"This isn't just a game. Your life is on the line. Well, not really. But that would be cool, huh?" - (11 Parts)

[Pseudosneeze]

-I agree with the title, except for the thing about him being gay. What's his appeal?

-More breaking the 4th wall. Always a good source of humor.

-Excellent use of hottie characters and a great cliffhanger to make us look forward to next week's installment.

[Pilgrim]

-I agree with the title, except for the thing about him being gay. What's his appeal?

-More breaking the 4th wall. Always a good source of humor.

-Excellent use of hottie characters and a great cliffhanger to make us look forward to next week's installment.

Oh come on, you can't expect me to believe that my ending of evilness didn't piss you off at least a little And Bakura is gay. He's almost as gay as Sieg. I'm not trying to be flippant, I'm stating a fact. Okay, maybe Yami Bakura isn't gay. But normal Bakura likes men, I'm sorry.

Right, anyway, a few things that may have had people wondering:

1. This is the first time I ever wrote "caregiver" ever, so if it seemed off, that's why.

2. I didn't have any of the Harpie Ladies sneeze because they scare me.

3. I know the correct way to spell Harpy, but the twits at Konami and Upperdeck apparently don't, and that's why they're called Harpies. Still not as bad as the Dark Driceretops card. I don't care how similar the kanji looks, they're called Triceretops and any translator worth a damn should know that.

[Frostybite]

Well, the audience is small but loyal. We appreciate your continued efforts.

[Blah!?]

Looks like I'm a bit late to the party!

It's great, but...

...

...

HOW DARE YOU LEAVE US AT A CLIFF HANGER IN MID SNEEZE!!!!!?!?!?

As always, I look forward to the next part.

[Pilgrim]

Only people who've seen the anime know that the title is still related to Yu Gi Oh. Oh, and I guess people reading this sentence. Nothing much to say about this one except that I don't wanna hear any complaints about Alexis not sneezing enough. She's going to come back later on when I can focus on her more.

Onward!

“AH-CHHHMMMPPH!” Alexis sneezed directly into Jadens face.

“Ick! Say it, don’t spray it!”

“S-sorry, Jaden, I…Eh-CHMPPH! CHEEW! HEH-CHHMMMPPH! MMMPPH-CHEEW! I guess I overdid id wid the Ice Queed dig, huh? HUH-CHMPPH!”

Meanwhile, Mai jumped up and began backing away from there heroes, holding a purple handkerchief to her runny nose.

“I haved’t lost yed! Durig our duel, I had the edtrance do this cave sealed. The odly way oud is through by frieds, who are waidig for you this way. See ya, losers!”

As Mai ran off, lugging her Scales, Yugi went up to sniffly Alexis.

“Here, I want you to have these. I’m not going to be needing them: Me and Tea just want off this crazy island as soon as possible. I knew it was a bad idea to come here…”

Yugi handed Alexis all of his Star Chips, which she accepted, confused. He then turned to the others.

“You guys go on ahead, I’ll catch up.”

He went back to Tea and helped her up. As everyone else went off after Mai, Jaden stopped and turned to Yugi.

“Hey, ummm, sorry about your Puzzle. You can keep it, I guess, since you were right about it being…cursed or whatever.”

Yugi nodded and gave Jaden the thumbs up sign, which he returned before running after the others. He caught up with them in a brightly lit room, where they were staring at two cloaked figures wearing masks shaped like backwards Rs who were posing ridiculously on two duel podiums.

“Prepare…for trouble!” One of them suddenly yelled.

“And make it double!” The other added.

“To protect the world from devastation.”

“To unite all peoples within our nation.”

“To denounce the evils of Truth and Love.”

“To extend our reach to the stars above.”

“Team Rocket is here…to kick your ass!”

“Hey, that’s not how it goes!”

“Like I care. Can we just do this already?”

The two men back-flipped behind the podiums as Mai emerged from the shadows behind them.

“Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Dow by freds are goig to deach you a listen *sniff* HA-SHUH!”

“That’s right, we challenge Sora and Annie to a tag-team duel!” The two said in unison.

“Hey, wait, shouldn’t you challenge Alexis since she’s the one who…” Annie began, but Sora put a hand over her mouth.

“We accept, not that we have a choice. If we win, we get to leave, right?”

“That’s right. But if you lose, all your Star Chips belong to us. That means you’ll be off this island, and you won’t be able to interfere with our plans any more than you already have.”

“Hey, are you two feeling okay? You soud differed…”

“We “soud differed”? Do you listen to yourself when you talk?”

“Good poid. I’ll leave by Scales here so you cad go od with a Shadow Gabe, but I’d goig on ahead. Bye bye, twerps!” With that, Mai ran off, and the Shadow Game began. As soon as the dark bubble enveloped everyone in the cave, the two men threw off their cloaks and masks to reveal more familiar faces. One had long black hair that hung down around his face over a headband and was wearing a red vest. The other had brown hair that was gelled into a single point and a long trench coat similar to Zachs.

“Man, I thought she’d never leave. These costumes are ridiculous. I can’t believe the Rocket grunts actually put up with wearing these things.” The black-haired one said.

“Tell me about it. Though I guess it’s fitting. The goofier the outfit, the weaker the duelist. And the crazier the hair, the better the duelist. It’s written somewhere…” The other replied.

“Wait just a second here, I recognize you guys!” Zach exclaimed and pointed at the dark-haired one. “You’re Otogi, the Dungeon Dice creator. And you’re Tristan, Yugi’s former male cheerleader.”

