In an Act of Self-Interest

[SpamKey]

A new installment, finally! I'm surprised at how many people like this. Sorry it took so long, I'm currently traveling with my family and WiFi can be hard to come by '

Anyway, let's involve GentleladySneezette in this one; double up the sneezes with some cat allergies. Hooray!

---

The cold was a nightmare, but after a week of snuffling, sneezing, and blowing her nose, Zoe finally woke up, miraculously in her own apartment, completely cured. Zoe wondered if Mr. Shehua's "cold" was specially designed so only he could cure it, but didn't dwell on it. Her paycheck was in, so she did as she pleased for exactly one month. Then, true to form, her next assignment began.

She woke up in a small apartment--extremely sparse, with only a couch, a coffee table, a door that probably lead to a bathroom, and two beds--with no sneezing, which struck Zoe as odd. Was she expected to get sick again? Then she turned and gasped.

In the bed next to hers lay another woman--around her age--with long, honey-blond hair, a petite but still curvaceous form, and a sweet face sleeping peacefully. It was the same woman from the train ride last month--the one she'd gotten sick. As Zoe watched, the woman stirred, opened her deep blue eyes, and sat up.

"Ah! It's you!" She cried when she noticed Zoe. Then she blushed. "That is to say... Hello. I suppose we're on a joint assignment. I was hoping to see you on one! Got over your cold okay?"

She had a strong British accent and a sweet, dulcet voice. Zoe struggled to remember her name. Melody, that was it. Fitting enough for a woman with a voice like hers. Zoe shook her head and answered, "Alright. It was hell, but still. Yours?" She knew her voice was awkward, especially compared to Melody's refined tones--she spoke like a princess or a duchess.

"Oh, well, it was unpleasant, yes, but still it got the job done." Melody said casually, then smiled sheepishly. "Well, that's not entirely truthful; it was rather pleasant for me."

"How could sneezing and snotting all over the place be pleasant?" Zoe asked. Melody smiled sardonically.

"Well, just your rotten luck it isn't, but most of us who work for Mr. Shehua are sneeze fetishists." Melody continued before Zoe could ask. "Yes, yes, it truly is a thing. Surprisingly large following, forum and everything--perhaps you could learn to enjoy it. Once you do, the entire job becomes much more pleasant, I assure you."

Zoe tried to wrap her head around that idea. Sneezing being... Pleasant? Even sexy? While Zoe had never really found sneezing openly repulsive, she hadn't thought of it as something that could be sexy. Mostly it was annoying and sometimes outright debilitating, but Zoe had to admit, now that she thought about it, that the actual sneeze was somewhat pleasant in itself; the buildup, the itch, the tantalizing false starts, the runniness were all torture, and the sneeze was a huge relief when it finally came. But still... Sexy?

"I dunno. I guess I can sorta see why, but..." Zoe shrugged. "Maybe not mine. I never paid much attention to other peoples' sneezes before." Melody nodded like this made sense.

"Some don't find their own sneezes, ah... Pleasurable, but it's almost always more enjoyable to listen to others'. I enjoy my own just fine, but it's so much easier to enjoy a good sneeze when you aren't distracted by being the one sneezing." Melody suddenly blushed. "If it's not too forward of me, your sneezes are quite lovely."

Zoe found herself blushing, too. "Ah... Thanks?" She jumped as small panels opened in the wall, and Melody smirked slightly.

"Oh dear." She said, though she didn't seem particularly dismayed. "It seems as though we've been given a cat assignment."

Sure enough, large, fluffy cats of all kinds trotted, slinked, and walked into the room, until one could barely walk for how many there were. Once they had all filed in and made themselves at home, the panels shut with an audible snap.

Zoe's nose gave an involuntary twinge at the sight of the felines. Cats were one of her worst allergies; always coming out with rapid-fire, itchy, torturous sneezes that never seemed to do anything to relieve the tickly, allergic itch. Melody, too, seemed to be immediately affected. She gave a small sniff, her blue eyes already watering.

