Inedible - (5 Parts)

[ID2006]

It's so nice to see more of this

[Masking]

"Hey, Bones?"

"What?" his friend's annoyed voice crackled over his communicator. "Dammit, Jim, I'm on duty."

"Well, I'm not. And I'm bored," Kirk replied. "I bet Sickbay's empty."

"It's not my goddamn job to entertain you," McCoy said. "Leave me alone and let me get back to examining the hobgoblin." A muffled cough came from the other end, somewhere behind him. "Your pointy-eared boytoy managed to pick up some kind of flu, and I'm swamped."

"Yeah? Well, tell Spock to get down here afterwards," Kirk said, grinning. Ooh, maybe he'd get to hear Spock - wait. That gave him an excellent idea. And when James Tiberius Kirk got an excellent idea, things got really, really awesome. This wouldn't be quite as good as seeing Spock sneeze, or Bones, but he was pretty hot, if he did say so himself. "I'll leave you kids alone now. Don't manhandle my boyfriend."

"Go scamper off and bother somebody else," came the reply, and the message clicked off. Kirk snickered - oh, he'd bother somebody, all right. Good thing he still had that weird, colorful feather he'd picked up on an away mission. The decon had done its job, and he'd been allowed to keep it, but hadn't really thought to use it...until now. And now, it seemed, was the" perfect time.

Of course, he needed a mirror - which made it all the more convenient that he kept one on the wall (McCoy might call him narcissistic, yeah, but he liked to look at himself. That wasn't a crime by any standards, except maybe by the standards of those weird guys on Burala Prime, and they weren't Federation anyway). Taking the feather off of his bedside table, Kirk held it in one fist and stood in front of the mirror, grinning. Jeez, but this was one of his best ideas ever.

Now for the fun part.

Kirk flared his nostrils and traced the tip of the feather around them, ever-so-gently...it was fun to tease, even if the person he teased was himself. It did tickle, though, causing him to wrinkle his nose and sniff in reflex. Yeah. This was gonna be awesome. "I'm hot," he told his reflection, and smirked at it, before tickling his nose again with the feather, this time going inside each nostril. This worked - a little too well, as he found out when his nose very suddenly began to itch. "Oh, crap."

A knuckle under his nose, thankfully, lessened the tickle, leaving Kirk with enough time to try again. "This is fun," he said to no one in particular (unless Keenser was watching him through the vent again, but he didn't think so), and inserted the feather a little deeper into his left nostril, flicking it around against the damp inner walls of his nose. It made him shiver, and increased the itch again - and this time, he couldn't rub it away.

"G-goddammit - huh'ishhiu!" The feather fell from his hand and onto the floor, but Kirk's suddenly blurred vision couldn't make it out. He'd forgotten how sensitive his nose tended to be. "Hehh-ihh'kschh! Nnh'eschh! Iekschh!" His head snapped forward with every sneeze, barely avoiding smacking his forehead on the mirror.

He blinked hard, dislodging a few tears of irritation but not the tickle itself; several more sneezes still needed to come out, it seemed. "HhahIESCHHu! Ehh'kschh! Hhuh...huh...h'ekkchh! God..." He rubbed his nose hard into his palm, blinked again, and looked up to see the damage.

Ooh, he'd sprayed the mirror. That was a plus. Kirk grinned and wiped the surface with his sleeve, sniffling again as he did so. "Success," he announced. It was still hot.

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Oooh... Kirk discovered self-inducing... fun times. As always great to see another part added here!

[Masking]

"Whaddya mean, he can't come back to my quarters?"

"Get your ears checked, Jim," McCoy snapped. "In non-medical vernacular, he has the Vulcan flu, which means I want him here overnight for observation. Jesus Christ." He shook his head, as though bemoaning the fact that he had such an idiot for a best friend. "But you can't catch it, so I s'pose you can visit him for a while."

"Good." Kirk flashed his teeth at McCoy in a grin, then started over to the biobed where a long, humanoid lump lay curled under the blankets. "Hey, Spock. How're you feeling?"

Spock's eyes opened and he blinked at Kirk with dark, fevered eyes that pulled both the 'pity' and 'that's adorable' heartstrings. "I regret to inform you that I am not functioning in an optimal state, Jim," he said, and turned his head to cough hard into his shoulder. Kirk winced - those coughs were incredibly hoarse, sounding more like a bark than any kind of human or Vulcan sound. He couldn't resist reaching out to rub Spock's back, although he knew that that wouldn't help much.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I wish you were feeling better."

