Inedible - (5 Parts)

[Masking]

Also re-posted from the other forum.

- - - - -

"Ngschht!"

Captain James T. Kirk's ears pricked up at the sound. No one on the Enterprise knew of his sneeze fetish, but that just made it more fun for him. He'd never heard this particular sound before, though...hmm...it wasn't Chekov, it wasn't Sulu, and it definitely wasn't Uhura. As unbelievable as it was, that just left -

"Hngkkt! Ingshh!" Yup. Spock. And damn, but that green-blooded pain-in-the-neck had some kind of hot sneeze. Well, hot stifles, to be more specific. "Iih...hngshh!" Kirk closed his eyes and thought frantically, Asteroid belt, Kobayashi Maru test, Bones and his hyposprays...dammit, Spock!

"Hey," he said in his best I Am The Captain So Listen Up voice, "whoever's sneezing, don't stifle 'em. I don't need a bridge crew member with damaged hearing 'cause they ruptured an eardrum." There was just enough authority in his voice - he hoped - to disguise that other emotion.

Well, apparently so - there was a general murmur of assent from the crew, and then silence. "H...hisshhu!" Ha! Without the stifling, the desperation in Spock's sneezes was even more obvious, and Kirk kind of liked it, truth be told. "Hieshh!" Kirk gulped as he watched, across the bridge, Spock's shoulders stiffen and release with each sneeze. Everyone else seemed to be politely ignoring him.

Not Kirk.

He got up from the captain's chair and, with the stealth he'd learned during years of sneaking in through the window so his stepfather wouldn't figure out he'd been out past curfew, crept across the bridge to Spock's station. Hopefully, his nose was still bothering him - yep, his shoulders were tensing up again. Kirk looked at the top of his first officer's head and began counting down: three, two...

"Hih...h'ESCHu!"

Kirk leaned over, took the tip of one pointed ear in his mouth, and gently bit down.

Emotionless Vulcan or not, Spock's yelp of surprise could be heard across the bridge, and his ears turned as green as grass. He turned around and glared at Kirk for a moment before wrenching his face back into its usual placidity. "Captain, may I inquire as to your intentions?" he said. "And might I remind you that my ears are inedible?"

"I know," Kirk said, grinning. "They're also hot."

"Ihschuu!"

And Kirk bit the other ear.

[Quite Contrary]

homygosh, I LOVED this! Lol, hot + funny = perfect

[weevill25]

omg. this is fabulous!! :hugs: amazing!! please continue...

[Masking]

Captain, that is not logical."

"Aw, come on," Kirk pouted. "I tell you my deepest secret and all you say is that it's illogical?"

"I do not see logic in harboring desire for an involuntary bodily function," Spock said stiffly. "I also fail to see your point in informing me of this 'fetish.' If you desire psychiatric help, you must go to sickbay and ask Dr. McCoy to evaluate you."

Kirk turned red and said something under his breath.

"Repeat that, please, at a higher volume."

"I said I don't want to get my head examined," Kirk said, his voice louder and his face even redder. "A fetish isn't a disorder, Spock. I just, uh, wanted to tell you so I could see if you'd, um...indulgeitinacontrolledsetting," he blurted out.

"Indulge...? Do you mean that you wish to see me sneeze?" Spock asked.

"Um...yeah. I do."

"That is illogical," Spock replied. Kirk's face fell. "But it is also fascinating."

"You mean you'll do it?"

"Considering that you are my commanding officer, and that I have yet to conduct a study of human responses to unconventional stimuli, I will. But you may have to wait - my nose is currently in an inert state."

"Easily fixable," Kirk said with an ear-to-ear grin. "Computer, reinforce the soundproofing in here." He took a tissue from the box on his bedside table and twisted a corner of it into a point. "Okay. This is the most common way of inducing a sneeze," he explained to Spock. "It's fast, and it won't hurt your nose."

"That is considerate."

"Hey, I'm a fetishist, not a sadist," Kirk quipped. "Now hold still." He held Spock's chin lightly in one hand, tipping the Vulcan's head up and inserting the point of the tissue into one nostril. "Tell me when it starts to tickle, all right?"

"Fascinating," Spock said. "This action has caused your blood pressure to rise by approximately fifteen point seven perce...ehh..." His nose twitched as Kirk guided the tissue in farther. "Captain, I believe th-that a sneeze will soon occur."

"Good. Don't hold it back."

Spock's nostrils flared and his eyelashes fluttered; his breath began to hitch. "C-captain, I...ih'ESCHu! Hiishhu!" Kirk removed the tissue and let his First Officer catch his breath. "That was a strange experience."

"Uh-huh..."

"Do you require further gratification?"

Kirk's eyes went wide. "That would be nice."

"I echo the statement. My nose is sensitive from the previous irritation, and another sneeze would almost certainly expel the annoyance," said Spock. His nose was edged in bright green and his eyes were watering.

"Okay then." Kirk picked up the tissue again and inserted it again into Spock's nose, which was damp from the sneezes. This time, it worked immediately. "H'iesshhu! H'ishhu! Ih...eh'HIESCH!" He broke off, panting. "That is sufficient; my nose has cleared itself of irritation."

"Good. Do you have enough material for your...um...study of stimuli?"

"Responses," Spock corrected him. "And yes. Captain, do you have another piece of absorbent material by which I may clear my nose?"

"Sure." Kirk grabbed another tissue and handed it to the Vulcan. "Knock yourself out. And thanks for indulging me."

Spock gave Kirk a look and blew his nose, obviously past compunctions by now. "Captain," he said when he was finished, "whenever you feel in need of relief from your fetish, please contact me. My...studies are always in need of more empirical evidence."

"Excellent," said Kirk, and smiled.

[Masking]

"Dammit, Spock...h'ieschu!"

"By your expletive, I assume that you blame me for your current illness," Spock answered. "I am not to blame, Captain."