Tristan clenched his fist. “I really have to get out in the dueling community more if I get a lame nickname like that.”

Otogi laughed. “In any event, you’re probably wondering what’s going on here. Well, Sora here personally offended Serenity, who’s…very dear to both of us. So we decided to put aside our differences and work together for a common goal. And that’s kicking you off this island! Your friend is just collateral damage…”

“Oh, that’s flattering!” Annie yelled at him.

“Yap yap yap. Can we get to the duel already? Geez, it’s like me and Joey are the only two in the world who don’t have to monologue before they play this game.” Tristan complained.

“Fine. I’ll go first. Anything to get this over with quick.” Sora sighed. “At first I thought Serenity was a little weird, but so far she’s the most normal of all the people we’ve met on this island. What is it about this game that attracts megalomaniacs anyways?”

“Are you going to duel or just insult us?” The two cried in unison.

“Fine, fine. I summon the Beautiful Head Huntress in attack mode and end my turn.”

“I’ll Set a monster face-down and end my turn.” Tristan said, and then winked at Otogi.

“Pfft, don’t try to intimidate us with some showy displays of teamwork. If we can beat Yugi and Tea, I think we can take you two goofballs. I summon Valkyrie Dritt in defense mode and end my turn.”

“I guess it’s up to me to make this duel interesting. I summon Strike Ninja to the field. Next I activate Reasoning. You two have to guess a level, then I pick up cards from the top of my deck until I reach a monster. If it’s the level you guessed, then it gets immediately sent to the Graveyard, but if it’s not, I get to Special Summon it to the field. So, pick a number.”

After arguing with Annie for a while, Sora finally called “Level 4, which turned out to be incorrect, allowing Otogi to Special Summon the 13th Grave, a zombie monster that had the ability to attack on a turn it was Special Summoned.

“Now for my next move, I’ll activate my continuous Spell card, Stop Defense! It’ll switch all your defense position monsters into Attack mode, and prevent either of you from playing any more monsters in Defense mode. And to finish up, here comes my attack. Strike Ninja will destroy the Headhuntress, while the 13th Grave will take out the Valkyrie!”

Despite Otogi’s assault, Sora maintained a defiant grin.

“You idiot. Didn’t you stop to think why we played such weak monsters on our first turn? It was to lure you into an attack. Now you’re wide open to our stronger monsters. I summon Nekogal to the field, and I’ll have it destroy the 13th Grave to deal 700 points of damage to you, Otogi! Then I’ll set a card face-down and end my turn.”

“Alright, now I’m up. I activate my monster’s special ability, which I think you’ll recognize, Sora.”

He flipped his monster to reveal a Spore Bomb, triggering it’s effect.

“HA-AH-CHOO! ATCHOO! ATCHOO! CHOO! HAEEAAACCHHOO!"

As Sora blew her nose into the same handkerchief that she’d been given by Serenity, her cat-girl monster launched into a sneezing fit to rival her owner’s.

“Heh-Chu! HA-CHU! Eh-Chu Eh-Chu! Chu-chu AHCHU!”

As Nekogal wiped her small red nose with her paw, Tristan’s face turned red at the sight or Serenity’s handkerchief.

“Why…you…I…I play my rarest Spell card, Allergy Attack! It can only be played when my opponent has 4 or more cards in his or her hand, but it then forces them to discard cards from their deck based on a die roll! Feel my wrath!”

A magical die appeared in mid-air and rolled across the field, landing on the 6 side. Sora felt her eyes water and a sudden tickle burn in her nose.

“EESSHOO! AKTCHEW! IISHHOOO HIII-IISHOOO! HEH-SHOO! Eh-heh-EHSHOO!”

And then the tickle disappeared, like magic. As Sora wiped her runny nose on here handkerchief, six cards fell off the top of her deck into her Graveyard.

“Well done, Tristan. It looks like my luck’s rubbing off on you.” Otogi laughed. Tristan didn’t seem to hear him though.

“I’m just getting started. Next up I summon Berserk Gorilla and attack your powered-down Nekogal! That’s 400 points of damage!”

After the bi-pedal Panther slashed through the cat girl, Tristan set a card face-down and ended his turn.

“I’ll teach you to go after my friend like that!” Annie cried. “I summon Valkyrie Sigrun, and I’ll use her to destroy your Panther!”

The auburn-haired warrior woman charged Tristan’s monster and was met with an explosion of fur.

“My trap, Furball Bomb, automatically activates when one of my Beast monsters is destroyed. It’ll make all your empty Monster card zones unusable for one turn, save any that are already occupied.”

“Not if I can h…Heh-Shoo! Help it! I use my Set card, Trap Jammer, to negate your Bomb!”

“Weren’t you paying attention? I said “trap”, not “Trap”. Note the capital “T”. Furball Bomb is actually a Quick-Play Spell card, a Spell that can be used as though it were a Trap. So your jammer is just going to jam itself.”

“What a waste” Otogi mocked, but then his attention was drawn to Annie, who had suddenly begun taking short and shallow breaths.

“I’m ah…ahhhhhh…Haaahhhh-CHOOOO!” Allergic to…to…HATCHOO! CHOO! ATCHOO! AH-Heh-HA-CHOO! Animal…ani…ahhhhh-CHOO CHOO CHOO! *sniff* Animal Fur.” Annie moaned.

