he wants is to sit here and listen to me launch forth with a lengthy explanation. All I know is I feel utterly terrible and that I wish he could know. Two hearts did not need to be broken this week all stemming from the same tragedy that is my love life.

I book it out of the room and race to the nearest bathroom where I do get ill. Of course the one time in my life I decide to do something impulsive this is the result. If only I had known how much worse it was going to get because that was the day my life fell apart.

Present day

I have been "dating" Andrew for two years now ever since that fateful day in Chicago that changed my life forever. Gods I despise him. He's manipulative, self-centered, cruel, and narcissistic. That was further punctuated this past week when he accompanied me to a work summit in London and we ran into Phoenix and his current boyfriend.

The way he treated Phoenix was outright mean and completely appalling. I know how Andrew can be, he treats me similarly but it’s usually behind closed doors. He was openly belittling to Phoenix, who was just as gracious and kind-hearted as he had seemed 2 years ago. Despite the undoubtedly unpleasant and likely painful circumstances that led to their relationship demise I’m glad that he’s moved on from Andrew, and has someone else in his life, someone who seems to treat him the way he deserves. That’s more than I can say for myself.

You see, after that day in Chicago Andrew found out who I am. Not the name that I use professionally and everyone knows me as, but my real name. A name I abandoned when my father, a notorious financier and criminal mastermind behind the largest Ponzi scheme in history that defrauded thousands of investors for 10s of billions of dollars, was arrested, tried, and convicted for multiple accounts of fraud, theft, money laundering, and false filings.

As much as I hate to admit it my father was, well I’m sure still is, a brilliant man. Once a chairman for a big name stock brokerage and a charismatic successful businessmen. I am more loathe to mention that my passion for numbers and data comes from him, my early advanced placement is thanks to him as well. Up until he was arrested he had been my biggest idol, my mentor, and the person I looked up to most in my life.

Apparently in my haste to leave the hotel room that day in Chicago, I had neglected to grab my wallet that had fallen out of the pocket of my jeans. In it was a photograph of my father and myself taken at an award ceremony of a Mathematics competition I had won when I was in high school.

My father’s case had been nationally covered and received a lot of news that even people not in the finance sector knew the name Maddox Steele but even if Andrew hadn’t been aware of the scandal independently, he’d almost certainly heard of the case from Phoenix. My parents had divorced before I had even reached grade school so my mom was not publicly tied to him when he was arrested. As such I had legally taken on my mother’s maiden name after his arrest. I don't particularly resemble my father, and very little in the news coverage mentioned me, because I had been 16 at the time of his arrest, in my second semester of college, and very little about me is available on the internet. My father's Wikipedia page mentions one Derek Steele as his son but that is about the extent of what exists, which thankfully allowed me to keep my identity unknown when I entered the professional scene, but with that photo and some web querying, it wouldn’t be difficult to piece together the relationship and that's exactly what Andrew had done.

Andrew, ever the opportunist took his newfound knowledge of who I was and threatened to take my story public, knowing he could get paid a lot of money for a story like mine. If news got out of who I was it would ruin my career it would probably look even worse that I wasn't transparent about who I am, and lead to a lot of suspicion about my motives, even though really it should be understandable that I would want to separate myself from my father as much as possible especially given my chosen profession. But I know enough to know that's now how people would see it. They would create wild scuttlebutt centralizing around the fact that I too am a fraud. No corporate financial company would look twice at me, if I did by some miracle land a job after that, I would never be trusted, under constant scrutiny, everything that I did would exist under a microscope. My legitimacy and my integrity would always be questioned.

So when Andrew offered me an out, that out being to be his boyfriend, subsidize his lifestyle and fund his acting pursuits and if I did so, he would not take my identity to the press I had no real option but to reluctantly agree. But the day I agreed was the day I gave up my agency.

For two years I have been living a lie, living a life with an iniquitous man that repels me. Andrew plays the part of the loving, doting boyfriend when he needs to, there are times where even I almost get caught up in the expert lie he's weaving - I wonder if I'm just designed to attract con artists and liars. I wonder if that's all I'll ever be known for. But in the privacy of our home he is a different person entirely.

He belittles me, verbally degrades me, gets off on humiliating me in bed. He treats me like a piece of property, he's possessive, and controlling, and although rarely, likely because he’s smart enough to know that if I report him for domestic abuse his threats to reveal my identity will mean very little, he has gotten physical with me- an occasional slap across the face a violent yank of my arm when I’m trying to leave the room and he doesn’t want me to. It’s never been to an extreme that would warrant calling the cops, or anything that leaves a mark, again probably intentionally so on Andrew’s part, it's just enough to put me in my place when I’m being particularly obstinate or insolent, according to him. 

This past week in London though I saw what could be. I saw what true love looks like. I saw what can happen if someone gets out from under the clutches of Andrew. I saw it between Phoenix and his partner Ethan, they were constantly touching, stealing kisses, and looking at each other like they had discovered the answer to life. It was so beautiful to witness and I realize that is what I want. I want the chance to experience the kind of love that Phoenix and Ethan have and I can't and I won't so long as Andrew has his meat-hooks in me.

Andrew had left for a last minute audition in Vancouver this morning and was expected to be gone all week. Living in LA he rarely traveled for auditions or gigs conducting most of his work right here locally. He’s been in a few commercials and background roles in indie films but hasn’t had his big break yet which unfortunately for me means that he’s always around, dictating everything I do. I’m not allowed to go out without him, I don’t really have people in my life outside of him say for my co-workers. If he isn’t with me he needs to know where I am and who I’m with at all times, I have lost my social life since getting entangled in this mess, which granted amounted to very little, but that was more or less by choice and not by force. 

My one dear friend that was my own outside of Andrew, Lacy, I at least see at the office but even our relationship has become strained because of the countless times I've had to turn her down when she asks me to do something outside of work. We've done stuff with Andrew present, but she's definitely not a fan and has made her disapproval known which also just strains our relationship because she can't understand why I'm with him. 

With Andrew not here right now and being absent for a whole week no less, it's my opportunity to do something, anything, to shake the yolk of oppression from around my neck. Sadly, Lacy hadn’t been available so last minute to meet up tonight but we have arrangements to meet later in the week.

Still wanting to take full advantage of my newfound and rare freedom I walk the 20 minutes to downtown to a random bar, taking a seat in an open chair at the corner of the bar against the wall. I'm not sure if I am really in a mood to socialize, it's just nice to be out on my own terms and without Andrew hovering over me. I'm nursing a whiskey sour when the seat next to me gets taken by a behemoth of a man.

He's got to be 6'4 maybe 6'5" with bulging arm muscles, thighs like tree trunks, and even through his black t-shirt I can see that he has abs that could crush skulls I was sure. His build isn't so bulky it's unappealing however. It calls to mind Chris Hemsworth's Thor. His dark brown almost black looking hair is styled with a textured crew cut a little longer on the top than the sides, maybe one inch or so in length, it makes me think of someone in the military. He has a chiseled face, sharp jawline, high cheek bones, you know just the whole shebang of good looks that is in complete opposition to my waify structure a shorter stature. I once had someone tell me that I looked like the embodiment of an awkward dorky anime character and well it’s actually a pretty apt description.

He sits with his face angled more away from me and as I was trying not to openly stare I couldn't discern the color of his eyes in the dim bar lighting but I hear him speak as he places his order with the bartender and Lord does he have a sexy voice. Tonally deep but something about it is soothing, melodious. After the bartender hands him his beer he tips his glass in my direction about to take a drink when he hastily sets the glass on the bar taking a sharp inhale. I see him fumble into his pocket pulling out a tissue hovering it in front of his face. It’s quiet but being seated so close to him I hear him muttering

“No, don’t sneeze, don’t sneeze, dd-dddoo hhh don’t hhe sss-ssnnee-“  

Hh’tttssssch! hehKxtSHh! HhhkscccchXt!

Oh my god! It’s one of sexiest things I've ever heard in my life. Which I suppose is a weird thing to allocate in the hierarchy of sexy, but I have a bit of a thing for sneezing. Okay, better to call a spade a spade. It’s a kink. I find sneezing – the action, the build-up, the pre-sneeze face, all of it, sexually arousing.

I should probably preface this with the caveat that while I will always take stock of and notice a sneeze, I don’t get off on just anyone sneezing it’s a combination of circumstances that lends to the appeal. As far as a sneeze is concerned I hate with vehement adamant passion overly dramatic, obnoxiously loud and yelling sneezes. Dry, cough sounding sneezes do zilch for me as well. Honestly, of the variety of sneezes that exist my particular preferences are probably very narrow. This man’s sneezes checks all my boxes though.

There is also an element of physical and emotional attraction that plays into my enjoyment of a sneeze. While I can appreciate a nice sounding sneeze that fits within the spectrum of what I enjoy, if I am physically and especially emotional attracted to someone that ups the gratification of a sneeze quotient by a country mile. Conversely, if someone I don’t find physically attractive sneezes it can actually turn me off, it won’t matter if their sneeze itself hits all my buttons.

Though it doesn’t happen often, because I’m certain Andrew thinks he’s above such things, I have seen him sneeze a handful of times and while his sneezes might under different circumstances work for me, it completely puts me out. Just thinking about it sends a shudder of disgust through me. Yep, we’re definitely not thinking about that right now. I’m not having this moment sullied by thinking about Andrew’s sneezes, or Andrew in general.

Phoenix, now Phoenix on the other-hand, is a man that has a very appealing sneeze. I learned this past week that he apparently is an allergy sufferer and is prone to unending sneezing fits. At the summit attendee banquet we were seated together and I was fortunate enough to witness one such fit. It was one of the few times when Andrew took me back to our room and wanted to “play” I was already at the ready. But even Phoenix has nothing on this man’s sneezes.

The contrast between his body and overall size with these soft, though still forceful and sufficiently but not messily wet releases is intriguingly appealing. The way that deep naturally husky voice of his makes that adorable contained noise definitely has me a little entranced. And the protest before-hand was utterly precious.

I want to say something but I find I’m frozen. I have never been what you would call socially apt, I'm a little more shy than outgoing. I'm a special brand of awkward, and being with Andrew hasn't really helped me in the being able to people department. Numbers, numbers make sense they're static and absolute, people not so much.

