Epic Tellings

[obsessed]

Thank you all for contributing.

Once upon a time.

There was a girl.

She had a name.

And a horse with a mane.

THE END.

XD

[The Rescue]

New installment coming soon. 8)

[obsessed]

YES. :DDD

[a red nine]

Oh dear goodness, what hath I stumbled upon here? x] Well, now I know what you were talking about in the chat yesterday at least... And yet, it raises so many questions.

[Vetinari]

“We shall come to The Rescue in time”, said Obsessed.

In the meantime those reading should not be depressed.

If they cannot forsee what the best will attest.

So came the dear pair to the deepest Midwest,

And Obsessed fell in water, was deeply distressed,

But the Rescue so calmly threw in a life vest,

And Obsessed, being blest with her life was impressed.

“My dear”, said Obsessed, “you’re important to me,

And now I am safe we must go drink some tea,

And chat about Edward, what else can there be?”

And they hugged and they smiled and were happy and free.

[The Dude]

So Rescue and the Ed approached an End that was Dead

"I almost drowned, and am quite famished!" she said

Dead searched and searched, but no food in the house

when they heard a strange noise, was it a mouse?

Then along came Arakune with a big wooden spoon

and made them chocolate chip cookies, with chips from Toll House!

Ha!

[a red nine]

Here's a poem I had to legit write for class.

The guidelines being in the end I had to say what's in the stomach of a dolphin.

The rest of it is pure, uncondensed randomness.

Yes, that actually was the assignment.

What’s in the stomach of a dolphin?

Large, plastic, bubbly birthday balloons.

A train track that leads to nowhere.

A yarn ball in various shades of yellow.

Which weighs more: a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?

The cliff overhanging the ocean where you watched the birds fly.

Valentine’s letters that were never sent.

A watch that only tells time twice a day.

Blue gelatin on the window sill.

A deck of cards.

The last of the apple pie.

A glass cocker spaniel with delicate cracks in the neck.

Thumb tacks shaped like cars and buses.

A CD player that hasn’t been turned off in five years.

A faded painting of a stenciled bear on the side of a piggy bank.

A purse-size periwinkle umbrella.

Chocolate-covered bacon.

An unopened toothbrush in plastic.

A broken conch shell.

The long way home.

Fried eggs with the yolks spilling over.

A fake feather.

Two pieces of candy.

Tag! You’re it!

The tattered scarf of an airplane pilot.

A squeaky see-saw.

A red nine.

The wish that hasn’t been wished yet.

Herring, cod, mackerel, and the occasional squid.

[Vetinari]

The Count de Tisza, a man like fine wine,

Was bearded and hatted and truly divine,

Above every other he always did stand,

And he always had Gentleman’s relish on hand.

A Finnish pig striking a pose,

Was possessed of a beautiful nose,

She did loudly proclaim,

“Should you want one the same,

You must pick one and run, ‘fore it blows”.

Seven time, seven, times, seven times, seven!

Being with Nicole must be something like Heaven.

I’d offer her wine but the effects I know well,

And instead of in Heaven, I’d end up in Hell

[count tiszula]

A sturgeon who was Veterinary,

Fluid in old Norsk ,expert with a ski,

Sunbathed her nose till tickles overtook her,

And e'er had Nobby's caviar in her cooker....

[obsessed]

There once was a dog named mouse.

He lived in a very small house.

He had no wife and was no spouse.

So he learned the meaning of a grouse.

[RANDOM. ]

[nolongeractive]

A while ago, I made a strange sort of rap about tea.

"I’m a tea-rapper, I rap about tea. I tell you how great it is, and then you agree.

Oolong tea, you can’t drink for too long. If you can’t choose between red or green, Tea Guanyin is the place to begin.

I don’t want something tainted, I don’t want something thin. A little sugar, little milk, and stir it in.

Sugar, not salty; a little bit malty. Jasmine Pearlgreen, with its wiry leaves: pretty flavory, and a taste that’s savory.

I want leaves that are even, I want leaves that are choppy. Something with harsh flavor and don’t make it sloppy.

On a day that’s rainy, you can drink something grainy. You have to be classy to drink something brassy. But whether or not you’re young or old, you can always have tea with leaves that are bold.

You telling me now, you don’t get my tips? Then I’ll give you some tea and you’ll have a sip."

[a red nine]

A while ago, I made a strange sort of rap about tea.

"I’m a tea-rapper, I rap about tea. I tell you how great it is, and then you agree.

Oolong tea, you can’t drink for too long. If you can’t choose between red or green, Tea Guanyin is the place to begin.

I don’t want something tainted, I don’t want something thin. A little sugar, little milk, and stir it in.

Sugar, not salty; a little bit malty. Jasmine Pearlgreen, with its wiry leaves: pretty flavory, and a taste that’s savory.

I want leaves that are even, I want leaves that are choppy. Something with harsh flavor and don’t make it sloppy.

On a day that’s rainy, you can drink something grainy. You have to be classy to drink something brassy. But whether or not you’re young or old, you can always have tea with leaves that are bold.

You telling me now, you don’t get my tips? Then I’ll give you some tea and you’ll have a sip."

That does it, I'm monitoring the amount of time you have free.

Besides, everyone knows it's all about coffee! >D

[obsessed]

Written by melonbun, who did not want to post this. *ahem*

Live chat.

Chat chat chat.

Meow meow meow.

Live cat.

Now, to explain the beauty of this little epic telling. Chat is french for CAT. And there is a *meow* sound in Live Chat.

Thus, the idea of live cat was made when discussing puns! Eventually, this beautiful poem was formed.

Give it up for melonbun.

[TheCakeIsAlive]

Yay melonbun!

I didn't realise this was a poem before.

Very.... haiku-ish.

[cuneas]

Although her legs she does not shave,

She's the only girl I crave.

The one for whom myself I save,

Though to tell her I'm not sufficiently brave

But she's in love with a guy named Dave,

a pervert, a sinner, a cad and a knave

whom she met one night at a rave

and for some reason her love gave.

And Dave doesn't ever shower or bathe.

And so I ask that you do me this fave

And take a strong stout oaken stave

or perhaps instead a razor-sharp glaive

and transfer Dave to a shallow grave

or stash his body in a cave.

And thus the way for my love pave.

Anyway, see ya later! ::Wave::

[Marshmallow Peep]

I once had an old friend named Brett

Who was always in terrible debt

He spent all his money

On ten gallons of honey

I feel bad for my old friend named Brett

It's a limerick I wrote in the 6th grade that I figured I'd share, by the way

[cuneas]

I decided to become a Doc

'Cause the only beer I can drink is Bock,

But my first patience was big strong jock

Who put me in a fierce headlock,

Then kicked me and hit me with a rock,

I hid in my safe, but he picked the lock,

And then with a really mighty sock,

He fixed my wagon and cleaned my clock,

And then I lost all my shares of stock,

And all the others would laugh and mock,

And look at me funny, and stare and gawk,

Because I was wearing a woman's frock,

And hanging around in a bar by the dock,

So I just went home and listened to Bach,

And sat around playing with my...I don't think I can use that rhyme,

And eating Chinese food I made in my wok.

This poem is a load of schlock,

And all in all, a total crock.

Thank you, thank you. Please don't throw anything hard.

[Emily]

I'm glad you've revived this most interesting thread

because I sat here in bed,

reading poems instead

of reading other things that I should have otherwise read.

No but really, talk about an underrated topic.