Otogi and Tristan shot each other mischievious looks, then looked back at Annie and Sora.

“Ooooooh, this is gonna be fun.” Tristan said. Otogi nodded.

“I activate Painful Choice. This allows me to pull 5 cards of my choice from my deck, one of which you will choose to go to my hand, and the rest of them will be discarded. Let’s see now, I’ll select Skull Dice, Mask of Darkness, Roulette Bomber, Magic Cylinder, and Orgoth the Relentless. Which do I get?”

Sora let Annie choose this time, since Sora picked during Otogi’s last game. She allowed him to put Mask of Darkness into his hand, which he promptly Set on the field along with a Trap card.

“Alright, I’m back up now. I’ll summon Dark Witch and order it to attack…hmmmm.”

Sora looked between her opponents with uncertainty on her face.

“Whad’s wrog wid her, Jaded? She’s showig weakdess to the opponed, ad the choice is obvious…hold od…I’b godda…sdeeze… Haaahhhh HAH-CHMMPPHH! Eh-CHMPPH Eh-CHEW! CHMPPH!”

“Bless you. The reason is that Tristan and Otogi have her, and probably her partner, totally psyched out. They’ve been getting amazingly lucky with their gambles, they’ve been setting up traps since round one, and now they even know how to use the girls’ allergies against them! If you look at the score, you can see that the game is actually pretty close, with Sora and Annie’s 1500 and 1800 life points to Tristan and Otogi’s 1900 and 1300. But they’ve been getting sandbagged on the field so frequently that they feel like they’ve losing by a huge margin. It’s all psychology. Here, blow your nose.”

Alexis took Jaden’s tissue and blew generously into it, as the duel continued.

“Okay, I attack Spore Bomb! That’s 1600 of your lifepoints going down the drain, Tristan!”

“Nice try, but it’s not gonna happen.” Otogi taunted. “I use my Trap card, Switch! Your monster destroys my Mask of Darkness instead, and it’s effect brings my Skull Dice Trap card back to my hand from the Graveyard. Thank you muchly!” He bowed mockingly.

“Damn it! I set a card face-down and end my turn.” Sora said, frustrated.

“Looks like it’s my time to shine again. Okay, first I’ll switch my Spore Bomb into Defense mode. Next I’ll summon my Gyaku Gire Panda to the field. He may only have 800 attack points to start with, but he gains another 500 for every monster on my opponent’s side of the field. Combine that with the 700 point boost he gets from my Rush Recklessly card, and that’s 2500 attack points heading for your Valkyrie Sigrun!”

The enraged panda charged the armor-clad woman, who simply flew over it.

“What the…?”

“Valkyrie Sigrun has power over Earth, Wind, and Wa…Waaaaahhh-CHOOO! Water. She can’t be attacked by any monsters of those elements. So s-CHOO-sorry.”

Tristan and his panda growled in unison.

“I set a card face-down and end my turn.”

“Alright, my turn. Since I can’t summon any monsters due to the animaaaaahhhh-CHOO! HASHOO! HEHSHOO! Animal fur on my field, I’ll just ACHOO! *sniffle* Hushoo Heshoo HATCHOO! Attack your…” She eyed Tristan’s Trap card. “On second thought, better make it Otogi’s monster.”

The Valkyrie leapt at Otogi’s only monster and crashed to the ground as it disappeared before her eyes.

“Looks like you get a taste of your own medicine. By removing two Dark monsters from my Graveyard, my Ninja can avoid any attack. Now, my turn?”

Annie nodded and wiped her watering eyes on her forearm.

“Okay then. I activate my personal favorite card, Summon Dice! Depending on the role, I can get a variety of new summoning conditions for this turn, at the cost of a mere 1000 lifepoints. Let’s see now…”

The roll landed on a 4.

“Perfect! That means I get to resurrect a monster from my Graveyard. Say hello to Orgoth the Relentless! His special ability allows me to sacrifice two monsters on the field to increase his attack by 1000 points. So I’ll summon another monster and then tribute it with my Ninja to bring Orgoth’s attack up to 3500! Now he’s more than a match for Sigrun, and since he’s a dark monster, you can kiss 1400 life points good-bye!”

As Annie’s life points plummeted, Otogi continued on, in a slightly strained voice from having lost so many life points at once.

“I’m not done yet, though. I activate my Trap card from earlier, Fire Darts! Here’s how it works: I roll 3 dice, multiply the total by 100, and then send that much damage heading your way! I have to discard my hand to use it, but I think it’s worth it. Now, let’s see what we’ve got here…”

The three magical die end up resulting in a total of 1300.

“Heheh, perfect! I’ll fire them at Sora and put here life points down to a miniscule amount!”

As the flaming darts hurled towards Sora, her expression turned from worry to confidence as she activated her Trap: Spirit Mirror. The darts changed direction mid ait and burst on Otogi, knocking his Life Points down to 0.

“Gaaaahhhh!”

“Otogi! Damn it, how could you lose! I know you’re better than this when something important is on the line…”

“Sorry, but it looks like it’s up to you to avenge Serenity alone.” Otogi said, lying on his back. “I broke the number one rule of good gambling: Never make a bet you don’t know for sure you can’t win, no matter the odds.” He then passed out.

“I believe that makes it my turn.” Sora said. “I’ll attach your Panda with my Witch, since it’s weaker without my friend’s monster on the field anymore. Then I’ll summon Zombrya once it’s off the field. Sorry about this Annie!” She added as Tristan activated another Furball Bomb.

