"That is not very ninja-like..." - (4 Parts)

[Chate Noire]

Err, ok. Umm.

It's been a hell of a long time since I last wrote a sneezefic, but recent Anime-inspired fics grew on me, and my recent affection toward Kakashi from "Naruto" made it inevitable.

I'd more often give him some terrible allergies (propbably going to happen as well at some point), but this one battle around episode 9 just begged for a cold-fic. I tried to cut as short as possible on the battle itself, but it was just so cool that it was almost impossible to give up on details. As a result, there isn't so much sneezing in the first part...like, none at all. But you can probably see where it's going from now on, and I promise I'll make up for it =)

**It's probably very important to say that this is a mega-spoiler for up to episodes 9-10. If you don't want to spoil it, you can start reading from the next part. The first one is pretty much just a recap of the battle that was actually in the Anime.**

Also, lots of ninja-terms explained at the end (sorry there's so many of them).

Here is the DARLING Kakashi: http://www.absoluteanime.com/naruto/kakashi.htm.

He may not look like your everyday sexy-anime-guy on first glance, but MAN, after a couple of episodes does he rock!

And last (sorry for the long intro), feedback is very very much welcome. Have I mentioned I haven't done this in a long, long time?...

---------------

…Kakashi had his kunai* pressed against Zabuza's throat. After several minutes of fighting the big ninja, he was finally at an obvious advantage, and was planning to put an end to this quickly. Normally he might've played some more, testing his opponent's abilities and skills and ultimately overpowering him in his cool, almost nonchalant way. But this time he was not alone, and this was hardly a friendly match. Not far behind him stood Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura, his three subordinates, protecting Tazuna-san, the man they were commissioned to escort back to his village.

The ninja village to which they belonged, much like other ninja villages, made its living by offering its services to the paying hand. Missions were categorized by difficulty, and given to ninjas of appropriate experience. The youngest ninjas, the Genins**, were usually given rank-D missions, which consisted mainly of walking dogs, pulling weeds and washing dishes. Every once in a while a rank-C mission fell into their eager shinobi*** hands, and they got to travel out of the village to escort some feudal lord back to his home. As a Jounin*4, Kakashi had a team of three such Genins under his command, and was to train them during those missions.

This one was said to be a rank-C mission – get the old man back to his village, come back safe and sound. But it seemed now that Tazuna has kept some information away to avoid the high costs of a rank-B; no one said anything about enemy ninjas blocking their path…

Zabuza smiled. As the kunai slashed through his throat, his entire body melted into water and splashed on the ground. Kakashi's one visible eye opened slightly in alarm and he spun around only to find the real Zabuza's foot rocketing towards his face. The white-haired ninja was sent flying into the lake and his opponent followed swiftly, huge blade drawn, his masked face twisted with a smirk.

It was spring already outside, but the lake must've taken its time and its water was still ice-cold. Kakashi rose to the surface for a breath of air. Above him, hovering ankle-deep, was Zabuza. Before the white-haired Jounin had anything to say about it, Zabuza formed the Ninjutsu technique of Hydro-Prison, locking Kakashi inside a freezing watery orb. There was no way to get out of that one, Kakashi knew. As long as Zabuza had his arm inside the orb, controlling it, it was unbreakable. At least it meant his opponent had to stay near him and couldn't go against his three young rookies or the man they protected.

Perhaps guessing his captive's thoughts, the water-controlling ninja laughed.

"Mizubunshin no Jutsu!"*5

Before him, a small wave of water gathered to create the form of Zabuza himself. The water replication grinned much like the original, and advanced towards Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura and Tazuna. One by one they attacked him, throwing kunais and shurikens which he dodged effortlessly and storming at his with hand-to-hand moves which he returned ten-times-fold. Watching from afar, Kakashi was truly scared for the lives of his subordinates; there was no way they could defeat a ninja of his skill and expertise, surely not in their first real battle ever.

Naruto grinned.

"I am going to be the hokage*6 and have everyone acknowledge me! Do you really think I'm going to lose to someone like you?!"

Surging with a new-found strength, Naruto used his Shadow-Replication technique, creating a dozen imitations of himself, which ran towards Zabuza and attacked him from all directions. The ninja dodged every attack, and the clones evaporated one after the other, eventually leaving only Naruto himself. He backed up and drew a large Shuriken, throwing it at Sasuke. Despite their bitter rivalry Sasuke understood his teammate's plan and went along with it, throwing the shuriken at Zabuza's water replication. The ninja's replica caught it easily, but missed a second shuriken that was hidden in its shadow, which now made its way towards the real Zabuza. Not leaving the hydro-prison, Zabuza dodged the shuriken, granting the young Genins an evil little laugh. What he didn't see, though, was the shuriken transforming into Naruto in mid-air.

