helloooo am excited to be here :)

[aceblues]

hello!! i'm almost 20 years old; queer nonbinary; with a lifelong sneeze fetish. i've been a longtime lurker on youtube accounts but never visited this site much. now that i have less intense shame about the fetish, i'm feeling good about finding some community around it!

i've always considered it a scary, dark secret and that made me feel deep guilt for a long time as a kid. i thought i was bad, wrong, freakish, gross, etc. and the difference now is essentially just that i've come to be okay with those things being thought about me LOL!

as i got into my older adolescent years, i eventually had to come to terms with my inherent queerness: that i don't like guys all that much like i had always figured i was supposed to, and that i just don't fit all that well within the conceptions of and cultures around rigid gender that my western US american culture has. as well as the fact that i am not all that inherently attracted to specific people, bodies, or kinds of people/bodies.. instead i am turned on by and attracted to phenomenon (like sneezing) and different emotional dispositions/states. those were all things about my queerness which i've come to terms with over the past few years from ages around 15 to 19 (now!).

so at this point now (turning 20 soon), i've for the first time felt ready to understand and accept my lifelong fetish that i know will have to be somewhat integral to any fulfilled sex life that i might have. it is another part of the rest of my queerness for me and accepting it all has been emotionally rough for me at times, as the kind of person who does a lot of internalizing and feels a lot of shame, but SO worth it. 

a little more about me (some of which is relevant to knowing of me as a being, some of which is quite random): most likely neurodivergent, enjoy airplanes, hate the internet but use it chronically (classically gen z), love nature, want to be an independent journalist potentially (love writing), recently was intrigued by the concept of bioregionalism, still enjoy stuffed animals at almost 20 (lol), and am most attracted to allergy-related sneezing.

one last thing to share. the word "sneezing" in Old English was "fnēosan" (approx. pronounced: fn-ey-oh-sahn) which i think is interesting and a beautiful word! By the end of Middle English the word became "snesen" so it seems that the fn- was dropped and replaced with sn- likely because the latter became considered an easier sound to make than the former as English progressed towards what it is today. 

i don't like having my real name online mostly anymore so you can call me nyse! (the norwegian word for sneeze haha)