Fall From Grace

[Blackthorn5]

I’d accidentally fallen asleep listening to music on the radio again. The soothing guitar and placid percussion of the acoustic genre always has a way of lulling me towards shuteye.

The radio host’s loud voice woke me up with a start.

“Attention, Unplugged Serenade 94.7 listeners! As many of you already know, an enigmatic variation of the common cold is sweeping through our community at the moment.”

My usual morning grogginess was quickly cast aside by the revelation. Was this breaking news or had I just dissociated from reality so much again that I was out of the loop? Regardless, I sat up in my bed and listened to the rest of the announcement somewhat intently. I didn’t need another reason to feel like I was missing something during copy machine conversations.

“The good news is that there is really no need for fear! This nasty bug can only be spread through the act of kissing. My producers and local health agencies have sent me here this morning to remind you to take extra precautions in your romantic endeavors.”

I switched off the vintage radio box on my nightstand and got out of bed to get ready for work. 

My lack of concern with the broadcast wasn’t because I didn’t care about the latest pathological phenomenon. It was because kissing was something that had been absent from life for a long time. While the situation may be troublesome for sexually charged college students and affectionate married couples, I felt like I was pretty much in the clear with this stipulation. 

Little did I know, a shocking twist of fate awaited me on the bus.

[Blackthorn5]

After getting into the drab “monkeysuit” that I’m required to wear each day for my monotonous office job, I scaled the three flights of stairs between my apartment and the lobby. The frigid morning air that typically comes with February in Chicago immediately engulfed me as soon as I was out the front door.

As I banked left from the door to begin my usual route, a middle-aged lady was headed straight toward me. She had strawberry blonde hair pulled back into a high ponytail and wore a long white winter coat with those puffs that are supposed to keep you warm and blue jeans. She was listening to her phone using one hand and holding a steaming foam cup from the local coffee shop in the other. 

I prepared to move to the right to avoid an unnecessary collision, but she abruptly stopped in her tracks and messed up my plan. We stood there for a moment in awkward silence before she spoke out loud. 

“Ehxduse mbe, sdir. Can dyou pdease dold bhis bor uh midute?”  

(Translation: "Excuse me, sir. Can you please hold this for a moment?")

I wasn’t certain of what she was saying through the obvious congestion, but that didn’t stop her from thrusting her beverage toward me. Seeing no other choice, I gripped it and waited for her next move.  

The woman tilted her head to the side to hold her phone in place before rummaging through the expensive-looking maroon purse hanging high on her left shoulder. 

“Id doe bat die dave sdum din bere!” 

(Translation: "I know that I have some in here!")

Seemingly finding what she was looking for, her hand emerged from inside the bag to reveal a light purple travel-sized pack of tissues. Wasting no time, she ripped the packaging open and retrieved a thin sheet.She paused for a moment and grabbed several more, combining them together to become thicker.

Using both hands, she raised the mass to her unmistakably red nose and blew with considerable force. It sounded wet and productive, but I turned away as I realized what was happening to give her some privacy. I’ve had a few friends over the years who don’t like to be watched when blowing their nose. 

After another occurrence of snot-filled sound, it seemed like she was finished and I turned back. She was using the soggy clump to wipe the remnants of her endeavors off her nose and seemed relieved. She shoved the saturated ball into her pocket, probably planning on dealing with the mess later.

“Dthank you! Bat least there’s one gentleman din dis city.”

(Translation: "Thank you! At least there’s one gentleman in this city.")

Even though I get uncomfortable in most social interactions, I politely nodded and handed the cup back to her. I guess helping someone who needed it felt more rewarding than properly completed paperwork.

“Boo you dhave day girlfriend?”

(Translation: "Do you have a girlfriend?" )

Unsure of my new acquaintance’s intentions and just wanting to speed this along, I shook my head. 

“Bood! Dis dew cold dat is going adound is a deal doozy. The dong time for day Tinder bate, I gduess. Ibe never sneezed dis much or seen this mduch sdnot in my dife! Die dwas just don by way do get day fourdth bodx dove tissues when I ran dinto boo.”

(Translation: Good! This new cold that is going around is a real doozy. The wrong time for a Tinder date, I guess. I’ve never sneezed this much or seen this much snot in my life! I was just on my way to get a fourth box of tissues when I ran into you.")

Despite my nerves, I mustered out something about her feeling better and proceeded on my path to the bus station.