"Oh, gah... Hah... HahahHA-HAKSHUH!" Zoe sneezed violently. "Cah... C-cats--HEKCHOO! Wh-whaah--HATCHOO! Wh-wha-why--HETCHEH! C-caaaAAaa--HAKSHOO! C-ca-hah-ah-HAKSHOO! Cats! Ha-HA-HETCHUH!" Her nose was already dribbling as one of the friendlier (and fluffier) cats padded up the bed towards her, mewling curiously and not at all perturbed by Zoe's wet, violently messy explosions.

Melody, alternately, seemed to be trying a different method. "Oh... Oh-ah... J-juhst hah... Enjoy-hah iht, Z-Zo-heeee..." She said breathily, trying to hold back even as her nose streamed like a waterfall, her eyes forming two rivers down her face. "Lehts see-hee... I-ihf you cah-haaan lea-hah! Learn to-hah... To enjoy-hah... It!" Her voice raised in pitch and desperation as she scooped up the fluffiest cat she could find; a big black one, its thick hair dotted with dander. She snuffled wetly, laughing hitchingly as she ran the cat's fluffy tail under her nose.

"Wh-whatd are-hah-HAKSHUH! You doig?" Zoe asked, her nose already blocked, but still running uncontrollably. Melody merely gave another musical laugh, punctuated by halting, high-pitched, audible breaths.

"Try-hah! Trying t-to-hah-HAH!" She almost lost it there, but used the cat's tail like a finger held under her nose, simultaneously accelerating her allergic reaction and stopping the sneeze. "T-to-hah... See-hhe i-ihf you caaaah-hah! Hah! Hah, cahn enjoy ah good hah... G-good hah! Snee-hheeeeze-hah! Hah!" Melody's head reared backward, her face an expression of absolute allergic torture; mouth open in a grimace, blue eyes crinkled and streaming, nose twitching and flaring and snotting frantically, ample chest bobbing with each desperate breath, but still she held it back. Despite her previous misgivings, Zoe found herself intrigued by the helplessness.

Just when it seemed that Melody would get it under control again, the cat grew tired of being in Melody's lap. It jumped off so suddenly and violently that it simultaneously made Melody gasp, and released a cloud of fur and dandruff into the air directly beneath the allergy-afflicted girl's nose. That last release of allergenic material right into Melody's flaring, dripping, irritated nostrils was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Hah-hah-HAH-hitchoo! HITchoo! HETchoo! Hah-HAH-HAKchoo! HakCHEW! Hah-HIKCHEW! HITchooo! HIKchewww! Hah-ah-AH! Chiew! HakSHOO! HetCHEW!" Melody sneezed, volley after volley of itchy, desperate, feminine, adorable sneezes. Zoe was astonished by the amount of mess each desperate, tickly explosion released; each one was a flood of thick, goopy snot and spray. With no tissues, it sprayed everywhere; all over Melody's hands, the bed, her face, across the room, even the cats weren't spared, some mewling their protest, others not deigning to react, as though they were sort of used to being doused in sneeze.

"Hah-AH! HikSHEW! HATchoo! HETCHOO!" Melody sneezed even more messy, allergic, torturous sneezes, and Zoe suddenly found herself... Enjoying it. The way her face crinkled before each explosion, her nostrils visibly vibrated with allergic tingles, her eyes streamed and watered, her cute little gasps of breath before each onslaught, her tiny, adorable sniffles, and admittedly, the way Melody's breasts strained against her skintight, white jumpsuit with every desperate, hitched breath and juicy, feminine outburst.

Finally, the fit tapered off slightly, and Melody sniffled with gurgling wetness, rubbing a damp finger beneath her still twitching, streaming nostrils. "Soh, hah... Th-think you-ha! Ca-han tohp thaht?" She asked, smiling mischievously as her nose streamed over her finger and her breaths hitched noisily. Zoe felt a strange urge to kiss her.

"T-top-HATCHUH! Top it?" Zoe said, swiping her hand under her messy, drippy nose and smiling with equal mischief. "I'll make you-hah-HEKSHUH! Your most popular post yet on tha-hat--HEKCHOO! Huh, forum of yours."

---

Cliiiiiiiiffhangeeeeer! Hahahahahahaha I am evil!!!