“D-Don’t…HUSSHOO! HATCHOO! HA-CHOO HEHSHOO HARRSHOO! Don’t worry about it. HA-CHOO! HUSHOO SHOO HAH-CHOO! Oohhhhhh…” Annie wiped at her streaming nose and eyes, both of which were now bright red. Meanwhile, Tristan looked at his hand, made a motion to signal his surrender, looked at Otogi, and clenched his fist.

“I activate Monster Reborn to revive my Panda. Then I’ll use Wild Nature’s Release to combine it’s Attack with it’s Defense strength. Finally, I’ll use my Stray Lambs and Big March of Animals Spell cards to summon two Beast tokens to the field and allow them to help my Panda in his attack, bringing his strength up to a total of 4000! Let the fur fly!”

Tristan’s monster barreled down on Sora’s Dark Witch, and took out all of Sora’s life points with it, and then some. Sora was knocked off her feet and flew back like she’d been kicked in the face. She fell unconscious to the ground. Before Annie could even react, Tristan muttered “I give up”, ending the Shadow Game. As Jaden, Zach, and Alexis ran with Annie to Sora’s side, Tristan slung Otogi over his shoulder and ran out of the cave through the large doors behind him.

[Pseudosneeze]

Fantastic as always. These stories would look great if they were on TV.

[Blah!?]

Another great one! Something to do while I wait for the PSU demo to download! I was so bored until a few minutes ago.

I look forward to the one that goes through whatever the next wall you go through is...

[Frostybite]

Nice. I agree, this would make a great tv series.

[Demosthenes]

I think it's funny how you combine the original Japanese names like "Otogi" with the 4Kids english-ified names like "Tristan" and "Serenity." (instead of "Honda" and "Shizuka") As you can probably tell I'm an original manga fan.

[Pilgrim]

I think it's funny how you combine the original Japanese names like "Otogi" with the 4Kids english-ified names like "Tristan" and "Serenity." (instead of "Honda" and "Shizuka") As you can probably tell I'm an original manga fan.

Yeah, I did that for two reasons:

1. It represents my personal perspective that I get from both the anime and the manga. I often switch between original and english names in fanfics of series I've seen both sides of. Thoguh usually it's less to do with the anime and manga and more to do with seeing both the sub and the dub.

2. Otogi's 4Kids name kills kittens.

[nosferatu]

Man, this series is the best fu**ing thing I¨ve read in ages. Keep them coming.

Or I will kill you.

Well... probably I´ll just cry. But please keep them coming anyway.

[Demosthenes]

Or I will kill you.

Well... probably I´ll just cry.

Yeah, but after you kill him, right?

[sneezinglover]

Good stuff! Keep it coming......or die! mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

[Pilgrim]

First off: apologies to Blah Blah ILC, but it just didn't seem sporting handing the victory to you just because you were the only person who actually posted. Also, I didn't really know who the person you nominated was...but that's not the point! The point is I randomly selected the winner using random data table B from my AP Stat class.

Oh, and not that anyone cares about realism here, but it is feasible that Pegasus would store feathers in the dueling machines. There are a lot of bird and wind cards in Yu-Gi-Oh. Just saying.

“Follow them!” Annie cried. Zach and Jaden quickly took off after the escaping Tristan, but when they emerged from the cave he was no where to be found.

“Damn. How could he have gotten away so quickly, carrying another guy?” Jaden wondered aloud, as Annie and Alexis emerged behind the boys, carrying Sora.

“So, he got away?” Annie asked panting.

“Maybe not. You all stay here and do what you can for Sora. I’ll find him, he can’t have gotten too far.” Zach said, and started to run off.

“Wait a minute, take these.” Annie tossed him two of her star chips. “I don’t want you getting kicked off the island if an official stops you and finds you don’t have any chips.”

Zach nodded and ran off in an arbitrary direction. After what felt like some time, he realized there was no hope. Tristan had disappeared. He turned around to head back to the others, but was stopped by a girl with fiery red hair, tied into a messy bun on her left side. She was wearing bright yellow shorts and a yellow tank-top with a single blue button and a blue collar.

“Hey, stop right there, speedy! I’ve been reduced to two star chips, and I aim to win some of them back. So I’m challenging you to a duel!”

“I’m not really…oh fine.” Zach sighed. He hadn’t really been seeing much action anyways, and it might boost his popularity among the readers if he got his own chapter and won his duel. With that goal in mind, he stepped up to the field that rose from the ground. Woodland, which gives a boost to Beasts. But she just now got here, same as me, so she might not necessarily have a Beast deck. So this is probably going to be a straight fair fight. I’ll go first and play conservatively, so as not to be caught off guard and to force her to reveal her strategy sooner.

“Mind if I go first? I wager two star chips.”

“Fine by me. My name’s Misty by the way.”

“Call me Z. And with that, I summon Z-Metal Tank in Attack mode, and set one card face-down to end my turn.”

“1500 attack points? I summon Crimson Sentry and I’ll power it up with Black Pendant! Now, attack Z-Metal Tank!”

“I activate Dust Tornado! It’ll destroy your Black Pendant, which brings your Sentry’s attack points back down to equal my monster’s. They destroy each other!”

As the monsters collided, the dust swept up from Zach’s tornado showered Misty, forcing several sneezes from her.