I do hope though that maybe I’ll be lucky enough to see him sneeze more. Not two minutes later I hear another sharp inhale followed by 2 more sneezes

Huh'mmpTssh! Heh'mpt’ksh

I hear him mumble "Ugh, fuck." under his breath.

Oh my goodness, he is so adorable!

I have to say something, I can’t squander this opportunity to talk to this sneezy god of a man, carpe diem and all that. Finally after gathering my courage I mumble a quiet "Bless you." Not very witty or original but a classic go-to I think. Now if only I could speak at the volume of a normal person, that would be better for this interaction.

"Sorry?" he says turning towards me giving me the most perfect frontal view of his face which is just as, appealing, if not even more so, as the side profile view. Gods I’m never going to make it through this conversation as a fully corporeal being. I will melt into the bar stool and the staff will have to whisk away my viscous form. “I didn’t catch that, were you talking to me?”

Of course he didn't hear me that's what happens when one speaks like a mouse. I can feel my face burning, the downside of having the palest skin in existence, it doesn't hide anything.

"Oh uh yeah sorry, it wasn’t anything spectacular you know, you didn’t miss me imparting some grand revelation or the secret answer to the universe or anything I just said bless you.” And sure I’m talking louder but now I’m babbling like a fucking idiot.

He smiles and oh my god he has the prettiest smile, lovely white teeth, the left corner of his lips quirks up just slightly higher than the right, with smile lines that stretch across his cheek and his eyes which I can now make out are hazel. The smile takes over his whole face and embodies true warmth and joy. It's in stark contrast to the fake plastered smile that Andrew wears most of the time.

“Oh, thank you.” And the thank you is so earnest and sweet. When it comes to the ritual of blessing people it all starts to feel a little bit programmed sneeze-blessing-thanks but the way he says thank you seems so genuine and not at all automatic.

"Uh huh." I internally smack myself over the head. Ugh really, you couldn't even manage a "You're welcome." Pathetic.

He doesn't seem perturbed at all, he just nods his head at me and takes another swig of his beer. I keep my gaze trained on the liquid in front of me.

A few more minutes pass when

Hh’mmmmpTXxTCH…Hht'GXCh! H'Nxksch-uh!!

Not about to miss more of this glorious man sneezing my head turns towards him. He's hunched forward pinching his nose, he gives his head a small shake. “Ugh, excuse me.” He says aloud but to seemingly no one in particular.

Holy Shit! I am hitting the jack-pot tonight. This kind of thing never happens to me! I never have note-worthy observations, the majority of sneezes I witness in public are ones that do nothing for me. On the rare - and I mean rare, we’re talking once in a blue moon while Mercury is in retrograde during a solar eclipse level rare - when I do witness a sneeze in public that appeals to my particular brand of preferences I get one, maybe two if all the stars align but never, ever full blown fits. In fact I’m pretty sure in my life Phoenix’s fit in London last week was the only fit like that I’ve ever witnessed. And now it’s happening again just a week later. I wonder what karmic Gods I need to pray to in order for this trend to continue. This is such a special treat.

"Bless you." I say again and I just have to accept that at this point I'm going to have a permanent blush on my face so long as I am near this guy. Hopefully he'll assume that it's because I'm warm, at least that's how I can play it off.

He shoots me a sheepish grin rubbing the back of his neck as if he's embarrassed by his body's involuntary actions, which just makes this entire encounter that much more delightful in my mind.

"Thank you." He replies but then immediately succumbs to another 3 sneeze fit the last one doubles him over with such force I’m worried that he’s going to hit his head on the bar.

"Bless you. Are you okay?” I ask genuinely concerned. Sneezing gets me going sure, but I’m not selfish enough to be insensitive to this man’s plight.

"Yeah, I'm fine, it's just my allergies. I promise I'm not sick."

That was definitely not a concern but nice of him to be so conscientious. I'm not really sure how to keep the conversation going, small talk at least among strangers is not a skill that I possess so I turn back to my drink when he speaks

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to disturb your evening. That's probably going to continue. Something in the air is really tickling my nose. I can move if you would like?" Once again the difference between Andrew is astounding. Andrew couldn't care less who was around, if he was sick, and if it disturbed someone, and if it did he'd probably still find a way to make it about himself and there’s no doubt if he was in my place he would absolutely demand this man leave and make a loud rude scene over it, because his hypocrisy knows no bounds.

"No." I blurt out. Way to play it cool, Derek. Nice. "I mean you’re not disturbing me at all. Besides I think you took the only open seat in this whole joint. I'm not so much of a monster to make you stand somewhere. Not when there is a perfectly good seat that you could have. Besides who knows who might sit there instead of you, you could be sacrificing me to the wolves or something. I’ll take the devil that I know thank you very much." Yeah you need to stop talking thank you very much.

He chuckles holding out his hand. "I'm Kalen."

Without thinking I laugh.

His brow furrows, thankfully in a way that expresses more confusion than offense. Christ! Could I ever make it through one interaction without being so awkward?

"Sorry, I’m sorry, it's just I kind of have a thing for name meanings and Kalen means slender or fair. I'm uhhh kind of thinking your parents missed the mark with that." I waive a hand at his person.

He throws his head back and laughs, it’s a nice full sound, velvety smooth and it slides down my spine making me shiver.

“I’m named after both my parents actually. My dad’s name is Kaden with a K, my mom’s name is Lynn. Basically my name is my parent’s shipper name.”

It’s my turn to laugh. Realizing his hand is still outstretched I accept it, his hand is pleasantly calloused and the electricity that I feel shoot up my arm is unlike anything I've ever felt before.

"Derek."

"Nice to meet you Derek. And what does your name? It's gotta be something like appealing cute am I right?"

I nearly choke on the sip of my drink I've just taken. Is he flirting with me? Well there goes the blush I thought may have dissipated some. 

"Uhh actually Derek means ruler of the people or gifted ruler."

He hums a smirk playing at his lips. "Ruler huh? So what is a gifted ruler like you doing drinking alone?"

Oh no, now that damn treacherous blush is creeping into my ears. I’m not used to this sort of attention and honestly the fact that he’s giving it to me is shocking. Sure, our seating arrangement was unavoidable but he could just as well ignore me or invite himself into some other conversation happening around him, instead he's talking to my dorky nerdy-self. Titles I have rightfully earned and wear like badges of honor but let’s be clear I’m not usually attracting the likes of Mr. Muscles in front of me.

"Well you see the thing about certain gifted rulers is we aren't always good at interacting with the subjects." That and my boyfriend is a controlling narcissistic ass-wipe but I don’t need to be bringing that up to a perfect stranger.

"Well, you know what they say, practice makes perfect. I would graciously accept the duty of being your practice subject. You can even command me, I'm very good at following orders."

I nearly fall out of my seat, he had to be flirting with me right? That was meant to sound as suggestive as it did right? What I wouldn't give to be able to command him to bend me over the bar and pound me into oblivion. I have to clear my head of that image and quickly before certain body parts start to get ideas. I glare at my lap, a silent lecture ensuing. 

"I’ll uh definitely keep that in mind.” I respond carefully neutral, keeping the suggestion out of my tone. Even if his comment had meant to be evocative it's not like I can act on it so best not to engage. Besides, I'm relatively positive that's not how he meant it anyways. 

He chuckles before being seized by another sudden fit.

Huh’itshshhh Hh’ktsch! Hih’ttssTXK! K’tschuh! .Hih’KTSCHuh!  Hhehh’kssccccht!

"Bless you" I barely hear myself say. I internally sigh. We've talked about this Derek, communicating at a volume the average person can hear is a key recipe in conducting conversation. 

He sighs wiping his nose on his tissue "I'm sorry, my allergies have been relentless tonight."

"It's okay. Does that happen a lot?" And I don't know what has possessed me to inquire that, because asking a man about his sneezes and allergies when I'm clearly so affected by them is the last thing I should be doing, and normally would be. That’s like my golden rule of sneeze kinkdom, if you have any hope of survival, do not engage in and definitely do not encourage casual sneezy conversations. There’s gotta be something in my drink. Oh!! Or maybe this man’s a wizard and he’s put a spell on me that makes me engage in sneezy talk like some kinky male version of Hocus Pocus. Yep, of the options that’s definitely the most plausible.

At least he seems totally unaware of my inner turmoil and completely unbothered by the question, freely offering up a very detailed response.

"You know it never used to, my allergies are a recent development, started emerging maybe 6 months ago and have only gotten steadily worse. Now it seems anything sets me off. Tthh-They've. Oh fuck sorry hh-hhoold on-"

Heh-NGTchh! ... HuH-mmpTtXTCH! heh..Hhh-NGXTCH  Hhiih-H'NTXssSh

I'm trying desperately not to entirely lose my composure over the desperate sneezes that are coming from this man. How is it so damn sexy to see a large muscly man sneeze in such an adorably suppressed way?

He continues right we’re he left off. “They've gotten so bad that I was honorably discharged from the army 2 months ago. I was put on oral medication by the army medical doctor to alleviate the symptoms when they began but they weren't incredibly effective. I had an anaphylactic reaction to something out in the field and for the safety of my unit and myself they deemed my condition severe enough to be unfit for duty and was medically retired."

I chuckle recalling my initial thought that he looked like he was in the military when he came in but then catch myself, once again realizing that I’m responding in a way that is totally inappropriate to everything he just shared with me. Jesus, this is why I shouldn't be permitted in public. A guy tells you he had a bad enough reaction he legitimately could have died and that he lost his career over it and you’re laughing! Stellar, grade A communication tactic there Der. If you want the guy to think you’re a cold-hearted asshole by all means keep this up.

He raises his eyebrow at me, but again thankfully doesn't appear to be offended by my very socially unacceptable responses, just confused.

"Gods I'm sorry, I would say that I do actually know how to talk to people but as you can see for yourself based on exhibit A “I waive my hands towards myself “I haven’t quite mastered it. I laugh when I’m not supposed to and I’m probably liable to offend someone without meaning to because I latch onto to random trivial things in conversation and miss the overall point. But anyway I assure you I wasn't laughing about your situation. That’s awful to be pushed into retirement before you’re ready or were planning for it and I'm sorry that's the situation you find yourself in.” A dread I can relate all too well too, given my situation with Andrew. "It's just when you sat next to me I thought you looked like someone that was in the military."

He gives me another good natured laugh. "I suppose I really do look the part don't I? It’s the hair right?”

I nod still utterly embarrassed.