"Yeah, yeah - the whole damn ship's sick, seems li...ihieshh! At least Bones didn't drag me into sickbay." Kirk sniffed and dragged his wrist across his nose. "Better not stay here. You might catch it again, Spock."

"Illogical, Captain," said Spock. "Such a mild virus cannot infect a host more than once. I am still recovering from this particular virus, and so you cannot reinfect me. If your statement was a ploy by which you wished to force me to leave your quarters, I do not understa...ih'ishhu!...understand it. Is my impression that you enjoy my company incorrect?"

"'Course it isn't, you...you...h'ishh! Ih'ESCHu!" Kirk turned his head with the force of the sneezes and looked over at his first officer, eyes watering. "Sorry. Did I get you?"

"You did not." Spock moved a bit closer to Kirk, so that their shoulders touched. "But Captain, I detect an injustice. You wish to observe my face whenever I sneeze, yet you do not extend the same courtesy to me. Why is this so?"

Kirk's face, already flushed from illness, went redder. "Captain?" Spock prompted him.

"Jim," Kirk corrected. "C-call me Ji - jiischhiu!" He sniffed again, wetter this time. "We're in my quarters. You don't need to call me Captain all the freakin' time in here. And to answer your question, having a fetish makes my own sneezes kind of a personal thing. It embarrasses me to sneeze in front of you."

"I cannot fathom why," Spock said. "We are...'friends', are we not?" He touched the tip of Kirk's nose, which had begun to twitch again. "Your sneezes come from you, and as such, I can find no fault with them." The Vulcan drew the tip of one slender finger across the bridge of his captain's nose. "Strong sneezes, full-bodied and masculine." The finger tapped firmly down on the pink nose. "In short, they are a quickly executed embodiment of your personality. I rather enjoy the sight and sound of them."

"Spock," Kirk gasped. "I d-don't think I can...ihh......h-hold it back."

"Do not try," Spock told him, and with his free hand, turned Kirk's face towards him. "Sneeze freely, if you feel the need to...Jim."

Kirk had time for one quick nod before his nose gave out. "H..h'ischhu! Iih...ieshh! Eh'eshhu! Hih...iih...IESHH!" He leaned back against the headboard, breathing hard, and groaned when he realized his nose was running. "Ew. Sorry, Spock."

"There is nothing for which to apologize. You have performed admirably," Spock said, and reached into his pants pocket, pulling out a handkerchief. "You have achieved relief, have you not?"

Kirk gave a wet sniffle and nodded. "Yeah..."

The Vulcan unfolded the soft cloth, shaking the wrinkles out. "This should be more comfortable for you than paper tissues are," he said, and gently applied it to Kirk's nose. "It is clean."

"Spock!" Kirk protested, his voice muffled, as his hand came up to pull Spock's away.

Spock simply removed Kirk's hand. "Blow your nose, Jim," he encouraged. "Again, I will not think less of you for it."

Kirk sighed, but obediently closed his eyes and blew hard. Spock nodded in approval and dabbed at his captain's nose for him, then, removing the handkerchief, kissed the reddened skin. "Was that so very difficult?"

"No," Kirk admitted. His eyelashes fluttered as his eyes began to close by themselves. "I don't mean to be a pain, Spock. I'm just kind of an -" he broke off to yawn - "an asshole when I'm sick."

Spock slipped an arm around his shoulders. "Sleep, Jim," he said quietly. "I will be here when you have finished. And then, perhaps you will wish to induce me to sneeze again."

"Mm-hm," Kirk mumbled, and slept.

[Quite Contrary]

Wow, I didn't know you continued this! Awesome, love it!

[Masking]

It was warm, and he didn't want to open his eyes. These two facts were not mutually exclusive. This was a comfortable warmth, not the furnace at which Spock usually kept his quarters. Wait - the warmth was Spock. At that realization, Kirk opened his eyes.

"You are awake." This was a statement, not a question - of course, Spock would sense his temperature changes or movement or whatever the hell it was he used to discern things. Kirk turned his head, smiling at the half-Vulcan with whom he lay...well, he didn't want to say "cuddled," because that was probably completely un-Vulcan, but yeah, Spock was cuddling with him.

"Yeah, hey," Kirk said, pausing to clear his throat when he heard the raspy, creaky sound of his voice. "You stayed."

Spock raised an eyebrow and sat up, helping Kirk to do the same. "Did I not promise that I would?"

"But the bridge. Who's minding it? Ih...hieshhu!" Kirk looked up and groaned; joggling his head had to make him sneeze. Of course. "How long've I been out?"

"One point seventy-two hours," Spock answered. "As to your inquiry regarding the bridge, Lieutenant Sulu has agreed to temporarily take over your duties, until such time as you are able to return without infecting the others." He shook his head, forestalling Kirk's attempt to protest. "Ensign Chekov will mind such anomalies as I usually address. We all wish you to recover, Jim."

"You do, huh?" Kirk wrinkled his nose. "Why hasn't Bones jammed about a zillion hyposprays into me, th...th - h'eschh!"

"I have made a bargain with Dr. McCoy." The corners of Spock's mouth twitched. "As there is no known cure as of yet for each rhinovirus comprising the so-called 'common cold,' he will refrain from administering seemingly endless hyposprays in order to cure you. In return, I will tend to you until you are well."

"That's n-nieshh!...nice of you, Spock." "Nice of you"? What am I, seven? "Can I ask why you, um, struck the bargain?"

In response, Spock lifted a hand and passed the palm over Kirk's forehead. "Jim, are you familiar with the expression 'laughter is the best medicine'?"

Kirk sniffed. "Yeah. Why?"

"The same sentiment applies in your case, although laughter has been absent as of yet. Were Dr. McCoy to keep you in sickbay, your unhappiness would prevent crucial - and thus healing - endorphins from circulating throughout your endocrine system. With me, I hypothesize an eighty-four percent chance of the opposite situation coming to pass. Your bodily temperature has risen to approximately thirty-eight degrees Celsius."