Spock sniffled, his nose wrinkling before several sneezes emerged. "Hhuh'ESCHhu! Hh'kieschh! ESHHuu!" Another sniffle, this time far more congested. "I apologize for any inconvenience this incapacitation causes you," he rasped.

"No, that wasn't what I meant," Kirk assured him, and kissed his forehead. "Holy shit, you're burning up. Are you cold?"

"Marginally so." While Vulcans didn't lie, Kirk knew that that was at least a semi-untruth, judging by how Spock shivered under the covers. "My ambient temperature has risen by approximately two point five nine degrees Celsius."

"Okay. Just hold on and I'll warm you up." Kirk climbed onto the biobed and slid under the thin covers, wrapping his arms around the sick Vulcan who lay there. "Don't worry about anything - the bridge is doing fine. Just get better, okay?" He kissed Spock's forehead again, then his cheeks, chin, and neck. "I'll take you to my quarters and snuggle with you just as soon as Bones says you can leave."

"I appreciate your - hh - c-concern...hheh-h'ISCHHuu!" The unexpected sneeze was muffled into Kirk's shoulder, and dampened it, eliciting a shiver from the captain. "I apologize, Jim." He made as though to pull away, but Kirk just held him tighter.

"Bless you," he said, his voice gentle, and reached into his pocket to take out a handkerchief. "I don't mind. You know that. Here..." he brought the soft cloth to Spock's nose, massaging it with his thumbs to ease out the last of the itch. "That should feel better - do you need to blow?"

Spock nodded and closed his eyes before he blew his nose, his cheeks bright green behind the handkerchief. "I - I thank you, Jim." The words obviously took some effort to say, laden as they were with emotion, and Kirk appreciated the thought.

"I like taking care of you," he asserted, smiling, and nuzzled Spock's neck as he folded the handkerchief and laid it aside. "Even if Doctor Grumpypants says it has to be in an uncomfortable biobed instead of my quarters. I think he just wants to stick you with hypos and giggle a lot."

"While it is not completely accurate, I would not deem your statement untrue." Well, okay, he didn't exactly giggle. Kirk still thought he was a freaking sadist. "Do you...do you not wish to leave?"

Kirk kissed him again, this time gently on the mouth. "Nah. Think I'll take the rest of the shift off." In pleasure, he arched his back and his neck - which a passing McCoy promptly stuck with a hypospray. "Dammit, Bones!"

[Zane]

haha so cute! sick Spock?? and Jim trying to help Spock! so cute!! hope there'll be more. thanks for writing all of these! AHHHHHHHH!..... Too.... much..... CUTENESS!!!! I'm melting.......MELTING!!! Cuteness overload.......

[Masking]

"What's up, Spock, dude?" Kirk asked conversationally as Spock walked through the door.

The corners of Spock's mouth turned down slightly in what was his version of a frown. "Jim, I would appreciate your addressing me with slightly more formality when I enter my quarters. I do not consider myself a 'dude.'" The last word was said in clear derision of Jim's illogical human qualities.

Kirk shrugged. "How 'bout 'what's shakin'? Que pasa? What's cookin', good lookin'?" Yes, he was doing that just to be obnoxious. Annoying Spock was kind of fun, to be honest. It was cool to see that eyebrow go in about a zillion different directions.

The eyebrow didn't disappoint. Neither did Spock. After treating Kirk to his you are quite illogical and I do not know why I put up with you look, he sat down on the bed next to the captain, and knuckled his nose in passing. "You persist," he remarked, "in entering my room with neither my permission nor my prior knowledge."

"Pfft," Kirk scoffed. "If you didn't want me in here, you wouldn't have given me the access code."

Spock's eyebrow rose again. "You broke into the ship's computer to steal said code five point two six weeks before I gave it to you."

Kirk flapped a hand at him. "Details, details," he said, and curled up around Spock, resting his face in the notch of the Vulcan's shoulder in that human-octopus way they'd both grown used to. "Hmm." His voice was muffled by the fabric of Spock's uniform shirt. "You smell kind of...different." He sniffed, and rubbed his nose into the cloth.

"Your nasal capacity is astounding, given that you are one hundred percent human."

"Mmm," Kirk purred, "an 'astounding' from you. That's - hhuh - p-pretty amazing..." He broke away to scrub at his nose with one hand, annoyed. "What've y-you - been into, Spock?" He sniffed, in irritation this time, and blinked. "M-makes my nose...hhih!...t-tickle."

