It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year - (4 Parts)

[The Sneezster]

"It's the most wonderful time of the year..."

The piped-in music seemed to invigorate the crowds of shoppers spurring them to throw caution to the winds and open their wallets with abandon. To Natalie, though, it acted as an irritant. "What's so wonderful about it," she silently groused, "crowds, traffic, long lines - ugh!" She cursed herself for putting off her Christmas shopping until the last weekend before the holiday. Now, here she was, in the midst of the crowds at the mall with a growing headache and a burgeoning cold. All she wanted was for this chore to be over so that she could go home.

Natalie always seemed to catch at cold right before Christmas. It was practically a holiday tradition in her family. It was no mystery why, either. Working overtime shifts for the extra money for presents, too many late parties, miserable wet weather, the extra work at home decorating and cookie baking. The stress and lack of sleep never failed to get her set to catch a cold. And of course, everyone else was in the same situation, so she was continually crossing paths with coughers and sneezers at every turn. Half the people at work seemed to be either in the midst of a cold or else just coming down with one or getting over one.

But here at the mall, the weekend before Christmas, it was the worst. Everywhere she went, mingling with the piped-in music, were choruses of coughs echoing through the crowds. Crowded into the department store elevator, a teenaged boy burst forth with two juicy, uncovered sneezes, and was chided by his mother, "Cover your sneezes! Do you want to give everyone that cold of yours?" The clerk at the register, blowing her red, streaming nose, and then dipping into the register to hand her some germ-laden change. The grandfatherly gentleman behind her in line at the toy store, coughing and hocking his nasty phlegm into a tissue. Ugh! It was the same every year!

Natalie's scratchy throat was getting increasingly sore, and her head was beginning to feel as if it were stuffed with damp cotton. YEH-KHUH! She sneezed wetly into her hand, and stopped to fish through her purse for fresh tissues. Why couldn't all these sick people just stay home? She'd certainly be at home herself if she weren't stuck doing this awful last-minute shopping. YEH-KHUH! Natalie didn't even bother covering that last messy sneeze, instead turning aside and aiming pretty much for the floor. A mother pushing a stroller into its path shot her a dirty look.

"Hey, it's not my fault," thought Natalie, "It's all these people who drag around when they're sick, coughing and sneezing everywhere! There's no way I can avoid catching a cold in these conditions!"

So it was, after a miserable day of shopping and swapping viruses with strangers, Natalie brought home to her husband and children new toys, clothing, games, and a very miserable cold. She was always sure to see her family wake up of Christmas morning to stuffed noses as well as stuffed stockings.

[James (ellamalaka)]

This is a great start with a lot of potential

[Cauldwell]

That was only a tease

Please keep going.

[sarub2]

I can't wait to see the rest of this story!

[And Beat Him When He Sneezes]

I normally don't like intensely germy cold stories but I get the feeling I'll like this one a lot.

[The Sneezster]

Nope! That's all there is! Just a tease, 'cause sometimes The Sneezster is such a brat!

[countless]

Nice start but there should be more !

Catching a cold right before Christmas ... this could be me.

[whymilk]

What!? NO HOW CAN YOU BE SO CRUEL??

[And Beat Him When He Sneezes]

Aww, come on, Sneezster--The one time I like a cold story!

[The Sneezster]

You guys like Natalie? I don't like her hypocritical little self at all! Blaming everyone for going out and spreading their germs while she is doing the same.

But, since you guys like her, I'll think about giving you more.

You're all a bunch of sick twitches, you know that don't you?*

*me, too.

[And Beat Him When He Sneezes]

I thought it was kind of cruel how she blamed the teenaged boy for sneezing uncovered and then did the same thing herself and got all huffy when the woman blamed her. But while she's not my favorite character, I like cold stories that are heavy on the contagion and light on the non-sneeze symptoms.

[The Sneezster]

OK, you sickos. You want more Natalie, you've got more Natalie. But no more after this. I HATE Natalie! Ugh!