[ShamanBodyan]

3 hours ago, Blackthorn5 said:

Одягнувшись у сірий «мавпячий костюм», який я зобов’язаний носити щодня під час моєї одноманітної роботи в офісі, я піднявся трьома сходами між моєю квартирою та вестибюлем. Холодне ранкове повітря, яке зазвичай приходить у лютому в Чикаго, відразу ж поглинуло мене, щойно я вийшов за двері.

Коли я повернув ліворуч від дверей, щоб почати свій звичайний маршрут, жінка середнього віку прямувала прямо до мене. Вона мала полунично-світле волосся, зібране у високий хвіст, і одягла довге біле зимове пальто з тими пухами, які мають зігріти, і сині джинси. Однією рукою вона слухала свій телефон, а в іншій тримала чашку з димлячою піною з місцевої кав’ярні. 

Я приготувався піти праворуч, щоб уникнути непотрібного зіткнення, але вона раптово зупинилася на місці й зіпсувала мій план. Ми трохи постояли в незручній тиші, перш ніж вона заговорила вголос. 

«Ehxduse mbe, sdir. Чи можете ви pdease dold bhis bor uh midute?»  

(Переклад: «Вибачте, сер. Чи можете ви потримати це на хвилинку?»)

Я не був певен, що вона каже через очевидну скупченість, але це не завадило їй кинути мені свій напій. Не бачачи іншого вибору, я схопив її й чекав її наступного кроку.  

Жінка нахилила голову набік, щоб утримати телефон на місці, а потім порилася в дорогому бордовому гаманці, що високо висів у неї на лівому плечі. 

«Id doe bat die dave sdum din bere!» 

(Переклад: "Я знаю, що у мене є трохи тут!")

Здавалося, знайшовши те, що шукала, її рука вилізла з сумки й показала світло-фіолетовий пакунок серветок розміром з дорожні. Не гаючи часу, вона розірвала упаковку й дістала тонкий аркуш. Вона на мить зупинилась і схопила ще кілька, поєднавши їх, щоб вони стали товщі.

Використовуючи обидві руки, вона піднесла масу до свого безпомилково червоного носа й подмухнула зі значною силою. Це звучало волого й продуктивно, але я відвернувся, коли зрозумів, що відбувається, щоб дати їй трохи приватності. За ці роки у мене було кілька друзів, які не люблять, коли на них дивляться, коли сморкаються. 

Після чергового звуку, наповненого соплями, здавалося, що вона закінчила, і я повернувся назад. Вона використовувала мокнучу грудку, щоб витерти з носа залишки своїх зусиль, і, здавалося, відчула полегшення. Вона засунула насичену кульку в кишеню, мабуть, плануючи розібратися з безладом пізніше.

«Ддякую! Принаймні, у місті є один джентльмен.

(Переклад: «Дякую! У цьому місті є хоча б один джентльмен»).

Незважаючи на те, що я почуваюся незручно під час більшості соціальних взаємодій, я ввічливо кивнув і повернув їй чашку. Я вважаю, що допомога тому, хто цього потребував, була більш корисною, ніж належним чином оформлені документи.

«Бу, у тебе день, подруга?»

(Переклад: "У вас є дівчина?" )

Не впевнений у намірах мого нового знайомого та просто бажаючи пришвидшити це, я похитав головою. 

«Буд! Dis dew cold dat is going aaund is a deal doozy. Гадаю, час на день у Tinder bate. Я ніколи не чхав або не бачив цього в своєму житті! Die dwas просто до речі отримав тканини bodx dove четвертого дня, коли я побіг dinto boo.

(Переклад: добре! Ця нова застуда, яка поширюється, справжня огидна. Мабуть, невідповідний час для побачення в Tinder. Я ніколи в житті так сильно не чхав і не бачив стільки соплів! Я якраз був у дорозі отримати четверту коробку серветок, коли я зіткнувся з тобою").

Незважаючи на свої нерви, я здогадався про те, що вона почувається краще, і продовжив свій шлях до автобусної станції.

Oh, that's really good, thanks for sharing. I look forward to the next part.

[Blackthorn5]

15 hours ago, ShamanBodyan said:

Oh, that's really good, thanks for sharing. I look forward to the next part.

I'm glad you liked it. I've been mostly been focusing on world-building with my first two posts in the thread, but the next few will really start to get into the crux of the story. It's essentially going to be a sneezy love story where the narrator develops feelings for a girl he meets that is badly suffering from the mysterious ailment.