But Kalen just chuckles again a smirk playing at his lips. “Good thing I didn't wear my camo in here and really given myself away. Got to leave at least a little to the imagination yeah?"

I appreciate a man who is able to laugh at himself, but picturing him in camo isn't necessarily a bad image. Though I adore the jeans he has on, they hug his muscular legs quite nicely and I sure would love to get a gander at his ass in them. Can anyone smell that? Because I am burning.

“But yeah your observation is obviously correct. I enlisted when I was 18 and haven’t looked back. Was actually on a mission with my battalion when my allergies decided to flare up and put a kibosh on my career."

"That must have been hard."

He nods solemnly, his expression turning more serious. "It's been an adjustment for sure."

"So now what are you doing?"

"Well....that has yet to be determined. My sister lives out here with her husband, they are graciously allowing me to stay in their spare bedroom in the basement of their home while I get things sorted.”

I nod taking another sip of my drink.

“Luckily I am entitled to VA benefits while I try to figure out what to do now. I've devoted my entire adult life to service, I've given almost 20 years to that commitment. I don't really know what to do without it."

20 years? Okay so that puts him quite a bit older than me, yeah I definitely have to stop romanticizing this man he probably thinks I'm some kind of child. My random outbursts and clear inability to converse probably isn’t helping matters.

"That’s understandable. It's not easy having your entire life transformed seemingly overnight." I remark.

"You sound as though you speak from experience."

I shrug. “You could say that” I say though the specific details are not really things I want to go into.  

Sensing my reticence he gives a nod of acknowledgment and continues. “If there’s one thing that being in the army has taught me it’s how to adapt to ever changing circumstances. This is a bigger change than I expected at this stage, but like with anything you either adapt and move forward or you get left behind. I may not have a choice in this particular matter but I do have a choice about how I deal with it. So here I am figuring things out and trying to find my way. At the moment I've got a few options to consider, it's just figuring out which is the right option."

I am captivated with this man. His life as he knew it was uprooted but rather than cowering away from the change he's choosing to see it as an opportunity to flourish and grow. I wish that I could be more like him, that I could have his strength, his ability to embrace change. Maybe if I wasn't such coward, so fearful of having everything I've worked for in my life taken away I could leave Andrew, even with the consequences of who I am getting out publicly and possibly ruining my career.

"What are you considering?" I ask desperate to hear more.

“Well I’ve been mulling over dozens of options but the two I’ve been contemplating pretty heavily are either private security, with my history I’m easily qualified I think and it would allow me to continue to utilize the skills that I did while in service, or be-bbbb Hhh oh jeez sss-sssorrry oonnne sss Hhh sec-“

Hhh-TtXXKTch! Heh…IHSXXhu! hhhh-NgXTchh!! Heh-H’Nnggxtsch! Hhh-Ihscht! heh-Ttchhu! Hh-NXTsht! Heh-TshhXh! Hiiih-TISChuh!

Wow! I think. This is how I meet my doom, by witnessing this absolute hunk of a man endure a very sneezy allergy fit. Not how I expected leave this mortal coil but as far as ways to reach one's demise, what a way to go. I don't know if I can contain my arousal, his sneezes are exquisite, they're just the right combination of forceful and wet, and I adore the efforts he's making to stifle his sneezes. I wonder if he regularly stifles or he's doing so because we're in a crowded public space and were we somewhere else less public he would let them out freely because these are the things someone with my affinity obsesses over.

Kalen is still recovering from that fit. Well, I suppose the both of us are really. Me from trying to hide my rapture and him from the exertion of trying to stifle. He takes a steadying breath reaching into his pocket again for another tissue as he does so he says "Pardon?"

I blink trying to parse together why he just said that and oh shit! Had I actually let my little thought slip out and said it aloud?

"Bless you" I say hurriedly correcting my exclamation, desperately hoping he hadn’t heard what I said and his “pardon” was him asking me to repeat it and not him being confused over why I would make such a comment like “wow” after someone sneezes.  

He shoots me a grateful smile "Ugh thanks. Another recent development with my allergies is how much I sneeze and how frequent the fits hit. When they first started to develop they were only small fits maybe 2-4 sneezes only every so often, so we thought that I was just triggered by something where we were deployed. That's actually not uncommon, that guys without allergies will get hit hard at certain duty stations that are blooming with plant life or whatever but for me it just got progressively worse. Just before I was discharged one of the guys in my battalion counted 30 sneezes in one sitting and I could get like that every few minutes."

Damn vanillas and their ability to just casually talk about sneezing like it's no big deal. Doesn't he know I'm dying over here! Like literally dying, I think I'm going into cardiac arrest. I attempt to move the previous conversation along because I cannot reasonably contribute to this current one about his allergies. That is a big nope from me!

"So what was the other option you were thinking of?"

"Oh yeah sorry, right. The other option I've been considering is becoming an EMT. While I don’t have any formal medical training being in the field I do know basic CPR and first aid and know how to treat a variety of injuries, and broken bones and have had to do so. I’ve been looking into a few EMT programs they aren’t too incredibly extensive with my field training I think I wouldn’t be at least totally lost if I enrolled in a certification program and I think the excitement of being an emergency tech appeals to me more than becoming a nurse or doctor in a hospital or office type setting.  I’ve even been thinking of maybe becoming a wilderness EMT. Either way I think whatever I choose I want to be of service to people in some way."

I'm impressed, his livelihood and life did a complete 180 just 2 months ago and he's already been researching different avenues and making a plan for how he can move forward and find a future that is still fulfilling and meaningful for him. Meanwhile, I have lived the past 2 years from a cage because I can't see any other options, something about not seeing the forest through the trees or however that saying applies.

"That all sounds amazing. Seems like you're working really hard to find a way forward. You're clearly disciplined, I don't really know anything about being in the army but I do know that the path to becoming a Ranger is very selective and exclusive and requires grueling training. I'm sure whatever you pursue you'll excel at."

He blushes a pretty shade of pink at my compliment, a sight that I definitely enjoy. Any sort of visible vulnerability on a big strong man is just undeniably fetching.

"Thank you. I ttt-tthhhiinnk oh ccc-cccommme on-“ he whines as his face falls in that precious pre-sneeze expression I love so much. I see it in his eyes first, they go all unfocused and a little blank, sometimes his nose gives a visible twitch indicating the building sensation as well, his brows begin to furrow and his mouth parts, his nostrils flare, and his chest heaves, neck tendons going tight preparing for the powerful contraction. His eyes fluttering shut as the sneeze surfaces. 

Hhheh...Hhh...Hhh

The build-up is toying with him and I should probably feel bad for the both of us, the anticipation is torture but I can't find it in me. I'm sure with his military training he's well adapted to torture techniques that are far more agonizing than this, this is the sweetest torture. The sneezy expression plastered all over his face, his breath all erratic and rapid, and his chest expanding with each inhale.

Hh...hhh-Heh!

His body tenses with each inhale. The desperate inhales get a little more vocal sounding more and more like moans, which is just going to end me!

Hh...Hhh!

Hh..hhH! HEH!

And then finally the sneeze releases with a wet sounding force, his head falling forward as his body succumbs to the sneeze.

Hih'NGXXxT-Ch- uhhhh

He sighs heavily after that first sneeze, the pent up air that he managed to contain in the actual release leaving his body. The reprieve lasts for barely more than a second as he immediately dips forward with more.

Hhh-K'NXtscht! Hheh-NGXXTCH-uh! H-HE-GNTsshu!

I bite down on my lip to stop the moan that is threatening to escape. I'm not sure how much longer I can endure this without doing something embarrassing.

"I'm sss-sorrrry!" He says in between sneezes and yeah him talking in that desperately sneezy tone is definitely going to push me over the edge. 

Hhh-Ih-IiiSTXXXX-chu! Hh'TSCcht! Heh'TSCCH!

Heh-mmmmpppTXXXT-Chu! H-HHH-NnnGXxxT-CHUU!!

Finally he seems to have gotten some relief and manages to collect himself. I however am not so easily collected, how can I be expected to recover when he sniffles so adorably, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand giving his head a shake. He turns towards me, his face the most adorable expression of embarrassment.

"Sorry." He says again.

I'm not, I'm most definitely not sorry. This is the greatest thing to have happened to me possibly ever.

"It’s fine. Bless you." I detect how breathless and husky my voice sounds. I have to clear my throat because I can't have him noticing or questioning that.

"Thank you. God, my allergies are a beast tonight, you're getting a prime sampling of why I'm no longer fit for duty." He says with a self-deprecating chuckle.

I wish that I could tell him just how much I appreciate his allergies, I'd gladly spend the entire night in his company listening to him sneeze but I don't believe that's the kind of reassurance he's looking for so I just go for what I hope is a commiserating look. "It does seem like a bad time for you but I really don't mind, it's not like you can help it."

He gives me a look that indicates he's dubious of that statement but just replies 

“Well thanks. Anyways what I was trying to say is that I think it's important that I find a way to feel purposeful again but enough about me. Tell me Derek, what does a gifted ruler such as yourself do for a living?"

"I'm the director of quantitative and data science for an investment company.”

"Wow.” He exclaims but then his brow furrows “What does that mean exactly?"

Which, honestly a fair question. It has been my observation that the more corporate and advanced your position is in a company the more vague and unknown your position is to the general public.

"It means I oversee and aid in the development of mathematical models that are used to analyze data to identify trends and patterns and predicting the movements of financial markets. In other words I'm a maths nerd that uses numbers and data to determine the actions my company should take that will produce the most successful outcomes for the business.”

He nods "Got it. So basically you're a super genius."

"More like a super awkward overgrown nerd."

"Well than I'm just an overgrown dumb jock." He's teasing but he says it in this way that makes me think he's actually self-conscious.

"You know what you do in the army isn't much different from me. You analyze yours and others position, predict the outcomes of certain strategies and actions and then proceed with the option that has the highest chance of success which in your case amounts to survival. So intelligence and tactical survivability, far more impressive than what I'm wielding behind a desk far away from the front lines."

He doesn't respond he's just looking at me, his face is unreadable and his expression is unchanging. I start to get nervous, wondering if I said the wrong thing when his hand gently covers my own. It's an innocent gesture but I can't help the fluttering in my stomach how I would love to know what the calloused touch feels like on my face. 