[SpamKey]

Crap! Crapcrapcrapcrap, I forgot I gave her a naaaaaame!

Idiot, idiot, idiot! Okay, uh... Pretend when I said "Lacey" that it was tooootally "Melody" okay? Dang it....

[monochrome]

"T-top-HATCHUH! Top it?" Zoe said, swiping her hand under her messy, drippy nose and smiling with equal mischief. "I'll make you-hah-HEKSHUH! Your most popular post yet on tha-hat--HEKCHOO! Huh, forum of yours."

That was really enjoyable to read! xD And the ending was ingenious... Please continue!

[a_nonny_mouse]

*explodes from the hawt* Ooh, intriguing. I like this. The idea of Zoe being slowly won over.... >

[Merc_With_A_Mouth_69]

I love the idea of watching someone discovering her own desire for it... I love this part!

[singing_tw]

Please continue!!!! This is really good

[Klingon]

I hope this story gets continued it's been really good so far!

[SneezingCosmos]

The way you describe snot and sneezes in such an emotional and graphic way captures everything I love about messy sickness I cannot wait to see the next installment for your story -- it truly is a masterpiece!

[SpamKey]

So, upon updating "Perks Of" (I lied heehehe I continued!) I decided I had left you hanging for quite enough time now, and will continue this post-haste! Hooray for Zoe torture! On with the fic!

---

Zoe, torn between apprehension, competition, and curiosity, picked up a nearby cat; a big, fluffy Himalayan, who purred as she was scooped up, and petted with the lower half of Zoe's face. Zoe breathed deeply, doing her level best to hold back the hitching, frantic breaths that rushed to her lungs as her nose became a veritable forest fire of itchy, tingly, allergic torture. Her nose twitched and flared and flooded, itchiness causing a waterfall to flood out of each nostril, tickles cascading down the bridge of her nose, egged on by the particles of cat dander flooding her sensitive nose with each deep, occasionally halting, breath.

"B-bea-HA-HA-gaaah... B-beaaah-eet th-thi-hih-hiss--ha-HA!" Zoe built up enormously, the horrible itch becoming too tingly to handle, as Melody watched on in fascination and surprise. Zoe's chest bounced with each halting, stuttering, desperate hitch of her breath, her nose flooded, her eyes streamed and itched, her nose was so tickly and itchy and allergic, yet the cat did not seem to protest to all the movement, merely flicking its tail back and forth, further irritating Zoe's already volcanically allergy-ridden nose. Perhaps it had been trained. Perhaps it was just the kind of sadistic cat that knew an allergy-sufferer when it saw one, and went out of its way to worsen the situation.

"Hah-ah-hahaahaaHAAH--HETCHOO! Hah-HATCHOO! HetCHOO! HATchoo! HetCHUH! HatKECHUH! Hah-AH-CHOO-HEKCHOO-HAKCHIEWW!" Zoe's nose was a geyser, erupting with runny, dander-laden snot, set off by the terrible, all-encompassing, allergic, torturous, teasing itch that just seemed to get worse and worse with every breath, that sneezes nor run-off nor rubbing could do anything to abate, that teased and tickled and tormented poor Zoe into sneezing and sneezing and sneezing until she her hands, face, and sleeves were soaked in mucus, her nose was bright, tomato red, her eyes were rubbed raw and streaming, and she had been reduced to using the sheets off her bed to blow her flooded nose, yet still itched on.

"Heh-HA-HAKCHIEW! Hah-HEKchueww! HAKchoo! ETCHoo! EtchOOO! HetCHOO! Ha-HATCHAH! Hah-HEKCHUH!" Her sneezes, over time, became even messier, louder, and more violent. Zoe struggled to speak through the stuffiness, sneezing, running, tearing, itching, hitching, and desperation. "Hah-how--HAKCHOO! I-iiih--HEKchuh! Is-tha-hahahahHAHA-HAKCHIEW! Tha-hhaaaah-HATCHIEWW! Tha-hat--HETCHUUH! M-meeh-HEKSHUH! Me-lo-hahaAA--ATCHOO! Melod--haha-HATCHUH! Melody-eeee-ETCHUH!" She asked, then managed to stop sneezing long enough to give a long, gurgling, snot-filled blow into a dry corner of her sheets, soaking the fabric as the squelching, wet sounds of shifting mucus filled the room, overpowering the mewling of cats.