Kakashi looked at the yellow-haired Genin with surprise. He did not expect such a strategic move, especially not from hot-headed Naruto. Under his dark mask, he smiled.

Grinning, Naruto drew a kunai and tossed it towards Zabuza. The big ninja considered his options for a brief moment before unwillingly drawing his arm from the water-prison and arching his body to dodge the kunai. Their Sensei was now free, dripping wet, and damn-well angry. Rising immediately, Zabuza took Naruto's shuriken and slammed it against Kakashi's fist.

Without so much as a flinch, Kakashi tossed the shuriken away. He shifted his forehead-protector so that his left eye was visible as well. Zabuza took a step back and stared at the strange red pupil.

"Sharingan," he said, unbelieving. "You are a copy ninja!"

"That I am." Kakashi's eyes were very intent, but his posture remained as casual as before.

"Save your special skills, Sharingan. You can't copy this."

Zabuza raised his arms before his face and began forming a long combination of hand seals, realizing as he went along that Kakashi was copying his every move with terrifying speed. His eyes widened with fear as Kakashi's movements began exceeding his, predicting every seal and forming it before it crossed his mind.

"Ah, but did you not know about the Sharingan's insight abilities?" Kakashi's hands moved gracefully, forming seal after seal, mimicking Zabuza's technique long before Zabuza himself. "I can see into the future. And you future…is death."

Kakashi formed the last seal and an exploding jet of water carried Zabuza out of the lake and slammed him with the power of a tidal wave against a tree. He appeared then beside the knocked-out ninja and sent a hand to check for a pulse. Two sharp needles missed his hand by a hairline. He retreated and looked up to see a young masked ninja standing on a tall branch.

"I am of the ANBU," he said. "We retrieve the secrets of the body, so as to keep them away from enemy's reach."

Kakashi recognized the decorated ANBU mask and nodded as the child ninja leaped gracefully down and supported Zabuza's body.

"I will take care of this from now." The ANBU ninja lowered his head, brought his hand up in a special seal, and both him and Zabuza's body vanished into thin air.

There was silence for a few seconds, and then Naruto's familiar voice tore the air.

"What was that, Kakashi-Sensei?! Who is this kid? Why did he take Zabuza? How did you do that thing in the water? What is this Sharingan he spoke of? Answer me, Kakashi-Sensei!" Naruto nearly jumped out of his skin with excitement and curiosity, a striking contradiction to Sasuke, who stood in silence, watching Kakashi intently.

The white-haired Jounin brushed a hand through his hair to get rid of some of the water that soaked it. He pulled the left side of his forehead-protector so it covered his Sharingan eye again. Now that the battle was over, he allowed himself to notice how very cold he was, and how tired from the excessive use of chakra*7.

"I promise I will explain everything, Naruto. But now, I feel I must…rest."

With that he fell to his knees, and collapsed on the grass, unconscious.

TBC (naturally)...

Chate.

----------------------------

* kunai – a small throwing knife

** Genin – a young ninja

*** Shinobi – another name for a ninja, as far as I know.

*4 Jounin – a high-rank, experienced ninja

*5 Mizubunshin no Jutsu - Water Replication Technique

*6 Hokage – the strongest, most experienced ninja in the village.

*7 Chakra – the living force that surges through the body. Ninjas channel chakra to perform special techniques.

[Garnet]

Yee! Looks great so far, Chate Noire 8) I remember you saying in another thread that you were thinking about writing a fic with this guy and...rowr! Glad to see that you are!

Mmmn, ninja mask.

[Geist]

Ooooh, Kisa has me all fanning over Kakashi at present! I think it's AWESOME that someone is writing a story about him......makes me a giddy fool! I can't wait to see what you do next!

~Frack, ADORING all of the anime goodness as of late!!!

[Neesan]

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I just made it to episode 13 and so happy I know what you are writing about.

And squeeeeeeee! I can't wait for more!! Like Frack said, I've been heavily loving on Kakashi and this is just making me bounce like crazy in anticipation!

[Chate Noire]

Darling Kisa, you have no idea what's coming after ep. 13. Seriously, I cannot even remember if I've ever had a crush on any other fictional character. This ninja is H-O-T.

And more to come soon, I promise!

[Neesan]

Darling Kisa, you have no idea what's coming after ep. 13. Seriously, I cannot even remember if I've ever had a crush on any other fictional character. This ninja is H-O-T.