"Talk about your non-sequiturs," Kirk said. "Is that bad?" He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Although it is not ideal, such a temperature is far from fatal," Spock reassured him. "Does your sanitary facility possess adequate water to dampen a cloth?"

"H'esch! Yeah, why?"

"A traditional human remedy consists of a damp cloth across the forehead of one suffering a cold," Spock said, already getting up and heading towards the bathroom. "Although I have never utilized such a remedy, I assume that it will act, at the very least, as a placebo," he called back over the rush of water. "This is sufficient."

Kirk grinned. "God, you sound like my mom, except she doesn't tell me that her medicine might not work."

"I have no response to this statement." Spock sat back down on the bed and placed the damp cloth on the captain's forehead. "Is it effective?"

"Spock, how would I know? It's been on my forehead two seconds."

"One point six eight seconds."

"Yeah, yeah. Close enough. Now," Kirk continued, eyes glinting mischievously, "I seem to remember something you said before I fell asleep? A certain activity to do with my fetish? Ringin' a bell?"

"Literally, it does not, but I discern your meaning. Do you wish to coax a sneeze from me?"

"You know, the way you say it, that's really hot. Hell, yeah, I want to induce you."

"By all means, then, proceed."

"Um, before I fell asleep, you did something to my nose. With your finger? How do I do that?" Kirk asked.

"I shall show you." Spock took Kirk's hand and moved it to the side of his nose. "Extend one finger." Kirk did so. "Now stroke firmly along the side of my nose. This particular side, in my experience, has proven to be more sensitive." Kirk smiled and, just as the Vulcan requested, stroked his nose. "G-good. But...ehh...that is not sufficient. I have ob-observed you pinching your nose. Do the same, wh-where the cartilage meets the bone."

Kirk pinched. "Like that?"

"Yes," Spock said. It was his eyes' turn to water now. "Ye...y'hIESCHu! H'ieshh! Ih...eh....eh'HIESCHu! You have proven a quick study. Should I install you as adjunct Science Officer?"

The captain shook his head ruefully. "Only you could make a joke like that after sneezing your brains out. Really awesomely, by the way."

Spock tapped his temple. "I believe, Jim, that my brain remains inside my skull."

"Uh-huh. Okay, then...I'm hungry, Doctor Spock," Kirk said, and rubbed the top of his head just under Spock's ear. "Mind sneaking out and replicating me something to eat?"

"Not at all, Patient Kirk," Spock responded. "Stay where you are. I shall return posthaste."

[sfyrist]

I can't tell you often enough just how much I like this story! It's so playful and so much fun!

[Masking]

Ack. I could just kick myself for how long I've been neglecting this thread - here I am with five zillion posts for it, and I've forgotten to put them on this board. Hope you guys can forgive me.

- - - - -

The door closed behind Spock with a soft hiss. "Jim, I have returned with food." Kirk laughed. "Is there anything humorous in my statement?"

"Kinda. It's just that you sounded so...domestic just then. Y'know, 'Honey, I'm home and I brought take-out.'" Kirk sniffed and rubbed at his nose, then winced. "Ow. So, what kind of food did you get?"

"I have brought vegetable soup," Spock said, setting down containers as he spoke, "Terran bread, and tea. It is unwise to eat heavily when ill." He took out two bowls and spoons, poured soup into each, and handed one to Kirk. "Eat."

"Yessir," Kirk said jokingly, and took a spoonful. "Huh. Not bad - good and hot, too." He blinked hard, and his nose wrinkled. "But you know what hot s-soup does, ri...ih'ieschh! Ouch!" He jerked his hand away and stuck the scalded fingers in his mouth. "Dammit!"

"Show me your hand." Spock was at his side in an instant. Kirk drew his hand out of his mouth and flexed the fingers, grimacing. "The burn is not severe, but I will wrap a compress around - ah." He spotted the still-damp rag that had been on Kirk's forehead earlier and, very gently, wrapped it around the burned hand. "This will suffice. I suggest that you keep the hand immobilized for at least ten minutes."

"Feels good. But...Spock?"

"Yes?"

"How am I gonna eat without tipping the soup over if I only have one hand free?" Kirk asked.

"You will not require the use of your hands if I feed you," Spock answered, and, dipping the spoon into the soup, held it in front of Kirk's lips.

"Aw, c'mon, Spock," his captain said, in a tone of voice that could almost be described as a whine. "I'm not a kid, you know; a little pain in my hand isn't gonna - ulp!" Kirk made a strangled noise as the spoon went into his open mouth, swallowed, and said, "You're sneaky."

"No, I am half-Vulcan. There is a significant difference, Jim." Of course, he wasn't smiling, but Kirk still knew he was making a joke.

"So funny, Spock. Fine - you want to feed me, you go ahead."

Spock's answer was another spoon of soup. They continued this way, talking between mouthfuls, Kirk using his free hand to dip bread into his soup, when there was a hitch in the captain's breathing. "Spock?"

"Yes, Jim?"

"S-soup's a little too hot. Going to...ihhh... going to sneeze again, Spock."

"This is not unexpected," Spock muttered, and snatched a tissue from the bedside table. He folded it in half and cupped it over Kirk's nose.

It wasn't a moment too soon; Kirk's eyes closed as he sneezed a loud "Hih...k'ieschu! H'ishh!" into the tissue. "Oh, God, ew," he groaned. "Sorry..."

"You needn't apologize," Spock told him.

"But I just sneezed on you." Kirk's voice was even more congested than before, but he'd badly needed those sneezes, even if they were gross and made him sniffle like a kid.

"You did not. You sneezed into my hand, which is covered by a sanitized paper product, and I am not bothered. I placed it against your nose for that reason, Jim."

"Uh-huh. Mind letting me have my nose back now?" Kirk said.

"No, although you should blow it first." Kirk did, although he winced again when Spock removed the paper. "Does your nose pain you?"

"Kinda. I mean, all the sneezing...it's chapped. I'm a mess, aren't I, Spock?"