"Heh-HEKchuew!" Melody sneezed before answering, in her faltering, breathy, hitching voice. "Ahmazing Zo-hee-ha! Simply ah-ha! Ahmazi-hing!" She said, with a stuttering, sneezy laugh. Zoe could only continue sneezing in reply.

"Yes, yes, very well done, both of you." Both girls jumped, adrenaline momentarily shutting down their sneeze response, as Mr. Shehua's voice suddenly boomed through unseen speakers. "One of the better performances I've born witness to. Congratulations. You have earned an early out today. See you in one month."

"W-waitd--HEKSHUH!" Zoe cried, as gas started flooding the room. She turned desperately to Melody. "New-hah-HAKSHUH! York! Joe-hah-AH-AKCHOO! Joes Pi-hiii-HAKSHEH! Pizza! AKSHOO! Meet mehhhh--HEKSCHOO! Me! MEE-HAKSHUUH!" She slowly lost consciousness, still sneezing and snuffling, the sound squelching into the pillow, unsure if Melody had stayed awake long enough to hear her message, or if it could have even been interpreted through her sneezy, snotty, allergic noises.

---

Hooray unexpected F/F! Girlcrush! Sneezecrush? Sneezecrush.

... I could have indulged so much more there.... Ah well, next time!

[Pilgrim]

Well worth the wait! When you said the girls might meet I was rather hoping that they might share that miserable cold together...maybe there's still a possibility for that? And I'd love, love, LOVE to see you indulge more, you hold back much less than many writers and I think that's super excellent. I look forward to whatever you come up with next!

[Merc_With_A_Mouth_69]

Again, beautiful as always! Can't wait for the next installment.

[sneezygirl97]

maybe when they meet, Zoe has a cold, cus you said she gets colds all the time, and melody tries to catch it and gets Zoe to sneeze on her and stuff

[singing_tw]

Ahhhhh this is so good! Please continue!

[Klingon]

what Twd said! but I would like to see more hay fever stuff but this is excellently written and regardless of cold or allergy stuff would love to read more!

[SpamKey]

So, it's decided. Melody/Zoe SHALL BE CANON!!!! I ship it so hard! Zoedee 5eva!!!!!

Wait... I'm the author. I need to make it canon first... Oops...

...hehe...

ANYWAY let's try a new format! Obs/Diary style! Hooray! I have no idea if this is going to work, but hooray!

---

I've been waiting at Joe's Pizza all day, every day for long enough that they consider me a freaking regular. Still, Melody hasn't shown up. I know it's only been a week and a half but still it's a bit discouraging.

"haa-haa!....ha..."

I can't really explain why it's so important to meet her. I've never really dated, so I never really thought about this whole "sexual orientation" thing before. But I guess I feel... Attracted to her? Does that make me gay? I don't know. I don't care. Maybe that's what I'm trying to find out.

"ha-HA-ha... hah..."

And then there's the freaking "sneeze thing" that I found so weird yet so... Interesting. I'm not sure who else to turn to to figure it out. I checked out the forum but it was more material than explanation. I... Didn't have the courage to check out the "Adult" forums.

"heh-eh...hah..."

In other news, I have a cold. Yeah, what else is new? After all, god forbid I not be sneezing for one reason or another. I've been sneezing and snotting all over the place, though this is, as usual, nothing new. I feel like crap and the logical thing to do would be to stay home, but

"heh-ah...haaAAH..."

I have to go to Joe's to look for Melody. I know the odds are against me but part of me can't help but

"hah-HAHH... HAHH..."

think that maybe today is

"hahah-HAH!!"

going to

"ah-AH!"

be the

"haaaaahAHH-HEATCHEWW!!!"

day.

"snnnnnf... Ugh, oh by god..."

I'll soldier on, even if I did just have to wipe large amounts of snot off my screen. Wish me luck.