“HEPCHEW! TCHEW TCHEW! Wait there’s...ahhhh…ahh…one more-CHEW!”

“Bless you.” Zach said automatically.

“Thank you. Oh, since you destroyed Black Pendant, you lose 500 life points, same as you would have anyways. I set 1 card face-down and end my turn.”

“Alright. I summon X-Head Cannon, and set another card on the field. That’s all I need.”

“Hmph. Don’t you underestimate me. I summon Shining Angel in attack mode, and I’ll increase it’s attack from 1400 to 2100 with Demon Kiss. Now it can destroy your X Cannon.”

“Walked right into the same trap as before. I activate Roll Out! It allows me to equip one Union monster in my Graveyard to one appropriate monster on my side of the field. That combines my Z Tank with my X Cannon, making it’s attack strength 2400.”

“A Union monster? What’s that?”

“A very special type of monster that has the ability to equip itself to another monster to increase it’s power and give it new abilities. For example, my Z Tank increases the X Head’s strength by 600 and, if you were to somehow destroy my X-Head Cannon, the equipped Z Tank would be destroyed in it’s place.”

“Wow, a combo monster. This could be interesting…I use my Angel’s effect to special summon a Light monster with 1500 or less attack from my deck. Say hello to the Maiden of the Moonlight! But she’s got a friend coming too. I activate the Last Will spell card, which allows me to replace one of my fallen monsters with any other monster in my deck with 1500 or fewer Attack points. And with my new Shining Angel on the field, I’ll activate my Trap card, Solar Ray, to deal damage to you equal to 600 times the number of Light monsters on my field! That brings you to…TCHEW! Oh, hang on, HEP-CHEW! Eh-EHCHEW EHCHEW! *sniff* Sorry, I’m a photic sneezer.”

Seeing Zach’s apparent puzzlement, she explained further. “It means I sneeze when I see bright light, like the Solar Ray. That’s not all that makes me sneeze though. I’ve got a kind of sensitive nose, so any strong scents like heavy perfumes set me off. Small stuff like dust and mold too, even though I’m not allergic. Oh, your turn, by the way.”

What is with this girl? Zach thought to himself. All this talk about sneezing…I wonder if…nahhhh, couldn’t be. He shook his head and continued his turn.

“I summon V-Tiger Jet to the field, and then I’ll play Frontline Base, a Continuous Spell card that allows me tp Special Summon a Union monster from my hand once per turn. So now I’ll add W-Wing Catapult to the field, and combine it with my Tiger Jet. Now, my monsters will charge and wipe out your field!”

“Not entirely.” Misty responded as her life points dropped to 600. “My shining Angel will summon White Ninja to the field.”

“He’s going down too. I activate another Union-focused Spell Card of mine, Combination Attack! It allows me to separate one of my Unioned monsters mid-battle so that it’s parts can attack again. X-Head Cannon will blast your White Ninja away, and bring your life points down to equal mine. 300 to 300 now, and I end my turn by setting one card on the field.”

“Alright, now things are going to really heat up. How exciting!” Misty grinned. “I activate the Spell card, Mystical Space Typhoon! It allows me to choose one Magic or Trap card on the field and destroy it!”

“Then I activate my Trap card, Union Formation! It’ll recombine my X and Z monsters together! Now you don’t have anything to destroy!”

“Not quite. I notice that when a Union monster equips itself to it’s partner, it moves back into the Magic/Trap side of the field, meaning it counts as an Equip Spell card. So now I can destroy your Z Tank with my Typhoon!”

The gale force of the card destroyed Zach’s monster and lightly showered him with freezing water and wind, making him shiver.

“Ooooh, careful! Don’t catch cold now!” Misty teased.

Ah, what the hell Zach thought.

“Heh, I never catch colds. I’ve got an immune system of steel.” Here goes nothing. “Do you catch colds often?”

The energetic red head seemed surprised at the question, but then smiled.

“Not particularly. When I do, though, they’re real doozies. My nose just runs like a broken faucet, and I sneeze up to, like, twenty times in a row. I end up going through almost a box of tissue per day.”

The two duelists shot each other glances with shining eyes, then both blushed and stared at their cards.

“Er…anyways, I set another card face-down and a monster face-down too. Care to find out what they are?”

“Hmph. You’re a terrible bluffer. But I’ll play along, for now. I’ll attack with X-Head Cannon!”

“That activates my monster’s effect. When Hane-Hane is flipped up, I can return one monster on the field to it’s owner’s hand. That means V-Tiger Jet is off the field, and it’s Union friend is going straight to the Graveyard!”

The small monster swung it’s axe with it’s dying breath and kicked up a swirl of wind, blowing dust around the field, some of which made it’s way straight into Misty’s face.

“Ack! EHCHEW-EH-CHEW! EH-…HEHhhhhhCH-Oh! Darn it, it’s…heehhhhhh, ehhhh, oh, stuck! Ow!”

Misty wriggled her nose, trying to coax the tickle into becoming a sneeze, but all she did was intensify her itch.

“Ohhhh, this is really-Heh, Heh, HEHHHHH-…AUGGGHHHH!”

“Hey, do you have any tissue on you?” Zach asked. Misty nodded.

“Try this: roll up a piece of tissue and fold the end into a point, then tickle the inside of your nose with it. Yeah, like that. You should be able to make yourself sneeze that way.” Zach explained as Misty carried out his instructions.