The Vulcan glanced at his captain, taking in his flushed face, watery eyes, and damp, bright pink nose. "Yes," he said. "But you are still attractive, and fortunately, I have procured a remedy for the soreness." He drew, out of a pocket or something that Jim couldn't be bothered to look at, a packet. "Dr. McCoy gave this to me for usage on your nose. It is a gel-based -"

"I don't need to know the ingredients," Kirk cut in. "H'ishh! Ih...h'ISCHu! I just want to put it on." He reached for the packet, but Spock stopped him.

"Allow me." His First Officer's voice was somehow gentler than usual, and Kirk lowered his hand. Spock opened the packet, squeezed a bit of gel onto a fresh tissue, and dabbed it carefully onto Kirk's nose.

"Oh, yeah. Feels better already."

"It should. The doctor assured me that this particular emollient works quickly." Spock continued to apply the substance, dabbing rather than rubbing, until his captain's nose shone with gel. "Keep still while I apply it here," he said, and touched the tender spot between the nostrils.

"S-Spock...ih'k'ISCHH! H'ieshhu! Hh...h'eschh!" Kirk blinked and shook his head. "Okay. That time, I did sneeze on you."

"Yes, you did," the Vulcan answered, "but by the strength of your reaction, you needed to."

"Touché."

[obsessed]

Haha! I love the part that goes:

"S-Spock...ih'k'ISCHH! H'ieshhu! Hh...h'eschh!" Kirk blinked and shook his head. "Okay. That time, I did sneeze on you."

Nice work.

[Masking]

"Spock?"

"Yes?"

"Tell me honestly - how much of a pain in the ass am I right now?" Kirk asked.

"I cannot say that you exhibit any characteristics of said pain, as you are reading a twenty-first century novel on your PADD and doing nothing else," Spock said. "Are you implying that you wish to cause me annoyance?"

"Nah, I don't want you upset," Kirk said. "It's just...h'ischhu! H'hieschh!...sorry, just that I didn't want to be any more of an inconvenience than I had to be, that's all. Just making sure."

Spock looked up from his own PADD. "Jim, I believe I have implied that your care is not at all annoying to me. Why do you persist in tormenting yourself with such thoughts?"

"Because I owe you." Kirk's voice was unsteady, and Spock was surprised to see tears in his captain's bright eyes. "You were sick with this last week, and I just let Bones cart you into sickbay and keep you there, and didn't even visit...god, what kind of captain am I? What kind of friend am I?" He sniffed and wiped one hand across his eyes. "S-Spock, I am so sorry."

"Jim." Spock's PADD was out of his hands in an instant, and he was by Kirk's side. "Jim..." For once, he had nothing to say. Logic would do nothing to help his captain - no, his friend - and no regulation could fix this. But Spock had cried as a child, once, and he remembered what his mother had done. He put his arms around Kirk's hunched shoulders and very gently drew the other man to him, holding him in his fit of emotion.

Kirk leaned his head against Spock's shoulder and hugged him hard, shaking. Spock stroked a careful hand down Kirk's shoulders and back, just as Amanda had done when he was a child of only ten. "Jim," he murmured into the short gold hair. The repetition of a simple name, as he had observed, tended to quiet a hysterical human. "Jim...Jim...Jim..."

"Spock," Kirk gulped. "So sorry." The fabric under his too-hot cheek was damp with tears, but Spock didn't mind. With a 75.4 percent certainty, this was what his captain needed. He kept stroking his hand through Kirk's hair and down his back, murmuring "Jim" as he did so. The remedy was apparently effective, for after several minutes, Kirk's breathing became steadier. A gasping breath, though, brought a wet "hh...h'k'shuu!" against the curve between Spock's neck and shoulder.

"Oops," Kirk murmured against his skin, but seemed otherwise unbothered. Truth be told, Spock echoed the sentiment. But there was another that he wished to convey.

"Jim," he said quietly. "Look at me." Kirk pulled away, sniffing back loosened congestion. Spock placed a hand on either damp cheek and drew close, leaning his forehead against Kirk's and bringing his lips to the captain's fever-swollen ones.

"Spock," Kirk murmured into the kiss, winding an arm around the Vulcan's shoulders and into his hair. Spock returned the favor, spreading his fingers against Kirk's scalp to touch what he knew were the most sensitive places on the human head. His captain's lips were warm and softer than he hypothesized they usually were. And they were twitching.

Kirk barely had time to break away before his nose took control again. "S-Spock - ih...hih...h'ESCHiu! H'hesch!" He grabbed a clean tissue from the bedside table and blew, his entire face red. "Sorry."

"Do not apologize," Spock told him. "What is the human expression? 'It comes with the territory', I believe?"

Kirk grinned and buried his nose in the tissue for another blow. "Yep."

"In that case, this territory may be re-surveyed at such time as rainstorms will not interrupt its ministrations."

"Spock?"

"Yes?"

"You're funny."

Spock touched Jim's shoulder and allowed him one of his rare smiles. "Did I not say that laughter would be the best medicine for you?"

"Well," Kirk said, "as a matter of fact, you did."

[obsessed]

D'aw, this is so cute! I like the way you let the characters interact.

[guynextdoor]

Nice Story

[Masking]

"I swear, this air's so full of particles," Kirk said, squatting back on his heels and pausing to cough again. "Ugh. Remind me never to beam an away team down to another Class-M planet when it's spring there."

"I concur, Captain," Spock said. "The temporary incapacitation of your lungs is worrisome - might I suggest that I lead the next away mission?"

Kirk wiped his mouth. "Vulcan lungs are impervious to this stuff?" He slowly got to his feet, still breathing hard.

"Yes, considering my own bodily observations." Spock glanced at his captain. "Ensign Chekov and Lieutenant Sulu are approximately two point seven kilometers away, mapping the parameters of this planet. If you wish to rest, I will remain with you."

"Yeah, okay," Kirk said. "There's a tree over there that I feel like sitting under. The air'll probably be clearer in the shade, right?"