And more to come soon, I promise!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If he does any sneezing in this anime (even through Naruto did, but I passed on that heehee), I can just like jump out of my window because my life will be full. I totally love Kakashi for he's hot and I love his seiyuu and it just fit so well and squee! I had a silly idea about why he wears a mask I might write up once I watch more of the anime.

[Chate Noire]

Darling Kisa, you have no idea what's coming after ep. 13. Seriously, I cannot even remember if I've ever had a crush on any other fictional character. This ninja is H-O-T.

And more to come soon, I promise!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If he does any sneezing in this anime (even through Naruto did, but I passed on that heehee), I can just like jump out of my window because my life will be full. I totally love Kakashi for he's hot and I love his seiyuu and it just fit so well and squee! I had a silly idea about why he wears a mask I might write up once I watch more of the anime.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

OMG, no fair! I was gonna do an evil little fic about why he has his mask on! =)

I haven't seen him sneeze yet, but I'm only up to ep. 50 or so. Who knows - Japanese are all superstitious about sneezing...maybe they'll have someone talking about him behind his back. Like, *a lot*.

[Neesan]

OMG Were you really?! If your idea was that insanely outdoor allergic ninjas have to keep out the bad stuff somehow then, you know, great minds think a-like.

Now THAT would make for a great episode. Everyone everywhere just decides to talk about him that whole day. Ahh! That would be nice!

[Chate Noire]

  OMG Were you really?! If your idea was that insanely outdoor allergic ninjas have to keep out the bad stuff somehow then, you know, great minds think a-like. 

Now THAT would make for a great episode. Everyone everywhere just decides to talk about him that whole day.    Ahh! That would be nice!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Outdoors, indoors, you name it =) Was gonna be a bit on the naughty side, too. But believe me when I say I am OK with you writing one!!

[Neesan]

I think, the both of us writing it will be hella awesome! But that's just me. The more Kakashi fics the better.

[Chate Noire]

Mm, ok. Part 2. Sort of sticking with the series' plot here, just giving a few, um, interpretations of my own...

Part 2

-----------------------------------------

Slowly opening a hazy black eye, Kakashi found himself lying on the floor in a small living room. Below him was a soft mattress and he was covered with a thin blanket. His damp clothes stuck to his skin; he wasn't sure whether he'd preferred they'd been taken off to dry. A shudder went through him and he tried to wrap the thin cloth around himself more tightly. Alas, the only effect this had was to press his clothes against his body even more.

"Kaksahi-Sensei! You're awake!"

The voice was female and young, but hardly as young as Sakura's. Kakashi reared his head as far as he could and saw the upside-down figure of a young woman. She knelt beside him and laid a hand on his shirt.

"Oh, it's still so damp…I'm sorry, I did not think you would be too grateful to find yourself naked in an unfamiliar house."

Given his near-frozen state, Kakashi actually considered this.

"Kakashi-san!"

The cheerful voice of Tazuna resounded in the room. Kakashi tried to make an effort to get up and greet him properly, but the old man pushed him back down.

"I thank you for the hospitality," he said instead.

"Nonsense!" Tazuna slapped him on the chest in a friendly gesture that nearly knocked the wind out of Kakashi. "It is the least I can do for the ninja who brought me back home safely."

Tazuna glared at the ninja with a smile wider than the river, his self-satisfaction disturbed only by the woman's quiet, deliberate little cough.

"Oh, where are my manners! Kakashi-Sensei, this is my daughter, Tsunami. She was the one who advised me not to remove all your clothes. Though I imagine deep inside she might've only wanted to do it herself…" That last remark was discreetly whispered, but easily heard by anyone in the room.

Kakashi shut his eye with a sigh and Tsunami blushed a dark shade of pink and turned away, eyes wide open in shock. Tazuna failed to notice that, and rose to his feet.

"Well! Is there anything else we can get for you, Kakashi-san?"

"A warmer blanket would be most welcome," he said, punctuating his request with a stifled cough.

"Of course, of course. Anything for the ninja who protected me while risking his life even though it was not entirely his duty..!" Tazuna grinned nervously and left the room, throwing a meaningful glance over at Tsunami. She sighed and started rummaging through a closet that stood against the wall.

"I'm sorry, Sensei, my father is not used to having guests around." The girl waited for his response, and turned around apologetically when she got none. "He didn't mean that thing he said…you know, with the clothes. It's just his strange way of being--Uh…Sensei?..."

"Heeiish!" It was a soft sneeze, but the sigh that followed indicated that it took more than the white-haired ninja had at the moment.

"Odaijini!* Are you not feeling well?"

Kakashi turned to her, his one visible eye hinting of a tired masked smile.

