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Pirates of the Caribbean - (7 Parts)


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Fandom: POTC2 (yes I know I'm behind the times but I was given this for my birthday!

Disclaimer: I don't own or make $ from any of the characters (unfortunately)

Summary: Just a tiny fragment....

Hope someone likes it......

“Ha-ishoo!” Captain Jack Sparrow’s eyes swivelled aft from the foredeck where he was standing. No-one was paying any attention. Swiftly he squinted up at the late afternoon sun. “Ha-ishoo” he sneezed again and stood there on the deck thoughtfully for a moment. Better. He risked another glance around the ship and ran his finger carefully under his nose. Definitely better. Sniffling slightly he flowed down the stairs and swayed towards the stern of the ship.

“Hello Jack.” He started guiltily as Elizabeth emerged suddenly from the darkness of the cabin closely followed by Will.

“Evening” he hazarded.

“So Jack, “ said Will, where are we headed?” Jack felt about his person until he located his compass. Flicking it open he peered at the needle which gyrated unsteadily from one point to another, never coming to a standstill.

“Erm…..” he checked it again, frowning and decisively snapped it shut. “That way”, he pointed in the direction of the now setting sun.

“Can I have a look at your compass please?” Elizabeth’s coaxed.

Jack rocked back onto his heels looking thoughtful.

“Suppose so. S’long as you promise not to break it.”

“I promise”, Elizabeth said playfully.

Jack opened the compass and held it out at arms length. Will and Elizabeth drew closer, examining it, their heads almost touching. Suddenly Jack felt the tickle had returned. He sniffled slightly unsure whether he would be overtaken by another sneeze.

“Huh….” He said experimentally.

“Sorry did you say something?” said Elizabeth, turning to face him.

“Huh….h’issshooo! he sneezed loudly and openly spraying the two who stood in front of him.

“Urghhh… “ Will turned away, wiping furiously at his neck and cheek.

Elizabeth’s eyes however looked slightly misty and her hand flew up to the damp patch on her face.

“Are you OK?” she asked in a somewhat croaky voice.

“I suspect it might be that an opportunist viral infection may have invaded my nostrilar space following yesterdays immersion and subsequent hypothermic experience” pronounceded Jack carefully.

“What?” asked Will

“I think he may have caught cold after falling in the water yesterday, “explained Elizabeth.

“Pre…..uh….. pre Ah…..CHOO cisely”

tbc....if anyone's interested

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:drool: oh... my.... god. :drool::omg:

you.. are my freaking hero.

i now worship you. :laugh:

this was amazingly awesome.. and i loved it. :twisted:

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THanks very much guys for your kind comments - I'll definately add more soon.

:yuck: Definitely interested! Loving it :D

And, noticing your name, perhaps you would like to see one of mine?


I have an admission to make Kastrel - I ws inspired by your story to call myself after the wonderful Havelock. I should have commented previously - I loved your story! :yes:

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“I suspect it might be that an opportunist viral infection may have invaded my nostrilar space following yesterdays immersion and subsequent hypothermic experience” pronounceded Jack carefully.

:yuck: BWAHAHAHAHA! *kersnort!* That's absolutely perfectly Jack! XD Yes, definitely more please?

*giggles* That is TOO cute! Good representation of the characters :yes: I'd like to read more!

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Um, yeah, anything with Johnny Depp sneezing in it, has my attention IMMEDIATELY! Thank you! Love it!

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Thanks for all your encouragement. :D

Here's Part 2

Will turned on his heel and stalked into the cabin closing the door somewhat forcefully behind him. Elizabeth watched Jack narrowly as he strolled across the deck with exaggerated nonchalance.

“Jack” she called.

Pretending not to hear, Jack, still trying to appear casual stepped more rapidly up the steps. Once out of her sight he scuttled to the stern of the ship. His nose was tickling insistently and removing his hat he peered into the sinking sun once more. Hut-choo, Ha-ishhooo, huh……huh…..TSHOOO. He sighed deeply and sank down onto the gunwale feeling uncharacteristically weak.

Elizabeth remained standing immobile outside the cabin, eyes narrowed, listening intently. Despite the distance she heard the sneezes and crept upwards, peering over the top step cautiously. She could see Jack leaning heavily against the boards eyes half shut looking weary. A wave of confusion washed over her and she bit her lip as her heart beat faster. Suddenly pulling herself together she took a deep steadying breath and marched up the stairs.

Hearing her coming, Jack snapped upright.

“You’re not well.” Elizabeth stated.

“I’m well enough - thank you for your concern.”

“You should be inside resting. Come with me now.”

“I think I know myself well enough to know when I need to be inside love. I know my best interests off by heart. Savvy?” Jack pulled out a half full bottle from his coat and ostentatiously took a swig, spoiling the effect slightly by coughing hoarsely afterwards.