"That is not inconceivable," Spock replied, and led Kirk over to sit in the cool shade of the large alien tree. "Do you require sharp pressure to be applied to your back to alleviate the sensation in your lungs?"

"Nah, I think I coughed it all out. Thanks, though," Kirk answered, and leaned over to pluck a small flower from the thick soil. "This one's pretty cute," he said, stroking its soft blue petals. "Do you know what kind it is?"

Spock took the flower by its tough stem. "It is foreign to me," he admitted. "It does not resemble any variety of Terran or Vulcan flora that I have encountered." He brought the bloom closer to his face. "Perhaps Lieutenant Sulu would be familiar with this particular flower. I am n-n...nhgieshhu!" He rubbed his nose. "Pardon me, Captain. I...ih'hiesch! Hih...h'ischu!" The flower fell from his fingers.

"Jeez, bless you, Spock," Kirk said. "Not so impervious, huh?"

Spock pinched his nose. "The atmosphere is not problematic for me. I believe this flower, however, triggered a strong reaction within my immune system."

"You mean you're allergic?" Kirk said. A very familiar gleam had crept into his eyes at Spock's sneezes.

"I believe so. Perhaps we should move, so as not to trigger further attacks."

"Uh-uh, no you don't." Kirk placed a hand on Spock's shoulder. "As long as we're resting my lungs here, why not enjoy ourselves?"

Spock raised an eyebrow at him. "I assume that you are referring to your fetish."

"What else would I be referring to?" Kirk replied. "Whaddya say? Want to experiment with some...alien flora?" He picked up the flower and twirled it in his fingers.

"As no adverse effects resulted from the...allergic reaction, I suppose that I do."

"Spock, you're awesome." Kirk licked one pointed ear, eliciting a shiver from Spock, and then turned his attention back to the flower. "Okay. Hold still." He raised the flower to the level of the Vulcan's nose, twirling it in the air several inches away from his face. "Feel anything yet?"

"I feel a slight irritation," Spock said; his nose twitched, and he reached up to rub it, but Kirk caught his wrist.

"I'll do that for you later," he said, bringing Spock's hand back down. "I know it itches, but indulge me here, okay? Breathe in."

Spock obligingly took a deep breath in through his nose. "Captain," he said, his voice unsteady, "I b-believe I feel the effects of...hhih...of this pollen." His nostrils flared, and he wrinkled his nose.

"Good," Kirk said. "Now I'd like to try something different. It feels like you'll sneeze soon, right?" Spock nodded. "Try to hold it in this time. I'm going to keep making you react, but as long as you can, don't sneeze. Another breath."

Spock obeyed. "H'hiih...h-highly unusual," he managed. Kirk tapped his nose with the flower, leaving a spot of bright pink pollen on the flushed-green tip. "C-Captain...nhehh... this s-sensa...ahh...tion..." He looked up at Kirk with watering eyes. "My n-nose..."

"Tell me how it feels," Kirk whispered. "Does it itch? Tell me."

"Yes. The ih...ihhh...itch is v-very p...pro...nnhh...pronounced." The Vulcan's breath was hitching harder than Kirk had ever seen. "M-my...nhh...nose f-feels," Spock paused and took in another breath, "as th...thhh...though it w-will..." He glanced at Kirk again, dark eyes streaming with allergic tears. "J-Jim..."

"Do it," Kirk said. "Sneeze, Spock." He kissed the twitching nose, then held the flower against Spock's nostrils.

Spock's eyes closed and his head lifted, as though to give his sneezes the widest possible range. "Iihh...hih...h'ESCHHu! Hh...eh...h'ishhieh! H'ESCH! Ieh...ih'ischhiu!" He took in a huge gulp of air, cheeks and nose bright green - but he wasn't finished. "Oh...ihh'h'ESCHu! Eh'ishh! H'ishh! Hih...heh...h'IESCHHiu!" His eyes opened, still teary but no longer tortured. "Captain?"

"Bless you," Kirk said. "That was incredible." He rummaged in his bag and pulled out a handkerchief. "Didn't that feel great?"

"I must admit that the relief," Spock said between breaths, "was far greater than usual."

"That's half the point." Kirk unfolded the handkerchief and wiped the dampness from Spock's nostrils, then held it to his nose. "Blow." Spock nodded and blew his nose into the cloth. "Good. Again." Spock did, and Kirk dabbed his nose again before refolding the handkerchief and putting it away. "Why do you let me do this stuff, Spock?"

"Because it pleases you. When you are pleased, I am content," Spock replied, and sniffed. "Perhaps we should contact Ensign Chekov and Lieutenant Sulu to ascertain their progress."

"Whatever you say," Kirk said, and reached for his communicator. "But whatever their news is, this is the most successful away mission I've ever been on." He grinned at Spock.

"Is it?"

"Bar none."

[obsessed]

Oh Spock is TOO nice.

I love this. :]

[TheCakeIsAlive]

I absolutely LOVE this story!

Spock is awesome (as is your writing style).

Will there perhaps be more of this sneezing Vulcan in the future?

[Masking]

@Sigrith: Yes.

- - - - -

Tap tap. "Spock?" Kirk called, rapping on his First Officer's door. "You there?"

Footsteps on the other side, shuffling, and then the door slid open. "Captain," Spock said, and then amended, "Jim. I did not expect to see you here." Of course, he wouldn't be so human as to appear in pajamas, but he was wearing his black undershirt and pants rather than the full uniform.

"I left Chekov in charge," Kirk explained. "You feeling okay? Can I come in?"

"My physical state has stabilized," Spock said, "and yes, you may enter." He shuffled back into the room - slowly, Kirk noticed, as though his bones ached, which was to be expected - and Kirk followed him in; the door shut behind him. Spock sat down on the edge of his bed, ramrod-straight as usual, and Kirk plunked down in his desk chair.

"Bones told me you have the flu," he said.

"Indeed I do," Spock answered. His color was high, cheeks green and eyes too bright. "However, it is not severe enough to warrant care from an outside source. I am perfectly ca - cahieshhu! H'hhieshh!" He broke off, coughing hard into one fist. "Pardon me, Jim," he rasped when the fit ended. "In my current state, I am not a fit companion for you."