"I am mainly in need of rest, Tsunami-san. And also a little cold…"

Tsunami removed the thin blanket, which was by now nearly wetter than his clothes. Coverless, Kakashi curled as the chill of the room pricked against his skin. He hated those periods; after such massive use of charka, he was rendered weak and tired. Normally he would be taken home by his fellow Jounins, who left him alone, knowing better than to stay and try and take care of him. He did not expect to get into such a state with his subordinates present and worried.

His thoughts trailing, Kakashi didn't even notice Tsunami covering him with a soft, thick and, most importantly, dry blanket.

"Thank you, Tsunami-san."

"Rest now. Your subordinates wanted to see you, but they will wait until you are better." With that she left the room, closing the door behind her.

Thin rays of dim afternoon sun gave the perfect lighting for slowly falling asleep, and Kakashi, sniffling once and curling under the blanket, did just that.

***

His sleep had been an uneasy one. Sights and sounds from the fight washed upon him like waves, Zabuza's evil eyes staring into his soul, grinning, like he knew something Kakashi did not. His great sword shone maliciously, blinding the the one-eyed ninja. Then the needles. Sharp and accurate, slaying Zabuza with near overconfident ease. And the child ANBU, taking Zabuza with him.

…Taking Zabuza with him…

Kakashi rose with such speed that Naruto and Sakura yelped and fell backwards.

"Kuso**!" Sakura granted Naruto the usual blow on the head. "We nearly got to see his face! Why did you have to go and wake him up?"

"I did not--"

The short quarrel was quickly ended by a loud sneeze.

"HeEeish!"

Both Naruto and Sakura turned stunned faces towards their leader.

"Are you feeling ok, Sensei?" Sakura's voice was lightly worried; which was not very unusual.

"Yes, I--uh, uhhh--HeeEEeish! Eeissh!"

Kakashi rubbed gingerly at his nose.

Sakura covered her mouth with both her hands. "This means someone is speaking ill of you behind your back, Sensei!"

"Or," Kakashi smiled, giving his nose a final rub, "it means I've spent a little too much time in the lake, saving you guys."

Naruto jumped to his feet. "Hah! We were doing just fine without you!"

"Yes, you did show remarkable skill" Kakashi closed his eyes seriously. They fluttered slightly. "Naruto, that was a very g--goohh--"

"What? Very what??"

"Heh-Eesshh!"

"Odaijini, Kakashi-Sensei." Tsunami cut in, thinking it a good idea to let the ninja get back to his senses before dealing with this energy-bomb Naruto. "Children, perhaps you should allow your sensei to rest some more." It sounded like a suggestion, but she pushed them out of the door with such haste that they didn't have the chance to protest.

"Very what, Kakashi-Sensei?!"

Closing the door behind them, Tsunami kneeled next to Kakashi.

"Not feeling much better, then?"

As a response, Kakashi shut his eye desperately and let out another body-wrenching "HaEssh!" He looked at Tsunami sheepishly, touching a gloved knuckle to the underside of his nose.

"It's just a chill, and it's the least of our problems. With all the exertion, I won't be able to move for a week now."

"You and your team can stay here as long as you want. I am so grateful to you for bringing my father back safely, and now that everything is quiet again--"

"Tsunami..." Kakashi was sorry to have to take the sweet smile away from the girl's face. "I believe Zabuza is still alive."

TBC...

------------------------------------------

* Odaijini - "take care of yourself", commonly said to those who are ill or sometimes used as an expression after sneezing. (Learned this from frack's "Sakura" fic. Thanks!)

** Kuso - Damn. It's one of the most fun things to say in Japanese =)

[Garnet]

Eeee, Chate, this is turning out so well! I saw it at the top of the page and was like, "NKJSNDddfdd did she add another chapter?!"

And you did. And it was awesome, aawwwninjasneezes!

[Geist]

Ooooooooo! That is SO YUMMY!!! GAH!!! Meeeh, I hope you write more soon, as I am seriously enjoying this. His sneeze is just......GAH.

*faints*

~Frack

[Neesan]

WOMAN! I can't begin to tell you how HOT that is!! I love the flow in which you write, and how everyone is totally IC, and - Kakashi... ohhhhmygooodnesss. Those were some HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT sneezes!!!!!

[Chate Noire]

Next part's cooking, but meanwhile, here's a bit of illustration for part 2. My GODS, Kakashi is hot.

[Neesan]

Oh. MY. GOD!

Excuse me as I pick myself off the floor, but can I just say that is a truly FUCKING awesome pic? I'm like... peering through my hands and giggling like crazy! Ohmygod. That is really REALLY hot and... oh goodness, I really need a new chair now. This one is set on FIRE now.

But without trying to fangirl much; it's really REALLY hot.