“Very well then. On your own head be it, “ Elizabeth stalked off down the stairs and followed in Willl’s footsteps into the cabin, slamming the door behind her in frustration.

“Savvy? I’ll savvy him MEN! They just don’t know what’s good for them,” she muttered.

The sun sank and the moon began to rise, her cold rays shining on Jack as he sank down towards the deck feeling miserable. He sniffled. The rum didn’t seem to be helping at all and a mounting itchiness told him more sneezes were not far away. He pulled his coat tighter around him and closing his eyes fell into an uneasy sleep.


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Yesterdays effort was a bit short I know.

But here's more.....

Hope you enjoy.

Captain Jack Sparrow awoke in darkness and shivering. The moon rode high and the stars shone coldly down. He stiffly wedged his hands underneath him and apathetically sat up.

“Hnnnnhg” he groaned. He rubbed his nose hard in a circular motion and sniffled wetly. “Huh….” He rubbed his nose again but there was no controlling the irritation that was rapidly overtaking his nostrils. “Ah-HACTSSH! … hehh…H’TSSCH! Sniff h’ESHHew! AaCHuh! Ugh. His head felt choked and there was pain behind his eyes which throbbed and pulsed. His nose itched unbearably. “Huhh…..hA –SSCH!”

He groaned again and put his head down onto his folded arms, pushing his agonisingly inflamed nose against his sleeve in a vain attempt to control the infuriating tickle. “Hi-kggnnt! –ow!”. He moaned and was unable to control a fit of shivering as the chill struck up from the deck. Whimpering to himself he pulled himself into an upright position. The trip down the steps was hazardous and he stumbled erratically on his chilled limbs. Once on the main deck and in sight of the crew, he concentrated hard and found himself able to walk in a somewhat muted imitation of his usual swagger.

Painstakingly casual, he strolled along the deck, slid his compass from his pocket and made a show of inspecting it. Frowning he drew in his chin and his breath in a surprised double take, then rolled his eyes around the crew members to see if anyone had noticed. They hadn’t. He peered at the needle again. Instead of its usual incessant movement, the needle was pointing steadily aft towards the cabin. What the…? Frowning still he swung round and stalked in the direction the needle indicated, right in through the cabin door and on to the entrance to the galley. Through the open door he could see Elizabeth at the stove and the needle was pointing straight at her!

Stepping sideways outside the door he leaned his head against the wall, rechecking the compass. Still it pointed unerringly at Elizabeth. Jack knitted his brow in confusion. Elizabeth was pretty enough for any man and was plucky and spirited, but his hearts desire? The thing he wanted most in the world? Surely not! He rechecked the compass. There was no mistaking the direction of the needle.

Suddenly he was overwhelmed by the desire to sneeze. Before he could control it a loud, uncovered and desparate sounding “Ha – IISHHOo” wetly escaped. Footsteps sounded in the galley and Elizabeth appeared in the doorway, stepped through and stood facing him tapping her foot, her arms folded.

“Well?” she said.

“Ungh” he managed. Uncharacteristic confusion fogging his brain he glanced down at the compass almost blindly seeking inspiration. Again he visibly did a double take. Despite Elizabeth’s presence opposite, the needle was still firmly directed into the galley. Giving her an admittedly relieved glare, he sidled past her into the room and approached the stove.

“Ah!” He sniffed appreciatively although his inflamed sinuses allowed little of the scent to permeate. Still he could not deny that the large bubbling pot of chicken soup was one of the most inviting sights he had ever seen. The steam however was too much for him.

“Huuh…” he turned away from the stove and for a second the aggravating tickle subsided and his face relaxed. Then “Huhh…..hA –SSCH!”, the wet sneeze overtook him and bent him double.

Elizabeth followed him. Her cheeks were red and she looked, if anything slightly perplexed.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

“Nev..ah, ….Never bett’ ehh, ….A ITChew Oh bugger!” said Jack. Suddenly he slumped down into a chair, his bravado leaving him as he put his head in his hands. “No,” he concluded, “not the best darling.”

Elizabeth was breathing fast, her eyes bright and her face flushed. In some confusion, she turned her face away and busied herself stirring the soup.

“Would you like some?” she asked trying to keep the tremor from her voice as she played over in her head the unusual display of weakness she had just witnessed.


She took a deep breath, steadied her fingers and poured the steaming soup into a bowl. Bringing it to the table she was aware of the slight tremble of her hands and the revealing blush that coloured her cheeks but Jack didn’t raise his eyes from the table. When the bowl and spoon were placed before him it seemed to cost him an enormous effort just to lift the warm broth to his lips.