"You're crazy if you think that," Kirk said, and moved to the bed to sit beside Spock. "You're sick. I'm not going to abandon you - I mean, the flu's nasty. I had it when I was a kid."

"I agree with your description," Spock said. "Eighty-seven point two percent of my body is currently experiencing pain, due to involuntary muscle reactions."

"Mm-hm." Kirk slipped an arm around Spock's shoulders. "Your head hurts, too, doesn't it?"

"It does." Spock pressed the fingers of one hand against his forehead, as though in emphasis. "My sinuses are congested, as well, and - ih'eschu! H'ESCH!" He sniffed hard. "I sneeze. Repeatedly."

"Bless you, Spock," Kirk told him, and lightly brushed his lips against one flushed cheek. "Oh, come here, you." He pulled Spock closer, in invitation; surprisingly, Spock made no objection to resting his head on Kirk's shoulder. "Listen. Bones gave me some kind of hypo, so I can't catch this from you. You're congested and you have a fever, and I'm not leaving you to suffer alone."

"Jim, there is no - nn'heshhu! Ieschh! Hh...hishhu!" Spock didn't finish his sentence - maybe his head hurt too much - but snuffled instead.

"Bless you," Kirk said again, and ran a gentle hand through Spock's sweat-damp hair, lingering on the point of one ear. "Don't be stubborn. Getting sick is nothing to be ashamed of, Spock. I want to stay."

"My mental state will not be appealing," Spock warned him in a thick voice, and (would wonders never cease?) nestled in a little closer. "I will likely vacillate between anger and...and helplessness. I am too weary to indulge -"

"This isn't about my fetish," Kirk said. "Forget the stupid fetish. I just want you to get better, and I don't care if you're throwing up or covered in purple dots or a sneezy wreck - I'll take care of you."

"I," Spock paused to draw in a breath, "I understand." He was puzzled to feel wetness in his eyes, and even more surprised to feel Kirk's hand caressing them, his thumb dabbing the tears away.

"It's okay, Spock," Kirk told him. "It's okay." A soft handkerchief replaced his hand, and he used the cloth to dry Spock's few unintentional tears. The Vulcan's breath hitched at the edges of the handkerchief brushing against his nose, and Kirk, recognizing the signs, held it to his nose in time.

"Hih...eh'ishhu!" Spock sneezed hard into the firm, cloth-covered hand. "Pardon me."

"Didn't I tell you I don't mind?" Kirk grinned and adjusted his hand. "Blow." Spock closed his eyes and breathed in, then wearily cleared his nose into the handkerchief, gurgling and thick. "Good." Kirk set it aside and rubbed his friend's shuddering back. "Oh, Spock..." He kissed the top of the dark head, murmuring "Poor thing" into his hair.

Spock's erratic breathing evened out after a minute or two. "I apologize. My behavior is not befitting a Starfleet officer."

"Sure it is." Kirk squeezed his shoulder. "A sick one. If you want, I'll rub your back."

Spock hesitated, but answered, "I would not be averse to that."

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Yay!

[obsessed]

Awww, I love this more and more.

[lattelover09]

Oh...My....God... This just keeps getting better and better. I love how you've started using the same characterizations in completely different set-ups. This is almost too enjoyable. Please keep going! Every time you post is a big treat!!!

[Masking]

"Hey, Bones." Kirk leaned in the sickbay doorway and waved. "I brought someone in for his flu hyposprays."

"Well, get off the damn door before you're sliced in half, Captain Idiot," McCoy replied. "And Spock, I have your hypo, so get over here."

"Certainly, Doctor," Spock said, and walked over - albeit more slowly than usual, due to the muscle aches. "You may proceed."

"I may proceed, huh? Not what I usually hear when I'm about to stick someone with a h...hehushhu!" McCoy doubled over with the force of the sneeze, sniffed, and with a "Dammit all," stuck Spock in the neck. "There you go. Come back in another twelve hours and I'll get you another one."

A strangled "Nyuh" came from Kirk's direction. Spock whipped his head around to see the captain's eyes as big as saucers. "Crap, Bones, are you sick?" Kirk inquired. "You catch what Spock has?"

"No, not that you'd care, Jim." McCoy raised a hand and knuckled his nose with his index finger, sniffling. "Chapel came in today wearing some kind of new perfume and I've been sneezing half the shift. Satisfied?"

"Well, yeah." Kirk smiled that secretive grin of his, the one only Spock knew meant Woo-hoo-hoo, fetish alert, hot dude/chick/androgynous alien life-form is sneezing! "Looks like you're gonna sneeze again, Bones."

"So perceptive," the doctor grumbled, wrinkling his nose. "Heh...hh'hushhu! Heh'hischh!"

Spock raised an eyebrow at Kirk, who completely ignored the signal in favor of singsonging "Bless you, Bones!"

"Yeah, yeah, now shut up," McCoy said. "Shouldn't the hobgoblin be resting or something?"

"I suppose I should," Spock cut in frostily. "Come, Captain. We shall walk to my quarters."

"Well, sure, but what's with the -" Spock's look cut Kirk off. "Okay, then. I'll keep it zipped."

Spock was silent on the walk back to his quarters, or nearly so, giving only a cold "Do not speak" when Kirk tried to ask him what the hell was going on. There was a green tinge to his face that had Kirk worried; if his fever was coming back, why hadn't he said something in Sickbay? Bones had said this would wax and wane, and to bring him in during one of his better periods...but what was going on?

Well, he'd had just about enough. When they reached Spock's quarters, Kirk stepped in front of the access panel and crossed his arms. "Look, Spock, I don't know what the hell you think you're doing, but giving me the silent treatment is not cool. What's wrong? You feeling all right? Because I can go back to Bones and -"

"Do not," Spock stated between clenched teeth, "concern yourself with Dr. McCoy. Now move." Recognizing the Nerve Pinch voice, Kirk moved and let Spock open the doors. "Enter."