“Thank you that’s a gracious perspective. A lot of people assume that the military is full of ignorant, uneducated, oafs that joined because they had nothing better to do."

"Yeah well people like to make assumptions about things they don't understand or know nothing about and then perpetuate those assumptions to a broader audience."

"Amen." He raises his beer bottle to cheers with my drink and the hand that he still has placed over mine, squeezes briefly before he removes it. I have to fight a gasp as it sends a shockwave up my arm I’m so flustered that I don’t know how I’m supposed to continue this conversation. I’m just an innocent civilian here, I haven’t been trained on how to navigate this scenario.

Thankfully I’m interrupted from having to say or do something when my phone buzzes in my pocket. Though as far as interruptions go, it’s not a favorable one. I don't want to look at it. I know who it's going to be and I want to ignore it but the consequences of doing so loom over my head. I turn to my companion "Excuse me for a moment I have to take this."

"Oh, no problem."

I move out the door of the bar.

"Hello."

"Baby! Hi! How's my Der doing?" He's using his cutesy voice, he must be out with his agent or something, that's good at least it will be a short phone call.

"I'm fine." Worse now that you called. I think.

"That's my good boy." I do so hate when he calls me that. I suppose I can at least be grateful that he hasn’t asked me to call him daddy that thought sends a shiver of revulsion through me.

"How's the trip?" I ask knowing that this is a good diversion tactic. Andrew loves nothing more than to talk about himself. He prattles on and on about how he met so-and so and that this is really his next big break. Finally after 10 minutes he concludes our phone call.

I head back into the bar to see my sexy ranger man is no longer at the bar. I sigh oh well it was too good to be true and with Andrew's call still on the brain it's not like I could do anything with him anyhow.

I sit back down suddenly no longer in the mood to finish my drink. I'm preparing to close out when I catch movement from the corner of my eye. I turn and Kalen is sliding into the seat next to me. He smiles at me but he’s wearing the exhaustion of his allergies all over his face, his entire nose is a permanent shade of pink, his nostrils especially red and raw looking, his eyes look droopy and heavy. I feel this overwhelming compulsion to take him into my arms and I tell myself it would be because I want to comfort him, not feel that ridiculously hardened and muscly body pressed against me. But I mean, porque no los dos? Am I right?

"Hey, I thought maybe you had left."

He looks confused, my tone isn't accusatory is it?

"Oh, no I just went to the restroom while you were on the phone. I wouldn't have just left and risked having someone else taking your seat while you were away that's not good bar personage etiquette and don't worry I asked the bartender to keep on eye on our seats while we both vacated them so they wouldn't get nabbed."

I can't help but feel relieved that he hadn't ditched me. Which is absurd he has no obligation to stay here with me. It's just that I find I want him to want to. I'm trying to think of something to ask him anything to keep the conversation going when his breath starts to hitch wildly.

I make no attempt to disguise the way I am openly staring at him. I’m not sure if I can. I can't help it, his sneezing is endlessly delectable punctuated by the fact that he's such a big guy. His eyebrows are pinched together, his mouth hanging slightly open, his nostrils flaring, he's flapping his hand in front of his face and I’m not sure if it’s a gesture meant to encourage or ward off the sneeze but it’s cute as hell.

Hhiihh...hhh'hhh'hhh...Hhh…Hhh'TXTCh-u! Hhehh….HH’NGXTCH! Heh’umptXT! Hih-N'GTSCHhh-uh! H-HmmMPPTSCHEH-uu!

The last sneeze pitches him forward with such force it has him falling out of his stool and stumbling into me. Reactively I put my hand on his chest and the other grips his waist to steady him and my brain short circuits feeling the strong hardened muscles under his shirt. Oh fuck! It was even more drool-worthy than I had thought and that’s with just my hand on him. Oh now more than ever I want to crush his body to mine. Mayday, mayday, mayday!! The thought airplane is spiraling! Any minute now it’s going to crash into the sea of malapropos touch, where many a men before me have drowned. 

His head is still ducked down, his arm covering his face. As he starts to raise his head and lower his arm, his eyes meet mine and we’re caught in this magnetic moment where time seems to freeze. With our proximity even in the dimmer ambient lighting I can now see the nuanced color of his eyes. They’re hazel like I had observed but they're this stunning variety- golden brown in the center with flecks of mossy green giving way to a dark blue hued rim, they remind me of plants flowing with the ocean current on the floor bed with golden rays of sunlight refracting through the water. Well that’s maybe not the most romantic image. Clearly a poet I am not. Either way they’re like no other eyes I’ve ever seen in my life and they’re hypnotizing.

I can feel my breath catching, my heart rate increasing, our lips are less than a foot apart. It feels like the bar has fallen away from us the commotion and conversations fading into the background.

"Bless you" I barely manage to whisper.

"Thanks" he responds his voice sounding a little worn from all the sneezing.

his breathing is coming out a little unsteady, his lips are still parted and I can't stop staring at them. They are plump and pink and they look surprisingly soft. My gaze takes in the rest of his face. He has a thick jagged scar that runs along his ocular bone on the right side and another even deeper looking scar across the same side’s cheek bone. A combat injury I assume, probably resulting in some nerve damage leading to the slightly lopsided smile I think.

My hands are tingling with the desire to touch him. He licks those tempting lips of his and once again I'm suppressing the urge to groan.

"Sorry about that."

I blink rapidly and force my brain to register the words he's speaking. I realize that I’m still touching him, now with no reason. I abruptly pull back. "It's fine." I mutter.

He moves back into his seat rubbing the back of his neck again, something I'm recognizing as a self-conscious gesture. It's adorable and enduringly endearing, especially on a man who's as attractive as he is.

He doesn't make a move to continue our conversation and I'm starting to panic a little. Maybe he noticed the way I was ogling him and it made him uncomfortable. OH GODS! Could he feel my excitement when he had stumbled into me? I hadn't thought his body had landed near that region but I was kind of losing my mind after-all. 

Ugh why do you have to be such a weirdo Derek? I silently berate myself. Just say something, anything. Stop him from walking away.

I'm scrambling for the right thing to say. Something witty, something charming. Anything really but the longer the silence goes on the more anxious I become. BY THE GODS DEREK, JUST FUCKING SAY SOMETHING!!!

"So here’s a question for you hero, why should the army always have a data scientist with them when going through the jungle.” Jesus Christ really Derek, from the plethora of options you have and you lead with this? You’re supposed to be enticing the guy, not pushing him with your super nerdy awkwardness. Well no, there can be no enticing because it can’t go anywhere. Maybe I’m better off trying to scare him off.

The good sport that he is appears to think for the answer giving a long drawn out "Hmmmmmmmm. I don’t know. Why?”

Well I’m committed now. “Because we can take care of Python problems. You know don’t mind me I’m just a certified and official card carrying geek.”  Yeah try freak. “But umm maybe let’s pretend I didn’t make such a stupidly awful joke.”

A full blown smile cracks across Kalen's face. It's gorgeous, it makes his face light up his eyes and mouth creasing with smile lines before he lets out another full belly laugh. I don't think I've ever heard a sound as lovely, as sexy, as joyfully contagious. I want to bottle it and carry it with me everywhere.

"It’s true you know.”

“What that I have no social skills and am a certified geek, or that I said a stupid joke?

He chuckles. "Neither. I meant that we wouldn't get anywhere without the brains behind the operation, data scientists in the military are critical to mission success. I mean you don't win WWII without people like Alan Turing. They're the real muscle behind it all." He says completely serious.

Oh my god he just name dropped Alan Turing! I think I'm going to swoon. At best I was expecting a chuckle, though in reality I was expecting a blank stare, possibly even a grimace or groan over my terrible joke, not a sincere response complete with a famous data scientist historical reference. Am I dreaming? Did I get sucked into some alternate reality where I find myself in conversations with incredibly sexy and sincere hotties that aren’t put off, affronted, or completely baffled by my awkwardness, on the regular?

"So can I see it?" He adds.

"Huh?"

"This official geek card." He says holding his hand out.

"Uhh, well see I kind of left it at home. It can be a bit cumbersome to carry it around, it starts to make my pants think they’re smart and no one likes a smarty pants.”

He chuckles and not that half-hearted chuckle that people do when something isn’t funny but they feel they need to laugh out of courtesy or worse discomfort. No this is a legitimate full chortle, and I can see the laughter sparkling in his eyes.

"Ahhh. Yes, I can see why that would be a problem.  Well I suppose that settles it."

"Settles what?"

"You're just going to have to take me to your place and show it to me."

Wait! What? Are we still talking about the same thing, is this a euphemism? Did he just invite himself over to my place? That's a come on right? Someone please get me the cheat code for understanding social queues, and pick-up lines, and - okay so I need more of a book rather than a simple cheat code. Either way, I need something because I’m just staring at him dumbfounded.

He rubs the back of his neck the only obvious gesture of his unease. "Sorry if that was too forward. It’s just I’m really enjoying our conversation, you’re easy to talk to, funny and interesting, and you seem really sweet and I just thought that maybe - well clearly my gaydar sucks. It's been generally out of commission, for obvious reasons it really didn't come up while in service and I'm rusty, and maybe you’re not -"

"I am. Gay I mean."

"Oh. Thank God, for a second there I thought I read the situation completely wrong."

"No, you didn't."

"I sense a but coming." he says

I sigh. "But I have a boyfriend" that is a manipulative controlling twatwaffle that I would never be with if it weren't for the fact that he holds my livelihood over my head and now more than ever I wish I wasn't with him.

"Oh. Yeah of course that makes sense, someone li-lliiike Heeh oh hang on -"

He ducks his head to the side.

Nh’KTSCH-uh! heh'KNGxXT!!! Hiht’XxxKchu!! Hehkt'ISHHUE!!

His entire body jerks with each sneeze. The last two are barely stifled but resoundingly pleasant, not overly loud though obviously forceful.

"Oh god! Please excuse me." He exclaims when he's done "Anyways I was saying that naturally someone like you would be off the market. I was shooting my shot anyways." He shrugs smiling a little sadly. "Sorry if I made it uncomfortable. It's, well it's been a while for me and clearly I don't quite have a grasp on the proper etiquette when it comes to picking someone up. Sussing out your relationship status probably should have been the first thing I did before, well, all of that.”

Okay hold the phone. That is a lot to unpack. He thinks he, *HE*, a real life Steve Rogers is shooting his shot with me. Did I just hear that right? That is completely baffling. I'm so stunned and flattered and confused that I just blurt out

"But you're like Captain America?"