And I love you. So much! *fans self and tries not to rape computer*

EDIT: You know, I thought this cap was giggle worthy, but you win at the hottness. LOL

[Chate Noire]

Ooh, Kisa, that is absolutely GORGEOUS. There are a few shots of him looking vaguely sneezy (what? you can't tell if he has a mask on!) in the Manga as well.

Here be part 3, as I promised. It's a bit scattered, as I'm making up the plot as I go along. Not so sure even whether I'd go back to Tazuna and Tsunami, 'cause I like the relationship betwen Kakashi and his team so much.

Anyway, hope you enjoy this.

-----------------------------------------

Part 3

Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto waited idly in the woods by Tazuna's house as their sensei instructed them. It was nearly noon, and Kakashi promised he'd meet them there in the morning for some special training. They've grown impatient by now, Naruto exceeding the others by far. He's been treading back and forth across the small clearing for the past half-hour, stopping occasionally to direct ever-creative swear-words at the absent Kakashi.

"Kuso!" Stopping suddenly, he sat on the ground, arms crossed. "He is always late! Why did he tell us to be here in the morning if he knew he was only going to arrive by lunch? And I haven't eaten breakfast at all…"

"Naruto, you've had two breakfasts," Sakura reminded him bitterly. "And you finished mine as well."

"Well, I'm hungry…" A small gurgling sound from his stomach proved that. "When this guy Kakashi finally comes, I'll tell him what I think of him--!"

"Well, he's here, so you can tell him now." Naruto froze, turning ever so slowly to find Kakashi's face barely an inch from his face, his eye narrowed in his usual laid-back smile. "No? Well, if I were you I'd detain myself from spreading useless threats around." He punctuated this lesson with a soft slap on Naruto's head with his book.

As his sensei stepped back, Naruto could see he was leaning on a crutch and hunching a little.

"Hey, sensei, what's with the walking-stick? Are you ill?"

Kakashi closed his eyes and rubbed his chin with gloved fingers. "Using the Sharingan like before spends a lot of chakra, especially when copying a technique as difficult as that of Zabuza's. I'm a little weak, but still the same cool sensei!"

"Hey, sensei," it was Sasuke's voice, sounding mildly annoyed, "what are we doing here, anyway?"

"Well, I thought we'd use the small vacation for a bit of training!" His cheerful expression remained as Sasuke looked at him doubtfully.

"He's still alive, right? And we'll have to fight him again."

Kakashi sighed. "Yes. Yes, I believe he's still alive, and sooner or later he'll come back for Tazuna, for me, and for you."

Naruto's eyes darted from Sasuke to Kakashi and back for a few seconds, looking utterly confused. Eventually he jumped between the two of them and demanded, in his own endearing, loud way, some answers.

After Sakura slapped Naruto into relative silence, Kakashi explained how strange it was for an ANBU member to transport the ninja's body; usually they would perform their rituals on the spot, making sure the body was emptied of ninja secrets as soon as possible, before enemies found things they weren't meant to know.

"I may have been to quick to trust the kid ninja," he reflected, "but we cannot change the past, only get ready for the future. Now, guys, we…we--" Kakashi lowered his head and fell silent, and for a moment looked as if he'd fallen asleep in mid-sentence. Then his shoulders rose once, and he bent forward with a wet-sounding "Heeh-Eetchssh!", leaning on his crutch for balance. Rising slowly, he expected some comment from his subordinates. An "everything ok, sensei?", or "Odaijini, sensei", or at least some look of concern. Meeting their stares, he got no more than boredom from Naruto, mild surprise from Sakura and complete indifference from Sasuke. He shrugged.

"As I was saying, we're going to train."

Naruto groaned. "Is that why you've dragged us away from lunch? We don't need training, we beat him the last time! We're stronger than that eyebrowless weirdo."

Shaking his head with a sigh, Kakashi drew a shuriken from his pouch and tossed it swiftly at Naruto. The kid froze as the sharp metal sliced the air just left to his ear and stuck into a tree stump behind him.

"Naruto." Kakashi's voice was serious, a sure sign for the yellow-haired Genin to keep a lower profile. "Zabuza is a first-class Jounin. He will go back to his master and return to us full of new ideas and plans to beat us. If we don't do the same, trust me, he will succeed. And he will aim at your neck, Naruto."

Kakashi sniffled quietly. He was grateful for the mask covering his face, as sniffling and nose-twitching probably wouldn't help make his point any more serious.

"Now, first lesson!"

The white-haired ninja took a few steps back, leaned the crutch against a tree, and formed a few seals with his hands.

"Kage-Bunshin No-Jutsu!*"

A white cloud of smoke surrounded him, and when it evaporated the entire clearing was filled with Kakashis, some of which even held the small book entitled "Flirting Paradise".

