2024 boyfriend sneezes (stifles) (m) (also, I need advice!!!!)

[marip0sa]

Happy new year guys, it's been a quiet month for observations and I'll explain more later but maybe that's not such a bad thing. It's peak summer here and the pollen count seems to be green/low every day despite the floral spores I can see floating in the air and the hot windy days. But here are several boyfriend obs since the start of the year for you, all of which I've enjoyed immensely. For a vague visual reference, my boyfriend is 6'1, pretty built and solid through the shoulders, shaved head, beautiful green eyes and a perfect straight nose.

On New Years Day we were both working together and he wanted to sit at the pod next to me. In this particular moment I wasn't really watching him but out of the corner of my eye I saw him bring his right arm up to his nose to stifle a sneeze into his forearm, then he said “Oh gosh, excuse me!” Then later, in the early afternoon he stifled another sneeze into his right with almost no build up because I was kind of looking at him and literally no expression change which was disappointing!

A week later we'd just been to IKEA and we pulled up on the side of the road so we could figure out where to go for dinner and all of a sudden he inhaled long and sharp and I thought he was just taking a sip of air for a big sigh because he does big sighs sometimes, but he scrunched up his face and leaned to the side and stifled a loud sneeze. A few hours later once we’d picked a pub, he inhaled again and sneezed another stifle and excused himself. I saw his face crinkle up this time and his eyebrows go up like he seems surprised or amazed about something and his nostrils flare out a little bit and momentarily turn pink, it's so freaking cute.

Over a week later, one afternoon he was in the bathroom about to take a shower and I heard him sneeze an unstifled “hah-chhiew” which I found kind of funny because I knew he was on the toilet, but he didn’t say anything about it when he came out.

The next night we were laying  in bed and he was playing on his phone and by now I’d already rolled over and trying to sleep when I heard a soft inhale and a muffled “heh-mmmptchhhh!” and then he kind of exclaimed “Oh gosh, excuse me!” and I felt the bed shake a little bit.

 

 

In other news, yesterday we were at the pub and he was starting to get pretty tipsy, I think he'd had 5-6 beers before I'd gotten there and we'd just finished having a late lunch when he got up suddenly and said "I'm going to get another drink, then there's something I want to ask you" and I didn't think much of it but when he got back he took a big gulp then looked at me, slightly coy, and said "Last month I think, when we were away, you left your phone unlocked and I think you went to have a shower and I went to lock it but I looked over and ... just out of curiosity, why do you write about me sneezing?"  I froze in that moment, this was literally my worst nightmare that I've avoided anybody even acknowledging for the 20 (!!!!) years I've been on this forum and I just kind of looked at him dead in the eye and shrugged and said "I don't know" and then he kind of laughed and said "Like I was about to lock your phone for you and I saw you'd written 'he sneezed' ... what's up with that, is it some kind of experiment?" I just shrugged again and said "I don't know, why would you think it's an experiment?" And then he started opening up about how he thinks people don't stick around and he got all insecure and didn't really bring it up again but the whole time I was just trying to act neutral and now I'm totally paranoid he'll find this forum and these posts. It's hard because aside from this deep secret I'm fairly asexual and I don't think about or crave sex, this is literally the one "turn-on" if you will, that I have, so I'm so gutted I was careless with my phone when I'm usually so careful. What should I do??! Any advice would be much appreciated...

 

 

 

[Reader]

1 hour ago, marip0sa said:

And then he started opening up about how he thinks people don't stick around and he got all insecure

So it sounds for sure that he has no idea sneezes are pleasurable to you even after that interaction. He probably thinks you’re annoyed with his sneezes or just curious how much he sneezes and were keeping count in some weird little experiment.

So you can leave him with those assumptions. My advice though is to explain what you can. So like telling him “hey I want to follow up that conversation because you seemed to have the wrong idea and I don’t want you to be insecure about this. I don’t want to answer questions or get into details but what I can say is there is nothing negative about your sneezes to me.” Something along those lines that you feel comfortable with. 

I totally understand that horrible feeling of accidentally revealing something related to the s fetish to a non-s-fetishist. I’m sorry that happened to you! 

 

[solitaire-au]

So this is kind of a tricky situation, but it’s not the end of the world.

These situations have come up for other people before, and you’ll find them mostly in the General discussion area:

1) telling a partner about the fetish,

2) telling a partner you find sneezing sexually attractive, 

3) family/partner discovering you read and/or post on the forum or create sneezefics/other sneeze content,

There’s no easy answers about what to do, and it is hard for us to give advice, because we can only do it based on what you’ve shared with us. (I’m not saying you need to provide more details or anything! I’m just making an observation.)

That said, while you are feeling vulnerable and exposed, it sounds like your boyfriend feels vulnerable too, but for different reasons.