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "Huh?"

"I just mean that you, hero, may need to get your eyes checked. You could easily attract the attention of anyone in this bar. If anything you're the one way out of my league."

He seems just as baffled as I am. "My size and/or my profession often intimidates people. The state of my face seems to put people out and I might be putting that mildly. Then throw in my incessant allergies and well-"

The state of his face? Oh his scars. Impulsively I reach out and caress the scar that runs along his cheek. He sucks in a sharp breath. The skin is warm and solid beneath my finger-tips. "Your face is stunning." I whisper. Our eyes lock, it feels like my heart is beating out of my chest, I can hear the blood pounding in my ears. My tongue darts out wetting my lips. He tracks the movement. "As for your size, well if people are bothered by it they clearly have insecurities they need to work through that have nothing to do with you. And your allergies aren’t bothersome in the slightest.” What I don’t add is that I happen to like having big strong men handle me and that his sneezes are absolutely fucking adorable in fact and anyone who doesn't see them that way is a lost cause, and also just clearly lacking a soul. "So no, you definitely weren't shooting your shot."

He gives me another forlorn smile. "I don't know if that's better or worse."

I don't either. “I’m sorry.” I mumble.

"I believe the only apology owed here is mine to you. If we can get over my whole shamelessly and embarrassingly making an ass out of myself by hitting on you I’d be happy to be your friend. Those have been hard to come by since my discharge.”

His tone isn't necessarily melancholy but something about the way he says it makes me think he's lonely and I imagine being kicked out of the only profession he’s ever known and by effect losing people he’s been close and served with for however long was far more impactful on him then he’s let on.

I came close to that scenario two years ago and the prospect devastated me so much it’s why I’m here now. For his career to have ended because of something like severe allergies that had to be a real kick in the pants. Of course I wanted what he was formerly after but I would be a fool to disincline his offering of friendship.

"Well you got a pretty good sampling of what being a friend with me is like tonight. If you're willing to take your chances and endure second-hand embarrassment at my expense constantly and probably more really bad puns then yeah we can be friends. Honestly I could use more of those myself."

He chuckles "Now you're just threatening me with a good time. Besides you’ve gotten a pretty good picture of what you would have to put up with being my friend. In the grand scheme of things I think corny jokes and nerdy conversations are far more enjoyable than endless sneezing coming from a man vastly approaching middle-age who doesn’t know what to do with his life.”

Oh if only he knows that by mention of his endless sneezing he’s the one threatening me with a good time. I’m not about to make that pronouncement however.  

“It’s never too late to start anew. Be gracious with yourself you're entire life as you know it changed over night that's always going to require some adjusting. But you'll figure it out, it seems like you're on the right path already." I say instead and yeah, the fact that’s advice I should really heed is not lost on me.

“Thanks. So friends?”

I smile. "I’d say so, for I am unbothered by allergies and you are willing to brave the uncertain and unpredictable waters of conversing with me."

We raise our drinks.

"To the uncertain and unpredictable." He proclaims.

"To new beginnings." I add.

"Cheers" we say in unison, our glasses clinking together.

We stay and chat through another round. As we're leaving we exchange numbers.

"Well it's been a pleasure, Derek, gifted ruler, I'm certainly glad I decided to go out tonight and at this bar specifically."

"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world right?" I say.

He rewards me with another one of his throaty rumbly chuckles that makes my imagination run a little rampant.

"I guess we'll always have LA." He adds with a wink. Gods who is this guy and who gave him the rights to exist like this? I mean honestly it’s just unfair to the rest of us, he laughs at corny jokes, he knows his classic movie references, he’s a literal hero that would rival any Marvel character in terms of looks, and he has the sexiest sneeze in existence and allergies that bring them out frequently, okay well that attractive quality is just specific to me but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s a total catch.

"Good night your highness." He says his eyes glinting with mirth.

I shake my head but can’t hide the smile that touches my lips. “Good night fair hero."

He laughs and heads out the door, as I walk home I feel myself still smiling and for the first time I feel optimistic and hopeful about my future.

~TBC~

Edited February 10 by Not Telling
Edited Title

[funbusej]

Oh wow.  See, when you said this story was about Derek, I was instantly like, ewww, I don't want to read about Andrew.  But I should have known better.  No, Kalen is DEFINITELY the other side of this particular ship!  Derek, Derek, Derek, you sly little minx.  I KNEW you had a slight thing for Phoenix.  Tee hee.  I sincerely hope our hero Kalen, is going to help dear Derek out of his little predicament with Andrew the Ass.  Ack, I get into your stories so damn easily!!!  I can't tell you how happy it makes me when I see that you have new chapters out, let alone a whole new story!!!

[uwus and love]

AHH! please tell me they're getting together. they better. Derek deserves better than The Dick He's With. If Nix can get a happy ending, so can he. Ah this is so amazing. much love. 

[AntheaHolmes]

Oh please...Derek deserves someone like Kalen and not that douchbag Andrew (even though I love that name). They have to get together. It's so cute that Derek has/had Phoenix as his Idol, even if it makes it even sadder, but that's all Andrew's fault....I still don't understand how he can be such a cruel, manipulative and insensitive person!!!

Please continue. Derek deserves his own happiness and also I would love if Phoenix could forgive him somehow, sometime. 

 

As always, your writing is exquisite and I love all your stories. Of course Nix and Ethan are my favourite but I do hope that Derek and Kalen are getting together as live happily.

 

Edited December 18, 2023 by AntheaHolmes

[pinkypie]

Oh wow this is perfect as always! I'm so glad you're continuing this storyline with other characters. I love your stories soo much keep up the fantastic work!

[dwaekki]

Your writing is actually the best ever, every single story of yours makes me want to cry at all the emotions but also scream because of the amount of sneezing! I pray it doesn't take too long for Andrew and Derek to break up... I can hardly wait 😭 I'm already obsessed with Derek from before, and now Kalen?!?!?! God help me 😫🙏

[Dye]

Oh dear, look at that, I seem to have accidentally kicked Andrew out on his ass, leaving sweet Derek and Kalen alone together... (I LOVE THIS. I LOVE THIS. THE STUPID NERD JOKES ARE SOOOOOOOOO GOOD.)

[Lunaconner]

OMG YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE PLEASE!!!!!

[Nemo1972]

I'm loving Derek's new vibe! Hope he can kick out Andrew!

[starpollen]

Kalen, save Derek!  Put those muscles and intimidating demeanor to good use! 🤪

[solitaire-au]

This story was amazing. Derek is such a sweet guy in a tough spot. He deserves to break free of an arsehole like Andrew and to get his happily ever after with Kalen!

Please continue? 🙏 

[dragonko]

Omg this is simply amazing! Please continue on with Derek and Kalen, screw Andrew anyway. 

[Not Telling]

@funbusej Valid concern, but I'm with you, eeew. Never fear, I certainly would not entertain a story pairing where the protagonist was an abusive a-hole. 

On 12/17/2023 at 9:16 PM, funbusej said:

Derek, Derek, Derek, you sly little minx.  I KNEW you had a slight thing for Phoenix.  Tee hee.

I mean, can you blame him? haha Thank you so much for your comments and for your dedicated readership. ☺️

@uwus and love Derek's story was unexpected, but from his introduction in The Advertisement, he got into my head, his circumstances needed exploring and I knew he deserved his own HEA just like Nix and Ethan. So glad that you're taking the journey with me to get there. ❤️ 

@AntheaHolmes Derek captured me whilst writing The Advertisement and I just knew there was more to his story than what we were seeing there that was begging to be told. As always thank you for all the love and your wonderful comments! They breathe life into my stories and my writing. ❤️ 

@pinkypie *blush* Thank you! I'm glad Derek wouldn't leave me alone, I've enjoyed the opportunity to develop his character and to get inside his and Kalen's heads. 

@dwaekki Awww shucks! You're always so sweet! Thank you so much for your kind words and amazing compliments. You and I operate on similar wave lengths it seems, because I too became obsessed with Derek from the small amount we saw of him in The Advertisement. It was just so evident that there was more to his story and his circumstances than met the eye. I'm so glad that you'll be following Derek on his own journey towards his HEA.

@Dye Your comment made me literally laugh out loud. I'm right there with you, let's kick Andrew to the curb, and write his sorry ass out of this story. haha I'm so glad that you appreciate the nerdy jokes and references, there will definitely more to come of that. 😉

@Lunaconner @dragonko Your wish is my command... 😉 (And @dragonko my sentiments exactly) 

@Nemo1972 Thank you! Derek is such a fun character to get into. I'm so glad that you're enjoying.

@starpollen Haha. Agreed! 

@solitaire-au ❤️ Thank you! Precisely! I could see that when he was introduced in The Advertisement and definitely wanted to see him find his own loving, caring, and devoting partner that would help him break free from the controlling, manipulative douche that is Andrew. 

______________________________________________

Hello forum friends, thank you all for your comments and for reading! I have kept you all waiting long enough, so, without any further gilding the lily, I present to you the next chapter. Hope you enjoy! 

______________________________________________

Chapter 2: Kalen

Well tonight had taken an unexpectedly pleasant turn. I hadn't actually intended to go out, but my therapist had encouraged me to get out of the house and engage with people, even if it was only one person and it was a brief interaction, so after my hour appointment I found myself at the bar that was only a few blocks from her office. I had planned to maybe strike up some interaction with the bartender, have one drink and then leave. That had been the plan until I saw Derek.

After spending the majority of my life surrounded by built muscular guys you would think that would be the aesthetic that I would go for. While I haven’t ever been one to adopt gay sub-culture terminology or colloquialisms, my physical preferences lean more towards the so-called twink description. Derek matches this archetype. That is to say, he is absolutely the type of guy I have a predilection towards. He’s gorgeous in an almost ethereal, angelic, effeminate way, his face painted with clouds, alabaster and full strawberry tinged cheeks. Slim, though leanly muscled physique, porcelain smooth pale skin, thick unruly curly brown hair, and melty brown eyes.