“Oh, wow, it’s really working! I can feel the tickle…I’m going to…here it comes…Hehhhh-CHEW! HEPCHEW HEPCHEW! HEH-CHEW! I…EEHSHEW! EHSHEW! Ah, much better! Thanks, Z!”

“Uh, no problem. Oh, and bless you. I, uh, guess I set V-Tiger Jet in defense mode and end my turn.”

Nuts, I bet my face is redder than her hair. Maybe she can’t tell from this distance… Zach mentally groaned. Misty smiled and began her turn with new enthusiasm.

“I summon Maha Vailo, a monster that gains 500 extra attack points for every card that is equipped to it. Then I’ll equip it with Megamorph, which double the monster’s attack if it’s owners life points are lowest, but halves it if they’re the highest. Since we’re tied, it won’t do anything…yet. I’ll have Maha Vailo destroy your Defense mode monster. Then I’ll activate my Trap Card by discarding one card from my hand to return your other monster to the top of your deck. Phoenix Wing Wind Blast!”

Zach covered his face with his arm from the storm of feathers that ensued from Misty’s Trap card. Misty, however, leaned in to watch her card take effect. A single feather circled the air above her before landing directly on her nose. She looked cross-eyed at it for a second before closing her eyes and entering a prolonged build-up.

“Ehhhhh…Hehhhhh…eeeeeeeehhhhh, Heh-Heh-HEH CHEEEW!!!

“B-bless you.” Zach said, amazed at the firepower Misty’s nose was capaple of. “That was a big one, huh?”

“Yeah. That feather was really tickly.” Mist said, scratching her nose. “I’m done. It’s your move.”

Zach re-drew his old monster from his deck, looked begrudgingly at his hand, and selected one card from it.

“I activate the Spell card, Card Destruction! This forces both players to discard their hands, then draw new cards equal to the number of cards they discarded.” Zach studied his new hand, and a gain selected a single card.

“Next, I play Graceful Charity! I now draw three cards from my deck, then discard two from my hand.”

After reading Zach’s expression, Misty decided to heckle her opponent a little.

“Looks like you’re getting some pretty bad draws there. Wanna surrender now?”

Zach shook his head and put on a standard poker face. “I set one card face-down, and summon another X-Head Cannon. Then I end my turn.”

Misty stood aghast. “Wow, your hand must’ve been worse that I thought. Not even summoning you monster in defense mode? You must be relying on that Trap card. Not the best strategy in the world, I must say.”

“We’ll see.” Zach said, maintaining a stone expression.

“I guess so. I call your bluff, and attack your monster with Maha Vailo, leaving you with only 50 life points! That’s as low as it gets!”

“Not quite. You’re forgetting 0. I activate my Trap, Attack and Receive. When I take damage to my life points, it deals 700 points of damage in return. That wins me the duel.”

Zach grinned widely as he stepped down to collect his prize. Mist grinned back at him.

“Here ya go, fair and square. I couldn’t have asked for a funner duel to go out on.”

“Don’t count yourself out just yet. Here, take this.” Zach handed Misty something obscured from the narrator’s view.

“Wha…This is…”

“Yep. Now go, and wait for me at the castle. I think we have more than a few things to talk about.”

Zach smiled and raised his two fingers in a victory sign. Misty saluted him in return, and ran off in the direction of the castle at the center of the island.

“Don’t take too long!” She called back to him. Zach waved goodbye, smiling.

“What have I just gotten myself into?” He wondered aloud once she dissapeared into the horizon. He leaned back on a nearby tree. “For that matter, what have I just gotten Marik into? Ah, whatever. This whole thing is his mess anyways.” He sighed. “Tsk, I wonder how Annie and Sora are doing?”

[Blah!?]

I've lost count of how many great stories you've written lately! I'll just call this one number umpteen. And the next one will be number umpteen plus one!

In regards to the character requests, if you don't know who Ceras Victoria is... How about Karen Erra from Phantasy Star Universe? It's technically not an anime, but it has anime-ish graphics and is kick ass like most animes are. If you haven't ever heard of the Phantasy Star games, you are seriously missing out.

[Frostybite]

Nice work, great interaction between the characters. If you are still taking requests I would be interested in Asuka from Evangelion if you should have the time and inclination.

[Demosthenes]

Oooh, I really liked that one. Some good drawn-out sneezes in there.

[Pilgrim]

Thanks guys. Just a quick note I forgot: you may notice that this chapter is pretty much devoid of card descriptions. I haven't gotten lazy, I just picked a lot of cards that would take too much time and energy to describe. As always, anyone who wants to see what any of the cards look like, www.netrep.net is the place.

Right, back to work!

[sneezinglover]

Wonderful, just as the previous ones! Keep up the good work!

[Pilgrim]

Because it's the only card as insane as this following. You don't believe it's a real card, do you? Look it up. www.netrep.net

See?

“HAH-SHOO! HUH-CHOO HUH-SHOO! Huh…how did I get into this mess? HAH-CHOO!”

What? You don’t know what’s going on? Well that’s because you went and followed Zach. A lot of stuff happened while he was gone. Oh fine, I’ll rewind and show you the whole thing from the start. But if the continuity gets screwed up because of this, it’s your fault. Rewinding time can do that, you know. Here, we’ll go straight to the start of Annie’s duel with Sebastian, the Crown Prince of Clowns.