"Are you going to sneeze, Jim?" Spock asked.

Kirk's response was to twitch his nose, as his lips parted and his eyes squeezed shut. "Hhih...hh'ekschh! Tschhuh! Hhah-huh'ISCH! Ahh'kshuhh! Ishhu! Hhah-ISHHu! Snfff..." He opened his eyes, which were suddenly very watery, and as pink as his nose. "Jesus Christ, Spock," he sniffled. "You get into something?"

"Lieutenant Uhura and I conversed, and she inadvertently made contact with my person. She was wearing a perfume that I did not recognize," Spock said. "I did not realize that it would trigger an allergic reaction in you."

"Well, I'm allergic to the whole goddamn universe," Kirk answered, and rolled his eyes. "Eschhuh!" He caught the sneeze in his hands, wincing afterwards. "Ugh. My nose s-still - hhuh...hh'aschh!...it still tickles." He rubbed the palm of his hand up and down against the nose in question, liquid sniffling sounds emerging.

"I apologize, Jim. If you wish for me to shower, I will -"

"Hey, don't worry." Kirk caught his wrist and smiled, giving a snuffle. "Make me sneeze again. You know I like it."

The complexity of human attraction escaped Spock, yet he did his best to oblige.

[ID2006]

My two favorite characters once again... I'm so lucky

[Masking]

Yeah, so this one was inspired by real life. I had to work on the set of a musical once and ended up sanding down the mortar on a bed prop. The dust from that shit went right up my nose - no sneezes on my part, though.

- - - - -

Sometimes, Kirk really hated Scotty - well, not really, but he hated that the engineer had asked Spock to help him after his shift today. He'd been planning on grabbing the Vulcan and kissing him witless once they were both in Kirk's quarters, but that wasn't to be. Still, there were some perks to overtime, even if Spock was an hour and a half late coming back.

Namely, the deliciously mysterious sniffling emanating from the desk, where Spock was finishing up a message to his father. Kirk was intrigued, to say the least; had Spock caught a cold? Mmm. He hadn't heard any sneezes from Spock in more than a week, which was real shame - Spock's sneezes were awesome. And colds, even more than short-lived allergy attacks, tended to tickle Spock's nose enough for fantastic fits. "What's up, Spock? Are you all right?" he asked.

"I am well." Spock twitched his nose, bringing a grin to Kirk's face. The twitch was very awesome. "Commander Scott and I repaired a faulty circuit, and my nose is filled with silicon dust."

"That must be really uncomfortable," Kirk said, a purr in his voice.

"It is not unbearable," Spock answered. His nostrils flared. "However, I would very much like to sneeze. The silicon dust is irritating, but I have not been able to expel it."

"Ooh, tough break. Want me to help you?" Kirk would've preferred to just scoot over to the desk and start stroking Spock's nose, but he did respect his personal space. Mostly. Except when he was biting one of those hot pointy ears. Mmm, Vulcan ears. What was he thinking about again?

Oh, right. Spock sneezing.

"I would not be averse to your assistance in the matter," Spock said.

"Sweet." Kirk grinned, wiggled his eyebrows, and went over to see what he could do. The view was even hotter up close; clear, sparkling particles of silicon dust clung to the wet green edges of Spock's nostrils. He could've just looked at them all day, but he had work to do, and that was a fact. "Your nose looks all tickly."

"It is," Spock answered, while raising an eyebrow in what was clearly his you are illogical, James Tiberius Kirk expression.

"Well, I can fix that." He kissed Spock's nose, making it twitch, then with the edge of his index fingernail, traced each nostril.

The effect was immediate. Spock's nose wrinkled; Kirk watched in delight as the Vulcan took in a slow, shallow breath. "Jim, y-your - your assistance is very much a-a - hh! - appreciated," he said.

"Hey, no problem. I'd help you sneeze any day." Kirk touched the septum of Spock's nose, then ran his finger up the bridge. "I wish I could."

Spock's lips parted - probably involuntarily, considering how much his breath was hitching. "Jim, you - snf! - must move away f-from me," he managed. "I will...h-huh - w-will sneeze within ten seconds."

"Well, good. Maximum sneeze warp," Kirk quipped, and put his hand over Spock's nose, close enough to feel the nostrils twitching against his skin. "Punch it."