“Is it OK?” she asked a few minutes later.

“Thankyou. It’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted love,” he sighed.

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  • 2 weeks later...

(Heheh - OK, first of all... *smacks whymilk a loving one around the head for that STROKE-OF-GENIUS word 'Sparrabeth'*. XDDD )

Daarleeng, this is LE HURRAH wrongcandy, yes. :lol: I LOVE the way you worked the compass in. (It DID point at her in the film didn't it? IT DID, RIGHT? :sleep2: *is a DORKTARD* :( ) And then... it was "just" the soup. :cryhappy: VERY clever.

Plus, excellent characterisation of our most beloved Captain Sparrow. Kudos! :twisted:

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(Heheh - OK, first of all... *smacks whymilk a loving one around the head for that STROKE-OF-GENIUS word 'Sparrabeth'*. XDDD )

Daarleeng, this is LE HURRAH wrongcandy, yes. :lol: I LOVE the way you worked the compass in. (It DID point at her in the film didn't it? IT DID, RIGHT? :( *is a DORKTARD* :twisted: ) And then... it was "just" the soup. :sleep2: VERY clever.

Plus, excellent characterisation of our most beloved Captain Sparrow. Kudos! :D

I can't take the credit!! I didn't think of it, there's a ginormous fandom all about the love of lizzy and jack :cryhappy:

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Thanks to EVERYONE for their fantastic comments. You make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! :) (and have shamed me into adding a bit more)

Can't work out how to change the title to show new parts added but here's part three and a half for anyone still reading


Jack pushed away the soup bowl and leaned his elbows on the table, resting his head in his hands. Removing the used utensils, Elizabeth busied herself for a few moments, then glancing at Jack, decisively turned on her heel and left the room. Jack sniffled and rubbed his nose which was starting to feel tender as well as hopelessly irritated and congested internally. Ugh, it was running AGAIN he thought somewhere between disgust and despair. Reaching into his deep coat pockets for a handkerchief he came instead upon the smooth cool surface of the glass rum-filled bottle he kept there. He listened intently for the sound of footsteps which would indicate Elizabeth was returning but heard only the creaking boards of the ship as it travelled through the water.

He drew the bottle carefully from his pocket and lifted it to lie against his face. The cool surface felt good against his skin which was flushed and hot. Beads of sweat had appeared on his forehead. Uncorking the bottle he took a swig then went back to holding the bottle to his warm cheek. A surge of heat ran through his body from the alcohol and he raised the bottle again to his lips.

“JACK!” Elizabeth’s voice clipped out. “That won’t help you know.” She stood there, Will at her side watching him gravely.

“Oh I think it will,” he rejoined. “I’m feeling much better already.

“I gave you soup for that,” she stated imperiously, glaring at him. “Drinking more of that will only make things worse.”

“Alcoholic liquor is well known to have many excellent properties not only in ensuring feelings of generalised euphoria but also including that of elimination of viruses,” he countered. “Clearly it’s working on my nasal infection already.” He breathed in deeply through his nose which had suddenly miraculously cleared. The effect was almost spoiled as his eyelids fluttered shut for an instant but manfully struggling he managed to quell the irritation, a mocking grin replacing the expression.

“I’m fine,” he assured them

To demonstrate he stood up swiftly and pulled himself to his full height. He strode steadily through the door and onto the swaying deck. Stopping he swung round to look at them, arms outstretched.

“See!” he said and fell forward onto the deck in the ungraceful sprawl of the true faint.


“Hgn..” he muttered moments later, awakening to the sensation of being lifted . A more urgent sensation suddenly overcame him and he sneezed a desperate and very wet “HUP. SSSTtCH” without managing to cover at all.

“Thanks” said Will sarcastically, grimacing in disgust as he felt wetness on his face once again and this time unable to wipe it off as he was carrying Jack inside. Jack had the grace to give a slightly embarrassed grin and tentatively lifted his arm to wipe Will’s face with his sleeve.

“Just leave it, OK” ground Will, his teeth gritted and Jack let his arm fall. Inside he found himself laid down gently on a hammock. Elizabeth laid blankets over him gently and placed a cool hand on his hot forehead.

“Just rest now,” she said kindly but withdrew her hand and turned away biting her lip as his eyebrows lifted, his eyes fluttered and a distinct pre-sneeze expression appeared on his flushed face. She was very aware that Will was still there silently watching her as she tended to Jack and carefully casual she fetched some water, ignoring the flurry of fittish sneezing emanating from the bed. “hup –tschew…hi – school, …huh..SSCHT.”

She returned with the water and held it out to the snuffling captain.

“Thanks love.” He gave her a weak smile.

She turned to face Will. “Thanks for bringing him in,” she said quietly.