"Many enemies will try to confuse you, to make you an easier target." The speech was coming from all directions, each Kakashi contributing a word or two. "You must learn to discern where your enemy truly is."

"No problem!" Naruto rolled his sleeves and was ready to leap at every single replication, but stopped when Sasuke grabbed his arm.

"Don't be stupid," he said. Anticipating Naruto's protest, Sasuke just raised his hand and said, "Wait."

"Well?" A Kakashi behind them asked. "What are you waiting for?" Three other Kakashis were closing in.

Naruto and Sasuke were back-to-back, watching their many senseis approaching them slowly. Sakura joined them, slightly worried. "Sasuke-kun…do you know which of them is the real one?"

"In a second…"

Kakashi's laugh jingled through all his replications. "It seems you are at eh…at--hehh…Heh-EEeeisssh! Heeissh!"

Sasuke spun with the speed of a striking cobra, sending two shurikens flying towards one of the treetops. Naruto and Sakura followed his stretched arm and saw among the leaves the hint of a movement, a glimpse of white hair, and the obvious orange of Kakashi's book.

One by one the replications around them evaporated with small puffs of smoke, until the grass was completely Kakashi-less. Then their sensei jumped down, as gracefully as possible, under the circumstances, grabbed his crutch and walked towards them.

"Very good, Sasuke, although a bit on the gambling side, wasn't it?"

"How so?"

Kakashi sniffed. "Well…uhh. Excuse me." He turned his head aside and got rid of what was left of the annoying tickle that gave away his location earlier. "HeEEeitscch! Heh…Ha-Eeiisshh!" His sneezes were growing more frequent, more wet, and worse of all, more tickling. With each one let loose, he felt another creep in in its stead, begging to be released.

"If it wasn't for that unfortunate, ill-timed sneeze, my clones would've got all three of you." He rubbed his nose as casually as possible, trying both to relieve the tickle in his nose and not to appear distracted or ill-at-ease. The former was slowly gaining the upper hand.

"I heard your breathing long seconds before you actually sneezed, Kakashi-sensei," said Sasuke in an almost arrogant air. "I merely took my time to achieve a…more theatrical victory."

Were it any other than on of his subordinates, and were Kakashi a hot-headed man, and were he technically able to move at the moment, he would have ripped Sasuke's head off his shoulders for that remark. He tried to take this stupid chill lightly, but the truth was that he felt very self-conscious about showing a silly weakness such as this in front of his students. What sort of ninja lets a sneeze give him away?

Nevertheless, he had to admit that it was quite an impressive move on Sasuke's account. While Naruto would have lunged at each and every one of his replications, probably wasting his energy halfway through, Sasuke listened, and felt, and tasted the battleground; and not just the one in front of him, but its surroundings as well.

Kakashi nodded and shared this lesson with his team, feeling Naruto's gaze piercing deeper into him with every word spoken, and hearing him mutter under his breath.

"Naruto."

The sound of his name made the yellow-haired boy jump to attention.

"It is wise to have a plan instead of just rushing into the fight. Like the one you had when you fought Zabuza with Sasuke." Secretly, Kakashi winked at him.

"Let this be your second lesson for today. Now, you will wait for me here, and then we'll try another one."

Kaksahi kneeled, holding a hand next to his face, two fingers extended, and disappeared.

Behind some distant trees, the three Genins heard a muffled "HehEeeissh!"

TBC...

-------------------------------------------

* Kage-Bunshin No-Jutsu - Shadow Replication Technique

[Geist]

Next part's cooking, but meanwhile, here's a bit of illustration for part 2. My GODS, Kakashi is hot.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

OH MY GOD.....the WRONGNESS!!! The sheer and utter WRONGNESS!!!! *dies of it*

That is just.....that is just.....*faints*

GAH.

Yes.

GAH.

~Frack

[Neesan]

I'm telling you. The way his eyes normally are, he looks SO sneezy all the time! And with just a simple hand-in-front like that, it begs to be lusted over.

PART THREE! OMG, you have me HOOKED! I like stared at the screen like "OHHH! More YUMMYNESS!" you are kinda like my drug dealer or something.

Ok, I heart part three so much. Hot sexy sneezes (I love the way you spell them out, BTW!), and What sort of ninja lets a sneeze give him away? that scene was SO CUTE!!! Oh, I'm so in love with this. You rooock!

[Chate Noire]

Took a bit of time, but here be the last part. I thought I might add some more, but as frack says, the Muses have their fickle ways of completely not giving a damn about things that need to be finished.

