How to incorporate fetish into my relationship

[Fish3221]

Hi all — Happy New Year! I am someone who has had a longtime sneeze fetish and has been a longtime lurker on various sites, but have finally decided  to post to ask for some advice. 
 

I recently opened up to my partner (long-term relationship) about my fetish and it could not have gone better. I was soooo nervous and embarrassed — I definitely made it a bigger deal than it was and really built it up — but he was very open and willing to listen. He said he was actually relieved, since I was building it up so much he was worried it was going to be something he wasn’t willing to try. But he is! I am feeling very lucky. I had been wanting to open up about it for awhile, as I think about it a lot when we are having sex and his sneezes in general turn me on 😆 So all in all, a big win. 
 

What I am struggling with now is how to incorporate the fetish into our sex life. He (understandably so) is waiting for me to bring it up again to suggest things I am into / things we could do together. I am struggling to think of a good starting point. I think this is because I still feel a little embarrassed to tell him what I want, and also because I don’t know exactly what it is I want? I think this has been a secret / something I’ve engaged in solo for so long I don’t know how to add a partner into it. 
 

Does anyone have any suggestions or advice? I think I’d like to start on the slower / tamer side, but am very open to hearing others’ experiences or thoughts! Tia!! 

[Lula]

I think something we don’t talk about enough in the community is what to do after you tell your partner about the fetish. We are so worried about the actual moment and then it comes and it’s like “wait now what am I supposed to do now that it’s out there?”, “Should I have just kept it to myself?” Because it feels like now that they know, the next logical step would be to act on it but that also sounds fucking terrifying!

I feel lucky to be in a relationship with someone who also shares the fetish because it seems there is not much to hold back and no “shock factor” but even with that, we all have fantasies that we are maybe embarrassed of saying out loud and even through this relationship I’m learning that in order to fully explore it with someone, it’s important to let go of the judgements we place on ourselves first because I think we all share that experience to a degree (pls correct me if I’m wrong and you can then disregard the whole rest of this message) . But it seems that your partner will handle it well based off of what you’ve shared and that this is more of you being in your head about it (rightfully so). So I think the most important thing is for you to get to a place where you feel comfortable saying it out loud and voicing your desires and my non professional opinion on that would be to start small & practice. Maybe start with asking him if you can induce a sneeze for him or play with his nose a little bit during sex (depending on what you’re into😉) or maybe it’s even asking him how he would feel about that and check in with yourself to see how it feels and just keep crossing the little bridges along the way as you get more comfortable so it feels less scary. No need to get into the messy stuff right away. Definitely want to ease him into it but I also think it’s equally, if not more important to ease yourself into it as well. This is a new journey and that can feel scary as hell!! And if this is your “person” there’s really no rush and you should take your time with it and have fun in the process and hopefully you’ll look back on the journey as something you’re glad you shared 😌

 

I think I’m general, an important question we should ask ourselves is, how do I see this fetish playing out in my “real life”? What am I willing to explore and what am I looking to keep “online” or in more of a fantasy landscape and then go from there. I envision it feeling way more empowering this way because I think we all have this vision of releasing our secret and everything just falls into place and we’ll instantly feel “better” but it’s more complex than that and it can lead us to feel disappointed and possibly regret even sharing in the first place.

 

Best of luck to you 😌

Edited January 3 by Mr_G
Fixed font-size.

[pinkypie]

Thank you so much for bringing this up! It is something I have been wondering how to do since I told my bf as well, and while I'm unfortunately lacking in the area of advice on this subject, I think Lula's advice is pretty solid. As in any relationship, and especially when navigating such a sensitive topic, I think it is very important to have good communication. That's unfortunately all I have as far as advice so I'm interested to see if anyone has any other takes they would like to share.

[Leekermly]

Guys , when you tell your partners about the fetish, do they ask you if it’s only their sneezes only that turns you on or anyone else that has the type of sneezes that attracts you? Because I’ve had problems with that before. Or we just let them know it’s their solely sneezes because that’s not true for me .. idk about us all here but do we all agree that we can enjoy a good sneezing fit that suits  the equation even when it’s not from our partners sometimes?

[loveuskinny]

Hi! I had the same problem as you had. I told my bf about my fetish but nothing interesting happened then. I understand how shy and embarrassed you felt about it but good things are happening when you are brave. I was ought to ask him to do smth  But my advice for you - don’t be scared. play with your partner, turn him/her on and then ask if he/she can sneeze a couple times for you. If you are in a good relationship i’m sure that they will accept it. It all comes with the time, with the experience 

[Sneesee]

This was a very interesting question. I agree with the fact that there is a lot of advice for telling a partner, but nothing really for incorporating it into your love life. I’ve told a few partners about the fetish over the years. When I told my now ex-husband, I did attempt to ask for certain things. The idea of inducing didn’t appeal to him, so I dropped the subject. He would do whatever he could when he would sneeze naturally, but it never really happened in the bedroom. 

My next partner knew about the fetish before we ever hooked up. And our first night together, it happened once naturally in between round 1 and 2. 😋 But again, he was never really eager to induce. I think we were joking around one night and I was explaining ways to do it, and he just gave me funny looks and shook his head no. So, again, I kept quiet after that.

Now, I don’t really have a partner these days, more like a friend with benefits. One night I told him about it. He asked a few questions, and then we didn’t bring it up again for awhile. We both discovered some other things we enjoy, and were messaging one night, and I wrote a scenario that involved him sneezing for me. He said, “I’ll have to see how to make that happen.” I just sent a smiley emoji, and tried not to get my hopes up. 
 

Fast forward a couple of weeks, and I get a message saying he was doing some research, and found something, but would need my help on how to properly use it. All it took was just me stating exactly what I was hoping for, in a scenario we were playing out, for him to take it to the next level. He had purchased chhinkni. No other man had stepped up like that before, so I was surprised. But I guess as long as the partner seems interested, you should be able to ask for what you want, and then they can either say no or run with it.
 

We have used it in between other things, because I think it would be hard to have him do that during the act. but he lets me hold onto him while he sneezes, and the powder works wonderfully on him. And then when he’s done, we move on to other things. Lol

Perhaps you can imagine a specific fantasy/scenario, and tell him about it. Men usually are eager to please their partners in my experience. It helps if they are confident and self assured, and the thought of possibly having to induce to make it happen doesn't make them nervous. Maybe it would be easier to start with asking him to make you a video? Or you could tell him about chhinkni and see if he’s willing to try it in just a normal setting to start with? These are just my thoughts. Whatever you decide to do, I hope that it all goes well and you are able to share the results (if you are comfortable with that lol) with us somehow! 

[snzmn2016]

Like any other sexual turn on, you have to tell him what u want if you want it done well. 5 minutes of embarrassment is worth a lifetime of better sex. It helps him too as he gets more loving time. 

Edited January 13 by snzmn2016