“So you’re telling me that if I want to get Sora back, I have to duel you in this “special” duel field, for all of her Star Chips?” Annie looked the kidnapper up and down. He looked like he’d just run away from the circus: A big fake red nose, white face paint, a black mask covering his eyes, giant red shoes, a polka-dotted purple clown outfit accompanied by a flowing purple cape, and Sora slung over his shoulder.

“No problem. Me and my friends have dueled plenty of freaks like you on this island.”

“Hey, don’t underestimate the Prince of Clowns. Why today, by myself, three opponents I’ve beaten.”

“By the size of your gut, I’d guess they were eaten.”

“Why you little…just step up to the ring and let’s get on with this so I can beat you and get my spot in the semifinals!”

“Okay, okay, sheesh. I thought clowns were supposed to be jolly. What’s the matter, you get hit in the face with one too many pies?”

“Keep it up. We’ll see how much longer you can keep laughing.”

“Aren’t clowns supposed to make people laugh?”

“Sure. Once I kick your wonderfully tight little butt, I’ll laugh all the way to Pegasus’ Castle. Now, I’ll let you make the first move.”

“Gee, how kind of you.” Annie looked around at her surroundings. Sebastian had installed a large cage on her side of the field that was decorated with a variety of automated turret-like instruments, each one likely to have a nasty effect. I’d better end this one ASAP, or I could actually get hurt here. Annie thought.

“I’ll start my turn by Summoning Dunames Dark Witch, and then I’ll end my turn.”

“Is that all? Hmph. I summon Dream Clown in Attack mode, and then I activate one of my favorite Spell cards, Practical Joke: Joy Buzzer. It gives you this option: I can either change the battle position of one of your monsters, or I’ll change the position of one of my own.”

“What kind of choice is that? Your Clown has 1200 attack points, and my Witch only has 1000 defense points. Obviously, I choose that your Clown change modes.”

“Very well. I suppose you should know, when Dream Clown changes from Attack position to Defense position, it destroys one monster on the field. Oh well, nothing to do about it now, heh heh heh, Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!”

The electricity from the buzzer jolted the clown (Who bore a striking resemblance ot it’s owner, except with red instead of purple clothing) into defense mode as it’s magical attack washed over Annie’s monster and sent it straight to the Graveyard.

“I set one card face-down and end my turn.” Then, no sooner than Annie drew a card, “And then I activate it. Another Practical Joke card of mine, Sneezing Powder. It’ll force you to shuffle cards into your deck from your hand equal to the number of Sneezing Powder cards in my Graveyard plus 1. The first time around it’s pointless, but after a couple uses…”

Annie wasn’t really listening, however, as she had just been hit in the face with a blast of sneezing powder, compliment’s from one of Sebastian’s gadgets.

“HASSHOO! HUHCHOO! HUH-SHOO SHOO SHOO SHOO HAHHH-CHOO!!! GYAHH-CHOOO!!!” Holding an arm over her mouth and nose so as not to inhale more of the amazingly potent sneezing powder, Annie summoned Valkyrie Zweite and used her effect to remove her opponent’s monster from the game. She then set a Trap card and ended her turn, not daring to move her nose out of the crook of her arm.

“What’s the matter, Annie? You’re not laughing. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I’ll replace Dream Clown with Peten the Dark Clown in Defense mode. Your move.”

As she drew a card from her deck, Annie cautiously removed her nose from her arm. She sighed in relief as her nose was met with only a slight itch, and not the massive tickle she was half-dreading.

“I summon the Luminous Soldier to the field. He gets and extra 500 attack points whenever he battles with a Dark monster, not that he needs them to beat your pathetic clown. Attack!”

No sooner did her armored knight destroy the Napoleon-esque jester then another took it’s place.

“Peten has the ability to replace itself with another copy from my deck whenever it’s sent to the Graveyard.” Sebastian explained, as Annie’s Valkyrie destroyed the second one, only to be immediately met with a third.

“Well, it doesn’t matter now, that’s your last one. Rules say you can only have three of any one card in your deck. Looks like I’m back in the lead now, huh?” Annie said smugly while scratching her nose.

“Ah ha ha ha ha! If that’s true, why am I still laughing? I’ll start my turn off by using Pot of Greed to draw two cards and summoning Crass Clown in Defense mode. Then I’ll activate my face-down Spell card, Curse of Fiend! It switches the battle positions of all monsters on the field. And when Crass clown switches from Defense mode to Attack Mode, I get to send one monster on your side of the field back to your hand! Say goodbye…I mean hello, to your Luminous Soldier. For my next little joke, I’ll power-up by Clown with Black Pendant, and destroy your Valkyrie!

“I activate my face-down card, Sakuretsu Armor! It reflects your attack back to your monster with equal force and destroys it! Who’s laughing now-Owwwww!”

As Black Pendant left the field and took 500 of Annie’s life-points, another bit of machinery with her in her cage whacked her hard on the side.

“Oh, I get it now. This is some lame attempt to simulate a Shadow Game, isn’t it? Well, I’ve been in the real thing, and this isn’t…heeeehhhh-SHOO! HEHSHOO! Whahhh…haaaaaaahhhh-HATCHOO HAH-CHOO! *sniffle*What happened?”

“Looks like my toy stirred up some leftover sneezing powder. Hehe, well, it’s better than being kicked in the ribs, right? Oh wait…never mind. I set a card face-down and end my turn.”

For the second time that duel, Annie’s already abused nose was assaulted with even more sneezing powder, as Sebastian immediately activated a copy of his older card.