---

"Well, well, well, what a surprise! How ya doin', Ms. Ashland?"

"I'd say good, butd I thig you'd see rightd through be." Zoe muttered, snuffling into a large white hanky. She was wrapped in a scarf and sweater, nose bright red and eyes watering. She sat down at her usual booth in the corner and pulled out her laptop.

"The usual then?" Joe asked, not bothering to come out from behind the bar. Zoe merely nodded, opening her laptop to begin her usual messing around on the internet as one of the teenaged waitresses brought her a Dr. Pepper.

One hour of internet-surfing and tending to her cold-ridden nose later, another customer came in. Zoe didn't look up until she heard a voice ask. "Excuse me? Is this Joe's Pizza?"

Zoe's head whipped around. A young woman with honey-blond hair tucked into a scarf, a cream-white trench coat, and a dulcet, accented voice stood at the bar. Joe grinned his signature, New York, not-a-busy-day grin and said, "Well, darling, I'm Joe, and pizza's in the oven, so I'd say yes."

"I'm supposed to meet someone here." The woman replied, smiling nervously. "But I'm not sure if she-"

"Belody!" Zoe yelled. Melody turned, startled, and broke into a huge grin.

"Oh! Zoe! You're here, I was worried you'd given up by now!" Melody cried, running over as Joe watched on in amusement.

"Do way, I'b beed waitig for-hah... Hah-for... Over ah... week--HETCHIEWW!!" Zoe sneezed wetly into her handkerchief, ending with a gurgling noseblow. She looked up to see concern in Melody's eyes. Concern and... Something else.

"Sorry. snnnf..." Zoe muttered, snuffling into her hanky. "Caught a cold. I always seeb to be sdeezig with sobethig or-ah... Other--HECHUH! Hah-AH-AHCHIEW!!" Germy snot flooded into the hanky as her nose exploded with the itchy tickle. Melody smiled sympathetically.

"Why don't we go back to your place, so you can rest." She suggested. Zoe looked up, and Melody blushed, noticing the forwardness of her suggestion. "If, er... If that's okay..." She murmured, glancing away.

"Sure." Zoe said, snuffing thickly. "Why do-hah... Dot--HEKCHIEW!!"

---

Sorry if this part is a bit short and low on sneezes. I plan to go full-out on the sicky sneezy messiness next installment, so this was just getting me from A to B, in a way.

Unorthodox format, but I hope you like it! It was inspired more or less by FloatingFeather's stories. Go look them up!

[SneezeloveronGirls]

I've been waiting for this to be updated and I am glad that you decided to continue this.

[sneezygirl97]

SO GLAD THIS IS BACK!!!!!!!

[Anonymoussneezelover]

I LOVE this story!

[Merc_With_A_Mouth_69]

Eee! Yay! This story is being updated again!

[Choobat]

OMG HOW HAVE I NOT FOUND THIS BEFORE ITS GLORIOUS AHHHH

Keep up the good work!!!

[SneezyLaura]

I ship Zoey and Melody so hard.. <333

[SpamKey]

Hehe I warned you! Here comes the indulgence! (I did say at the start of this fic that this would be pure fanservice to me...)

---

"HAKCHIEWW! Snnnnnnf..."

That was basically Zoe's soundtrack the entire walk to her apartment. Melody walked next to her in companionable, only semi-awkward silence, tugging a medium-sized roller suitcase behind her, glancing over every time Zoe sneezed her loud, stare-attracting sneezes into her already damp handkerchief.

"I'm sorry that it took me so long to get here." Melody said finally. "Some family business came up last-second that simply couldn't wait. I meant to get here sooner, but..."

"Id's fide." Zoe snuffled from behind her hanky. "I dod'd mbind, rea-hah... HAH! HAKCHOO! Snnf, ugh... Really." She rounded off the sneeze with a long, gurgling, juicy blow that left people nearby glaring at her. Zoe honestly couldn't care less. She'd gotten used to those kinds of stares over the course of her alternately allergic, sick, and photic life. "I'b jusd sorry you cabe whed I'b like-ah-ah... L-likge this--AKCHUH!" This sneeze she only just covered in time, and she had to take a moment to mop up the mess it left before she felt safe removing the hanky.