He's already mentioned that he feels satisfied helping people in need, but the premise lies in what will happen when those tendencies are mixed with attraction. In the end, it's going to have contagion elements, caretaking, sneezing, sniffling, nose blowing, congestion, snotty messes, and much more.

I've been practicing on my own for a while, but I'm hoping that I can create something that the fetishists on this forum thoroughly enjoy.

[TartanSneezer]

This is great! The translations are a good touch! 

[Blackthorn5]

I’d read some more information about the phenomenal ailment on my phone after getting out of the shower. Apparently, normal colds can mutate into this new form unexpectedly just when you’re starting to feel better. From that point on, it becomes transmissible through lips and suddenly your significant other has the worst cold that they’ve ever experienced in just one day when you get romantic. The worst part is once you have it you can give it right back to the other person. According to the article, many people were very much disgruntled with the reinfection aspect of this thing. Pathologists are trying to figure out how to stop the constant back and forth, but so far there has been no progress in that department. It seems like couples who can’t resist showing affection are doomed to repeat this cycle for the foreseeable future.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a remarkably quiet and shy guy. This timid attitude found throughout my entire life urges me to blend into the background rather than stand out from it when I am doing my daily walk to the bus station. If you’ve never tried it before, this approach causes you to become more of an observer than a participant in the constant commotion found in the streets of any city. After my unexpected encounter with the cold-ridden woman, my mind must’ve been programmed to notice those sorts of things. As I walked a quarter mile south to my first turn, I noticed many similar situations.

The first was a brunette getting in her morning jog by zigzagging through the crowds. When she came into view just ahead of me, her face started to contort and a look of frustration washed over her. She halted her exercise and let out a powerful ETCHSHIEW into open air in front of her. If she had the cold that was making headlines lately, there was no need to cover. Just when I thought she’d resume her travel, her nostrils flared and her eyes became half-closed as she tilted her head slightly upwards. In an instant, her head flew down inside the crook off her elbow with a disorienting HUMPTSHH. She kept her head buried there for another forceful HETCHIEE before being able to look at her surroundings again. She quickly wiped the evidence from the sneezy surprise onto her pink jumpsuit and beelined away.

Why was I only noticing females? I’m sure there were guys suffering out there on the cold streets too, but I figure it has something to do with a primal instinct revolving around protecting any possible mates.

The next was a red-haired girl who must be a few classes away from graduating college. She had gold-rimmed circular glasses similar to the ones that Harry Potter wore in the famous movies. It seemed like she’d dropped any pretense of hiding her illness, since she was walking through the bustle of the city wearing a fuzzy purple robe and pajama pants. My suspicions were further confirmed when I saw that she had a tissue box firmly nuzzled against her side at the ready. As she dragged herself down the path towards me, her bright red nose instantly stood out from the rest of her pale skin. Without warning, her head shot forward with an unexpected UH-HNKKKT that she attempted to stifle at the end. She may have succeeded in holding back a portion of the sneeze, but a stream of snot shot from her right nostril. She nervously looked around and quickly reached towards her tissues with urgency, but her gruesome cold must’ve had other plans. Whatever tickle was still left in her nose transformed into a harrowing EGH-TSHIEUU causing even more of a mess to come out of her left nostril. She finally had a tissue in her grasp when the fit continued with a HEEIIGH-SHIEW and UHH-TSCHH  into it’s white cover. She pulled a few more tissues out of the box before unleashing everything into a gurgled blow that far outdid what I had witnessed earlier in the day and somewhat honked at the end. She retrieved a clear plastic bag from one of her robe pockets and deposited the into the receptacle where there were numerous others like it. She clearly knew she was producing too much snot to store these soaked things into her pocket. 

A few moments after seeing my third horrendous cold of the day, I opened the door to the bus station. I purchased my relatively inexpensive ticket and waited for a few moments for my ride to arrive. This downtime was normal since the route included a few stops before mine. When the bus finally arrived, I was the fifth person through the doors. Near the back, there was only one spot left and it happened to be next to the most beautiful girl I had ever set my eyes on.

Edited January 6 by webmeistro

[Blackthorn5]

23 hours ago, TartanSneezer said:

This is great! The translations are a good touch! 

Hey! Thanks so much for your kind words.

Since the fictitious cold that I came up with can possibly result in severe stuffy noses, I really wanted to convey that with my writing. I wasn't confident that people could decipher what was being said behind the congestion, so I devised this system to present the dialogue in two ways so that I could have the sickly vibes and an impact on the story at the same time.