Spock didn't punch it, but he did sneeze. "Hihh-hh-aschhu! Chshhuh!" The double erupted against Kirk's hand, warm and wet and utterly yummy, in his well-thought opinion. "Hheh...ehh'kgschhuh! Hh'ishh!" Kirk waited, with bated breath, for more, but it appeared that Spock was done sneezing.

He removed his hand, mouth hanging open. "Jesus H. Christ on a stick, Spock, I love it when you sneeze."

"You have said so twenty-three times over the course of the past two point one six years," Spock answered, although his supercilious tone was rather tempered by his sniffles. "Logically, you need not say it again."

"Humans are illogical weird-asses, Spock. Get used to it." Kirk grinned and flicked at Spock's nose with his finger. "Did I help you or not?"

"You did help me, although -"

"Then I can be illogical. Now shut up and let me cuddle you until I forget I walked in on Cupcake kissing Keenser." Kirk made a face. "Yeuch. C'mere, you."

Spock sniffled again and let Kirk kiss him.

[ID2006]

love love LOVE IT!

And I thought this was especially hilarious: "but he did respect his personal space. Mostly. Except when he was biting one of those hot pointy ears. Mmm, Vulcan ears. What was he thinking about again?"

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Awww.... cute. Kirk getting distracted by Vulcan ears.... Loved that bit and hmm.... Spock's breath wildly hitching, can I have?

[Masking]

@Sigrith - yes. But first, have some Bones sneezes.

This is set in TOS-'verse; that's just how it played out in my head.

- - - - -

"What are you doing, Bones?"

McCoy moved his hand to show the curious captain his project. "Old-style microslides. I'm tryin' to reconfigure the computer's bacterial images." His brows were furrowed, blue eyes focused on the small glass slide in front of him. "They just don't look right onscreen."

"Sounds interesting." Microslides, eh? As much as McCoy complained about 'new-fangled' technology, using a microscope was old-fashioned even for him. Still, if it worked, Kirk wasn't one to complain; the doctor had snatched him from death's eager jaws more times than he cared to think about without a bottle of something strong.

"Yep. Don't want y'all dyin' on me if it could've been prevented." McCoy squinted at the slide and sniffed, almost like audible punctuation. "Dammit, Jim, now you got me all distracted."

"What, from the dead bacteria?" Kirk couldn't help but get a little distracted himself at the sniff. Sure, he and Spock were in a relationship, but that didn't mean he couldn't quietly enjoy his friend's sneezes, could he? In contrast to Spock's, which the Vulcan always tried to control, McCoy's sneezes were explosive and human, incongruous with his slight body and small nose. If he was going to sneeze now, Kirk had a perfect view.

"Yeah, from that and..." the doctor sniffed again, wrinkling his nose. "Shit. I just got this slide in order."

"So?"

"So I have to sneeze, and it'll mess it up, idiot." The usual Doctor's Glare, it turned out, lessened in intensity when coupled with a twitchy nose. "Hh-h...dammit."

"You can't hold it back, Bones?" Loath as Kirk was to miss seeing a sneeze, especially a good one, he didn't exactly want McCoy to screw up his slides. Even if they would look hot all misted with spray. When was the last time he'd seen anyone sneeze uncovered, anyhow? It had been far too long.

"No - snf! - I can't h-hold it back, Jim." Mm, another great thing about McCoy's sneezes: how quickly they built up. What a treat, especially since he didn't sneeze all that much. But years of working with someone will expose one to all manner of sounds. "Hhih...uhh...snf! Damn." His nose was wriggling, the nostrils flaring as the tickle took over. "Iihh-hh...huh..." His chest heaved.

Stepping closer, Kirk reached out to his friend's face and held a finger under McCoy's delicate nose.

The doctor took in a few more shaky breaths, but they settled after a second or five; he sighed, his nostrils relaxing. "Thanks, Jim," he said with a sniffle, his eyes watery. Kirk took his finger back; as hot as that was, he didn't exactly want to have McCoy looking at him weirdly for the next hundred years. "Saved me another hour of re-doing that one."

"Oh. Um, that's good." Why hadn't he thought of doing that before? Spock disliked sneezing; maybe he'd appreciate a willing finger or two. Mmmm. The thought of that made Kirk want to lick his lips.

Before he could, though, McCoy breathed in hard, turning quickly away from his lab glassware to sneeze into his hands. "Hahh...huh'ASHHHu! Snf! Hh...ahh...ah'ISCHH! Hh'asSCHIUu!" Sniffling, he wrinkled his nose and rubbed at it with his palm. "Urgh, 'scuse me."