"Formality, now?" Kirk asked.

"Yes." Spock didn't relax his stance, despite the fact that his muscles and joints had to be aching in the stiff position. "You have committed a betrayal, and although I shall not commit violence against you, the compulsion to do so is strong."

"Um, Spock?"

"Yes."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"In Sickbay," Spock said, "you paid undue attention to Dr. McCoy. To -" his eyes narrowed - "his sneeze."

Kirk blinked. "Um. So you're pissed off because Bones sneezed and it was hot, and I noticed?"

"The parameters of our relationship, as they stand, do not allow for the inclusion of an additional member. Your fetish is deeply personal, is it not? And does the usage of it not also imply a certain intimacy?" Spock's entire face was flushed green by now, and he muffled a "Hngshht!" into the back of one hand.

"Spock," Kirk began, "are you jealous?"

"Vulcans do not experience jealousy as humans do. If I feel, it is a sense of betrayal and mild loss. However," Spock said, the eyebrow going up again, "that may be rectified."

"Yeah? How're you gonna do that?" Kirk couldn't help an eyebrow raise of his own at that.

"I shall stimulate your nose, Jim," Spock told him. "And I shall dictate when you may find release in a sneeze."

[obsessed]

For some reason I'm liking where this is going.

[Masking]

"Spock?"

"Yes?"

"You've been in the bathroom a while - are you okay?" Kirk asked.

"I am uninjured. However, it is difficult to procure irritating chemical compounds within my own quarters," Spock's voice came through the door. "I would acquire some from the replicator, but I do not wish to inadvertently infect anyone."

"If it helps, I'm mostly allergic to random stuff," Kirk told him. "Just grab whatever and come on back."

"I will take that statement under consideration." There was a click of plastic bottles, and a half-stifled "Hih'ngshh!" from Spock, then the doors opened and Spock came in, carrying several containers. "These are personal hygiene products," he explained, setting them down on the bed. "This is the cleanser I use for my hair when I have the opportunity for a water shower. This is a facial wash, and this is a cologne given to me by Nyota when were engaged in a romantic relationship."

"Well, that would explain why you never smell weird on the bridge," Kirk quipped. "Okay. Lay it on me."

"First, I must impress upon you several...rules," Spock said. "Should any or all of these substances irritate your nose, you will neither sneeze nor use your hands to prevent a sneeze. However, should you experience pain at any time, say the word 'lamp' and I will immediately stop."

"Um, lamp?" Kirk said. "That's so weird. Why 'lamp'?"

"It is not a word that you will be inclined to use unless you mean to," said Spock, "unlike several other words that you tend to use when a sneeze is pending."

"Good point. Let's get going."

"Indeed we shall." Spock popped the top on the shampoo. "Lean forward, Jim."

Kirk leaned and inhaled. "Um, sorry. Nothing doing. This stuff just smells like plomeek soup, and that smells like absolutely nothing, if you ask me."

"We shall continue, then." Spock opened the jar of face cleanser.

Kirk inhaled and immediately made a choking noise. "Oh, gads, Spock, this stuff is nasty!" he sputtered. "How do you not smell all disgusting on the bridge? Crap, crap, ick." He took a smaller, more modulated breath. "I mean, seriously...wait. Wait - we have liftoff, Spock!" His nose twitched.

"I shall change the inducing agent," Spock told him, "as this one causes you pain." He unscrewed the cap on the cologne. "Inhale."

"Yeah, okay." Kirk closed his eyes and breathed in. "J-jeez, this stuff is s...suhh...so strong. Wow. It...it, ihhh, it tickles. Hhuh...oh god, my nose..." Spock hadn't told him to try to talk, but he somehow sensed that this was the right time for it. Probably because that was what he liked. "Think I'll...hihh...s-s-sneeze soon..."

"Not soon, Jim," Spock qualified. His eyes were sparkling, just a little, in the manner that Kirk recognized as the How logical that my experiment is proceeding as planned, and/or that Jim Kirk is doing something that I consider worthwhile sparkle. Well, good! Truth be told, Kirk was enjoying this. "I shall allow you to release your sneeze, but not now."

"Uh-huh," Kirk said, breath coming in little gasps. Just for kicks, he took another big cologne-scented inhale. "Hheh...hiihh...oh, oh god, my nose ih-ih-itches." He closed his eyes and wrinkled his nose, a breathy hihhh, ehh escaping his parted lips. His nose was running, just a little, and Spock's image blurred as sneezy tears filled his eyes. "I'm t-trying, but...hehh...I don't know how long I can huh-huh-hold out. N-never, nnhh, h-held this long before. Oh..." His fingers twitched, as though to caress the burning-aching-torturous itch in his nose - to let go. To sneeze.

"No, Jim," Spock admonished him. "Do not touch your nose."

"I w-won't," Kirk managed. His breath hitched to a nearly unbearable peak of sneeziness; only by biting down hard on his lip was he able to hold back. "S-Spock, I, I-ihhh, I g-got-ta snee...eehhh...huh, sneeze." His fingers began to tremble with the effort to not keep himself from sneezing with anything other than sheer willpower. "C-can I...hhihh, hhihh, eehhhh, can I s-sneeze?"

One corner of Spock's mouth curled up almost imperceptibly. "Doctor McCoy's sneeze is of no public consequence to you?" Kirk shook his head. "What of mine?"

"S-suhh-so h-hot," Kirk gasped.

"By all means, let go."

He had barely finished the last word when Kirk's head tilted back, eyes closed and nostrils flaring wide. "Hhuh-huh-hiiihh...h'ieeshuu!" He whipped forward with the sneeze, hair waving in the wind that that created. "Iihh...nhh'heshhu! Ha'eshh! Ha'eshh! Ha'eshhh!" Every time he sneezed, his head snapped forward into his waiting hands. "Hih'ehh...hahh-hah-ESHHu!" He lifted his head out of his hands.