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year -- Part II

Natalie’s shopping was finally completed, and everything on her list was checked off. Laden with shopping bags and overheated from wearing her winter coat indoors all afternoon, she felt that she had earned a break. Her cold was really in full swing, and her throat was raw, her head increasingly congested, and her sneezing had shifted into overdrive. The sneezes, which had started out in the morning as mostly dry, had become increasingly misty, then wet, and were disgustingly sloppy by now. The stash of Kleenex she had jammed into her purse was running low and her nose needed a good blowing.

Heading over to the food court, she considered the offerings. Natalie didn’t much feel like eating, despite having a sparse breakfast and no lunch at all, but something to drink would be welcome to her parched and achy throat. An iced coffee would cool her down and give her a much-needed lift. She grabbed a bunch of paper napkins from a table of chatting teenagers, and, standing at the table, used a couple to blow her nose. It took six or seven wet gurgly blows to clear her sinuses, and when she was done, her head felt about five pounds lighter. She examined the load of snot in the napkins – thick, slimy and yellow. She looked up and met the eyes of one of the teenagers, who was staring at her with disgust. Teenagers were so rude! Natalie sniffed, and felt a growing tickle in her nose. She turned away from the table of teens and sneezed a great, sloppy YEH-KHUH! Opening her eyes, she saw that she had just sneezed on the back of the man at the next table. He turned around, glaring, as Natalie burst forth with a second, uncovered YEH-KHUH!

“Oh, gross!” she heard form the table of teens, “Why don’t you cover that?” Natalie blew her nose again into the napkins. Oh! What a cold! Spending the day among all the contagious hordes at the mall certainly seemed to make it worse! She balled up the snotty napkins and tossed them in the general direction of the garbage bins. She missed the dirty look the janitor shot her, as he stooped to pick up her garbage and place it inside the receptacle.

Natalie took her place in line at the coffee and doughnut stand. Lines! All day long she was stuck in lines! Why did people always put off their shopping until the last minute? She scowled as the woman in front of her stifled three quick sneezes into her sleeve. And why couldn’t people just stay at home if they were sick, instead of going out and spreading their germs to everyone? No wonder she was exhausted and catching cold! How could she avoid it!

After a seemingly interminable wait, spent listening to the coughs of unseen coughers, Natalie was finally served her iced coffee, black. She reached into her purse for her wallet and came up with some crumpled, damp tissues. She swabbed at her drippy nose with them, and laid them on the counter, with her keys, lipstick, cigarette lighter and reading glasses. Finally digging her wallet from the depths of her handbag, she handed the cashier a couple of dollars and the spent Kleenex. “Would you mind throwing those out for me? Thanks.” She said, scooping up the contents of her purse and dumping them back in. The cashier winced as the disposed of the nasty tissues. “The nerve!” fumed Natalie, turning to leave.

She was stifling hot in her coat amidst the crowds, and decided to take her coffee outside for a breath of fresh air. It was grey and splattery and miserable out – a perfect match for Natalie’s miserable mood. She plunked herself on a bench under the awning and rummaged through her purse for a cigarette. She had definitely resolved to quit in the New Year, but now she desperately needed a drag. Locating a half-squashed pack, she withdrew a cigarette and placed it between her lips. Where the hell was her lighter?

Ugh! Her head was all fuzzy with this damned cold! She probably lost it when she was paying for her coffee. She saw a young man emerge from the mall, lean up against the side of the building to elude the rain, and take cigarettes and a lighter from his pocket. Leaving her piles of packages on the bench, Natalie approached her fellow nicotine addict. As she drew near, he turned and coughed a tight, wheezy cough. Natalie rolled her eyes. Some people ought to have the sense not to smoke, for goodness sake! She was definitely quitting right after the holidays. She waited for the coughing to subside before she approached closer.

“Got a light?”

He nodded and handed her his lit cigarette to use to light her own.

“Thanks,” she said, handing back his cigarette. She took a deep drag. It stung and tickled at her raw throat, causing Natalie to cough as well.

“Nasty habit,” the young man said, gesturing with his cigarette.

“I’m quitting,” Natalie responded tersely. She didn’t need any kid to get all preachy to her about smoking.

“Yeah, me too,” he said, and coughed a little more.