[Blackthorn5]

Just to help with your imaginations when reading, here are two images of what I envision the characters to look like: 

Miles (Narrator)
Alyssa (Beautiful Bus Girl)

I know Miles hasn't introduced himself to anyone yet, but I promise that he will fight through that shyness for the right person.

[Blackthorn5]

I made my way down the aisle towards the jawdroppingly stunning human. She looked to be about the same age as me. I’ve always had a knack for guessing approximately how old someone was based on subtle variations that help me narrow it down. Even though it was often satisfying to be correct, the ability has earned me far too many glares at family gatherings.

She had brown eyes, dark silky brown hair that flowed down to her shoulders, cute black glasses that perfectly fitted her face, and a green headband nestled on the top of her head. 

She was wearing a forest green parka with a cozy-looking dark yellow pullover underneath. Judging from the amount of layers present in her attire, she must’ve been absolutely freezing before getting on the bus. The entire outfit complemented her features wonderfully.

As I got closer to the back of the bus, I picked up on an interesting aura surrounding her that silently communicated she was both sweet and fierce in nature. 

I sat down beside the girl and she gave me a warm smile before returning to writing something in a lined journal positioned on her lap. I hoped that she was writing something unique. I’d always appreciated people with a creative mind after taking many different courses growing up.

Just when the bus was leaving the station, a ringtone started emanating from the inside of her brown leather backpack on the floor. She let out a gasp, probably thinking that she was somehow ruining my morning by abruptly disturbing the silence that ran through the vehicle. I tried to give her some privacy by looking up front as she frantically searched her bag.

The sound stopped and she began talking to whoever was on the other end of the call. My fingers were crossed and every fiber of my being was hoping that it wasn’t her boyfriend. 

“Lily, thanks for finally calling back!” 

I assumed that the crisis was averted, but anything is possible in this progressive society.

I thought that I could avoid being nosy, but it turned out to be impossible in this particular seating arrangement. It’s pretty hard to tune out someone who is sitting right next to you.

“Yesterday was definitely awful. You got my texts about it right?”

The thought of this gorgeous girl having a bad day made my heart sink. I didn’t even know her yet, but part of me desperately wanted to make sure that it didn’t happen again. 

“I know! He’s a selfish idiot. Three years down the bane in one single moment!” 

She sounded both sad and furious at the same time. My mind was beginning to put together the little crumbs of information that were coming from her side of the conversation.

“It was around this time. I went to bring him a boffee since I knew he got home from his work dift pretty late the night before. I found her sleeping and snuggled up with him.” 

Even though my intuition had been spot on about her situation, I wasn’t very happy about it.

“Exactly! He even had the baudacity to kiss me to prove that I was the only one he truly loved while the duther girl was sitting on the bed watching everything go down.”

This guy sounds like a major jerk. 

“What do you dink? I broke up with him right there and bot out of his place fast.” 

Good riddance! Nobody needs toxic people like that in their life.

“Boh nothing! I’m a little sniffly this borning, that’s dall. It must be my allergies.” 

I’d been so enthralled in the conversation that I’d missed the mild congestion. As I was mulling this over, she laughed out loud. My thoughts immediately changed to how adorable it was. 

“I boo have year-dound allergies, but bi swear I’m not allergic to everything!” 

From the corner of my eye, I noticed her use her index finger to itch under her nose. When I was walking down the aisle and as we interacted briefly, I didn’t realize how red it was. 

“Okay! Banks for listening and dee advice. Bile see you on Friday night like always.”

I assumed that she deposited the phone into her backpack when I heard a zipping sound. When I turned my head so I could see her a little more, a large tissue box was sitting on her lap. She withdrew three sheets and gave a soft blow before shoving them into her jacket pocket.

I faced her and mustered all my courage to get through the overwhelming anxiety.

“Bad allergies today?”

She didn’t seem shocked at my attempt to talk to her. She sniffled and adjusted her glasses before answering with a disheartened expression written all over her face.

“Yeah. It usually isn’t this bad during the winter. I didn’t mean to gross you out.” 

“No need to apologize. I’ve definitely seen worse things on the bus.”

She giggled in response and even smiled a little bit. I guess you might call this a score for the awkward guy! I tried not to show how attracted I was to her, but it was evidently very hard. 

 “You’re funny! What’s your name?” 

“Miles, how about you?”

 “I’m Alyssa. It’s nice to meet you.” 

We shook hands and prepared for the over one-hour drive to our destination.