"Don't be. Honestly." Melody cast Zoe a knowing glance, then looked away, blushing. Zoe might have been blushing, too. Or maybe it was a slight fever. Hard to say.

A few more minutes of ABA (all-but-awkward) silence, and they arrived at Zoe's apartment complex. The pair made their way to the elevator, and stood waiting in slightly more awkward ABA silence, until Zoe decided to break it.

"I god the pendhouse, so there'll be roob fuh-uh... fo-or you-hah... t-to-hah-HA!" Zoe fumbled for her hanky; she could tell this wouldn't be a single or double. Hell, she'd be lucky if it stopped at quadruple, the way her nose tingled with a germy, infectious itch.

"HA-HAH! AH-AKCHIEW! Heh-eeeEEH-ETCHOO! HaTCHIEW! He-KETCHIEW! Ah-ha-AH! AH-AHCHOO! Heh-HETCHIEW!! Ugh-hah-AH-ATCHOO!" Zoe's nose exploded with germy, runny snot, the liquid gushing out of her uncovered nose and all over her face. Her nose was a veritable geyser of mucus, flooding her face with gooey runoff, each itchy, torturous explosion sending out a fresh wave of snot to cover her face and hands, which hovered futilely in front of Zoe's face, trying and failing miserably to block the flow.

"Hah-AH! AKSHOO! Heh-ah-EH! ETCHOO! Hah..." Finally, the fit tapered down. Cursing slightly, Zoe managed to get her hanky out and wipe off her soaked face and hands. She glanced over at Melody, who watched on with a mixture of sympathy and... Something else.

"Bless you." She offered, smiling with sweet empathy. Zoe grimaced, blowing her nose with a thick gurgling at odds with how much snot had come out of her nose in that fit.

"Thagks. SNNnnnf... Ugh. Thad was charbig." Zoe muttered as the elevator dinged open. She led to way to her apartment, stifling a sneeze into her shoulder as she opened the door.

"Hobe sweetd-hah... HEKCHOO! Ugh, ah, hobe." Zoe tried to make some sort of customary welcoming phrase, but her nose interrupted, needing to be blown... Again.

Meanwhile, Melody looked around, smiling. "This place is so charming!"

"Yeah, well-hah... HEKCHOO! Ah-AH-AKSHOO! Heh-eh-EEEEH-ETCHOO! Ugh... Job has ids bedefids." Zoe said, her voice even less intelligible due to the hanky covering her nose almost constantly now. Each nostril was the nose equivalent of Niagra Falls and it was easier to just let the hanky soak up the mess instead of trying to blow her brains out every three seconds.

Melody frowned, setting her bag aside and coming over to Zoe. She placed a hand on her forehead. "You feel a bit warm, Zoe. Perhaps you should lie down...?"

"Bay-hah... Baybe--HEKCHOO!" Zoe turned aside just in time to avoid spraying Melody. "HAKCHOO! Heh-ETCHOO! ETCHUH! Agh-hah... Ahh!... ATcHUH! Ugh..." Another fit, another snotty, juicy blow. What else was new? Sneezes always increased as the cold got worse, her body more infected by itchy, snotty, infectious germs. It was always sneezes with Zoe.

"Come on, let's go to the couch. Then we can talk." Melody offered. Zoe, too sick and tired to protest, merely sneezed a few more flooding, overflowing sneezes, and allowed herself to be led about her own apartment like an invalid, not giving two craps about it in the process. All of her crap-giving capacity was taken up by sneezes and snot. And she had a bad feeling Melody's would soon be, too.

---

I can't tell if this is kinda short... But the arc will continue onwards! Maybe after one or two more installments of this arc, we'll get back to the traditional format. I don't want to get pulled too far off of my "no-storyline, pure fanservice" promise.

[Kshu]

Yasssss

[SneezeloveronGirls]

I am so glad that you managed to get around to continuing this story.

[Likesn]

This is a great story. From the moment Melody came along, I wished she and Zoe will be sick together.