Disgusted, Natalie returned to her bench, massaging her sore throat. She sipped at her coffee. While the fresh air felt good on her flushed face when she fist stepped out, the damp weather and the iced coffee were rapidly causing her to feel chilled. She zipped up her coat and snuffled wetly, shivering. YEH-KHUH! YEH-KHUH! She sneezed messily, pitching forward. Ugh! There was a glob of glistening yellow snot splattered on her shoe. “Terrific,” she thought, “another miserable Christmas spent in the grips of another miserable Christmas cold.”

She cursed her rotten luck as she trudged off to her car to bring home all the fruits of her shopping and her nasty cold to her waiting family.

[And Beat Him When He Sneezes]

Ah, I see you made her much bitchier than she had been before. It was fun, though. I don't suppose you'd consider a Part III . . . ?

[The Sneezster]

Oh, Beat Him, you ARE a sick, twisted little twitch! Whatever shall I do with you!

[And Beat Him When He Sneezes]

Actually, it also makes me kind of nostalgic now that Christmas is over. By any chance did you get inspiration for this one three or four weeks ago?

[Pilgrim]

Oh, Beat Him, you ARE a sick, twisted little twitch! Whatever shall I do with you!

I'll bet I'm twice as sick as him, cuz I want a Part III twice as much!

And after all, if you really hate this character so much, why not wreck divine punishment upon her by confining her to her home with an increasingly bad cold?

(You see what I did thar?)

[Cauldwell]

I thought it was kind of cruel how she blamed the teenaged boy for sneezing uncovered and then did the same thing herself and got all huffy when the woman blamed her. But while she's not my favorite character, I like cold stories that are heavy on the contagion and light on the non-sneeze symptoms.

Hear, Hear!

[Kitty]

Well written and agree with sneezter that Natilie is a rather ignorant little twat - I wanted to provide her a kick in her ass personally...

[Illiana]

She did become a lot bitchier. ;; I liked it though. Maaaaybe you should write mooooore~?

[SneezeDoc4u]

yeah where is the part 3 to this story, im looking forward to reading it

[The Sneezster]

OK, all you sickos! You want more Natalie? Here she is, in all her disgusting, hypocritical contagiousness! Enjoy, freaks!

Of course, it was going to be a miserable Christmas. Natalie’s husband woke up with a sore throat that was rapidly developing into a bad head cold, and the children were all sick – as was typical for her family at Christmas, Natalie thought ruefully. She bundled the whole runny-nosed, sneezy, coughing lot of them into their new clothes and into the car for church. Why couldn’t she ever catch a break? The cold that she had been developing the day before was in full swing. Christmas eve had found Natalie sneezing and blowing her nose incessantly as she prepared and served the family dinner. She didn’t think it was possible to feel worse today, but she was. Her head was completely congested, and her nasty cold seemed to be working its way into her chest. Her oldest daughter and youngest son, who seemed to have it a little worse than the twins, echoed her thickening coughs.

Now the whole family was packed tooth and jowl in the pew of the crowded church. HEH-UTSCH! HEH-UTSCH! Natalie’s husband sneezed loudly into his hand, and then wiped his snotty nose on the back of his wrist. The corners of Natalie’s mouth curled down in disapproval. Just when she was feeling rotten, and the kids were all sick and she could use all the help she could get, he goes and decides to get a cold! Perfect timing! Just typical! Natalie held the hymnal close in front of her face just in time to catch a powerful YEH-KHUH! She opened her eyes and examined the splatter of yellowish snot on the page. Ugh! She’d never have to resort to anything so disgusting if only the church would be considerate enough to have boxes of tissues on the pews. She ignored the dirty looks that the other parishioners across the aisle gave her has she turned the page of the hymnal. Miserable! Just miserable! Natalie was seriously considering calling her in-laws after church and telling them that she wasn’t up for getting together with all the aunts and uncles and cousins. All she really wanted was to crawl into bed and stay there.

She sighed, which, of course, led to a nasty bout of phlegmy coughing. She dug in her purse for a tissue, and spat out a disgusting clump of yellow-green phlegm. Peeking left and right, she discreetly dropped the nasty tissue to the floor and kicked it under the pew in front of her.