He might be afraid you find his allergies tiresome, or disgusting or they put you off. He might be afraid you secretly ridicule him for your amusement. It sounds like he’s had partners leave/abandon him before and he’s worried you’re going to do the same to him. (I don’t know if that’s allergy related or not?)

And because you’ve tried really hard to act neutral and normal, it’s possible he interprets that as aloofness and may have fuelled his fears.

The fact that he waited for a month until he’d had several drinks to work out the courage to ask you about it implies he was not only afraid of your reaction, but if what you think of him.

And it could be a long-standing habit, but his pattern of stifling his sneezes and excusing himself/apologising could be a sign he’s been given grief about his allergies by other people and he’s afraid you’ll do the same. A lot of people feel really vulnerable when they sneeze, more so if they sneeze often and/or loudly.

It’s up to you whether you discuss this with him. Because you’ve been together less than a year, everything is still new and you’re learning about each other.

But the two things I would definitely do,

1) let him know his relationship with you is secure. It doesn’t have to be in words, but it sounds like he’s afraid of abandonment. So I guess using his “love language,” whether it’s spending time together or words of encouragement or acts of service etc can help with that.

2) is to make him feel comfortable, or at least reassure him in some way, that his allergies don’t bother you and that you’re not going to hurt him in anyway. (I’m not saying you would hurt him, just that he might have the fear that you might because of his past experiences.)

Even little things like blessing him or just patting or caressing him when he sneezes or his symptoms flare up so he feels reassured and cared for.

Anyway, in a nutshell, while you’re afraid of what he thinks if you, I reckon he is also afraid of what you think of him!

Does any of that make sense?

Hang in there! (And if you want to talk about it, feel free to PM me.)

[BurgundyJayne]

23 hours ago, solitaire-au said:

So this is kind of a tricky situation, but it’s not the end of the world.

These situations have come up for other people before, and you’ll find them mostly in the General discussion area:

1) telling a partner about the fetish,

2) telling a partner you find sneezing sexually attractive, 

3) family/partner discovering you read and/or post on the forum or create sneezefics/other sneeze content,

There’s no easy answers about what to do, and it is hard for us to give advice, because we can only do it based on what you’ve shared with us. (I’m not saying you need to provide more details or anything! I’m just making an observation.)

That said, while you are feeling vulnerable and exposed, it sounds like your boyfriend feels vulnerable too, but for different reasons.

He might be afraid you find his allergies tiresome, or disgusting or they put you off. He might be afraid you secretly ridicule him for your amusement. It sounds like he’s had partners leave/abandon him before and he’s worried you’re going to do the same to him. (I don’t know if that’s allergy related or not?)

And because you’ve tried really hard to act neutral and normal, it’s possible he interprets that as aloofness and may have fuelled his fears.

The fact that he waited for a month until he’d had several drinks to work out the courage to ask you about it implies he was not only afraid of your reaction, but if what you think of him.

And it could be a long-standing habit, but his pattern of stifling his sneezes and excusing himself/apologising could be a sign he’s been given grief about his allergies by other people and he’s afraid you’ll do the same. A lot of people feel really vulnerable when they sneeze, more so if they sneeze often and/or loudly.

It’s up to you whether you discuss this with him. Because you’ve been together less than a year, everything is still new and you’re learning about each other.

But the two things I would definitely do,

1) let him know his relationship with you is secure. It doesn’t have to be in words, but it sounds like he’s afraid of abandonment. So I guess using his “love language,” whether it’s spending time together or words of encouragement or acts of service etc can help with that.

2) is to make him feel comfortable, or at least reassure him in some way, that his allergies don’t bother you and that you’re not going to hurt him in anyway. (I’m not saying you would hurt him, just that he might have the fear that you might because of his past experiences.)

Even little things like blessing him or just patting or caressing him when he sneezes or his symptoms flare up so he feels reassured and cared for.

Anyway, in a nutshell, while you’re afraid of what he thinks if you, I reckon he is also afraid of what you think of him!

Does any of that make sense?

Hang in there! (And if you want to talk about it, feel free to PM me.)

This. I literally have nothing to add except this is a great perspective. 
 

Also, OP, I finally told my husband, who I had lived with for 10 years before marrying, that I have this fetish. Oddly I’m also pretty solidly asexual/demisexual and this is my one kink/turn on. He is the only living soul I know in person/real life to be aware of my fetish. He does not use it in the bedroom and we don’t talk about it, but he knows. He has no awareness of my using the forum. 

[ID2006]

I lean towards telling him. I'm also asexual besides this one kink, and even then, it doesn't necessarily make me crave sex. I told my ex-husband about the kink before we got married and he handled it really well and was willing/wanting to try different things to indulge me. The only thing I didn't like and had to talk to him about was, especially at first, anytime we were out and someone else sneezed he would give me that mischievous look like 'did that turn you on', and I eventually told him how uncomfortable that made me feel.