"Have you finished?" Spock asked.

"Not quite," Kirk said, and held up a finger. "H-hold on, I...iihh...h'ISCHHeh!" He lifted his head again, this time with a grin on his flushed face. "Now I'm done."

"Your participation has been at a most optimal level, Jim," Spock said, his mouth in that amused half-curl again. "Are you all right?"

"Fine. Just tired...ah, dammit, I gotta blow my nose." He cast around for a tissue, and let out a soft "Dammit" when none was to be found. "Oh, well." He sniffled and dabbed at his nose with the back of one hand.

"Take this." Spock reached over and searched in his bedside table, handing Kirk a folded handkerchief.

"Thanks." Kirk unfolded it and blew his nose, then again, loud and wet. "Gah, yikes. That was an experience." He glanced at Spock. "Hey, you should rest now. You're still sick."

Spock nodded. "I believe that I will." He pursed his lips and regarded Kirk. "Jim...thank you. It is not often that you relinquish control over your sneezes."

"Hey," Kirk said with a shrug, "for you? I can do just about anything."

- - - - -

Yeah, your author's a total hypocrite. I have never been able to hold back a sneeze.

[obsessed]

. . . I think I died.

That was lovelyy.

I love how Spock's sick at the same time~

[Masking]

"Spock, they're on us - MOVE!" Kirk grabbed Spock's arm and yanked him down the hallway, pounding on a section of wall and jumping back when it popped open. "Into the Jeffries tube."

"Captain -"

"You got a better idea? Get in!" Kirk scrambled into the Jeffries tube and motioned Spock after him; after half a second's deliberation, Spock climbed in, too, and shut the wall-door behind him. "Now climb. There's a platform ten feet up and the Alunians'll be on us soon. Listen." Spock tilted his head ever so slightly and raised an eyebrow at the heavy footsteps pounding down the hallway.

"As you advise, Captain." Spock grasped one of the rings of metal that served as a handhold and nimbly - weren't Vulcans descended from cats or something? Kirk found himself thinking, even now - and was up on the platform within ten seconds. "You may join me."

"Yeah, okay." Kirk spoke in a whisper (those footsteps were much too close for comfort now) and shimmied up to the platform himself. It was just wide enough to hold both him and Spock; he was slightly distracted by the Vulcan's warmth and scent as he held onto him, but still managed to whisper, "What do we do now?"

"As the captain, you -" Spock started to whisper back, but Kirk cut him off.

"As the captain, I've never been more confused in my life. Now shut up and wait for Scotty to get up here with reinforcements." Kirk rubbed his lips against Spock's neck - almost a kiss, but not quite - for emphasis. "And listen. I think they're speaking Standard." They listened.

"Where is the captain?" a low, raspy voice (sounded male, but they couldn't be sure) inquired. "I wish to have harsh words with him."

"Remain steady, Upi," another Alunian told the first. "We will all have harsh words with the Captain when he is found. He is a coward."

Inside the Jeffries tube, Kirk began to sputter, "That arrogant goddamn -" before Spock cut him off with a swift hand over his mouth.

"Should you speak loudly, there exists a ninety point one zero percent chance that this group of Alunians will discover our location," he directed a low whisper into Kirk's ear. "Be calm, Captain. You may assert your anger towards this statement when we are safe."

"G'd phnt," Kirk agreed from behind Spock's palm. "G'tcher han' off mmh." Spock complied, and was about to admonish his captain to be silent once again, when Kirk's eyes popped open. "Oh, dammit..."

"Are you in distress?"

"No, it's just...I have an itch." Kirk wriggled his nose. "My nose tickles."

"I advise you to make the greatest possible attempt to stifle your sneeze, should one be pending," Spock said, a thin note of urgency in his voice. "The Alunians are likely to hear you, and thus discover us."

"I'm trying, but...but...iihhh..." Kirk let out a breathy little gasp, his nose scrunching. "Oh..."

"Do not sneeze if it is at all possible to avoid doing so," Spock whispered.

Kirk's response was another gasp as his nose rebelled against such a direct order. The conversation outside the Jeffries tube abruptly stopped.

"What was that?" the first Alunian - Upi - asked. "Did you hear that sound, Lenal?"

"I heard nothing," Lenal told him/her/it/utter scariness. "You must ask a healer to inspect your hearing. Now what did you say before?"

"Do not sneeze," Spock repeated.

"I-I-I'm trying," Kirk answered, still somehow sounding flippant and a bit cocky while his nose was wracked with tickles. "Can't s-stop, hiiih, hiih-hiiiiih...oh God..." His nose twitched even more now, nostrils flaring out. "Damn you, nose - I can't, huuhh, can't stop it."

"Then I shall do so. Pardon my bold action, Captain," Spock told him, and quick as lightning, ran two fingers under Kirk's nose and pressed up hard. "Should you sneeze, this position should sufficiently muffle the sound."

"Y-you're t-t-t..." Kirk's eyes squeezed shut and he snapped forward in a quick "h'ngktt!" "Terrible," he said, eyes watering, before lurching forward again. "Hh'h'nkgtt! Ih'ngshkt!"

"You have restrained yourself admirably," Spock told him. His voice was just a bit reassuring, now. "If you are able to likewise stifle any further sneezes, you shall -"

Bangbangbang. "Open up!" someone yelled. Kirk and Spock tensed.

"Nyhh," Kirk responded, his nose twitching and twitching against Spock's fingers.

"Lads, it's Scotty - we've phasered 'em! Get oot now."

"Move your hand," Kirk said. "C'mon, move it." As soon as Spock did, he took in a huge breath and sneezed "Huh...hah'haeshhu!" into the air, a bit of spray landing on the Vulcan's uniform. "Oops. Now let's get out of here. Scotty? How'd you find us?" he yelled.

"Lieutenant Cayan heard ya sneezin'," Scotty's voice came back through the tubes. "The ears on that lass...now get oot. I need tae see yer not injured."

Kirk smiled at Spock, sniffled, and led him out.