No, she wouldn’t be selfish. Rotten as she might feel, she’d drag herself to the in-laws’ house. Christmas just wouldn’t be Christmas if it wasn’t spent with family. Natalie closed her eyes and massaged her forehead. Oh! What a cold! Her son was fidgety and whiny, and she put an arm around him and pulled closer to her to calm him down. Eh-Choo! Eh-Choo! Like most little kids, he just sneezed without thinking about turning aside or covering his nose. He wiped his runny nose on his sleeve. Natalie was sure that it was the same for every kid in his preschool class. All those sickly, snotty-nosed kids spreading their nasty germs around. And, of course, now her kids were sick, she was sick, and her husband was getting a nasty cold of his own. Wasn’t that just the way of it!

“Bob, I deed a disuse.” Natalie’s daughter tugged on her sleeve. She looked at the twins, both of their noses in need of wiping and both with glazed looks in their eyes. She fished through her purse and extracted three tissues from her dwindling supply, handing one to each of the twins and keeping one for herself, as she indulged in a long, wet, gurgly nose-blow. Her sinuses let loose with a huge load of slime, which overwhelmed the skimpy tissue and overflowed into her hand. Natalie looked down at her hand, covered with gooey snot and disintegrated tissue and sighed. Worst cold in the world! She surreptitiously tossed the messy tissue under the pew, and wiped off her hand as best she could on the cushion of the pew and on the hymnal, ignoring the looks of disgust from the members of the congregation. As miserable as she was, thought Natalie, she still managed to drag herself to church on Christmas. People should have a little respect for that, and show some sympathy for her! She held her hymnal close in front of her face as she felt another sneeze building. HEH-KHEH! HEH-KHEH! Ugh. You’d think that after that massive nose-blow that her sinuses would be empty, but the sneeze left a messy splatter of snot on the pages.

Natalie felt a gentle tap on her shoulder, and turned around. “Here you go, my dear,” said a grandfatherly type, offering her a pressed white handkerchief, “It looks as though you are needing this more than I am.”

Natalie force a smile. “No thank you,” she sniffed, “I’ve got some tissues.” She always found handkerchiefs to be a disgusting concept. Who would want to walk around with a pocketful of snot? It was that sort of thing that spread nasty germs around, so that she was forever catching cold. She rubbed her nose on her sleeve and turned her attention back to the choir. With her headache, the choir and organ music were more irritating than uplifting. The service was really dragging, and Natalie felt suffocated in the crowded sanctuary. She coughed thickly, and tried her best to be patient. Turning her attention to the stained glass window depicting the martyrdom of the saints, Natalie felt that she could relate. She was like one of the saints, selflessly soldiering on through her suffering, with no thoughts for her own comfort. She felt consoled by the thought, as she coughed some more into her hymnal. Looking up, she met a disapproving glare from the woman in front of her. Natalie glared right back. People like that, who had no concept of mercy or sympathy for her suffering were just like those people who persecuted the saints. Well, Natalie thought, maybe that woman would come down with an awful cold, and then she’d know how it feels!

Natalie’s daughter started in on a fit of coughing that just didn’t seem to end, and Natalie felt the eyes of the congregation turning towards her coughing, sneezing, runny-nosed family. A woman across the aisle got up and handed the girl a cough drop, which she gratefully popped into her mouth. No sooner than that cough was soothed than her son stated coughing surprisingly deeply and loudly for such a small boy. The woman handed Natalie the roll of cough drops. “Merry Christmas,” she whispered, pressing them into Natalie’s hand. She would have refused them, if a growing tickly irritation in her own throat didn’t remind her that she did need a cough drop, and badly. She silently nodded acknowledgment to the woman, and popped a cough drop into her son’s mouth and another into her own. Yuck. Cherry-eucalyptus. Well, she thought nobly, beggars can’t be choosers!

Having generously shared her cold with her husband and children, Natalie and her family continued the tradition of giving as they spread their germs through the crowded congregation.

[whymilk]

Oooooo yes!! Thank you Sneezster

Nathalie is gross.....

....but slight endearing if you know what I mean

[And Beat Him When He Sneezes]

So, heh heh, where's part four?

Just kidding, I sense you're attempting to make here evermore disgusting, and this time it's finally worked.

[Vetinari]

LOL. This is hilarious!

[Pilgrim]

Excellent! I'm glad you decided to give in to the storm of requests