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Kakashi leaned against a tree. He was well-away from his team and was quite certain they couldn't hear him. Not that he minded them hearing him sneeze; it was just that he needed a few minutes' quiet to sort out this troublesome tickle before he got back to proper training. He rubbed his nose from every direction possible, as forcefully as he dared without causing actual damage to himself, but the tickling sensation just wouldn't leave him, this way or the other. Sighing, he removed his mask and took a deep breath through his nose. And regretted it immediately. Not only did the tickle not subside, it exploded into a million tiny prickling particles that buzzed inside his nose. Kakashi immediately replaced the dark mask, covering himself from another dose of pollen-abundant air. His breath hitched, once, twice…and eventually his nose gave in and let it all out.

"Heeeh…h-hhuhh…Heeissh! Heesh! Heish! HeeiSsh! HE-Eissh!"

He barely managed a breath between them, but he was content to wait until he was completely rid of this nuisance before engaging in everyday activities, such as breathing.

"EiiSsh! HeEesh!...hehh-HeESShuuh!"

This seemed to be the last of it. Kakashi opened his eyes and looked upwards warily, as if anticipating a second attack. When it didn't come he let out a small sigh of relief, almost entirely muffled by his mask. He got up, shook his head lightly, and returned to his subordinates, swift as wind.

***

"I'm back, guys!"

The three genins, despite facing completely different directions, all turned their heads. Their sensei had, once again, managed to manifest himself in the one spot that was directly behind all of them.

Naruto pointed at Kakashi accusingly. "You brought us here to practice, and you're off sneezing every five minutes!"

Kakashi chuckled. "Huh, you heard that, did you."

"Yes. It was stupid."

Tactful was amongst the last adjectives Kakashi would use to describe Naruto, along with 'modest' and 'quiet', but this was not a training in social skills or etiquette, so he let it slide.

"Okay!" The white-haired ninja took a step back and regained a cheerful composure. "Next thing you ought to learn is to surprise your enemy."

"Pff."

Kakashi didn't need to see who this came from.

"Naruto, loudly declaring your presence at the beginning of a fight and informing your rival of every single move you're planning to make is not, in fact, surprising." He could hear Sakura suppress a giggle and Sasuke a sigh. Kakashi rubbed his nose and sniffed gently, trying to suppress something altogether different. "The skill of surprise can be useful in many ways. To ambush the enemy, to confuse him with an unexpected maneuver, and even to simply attack when he's-huhh…uh, when he's not readiihh--HeEissh!"

He had a few more coming, but when he rose for air for the next one, Naruto's foot smashed into his face. He lost balance for just a fraction of a second, enough for his young subordinate to trip him and land on his back triumphantly.

Kakashi opened his eyes and found himself curiously close to the ground. His nose, however, failed to be impressed with the new situation, and went about what it started earlier. Kakashi exploded with two violent "He-Eeish! EEeiSshuh!" and, being indeed too close to the ground, bumped his head twice against the stony earth.

Naruto, staring from above, mused, "So this is why they call them 'forehead protectors".

Kakashi rubbed his nose on the arm that Naruto didn't hold behind his back. "Naruto, you just attacked a sick, defenseless ninja, who is, in case you failed to notice, your sensei."

The boy shrugged. "You told us to take the enemy by surprise."

Kaksahi sighed. Well…he did. And he had to admit it was a pretty crafty move, and indeed took him by surprise. "Nevertheless," he began calmly, moving so fast it looked as though he simply vanished from underneath Naruto and reappeared casually on top of him, his single crutch upside-down and nailing the boy's neck to the ground, "I feel a short lesson in respect is called for."

***

Naruto sat on a fallen tree trunk next to his sensei. He was looking somewhat shrunken down, his expression that of a puppy that's done something wrong. Kakashi simply sat there quietly, staring forward. It was a sure way of getting information out of the boy; if Naruto knew he had done something wrong, there was so much quiet-Kaksahi-time he could stand before blurting it out. But as seconds went by and Naruto remained silent, Kaksahi looked at him, his visible eye narrowed with a smile.

"Naruto, you've grown very much."

Expecting a scolding, Naruto jumped and nearly fell off the trunk with surprise. Kakashi went on. "The plan you've come up with during the fight with Zabuza was good. And it was devised quickly and in the rush of battle, which is even more impressive. I daresay very few people believed you'd grow this way, Naruto."

The smile spread on the boy's face like a flower's bloom. He placed a hand on the back of his head bashfully and grinned, eyes down. Staying like this for a few seconds more, waiting for compliments to keep coming, Naruto missed the change of expression on his sensei's face. It had gone from the familiar cheerful to slightly irritated and all the way to completely distracted by whatever scheme his nose was planning now.