There was also just something innocent and incredibly sweet about him. He was clearly smart, witty, and charming. He is without a doubt the most endearingly awkward person I have ever met. He seemed a little shy, a little mysterious and his voice was soft spoken with a lilting cadence, it was tonally deeper than one would expect based on his looks, but effused gentleness. And his laugh, it was this melodious sound, light, airy, almost giggle like in its quality but more full and resonating than just a giggle, it was, it was captivating is what it was. His laughter was accompanied with this beguiling dimpling smile that seemed to light up his whole face though he had this habit of ducking his head, covering his mouth with his hand when he was amused almost like he was embarrassed by his smile and laughter. It lent to his overall innocence but I wanted to see his smile in its full glory.

He fit the whole “they are a national treasure and should be protected at all costs” phrase that you see people using on social media with regard to certain celebrities. He had this air about him that made him seem too pure for this world. Unmarred and untainted by the horrors of humanity and I wanted to keep it that way. We need more of that joyful innocence and unadulterated expressiveness in humanity and color me having a savior complex, it made me want to personally shield him from anything that could risk taking that away from him. He has a boyfriend though.

I sigh. It was stupid. I was stupid. Of course someone as attractive as him wouldn't be single and there I'd been laying it on thick like a complete ass. While he had definitely been flustered and maybe a little confused with my flirtations he'd seemed interested, I don't think I'd imagined that, being in my position you learn to read people, the small micro-expressions in people's faces, their body language, and his had been telling me that he was at the very least attracted to me, his pupils would dilate when our eyes met, his breathe hitched when we found each other closer together, and the way he licked his lips were all green flags. I definitely don't interfere with people's relationships though. I was a little disappointed but I certainly wasn't going to discount a new friendship. My therapist would be proud. My sister too, she’s been encouraging me to put myself out there more since I was discharged.

When I finally make it home, after a shower and a couple Benadryl's I fall into a heavy sleep.

***

In the morning my eyes flutter open, and I feel the familiar tickling sensation in my nose, indicating an incoming sneezing fit, such is my life since the onslaught of my allergies.

Hhh’EHT'ISSHU!! Hih’isshew! Hheh’ISSHue! Heh’ISSHTchuu!!

I grab a tissue and wipe my nose and sniffle heavily. My eyes hurt, my sinuses already congested, a clear indication that a headache is on the horizon.

"Ugh, damn allergies." I mumble as I sit up. I look over at the clock. 8:30am. Not too bad I guess. I head to the bathroom and relieve my bladder. Afterwards, I wash my hands, and grab a couple allergy pills and Tylenol to ward off the headache, washing them down with a glass of water. I move to the kitchen and start a pot of coffee, as it’s brewing my sister walks in.

"Hey Lenny, I missed you last night."

"Hey Denny" Her actual name is Lynden - yeah, our parents had a thing for naming their children with different combinations of their names, it was nauseatingly romantic and as their kids it was our duty to give them grief over it, even if secretly we both thought it was sweet.

When Lynden had been a toddler she would always call me Len but she would get so excited when she addressed me that she would always squeal while she was saying my name it sounded more like Lenny. I started calling her Denny as a result and it just sort of stuck as we both grew older.

"I decided to go out after my appointment, I figure I should probably heed her advice since I'm paying her and all."

"Oh I see how it is, you'll take the advice of the person you're paying but not your lil' sis's when you get that for free."

I chuckle. "Yes, exactly."

She responds with a little laugh of her own. "So how was it?"

"Well I actually met someone I think I could be friends with."

She squeals, and jumps up and down, clapping her hands together excitedly.

"Really! That's great. Tell me everything!"

I can't help but laugh at her reaction, she’s always been full of that effervescent energy and enthusiasm, and she's been very supportive since my discharge, so anything that brings me some happiness or a sense of fulfillment gets her going. With only a few years between us in age we’ve always been very close and I know, though she’ll never admit it, my years in service, especially when I was deployed and our contact was limited or restricted were harder on her than she’ll ever say.

"Well, there really isn't much to tell I sat next to a guy and we got to talking. He's incredibly brilliant he's a director of data science for some corporate finance company, and funny, he cracks these punny jokes and they're so cheesy, but the way he delivers them it's hilarious and endearing, and he seems just a little shy, he kind of bumbles all over himself and it's just adorable—“  

I catch her looking at me with a huge grin on her face and I realize that I'm babbling on like an infatuated school boy "Uhhh yeah he just—I enjoyed talking to him. We exchanged numbers and I hope that I'll get to see him again."

"Kind of sounds like you want to be more than just friends with this guy."

I feel the heat burn in my cheeks as I recall my inappropriately hitting on him. "Yeah, well he has a boyfriend so it doesn't matter if I want that or not. I'm just glad to have made a friend."

"I'm proud of you." It might seem like a simple thing to be proud of but she knows more than anyone how much I've struggled with reintegrating since my discharge and it means a lot that she recognizes what it means for me to have met someone completely independent of her.

"Thanks." I mumble a little sheepishly.

The coffee is ready so we both grab a cup, mine black hers with a generous serving of milk and sugar. We're just about to sit down at the table when a sudden wave of itchiness assaults my nose and my eyes flutter closed.

Hiihh...Hhih...HIi'iiissSTchu... Hheh’TssSHU!!! Heh’hii'STChu!

"Oh my god, excuse me."

"Bless you." She says automatically, as my sneezing has become a regular fixture for both her and her husband, Shane, since I moved in. I'd probably be more inclined to feel embarrassed over it if it wasn't so persistent.

"Thank you. I was thinking of making breakfast, what do you say to one of my famous egg sandwiches?"

"You know I'd never say no to that." She says

"Okay then one egg sandwich coming right up." As I'm prepping, the urge to sneeze creeps up on my again. I turn away from the egg I've just cracked in the pan, pulling my shirt over my face.

HhiiH’ISSTtHIUE!! Hih’IiiSTSHU!

"Ugh. Sorry. Excuse me"

"You took your meds this morning right?"

I resist rolling my eyes, she's only looking out for my well-being which I can't fault. I'd probably be asking her the same thing if our positions were reversed. "Off cc-cccoo-Hhhi’"

Hhh’ISsSSTCHu... hhhEh..HhEH’ISSSTChu!.. Hiish’IiSsCHU!

I clear my throat.

"Excuse me. Yes, of course I did."

"Good."

I'm about to return to my cooking when the itchiness resurges

Hihh..Hii…HE’IiIISSStChu! Hh..HEEE’ISSSshuuu! Hh…HH'IIISSTCHHuuu!!

"Ugh, sorry about that."

"No need to apologize."

I'm able to finish making our breakfast without another interruption. As Lynden is preparing to head out for work I say "I thought I'd swing by the supermarket today, do you need anything while I'm out?"

"I can't think of anything in particular."

"Okay, if you think of anything or want me to get something specific, text me."

"Will do."

With that she leaves and I prepare myself to head out.

****

I have a system when I go to the market. Unlike most people who make a beeline for the produce section right as they enter I start at the opposite end and work my way down each aisle grabbing the items off my list before reaching the produce section last. I like to do it that way because then the produce is going to remain as fresh as possible. It’s a bit moronic I suppose, it works for over half the population grabbing their produce first and I have yet to hear about people getting home and having their produce utterly perished after an additional 30minutes or hour or however long it takes the average person to conduct all their shopping but I’m nothing if not a stickler for routine, it’s too ingrained in me.

Today though, I'm regretting the decision to even come here, when barely 5 minutes in the store I'm in a vicious battle with my nose and it's definitely going to win. That's been the worst about developing severe allergies, my making a spectacle of myself every time I'm in public. I'm a tactically trained army ranger, I can navigate hostile situations with ease, yet I'm being brought to my knees by my nose in the aisles of a grocery store. My therapist would have things to say about this assessment I’m sure, but it’s pathetic. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. The itchiness is relentless, I'm trying to take minimal breathes, because I know one deep inhale and it'll be London bridges.

I'm checking the carton of eggs before putting them in my cart when the urge flares with a vengeance that would rival Batman. I fumble for my shirt collar.

Heh’KNGxXTSH Hhi'NGXT’Chu! Hih..Hh'NGTSHCHu!!

Because my humiliation isn't complete, in my haste to cover, and the veracity of the sneezes, I drop the carton of eggs with a splat. Sneezes, I have learned, have an uncanny ability to turn even the most composed individuals into momentarily embarrassed protagonists in the theater of everyday life, and sadly there was no entr’acte to offer me reprieve, nope my humiliation is on full display for anyone to see.  

"Shit!" I exclaim as the yolks burst and seep out in a viscous mess on the floor but as I crouch down to pick up the carton I am halted with yet another set of sneezes that I desperately try to wrangle in.

Hh'NTxxKT! Hhh’H'NTSHChuu!! Hhi'NgxXTCh’uuu!!!

I'm debating returning the few items I've already procured, locating a store employee to help me clean-up and leaving the store to return when my nose isn’t being such an absolute prick, when a cart stops beside me and I hear this new but familiar sweet melodic voice, that runs through me like a warm gentle breeze and spikes my heart-rate.

“Bless you.”

“Dd-Derek?” I turn my head to sure enough see Derek standing beside me, looking sexy as sin in black skinny jeans and a teal ombre button down that is fitted tight against his lean body.

He chuckles “What’s this, a ranger caught of his guard?”

I catch the reference and despite myself I laugh.

He smiles his sweet endearing smile, his eyes twinkling, though a second later he masks it ducking into his hand and I want to pull his hand away, to tell him not to hide, that a smile like that shouldn’t ever be masked but I don’t consider that would be appropriate to say and it’s probably just as well, because if I catch the full force of a full-on smile from him I’ll probably burn up like Icarus, his proximity too radiant for me to withstand.

"You know” he begins “I can't profess to be an expert or anything but I'm pretty sure this isn't how you make scrambled eggs. I think I've heard to treat your eggs right you have to coddle them."

I laugh yet again my mortification edging to the background and while it’s unexpected I’m glad he’s here to save me my embarrassment and shame. It occurs to me that maybe we’ve both been here in the store together before, separated by an aisle or maybe another shopper and never even realized and before I can even reel myself in the words

“So you come here often?” Come tumbling out of my mouth. Oh my god! Really Kalen!? Let’s just sound like the intro to every bad pick-up line in existence especially after we’ve already established that he’s in a relationship.

“I mean, I didn’t mean that to sound like it probably did.” I bumble my way through an explanation.

“Hey now, don’t be stealing all my thunder there hero, I’m supposed to be the awkward one remember?”

I chuckle. “And you have the market on awkward?”