“Hehhhh-SHOO! TSHOO TCHOO! I…ITCHOO! I subbod-HARSHOO! HASHOO! Hah hah ahhhhh-CHOO! EH-CHOO! Oh, HACHOO!! EHH-CHOO!!! HEH-CHOO!!!!”

And so, since Annie obviously isn’t going to be playing any more cards any time soon, and since we’re limited on time, we’ll just move on to her opponent’s next turn.

“Heh-HeyACHOO! Y-You can’t do that! I…TCHOO TCHOO TCHOO!!!”

Quiet you, I’m invoking my omnipotence. Don’t make bust out the Task Manager on your ass. It’s only a Ctrl+Alt+Del away. Yeah, that’s what I thought. Now, moving on…

“Bwa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! I guess the writer is on my side! In fact, judging from my hand, he’s even stacking the deck for me! I summon a Clown-support monster, Original Prankster. He allows me to activate any Practical Joke card in my Graveyard. So here’s another extra helping of my little running gag! The classics never get old, do they?”

“HAH-SHOO! HUH-CHOO HUH-SHOO! Huh…how did I get into this mess? HAH-CHOO!”

“Whoa, I just had this weird feeling of déjà vu. Oh well. I power up my Prankster with Rush Recklessly and send him after your Valkyrie. Then I set one card face down, and activate another Practical Joke: Squirting Snake in a Can! This card forces you to discard a card from your hand for every one of my Set cards you destroy next turn!”

Then that means that Trap must be his finishing blow. If I can survive it, maybe I can get conrol of this duel back Annie thought. What she said was this:

“HEHSHOO! HERSHOO!!! HAARSHOO! I summod Valkyrie A-AH-CHOO! Altest, ad…AACHOO!! HA-SHOO!”

“My, this is taking a while. I activate my Trap, Clown Car! By discarding my hand, it allows me to Special Summon as many monsters as I possibly can that have Clown in their names from my deck! Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Next turn, I’ll charge you with my army of Clown monsters. You’re finished, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!”

“*Sniff* Now hold od, that doesn’t seem righd. Led me see the script. Hmmm…Says here I’m supposed to play Ride of the Valkyries to summon the one other Valkyrie in my had, ad use the effect of Ride to stomp you into the ground.”

“What? Let me see that! Hmmm, huh? Hey, what gives! I thought I was going to win this duel! What happened to all that help I was getting from the writer a minute ago?!?”

Oh, come one, you know the bad guy never wins. It’s called building up for a dramatic effect, you imbecile. Geez. Take it away, Annie, before the fourth wall completely shatters.

"Righd. HERSHOO! I hab a card a lod like that Car myself. It’s called Ride of the Valkyries! I cad use id to subbod all the Valkyries in my hand to the field. Durig this turn…hold od…RARRSHOO!!! HETCHOO AHTCHOO! Ah, that’s better. All monsters destroyed by these Valkyries are removed from the game, and their owner takes damage equal to the attack of the removed monster!”

“NO! This can’t be happening!”

“Oh, but it is. Now Valkyries A-wait a minute-ARSHOO! Okay, now, attack!”

“Noooooooo!”

“Hm, you played well, but you forgot one of the most important rules of the game: no matter how good your monster’s effects are, if they still have weak attack and defense points they’re just as vulnerable as any other monster. In other words, clowns suck. Now give me Sora back, plus four star chips.”

“Wait, what?”

“You used Sora as bait, but if you remember, the wager you made was an amount equal to Sora’s star chips, which is four. So, fork’em over.”

“But…but that’s all I’ve got!”

“Good.” Annie smiled as she snatched her winnings out of the mad clown’s hand. “Maybe this will teach you not to go around kidnapping people. Although, come to think of it, I should really turn you into some officials or something.”

“You can’t do that! In the show, the hero always let’s the bad guy go. Or, on occasion, kills him, but usually he just lets him go! The cops never show up in Yu-Gi-Oh!”

“Maybe so, but I’m not Yugi, and this is a fanfic, not a T.V show.”

“Ah come one. Writer, help me out here?”

I’m on it. *Benny Hill music plays*

“Ha! No clown can be caught while this song is going! See ya, suckers!”

And so, the Crown Prince of Clowns ran off into the sunset, with a line of policemen, a guy in a gorilla suit, and two Duelist Kingdom referees chasing after him.

“This story makes no sense.” Annie sighed. “Oh well, at least this was mainly just filler, and not crucial to the plot. I hope next week is at least a little less insane.”

I make no promises.

“Dang. Hey, before we go, would you mind telling me what the deal is with all the sneezing going on in these fanfics? It doesn’t seem normal…”

Uh, yeah, well…Oh, look at the time. Gotta go!

[Frostybite]

Nice touch with the bit of humor and the running dialog with the writer. Also enjoying the referrences to the physical attractiveness of your female characters. Good work.

[Blah!?]

You seem to be cranking these babies out faster than normal! That's excellent! I can get off twice as fast as usual! BYAAH!

[Demosthenes]

“the hero always let’s the bad guy go. Or, on occasion, kills him, but usually he just lets him go! The cops never show up in Yu-Gi-Oh!”

I love this part!!

[nosferatu]

You're the man. The Misty's one was just great (didn't wanna post in there not to screw with the order), the best yet IMO, (and that's a LOT), and this one is crazily great. I LOVE Annie's sneezes.

[sneezinglover]

good stuff as always! Thanks!