Eventually Naruto looked up, precisely in time to see Kakashi bend over with an explosive "He-EEeiSsh!". Naruto watched as the man rubbed tiredly at his nose, and practically gleamed as his hand reached for one of his scrolls pockets.

Many of the ninjas in the village of the Leaf and others as well went about wearing a similar vest. Apart from it being generally considered very cool, the vest had two rows of breast-pockets designed specially for scrolls. Scrolls could contain quite quite a lot of information, from a shopping list to an advanced ninjutsu, and having a secure place to carry them was obligatory.

"Are you going to teach me an advance technique, Kakashi-sensei?!"

Naruto's voice was so enthusiastic that Kakashi almost felt bad when he opened the pocket and took out a folded piece of white cloth. He saw the boy's face fall as he unfolded it slowly and held it halfway up to his face.

"Something wrong, Naruto?"

The boy stared at him very, very critically. His voice dripped disdain. "You carry handkerchiefs in your scroll pockets?"

"Only in one of them."

Naruto crossed his arms and stared forward. "That is not very ninja-like."

"More ninja-like to walk around with a runny nose, is it?" Kaksahi grinned as the boy struggled to find a clever response, and brought his free hand up to his face to remove the mask. This seemed to capture Naruto's attention completely, in a way Kakashi didn't imagine possible. "You're taking your mask off?" he asked unbelievingly, to which Kakashi simply nodded. "How else did you figure I was going to blow my nose?"

A dozen replications of Naruto appeared around them, all staring at Kakashi from every angle. The sensei shrugged and removed his mask, covering his nose and mouth with the handkerchief swiftly. He gave a long blow, and all the while Naruto's replications hopped around him, trying to get a peek at his hidden features, perhaps as big a mystery as the man himself.

Kakashi paused, cloth still attached to his face, and looked at the congregation around him. "Can I help you?" the question was directed at the real Naruto, indistinguishable from his replications to the untrained eye. All other Narutos disappeared in small puffs of smoke, and the boy looked sheepishly at his master, panting a little from the workout.

Kakashi removed the handkerchief and replaced his mask with such speed that it seemed as if he had never taken his mask off at all. He gave his nose a final rub with the hand holding the white cloth. "As I said, you have grown much. But you must remember," he added, watching Naruto's self-satisfied grin fade slowly, "as old and wise as you may think you are at the respectful age of twelve, you should entertain the notion that there still are some people who know more than you. Like Sasuke, for example. " Kakashi could almost hear Naruto's teeth grind, and added, "Or the Hokage. Or even me."

"I respect you, Kakashi-sensei!"

"Well, it might do us both good if you-hh…Hehh…HEIISSH!" The sneeze was surprisingly powerful, and if Kakashi hadn't caught it in the handkerchief, he might've had to change a mask on account of it being completely drenched. The exchange was so fast that Naruto didn't even bother to try and get a look at his enigmatic face. "...If you acted upon it occasionally."

"Hai," Naruto said quietly, for once actually letting his sensei's words sink in. After a few seconds' thought, he added, "Odaijini, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi smiled. He replaced his mask and tucked the handkerchief into his pants pocket.

"Say, Naruto. About this handkerchiefs being in scroll-pockets business. I trust you to keep this as our secret, ha?" Kakashi got up, ruffled the boy's hair distractedly, and walked out of the clearing. Behind him, Naruto stayed seated, smiling.

The End.

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[Neesan]

Wow, wow, wow! A thousand times wow. Not only was this a wonderfully written fic, but it was INSANELY hot! *giggles madly* He had an allergy attack, omg! *flails and squees!* It took all I had in me not to bless my computer.

And the last scene between him and Naruto was just TOO cute for works. Wonderful fic!! I shall be reading this like, every day over and over again.

[Garnet]

Awwwww! That was SO much goodness, Chate, wtf. I can't comment on the characterizations since I've never seen the series, but I'm sure they were accurate.

Dear God, I LOVE how Naruto was all trying to get a peek at his face and the sneezes were well-sounded and and...just... aww

Awesome job. I will be rereading it frequently as well.

Now to finish my Hellsing one c_c;

[Chate Noire]

Now to finish my Hellsing one c_c;

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh, YES, PLEASE.

[Guest Hannah]

"Well, it might do us both good if you-hh…Hehh…HEIISSH!" The sneeze was surprisingly powerful, and if Kakashi hadn't caught it in the handkerchief, he might've had to change a mask on account of it being completely drenched.

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Best line EVER!!!

That was fantabulous, I just read it now but I wish I had read it sooner! You're AMAZING!!!! Make more Kakashi fics! PLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEZZZZ!!!!!!!