“Patented and franchised.”

“Well at the very least I have some stocks and bonds tied up in awkwardness. I don’t tap into them often, but there is quite the reserve. My return of investment is quite high in fact.”

This time it’s Derek’s turn to laugh. “Yes, I’m sure, I hear awkwardness is all the rage these days.”

He says it jokingly but he doesn’t realize how truly endearing it is, at least his particular brand of awkward.

“Awkward you may be, but it’s honest, genuine, unfettered. Highly laudable qualities from where I stand. If that isn’t treasured by the people in your life I think you’re hanging around the wrong people”

His alluring puppy dog eyes grow wide with surprise at my comment but before we can continue any conversation I see an employee coming up with a mop and trashcan.

"I'm very sorry about this." I say as he pulls up to us. "I'll make sure to pay for the eggs."

The store clerk shrugs. "It happens." He doesn't seem annoyed though, more bored than anything.

I rub the back of my neck unsure what to do, I'm not exactly settled with the idea of someone cleaning up after my mess.

"Thank you for your hard work, and I really am sorry for creating extra for you." I say

This time he gives me a reassuring smile "Like I said, it happens, don't sweat it. It at least gives me something to do. You have a nice day sir."

"You as well, thank you."

I turn back towards Derek to see he has a new carton of eggs in his hand that he places in my cart.

"Oh thanks" I’m unsure how to continue. I should probably let him finish his shopping. I kind of want to ask him to walk the store with me while I continue to shop, my allergies are always easier to withstand when I'm with someone else. They serve as a sort of buffer. If it weren't for his presence last night I almost certainly would have left the bar before even finishing my beer. If I’m honest with myself, I’ll also admit that I just want to spend more time with him but I'm sure he has his own shopping he needs to attend to and doesn’t need to be following me around the store like some kind of babysitter and I’m about to make some kind of goodbye when he says

"You know I’m surprised you’re here by yourself.”

I’m trying to decipher what he means by that when he offers explanation.

“You know all heroes have their trusty side-kick. If the position is vacant why don’t you let me fill in and we can brave the treachery that is the grocery store together."

There is no stopping the smile that splits my face. "I would consider it a great honor. Where would Steve Rogers be without Bucky Barnes after-all" I recall his reference to my being Captain America.

A huffing laughing sound escapes him. “I'm not sure I'm as much of a fight on the front lines alongside you side-kick as I am the behind the scenes kind of side-kick oh like Darcy Lewis. Yeah, definitely her, that's my persona."

"Wicked smart, cool, and funny. That actually tracks."

He ducks his head, flags of red filling in his cheeks. I have to remind myself that he’s a bubble I don't get to fill in because he is not an option.

He clears his throat. "Okay, well I'm all set. So lead the way hero."

Ordinarily people calling me a hero makes me feel uncomfortable it glorifies me in a way that I shouldn't be, but when he says it it's both playful and sincere and it makes my insides go all soft.

As we begin moving, the tickle returns.

Hh’N'GGtCH HhIissSHH! Hhuuh’MmmmpTXXxKT! Hheh’GTNKT! Heh'NGXXXT-chu!!

"Sheesh, excuse me."

"Bless you."

"Thank you."

We're about to head down the aisle that houses the razor blade replacement heads that I use when Derek stops me. "Tell me what you need from this aisle, I'll get it for you. You probably don't need to be walking passed all those candles. This store already seems to have a vendetta against you and I'm afraid I don't have any canons to begin playing 1812 Overture if it decides to mass revolt against you and I’m mixing up the reference there but either way I don’t think you need to risk aggravating your nose anymore."

He's so incredibly thoughtful. He's also correct, I can already feel the tell-tale prickle tingling through the inner part of my nose. "It's just the Mach 3 razor heads that I need. 2 packages"

"Got it." He scurries down the aisle while I pull off to the side of the end-cap to wait for him.

As we continue to shop and chat I am hit with the realization over how domestic this feels and a twinge echoes in my heart with the desire of how badly I want this in my life. It wasn't a desire I allowed myself to have while I was serving but since my discharge and especially living with Lynden and Jack it's something I finally want to pursue.

We're nearing the end of my list, the only items left in the produce section and a twisted feeling of remorse fills me knowing that I'll have to say goodbye to Derek soon, an act that is coming all too soon. I’m so lost in my reverie that I neglect to realize until it’s too late that I’m not making my usual detour to the produce section to avoid passing by the floral section.

As soon as we walk by I’m hit with the unfortunate reminder, as all the different scents assail my already sensitive nose and I'm immediately rendered incapacitated with a vicious fit of sneezes that tumble out of me faster than water over a waterfall.

Huh-Hhh-NTSH! Hiih…Hh’NTChh! Hh’NGTscht’ISSHhu! Hiih’NGTSHh! Huuh-MMPTXTch Hiih’NGTsshHU! HuH’mmpTtXTCH! Heh-Hhh’NGXTCH Hhiih’H'NTXssShu! Hihh'NggT’ISShuu! Hiih'NTSH’Chuh! Hiih'IiSSTXKk’Chu!! Hih’N'GGTSSH!

I'm vaguely aware that Derek is tugging me away from the offending plants. "Why don't you give me your list and I'll finish up in here for you and you can go ahead and wait for me outside." He says softly, and I only just become aware that he's gently rubbing my back as I continue to sneeze helplessly.

Hh'Ggtscht! Heh’mmmmpTXK’CHhu! Hiih’XxKT’CHhu!

I'm trying to regain control but I'm failing spectacularly so I reluctantly give in with a terse nod, handing him my phone and hastily exit the market.

Some 15 minutes later or so Derek strolls out finding where I've taken up residence on a bench. I'm still sneezing intermittently but thankfully the barrage has abated and I'm back to double or triples every few minutes. He makes his way over to me concern etched on his face.

"You alright hero?" He plops down next to me.

"M'fine." I mumble eyeing the shopping cart he has in hand, belatedly realizing that he had paid for my groceries. "I'm really sorry about that and for leaving you with my items, let me go back inside and I can get you cash from the ATM for my portion."

"Please, no need." He says waving his hand dismissively.

"But—“ I try to protest and he just waves me off again.

"It's no trouble at all, really, I was glad to help."

I rub the back of my neck. It's a nervous tick I've had since my early teens that I do when I'm uncertain or self-conscious. "Would you at least let me buy you lunch as a token of my gratitude? There's a pretty great soup, salad, and sandwich joint nearby that we could walk to." I want him to say yes, not just because I owe him but because I want to spend more time with him.

He flashes me a dimpling smile "I'd like that."

We place the groceries in each of our respective vehicles and head down the street in relative, but not uncomfortable silence until I interrupt it with a series of sneezes.

Hhh’IiisssTtchiu! Hhuhh-Hhhihh’IsssTchu! Hheh’ISSHue! HHii'IiiSSss’Tchu! Heh’ISSTCHuu!!

"Excuse me, sorry." I mumble

"You have nothing to apologize for K."

I blink, momentarily taken aback by the nickname. Growing up, outside of the nicknames my sister and I have for each other, among my friend group I had always been Kalen and in the army, once I was promoted to Master Sergeant everyone called me Sarge. There's an intimate familiarity with being called K by Derek that I like.

His eyes widen as if he's only just realized how he addressed me.

"Ummm sorry." He stammers. “I was kind of going off vibes there and it felt right, but I won’t call you that if that’s a problem.”

“It’s not a problem, I like it. You can call me that.”

"Oh, okay. Good." He seems relieved and we return to walking.

The walk is fairly short and soon enough we're at the restaurant perusing the menu before placing our order. I already know what I'm getting so I decide to just take a moment and observe Derek.

His eyes are flicking over the menu and his brows furrow a little and he bites his bottom lip, the flesh indenting under his teeth, his tongue darting out to wet his lips, he's humming thoughtfully and my eyes are glued to the sight. I can feel myself getting a little flushed and quickly turn my attention back to the menu though I'm not really looking at it, just focusing on not making a fool out of myself.

When Derek's ready he steps up to the register placing an order for a pesto chicken sandwich and tomato soup. I order a full size chicken Caesar salad. Once our order is placed we take our table number and find a booth in the back.

We're just sitting down when a violent surge of sneezes overtake me. I'm completely incapable of controlling the forceful expulsions, all I can do is let it happen and try not to totally embarrass myself.

Hii’MmmpTGTSSHU! Hhh’NGXTsChu! Heh’NnGTxxTCH! HHEh’ISs’TtXXkT! Hiih’GgNGK'TCHU! Heh’NGGTSCHH! HhEh’NG'TSCH! Heh’NGtK'ISHHu! Hiih’ISSHhuu!

The last sneeze gets away from me though the fit isn’t over. I can hear the people at the table next to us whispering about the ruckus, and I feel embarrassment creep up.

HEhh..Hhh'ISSShH! Hiih’HH'ISsXxKTCh! Heh’NGTtxXKTCh!

Finally the fit ends.

"Bless you." Derek murmurs quietly, there's an edge of sympathy in his tone and in his expression.

"Excuse me, sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for K." He pauses, and I think maybe he's going to say something more but he ends there.

Just then our meals are brought out.

"Thank you." We both say to the server.

After they walk away I grab my napkin and wipe my nose, as I'm doing so another tickle begins creeping up on me.

"P-pplease exxx-cuse mm-me." I manage to choke out, before my breath hitches and the fit is in full force.

Hiih..Hih’NGTXxKCH! HhhEh’NGtSChh! Heh'Hnnn’GKTISShh! Heh’MmmmP’gkTkxT!

Derek stretches out his leg between mine, his lower part of his leg just above his ankle pressing into mine. It's an unexpected move, but he lingers and while it isn’t skin on skin contact it still feels reassuring.

Hiih’NGT’SSH! Heh’Hih'TISsXXXT! Hiih'NGTSSHH! HH’NTSHhHU!

I'm desperately gasping for breath, and trying to regain control. I really should probably forgo the stifling, it doesn’t seem to be helping but I’ve had enough public humiliation for one day, and even with Derek’s presence I’m not sure that is something I’m prepared to endure.

Hhih’NggkTXK’Sssh! Heh’NNxGK’TSHHu! Hiih’KTtXTCh

The tickling slows down enough for me to breathe a bit. I inhale deeply and exhale slowly. "

“Bless you Kalen.”