“Are you going to stay with him for now then?” he asked tonelessly.

“I think I’d probably better, don’t you?” she smiled at him automatically in reassurance and held out her hand. He briefly took it and rubbed his thumb across the soft skin before raising it to his lips. Throwing a final and somewhat stony glance towards the sick captain he turned curtly and left.

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“I suspect it might be that an opportunist viral infection may have invaded my nostrilar space following yesterdays immersion and subsequent hypothermic experience” pronounceded Jack carefully.

Terrific story thus far. I love this line. :)

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This is lovely!

I am so glad that you added more to this! I especially adore a good Elizabeth reprimand. And you have such an excellent sense of Jack's character, too!

I also wonder if Will will be affected in the near future of this fic... mmmmm

I happily await the rest of your story.


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I also wonder if Will will be affected in the near future of this fic... mmmmm


Damn I'm SO predictable!

Part 4½.

Jack’s gone all out of character…..and this didn’t go at all as I expected. Maybe he’s sobered up after 2 days semi-conscious! Anyway, hope it’s OK – a bit lacking in sexy sneeze action too. Sorry.


Elizabeth sat quietly reading in a brocade chair outside Jack’s cabin, the connecting door wedged open so she could hear when he stirred. She had watched over him for three days and nights whilst fevers wracked his body and he groaned and tossed and turned. Sometimes his eyes opened but he seemed unaware of her presence, staring glassily at things that weren’t there and occasionally crying out as if afraid. She tended to him as best she could, cooling his hot face and body with damp rags and stroking his hair until the terrors passed.

His sleep now was still restive, his congestion obvious from the snuffling and occasional coughing but each time she checked he was still slumbering; his nostrils pink but his face now cool – the fever had left him. She watched him in his uneasy sleep, amazed by the overwhelming compassion she felt and the desire to nurture him like a child. For the moment she pushed to the back of her mind the ‘other’ warm feeling that rose within her stomach at the times when he sneezed, the loss of composure so contrary to his usual carefully preserved control! He stirred again muttering nasally and she checked the cooling towel on his forehead, remoistening it and wringing it out before replacing it.

When she looked again his brown eyes were open and gazing at her steadily. Unusually bright, they seemed to bore into her soul and she looked away, frightened of what he might see.

“You look tired” his voice was husky and hoarse sounding but it was a statement, not a question and she raised her eyes to his face and then dropped them again.

“Yes,”she replied.

“You should rest.”

“I’m OK,” she protested, dark circles beneath her eyes giving lie to the statement.

“There’s a storm coming.”

“How do you know?” she looked at him quizzically

He paused, gazing at her but then his nose began to twitch and she could see him breathing deeply to try to control the irritation. His eyebrows raised and his eyelids fluttered and he paused seemingly endlessly as she watched helplessly, feeling the hotness of a blush rising to her pale cheeks.

“Huuu….” his breath hitched…”HESSSHHHHHUUUUUUUU!"

Oh that loss of control! Elizabeth stood helpless, biting her lip as his eyes returned searchingly to her face. “Ermmm…. Bless you” she muttered blushing even more. Bless you? She hated saying it. It made her feel even more foolish. God what would he think of her just standing there watching. She reached behind her to a low chest of drawers where she had left a neatly folded pile of handkerchiefs and wordlessly handed on to him.

“Thank you darling.” He said gravely studying her still.

“I’ll……I’ll be ….outside,” she managed. “Call me if you need me.”

“Thank you,” he said again in that velvety, husky voice.


Will Turner stood at the wheel, his face grim. He had barely seen Elizabeth these past few days….oh he knew Jack was ill alright. But did HIS fiancée have to spend QUITE so much time looking after him??? And she seemed so distracted, quite unlike her normal down to earth self. He fingered his throat which felt rough and sore. Damn Captain Jack Sparrow and his damn sneezing, he thought blackly. He rubbed his nose hard against his sleeve, unable to ignore the growing feeling of irritation that was mounting.

“Haa…Ka’NKT!” he stifled, burying his face in the crook of his elbow, his other hand still steadying the ship.

“You OK lad?” Gibbs asked, not unkindly.

“I’m fine,” snapped back Will

“Rain coming,” said Gibbs nodding towards black clouds racing towards them from the east, the veil of raindrops darkening the sea surface.

Will shivered slightly as a gust of wind hit his back blowing wisps of hair into his face. Impatiently he pushed them back and renewed his grip on the wheel, straightening his back as he felt the force of the wind begin to tug at the sails.

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YAY! Will-sickness! Please write more soon!

Oh, gosh, if Johnny Depp were sick, I would certainly keep an all-night vigil as well. That came out a lot raunchier than I meant it. oops :(

Great job!

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