Goddamn. Kirk really needed to do something about his jaw-dropping problem or he'd be found out for sure. "B-bless you, Bones."

"Thanks." Another sniffle, another rub of that pink, upturned nose. "Goddamn cleansers. Think they'd get something non-allergenic."

Kirk knew as well as McCoy did that the doctor wasn't allergic to cleansers; he just wasn't willing to admit that he was susceptible to the occasional random sneeze. Stubborn man. Still, why look a gift sneeze in the mouth? "You'd think so."

He smiled to himself; this was one memory he'd store away for later. Spock didn't share his fetish, but he liked hearing about McCoy embarrassing himself, and this scenario would please them both.

[Skiffy]

Wow, this is hilarious. Thanks for the surreal and sexy entertainment Masking. Live long and prosper.

\\//,

[Zane]

This is really good! I love these! thanks so much for writing these! the spock ones and Bones ones are my fav's. the Jim ones are really good too.

[ichixshiro14]

Yayyyy you're writing more! Thanks for sharing!

[Masking]

And now...for more fun with Spock Prime. Sort of.

- - - - -

Spock had the privilege of being transported on the Federation's flagship whenever he was in need of such transportation, by virtue of his relationship with the crew. It was a pleasure to travel with them, not least because he had the opportunity to observe said crew. They were so similar to their counterparts in his universe - yet so different as well. His Jim had died, of course, some years ago. Hikaru Sulu, future president of the Federation, was so young; twenty-two, wielding a sword in the hallways just like Spock remembered. At 143 years old, Vice Admiral Chekov was still alive in his universe; to see an eighteen-year-old Pavel, curly-headed and enthusiastic, was a bit of a shock every time. Nyota Uhura wore her hair differently, walked with a more confident stride, but he could see shades of Fleet Admiral Uhura in her even now.

This McCoy, as was hardly surprising, had an entirely figurative, ongoing love affair with hyposprays.

It was most interesting, however, to watch Jim. More specifically, Jim's involuntary functions - more specifically than that, even, his sneeze. In such a basic function, the two Jims (illogical as it was, he couldn't help thinking of them that way, his Jim and this Jim) differed to a certain degree. Perhaps it was because of the difference in age.

His Jim had enjoyed sneezing a good deal, both his own and other people's; he had liked Spock's infrequent sneezes, gathering him close to encourage a release into his own shoulder or neck when they were alone. His own sneezes he gave no small amount of attention, fanning a hand beneath his nose when a tickle teased him. "H-have to s-sneeze," he often gasped as his head tilted back in pleasure, exposing small, round, red-rimmed nostrils that flared wider and wider with each moment that they itched. Gold-hazel eyes closed, the strong, broad chest heaved, and (to Spock, at least; he'd no idea if others noticed) each sneeze was a small explosion of pleasure, a masculine expulsion of voice and dampness into one hand. "Hhuh...hah-hah-hh'ISCHHah! Hh...ahh'ASHhuu!" Jim always sniffled afterwards, an endearing gesture in such a powerful man. Once, after stifling six such sneezes into the crook of Spock's neck, he had purred, "That felt great" before licking the neck in question.

His Jim, Spock sometimes reflected, was a very silly man at times.

This Jim's frequent allergic fits were usually muffled and covered up at the first opportunity; did he feel that they were a sign of weakness, a jeopardy to his command? At a similar age, Spock had felt much the same about his own. Jim wouldn't build up audibly, but twitched his nose back and forth instead, rubbing a palm back and forth across his pink nostrils when he thought no one was looking. (Spock, age 155 and so quiet as to be nearly invisible, usually flew under his figurative radar.) His head, too, tilted back, but his sneezes were stifled hard into his hand. "Hh'kngshh! Kshhnkk! Uh'igshk!" Blue eyes looked up blearily after the stifles, his hand coming up again to wipe his nostrils. Only a few times had Spock had the opportunity to hear his sneezes unstifled, usually in the rec room: "Hh...hah'ishhiu!"

Some things between the Jims were similar: the slight disorientation after a satisfying sneeze, as well as their thorough nose-blows, which could and did soak a tissue if an excessive amount of allergens was present. In addition, Spock was quite sure that this Jim, a younger, more impetuous Jim, possessed the same fetish that his Jim had had for sneezes.

The small grin that flitted across his face upon discovering that his sneezes had dampened his hands was nearly impossible to hide.

[RemedyBane]

gods, i wish this was ongoing. absolutely my favorite thread!