I actively have to prevent the shiver that is threatening to travel through my body at the sound of my name falling from his lips. I imagine what it would sound like in a different context’ and no, nope, nope I cannot allow that thought passage into my conscious thinking.

“Thanks." I whisper hoarsely.

Now that the fit is over I had expected him to retract his leg, but surprisingly he doesn’t. Naturally he’s blissfully ignorant of what this is doing to me.

"How is your sandwich?" I ask hoping to distract myself

He swallows his current mouthful. "It's really good, the ciabatta is made perfectly, still soft but has that nice toasty edge to it, and the pesto is bursting with flavor."

Oh my god, did he have to use the word bursting around me and in that tone of voice? This is definitely not distracting me. Oh holy fuck he's licking his lips. Yeah this definitely isn't distracting me. I shift a little in my seat. "I'm glad you like it."

"How's your salad?"

Right my salad that I have yet to taken a bite of because I'm engrossed with watching Derek like this is some kind of porno rather than a meal out in public with a friend. I quickly shovel a mouthful.

"They make the best Caesar around. What really sells it is the sautéed onions, which should just be mandatory in every Caesar salad, it really sends it you know?"

"Oh! that sounds really good. Can I try it?"

"Sure."

I slide the bowl towards him and he takes a bite.

"Oh yeah, you're right! That's delicious." He slides the bowl back towards me and I'm doing my best to ignore the fact that he just had his mouth over my fork, where I also had my mouth, that we're sharing some kind of ghost kiss. Ghost kiss? Jesus what was I in middle school? Next thing you know I'll be writing on my napkin "Do you like me? Check yes or no." Which once again I remind myself can't happen because he has a boyfriend. I internally sigh and return to my food.

"Maybe I should have gotten a Caesar salad, you are what you eat as they say" Derek says as I shove another bite into my mouth.

"And you want to be a salad?" I ask a little confused.

"No, no silly, it’s just, like my namesake means ruler of people, Caesar salad is considered the ruler of all salads, you know, because it has a romaine empire." He mostly deadpans but the small up-twitch of his lips when he finishes gives him away.

I snort a laugh inhaling a piece of lettuce that produces a coughing fit.

I reach for my glass of water. "Next time maybe wait to deliver the punchline when I don’t have food in my mouth."

"Mmm. What you don't want me to punish you?"

Well actually....nope, nope, nope, and again nope! Don't get any ideas I scold myself but neither of my heads want to listen to me today. "I can't punderstand why you would torture me this way." I reply instead.

His mirthful giggle is infectious. It's such a lovely sound, I could listen to it all day.

I can't stop the wide grin from stretching across my face. We return to our meals, chatting between bites, our legs still pressed against each other, I don't know why I'm so focused on that fact, it's hardly titillating or overtly sexual but I'm acting like a hormonal teenager going OH MY GOD he touched me!! He TOUCHED ME! It feels connective and intimate in a way I have no right to.

I wonder if he and his boyfriend share little touches like this. If, when they're curled up on the couch together one of them rests their feet in the other's lap, if in this setting one of them reach across the table and grab the other's hand. I glance at Derek's freehand that is resting on the table and my own twitches with the urge to cover it with my own and I have to actively resist from giving in. I have no business doing such a thing just as I have no business wondering about the intimate and domestic moments that Derek shares with his boyfriend. My train of thought is interrupted when Derek asks

“What’s your favorite vegetable?”

Well that was a bit of a non-sequitur.

He seems to notice that fact. “Oh holy hot chicken on a biscuit! Let me remind you that I clearly don’t know how to talk with people. It’s an affliction. I just I was trying to find a way to keep the conversation going and get to know you, I was thinking about how you ordered salad and wondered if you were a big vegetable eater and I just—um—you know what, can we ignore that and pretend I asked something not so left of center?”

I gave him what I hoped was a reassuring smile, this man is too precious. “We could but who wants to boring like that? Your way sounds way more fun. Hmmm favorite vegetable, I think I’m going to have to with cauliflower. It’s so versatile, it can be used in all variety of ethnic dishes, and can be prepped in so many different ways you can fry them, or roast them, or boil them, or mash them, or use them in a stew.”

Derek chuckles “Now I think you’re thinking of taters.”

I give a chuckle of my own “Well that too. What about you?”  

His eyebrows furrow making him look adorably confused. “What about me wha-oh! My favorite vegetable?”

I nod.

“Brussel sprouts, also a versatile vegetable and tasty in a number of dishes.”

"Oh you'll totally have to try my roasted brussels sprouts, I make a good sauce to accompany them if I do say so myself."

"It's a date." Derek says, then seems to realize what he said and his blush is back spreading down his face into his neck.

I feel my own cheeks heat up. It's not like we’re agreeing to an actual date, it's an expression. That's all. It doesn't mean anything. Still the words leave an aching in my chest. "See, look at that, we already know what we're going to do next time we see each other, conventional questions be damned."

Ugh Derek's dimpling smile is going to melt me, if his blush, or chocolaty eyes, or adorable personality doesn't get me first.

"In that case tell me, if you had a pet chameleon what would be its name?"

I think for a moment before my mouth twitches trying to hold back a smile he'll appreciate my answer I'm sure "Sir Chrome-A-Lot."

"Trying to show me up?" He giggles.

I quirk my eyebrow "Not at all, I'm showing you I can keep up. What would you name your pet chameleon?"

"Karma."

I hum thoughtfully "Let me guess it'd be red, gold, and green."

"Of course, and she'd come and go."

My laughter is short lived as it unfortunately transforms into a sneezing fit.

Hh’NGTschhh! Heh’XxxT'ISHHhu! Hih'KXxKT’Chhu! Hiih’TSCHhH!

"Goodness, excuse me. Well that was what a whole five minutes between you having to endure my sneezing?" I attempt to joke over my feeling self-conscious.

"Kalen," He says softly, and it's a good thing I'm sitting because had I been standing I’m pretty sure my legs would have gone limp. My name in his mouth, said like that, just might become my weakness.

"I'm sure your late development of allergies has been a huge adjustment and isn't always fun to deal with, particularly knowing that it basically changed the course of your entire life, sooner than you were anticipating. I will let you in on a little secret however, your sneezing provided me with an opening to talk to you. I'm not sure I would have found the courage to strike up a conversation with you apropos of nothing."

"Well, in that event, I'm glad my nose was giving me issues yesterday." Since the onslaught of my allergies I never would have thought I would be saying such a statement, but I find that I mean it. Better to find the silver lining than focus on the ruin.    

We continue chatting, our food has long since been finished, but neither of us seems inclined to depart, so we linger. There is an ease and natural flow to our conversation that isn't readily found. Time fades and when I check my clock on my phone I'm surprised to find it's approaching 4 in the afternoon.

"Wow! It's late, I've kept you much longer than I should have."

"Oh pish posh! You kept me exactly as long as I wanted, it's not as if you forced me to keep your company and I'd be happy for you to keep me longer if you were so inclined."

He has no idea how much I'm inclined keep him, and not just for a handful of hours but indefinitely. "I would be inclined, however we both have a trunk full of groceries and I should probably get home to get them sorted but if you had time later this week to meet-up I'm available."

He nods in agreement. “I’d like that, I’ll text you or you can text me, whichever works.”

We walk back to the super market parking lot going to our separate cars.

“See you later fair hero.” Derek says as we part.

I can’t help but smile, I like that we already have inside nicknames for each other. “See you, your highness.” 

~TBC~

 

[AntheaHolmes]

A new chapter. Yay! So well written. Really love the characters and gosh, the sneezes... AMAZING! Would love to read more from Derek and Kalen. 

[dwaekki]

I'm so glad you continued with this, i look forward to your writing every day and every update is such an amazing surprise! 

The tension between these two is KILLING ME 😭😭 Let something happen I'm begging you, they'd be such a perfect pair 🥲. Derek's such a sweetheart when reassuring Kalen even though I expected him to be the more timid one thanks to Andrew. I'm happy he's kept his confidence around Kalen despite this and I hope he finally gets the courage to dump Andrew soon. I feel so sorry for Kalen and his allergies, they really take over his life even if I take (almost sadistic) joy in his suffering. Maybe Derek will start sneezing soon too and Kalen will have to do the reassuring? Especially if Andrew is upsetting him and making him feel bad about sneezing as he did to Phoenix. All in all, let's say goodbye to Andrew 🥰. I'm ready for this new fluffy relationship to develop and I can't wait to read more hopefully soon! Thank you for this ❤️

[Dye]

5 hours ago, Not Telling said:

I'm afraid I don't have any canons to begin playing 1812 Overture

PFFFF this is like the One classical music joke I know and I'm so glad that i do oh my god.

With how perfect Derek and Kalen are (oh my god the awkward tension and nervous babblingggg) there's but one thing I'd like to do to Andrew

💥🏌️

Absolutely stunning update thank u for feeding us 

[Lunaconner]

omg this is such a good update!!! can’t wait for the next part!!

[funbusej]

Okay. Derek is officially my spirit animal.  I can't believe he asked Kalen what his favorite vegetable is.  I ask people that ALL the time...and people always side-eye me at first.  Kalen, you poor, sweet man.  I need you to realize how awesome you are, and see that Derek is totally falling for you.  Andrew...I need you to get hit by a car and lose all of your memories.  OK. Now that everyone knows what the plan is, let's go team!  Love all of your works, and this one is ramping up to be as good as the rest!

[Lunaconner]

the realest comment ever like the andrew part is so real!!

On 2/11/2024 at 11:08 PM, funbusej said:

Okay. Derek is officially my spirit animal.  I can't believe he asked Kalen what his favorite vegetable is.  I ask people that ALL the time...and people always side-eye me at first.  Kalen, you poor, sweet man.  I need you to realize how awesome you are, and see that Derek is totally falling for you.  Andrew...I need you to get hit by a car and lose all of your memories.  OK. Now that everyone knows what the plan is, let's go team!  Love all of your works, and this one is ramping up to be as good as the rest!

 

[uwus and love]

Oh you’re back!!!!!! Hello hello, why are they so adorable, where are you finding these characters and could I bother you for a map? 
 

but genuinely, the character building is stunning, the relationship is sweet as hell, and the sneezes are delicious. Much appreciation for your work. 

[Guessagain]

I just found this and I loved it!!! I have a "resolute and unyielding" need to see these two being adorable more. Please with Brussel sprouts on top?