Dear Forum, (an advice thread!)

[Travel]

7 hours ago, March Hare said:

1. Listen to the stories of people in unhappy, boring and/or unhealthy relationships. Or read them - the Internet is full of those. SO MANY problems us single people DO NOT have, ye heavens.

1. (cont.) Ask yourself what you're not having right now, that you would have with a partner. And no, that is NOT obvious. Try it and you'll see. Nothing is ever guaranteed, happiness least of all. What does your life look like NOW? What do you do for a living? What do you do for fun? Who are the people in your life? How are you working on becoming the person you want to be? Get those straight first.

2. You're not doing all of the above yet. Or not enough. Do all of the above, and call me in the morning then... well, then first tell us what that was like. Then we'll see.

Excellent questions. 

1. True, often when I hear about these I also get a bit turned off from wanting a relationship lol. 

2. Right now I'm looking for more work, I do have a part-time job, I'm volunteering and interning but I want to do more because I need more money. I love writing, reading, watching movies, I often spend a lot of time at home. My family are really the only people in my life right now. There's friends I talk to a lot but we don't really get a chance to see each other. And I'm working pretty hard right now on getting where I want to be in my life. It's just that sometimes I feel like I'm asking for too much, like I got myself involved in something that's almost impossible to achieve that might never pay off, so I'm weary that I might be sacrificing something like a relationship for something that I may never get. Yet I see folks who've achieved it and they got to where I want to be but they've also had relationships, and I wonder: Why can't I do that? 

[March Hare]

Because they are them, and you are you.

More importantly: they got lucky.

Or maybe they settled.

The point is: it is absolutely no use whatsoever to compare your situation with anyone else's. They are NOT where you want to be. They are at a place that looks good to you, but how do you know it is good FOR you?

Try to stop looking at where others are and look more carefully at where YOU are, right now, and what the things are that you would like to change. Change is scary. Almost everyone agrees on that. It's the most important reason why so many people stay in relationships that aren't good for them. But doing the scary things is the only way to go from existing to living.

Examine your expectations carefully. Why do you want a certain job/degree/skill-set/persona? Whose voice is that in your head telling you to keep going after something - is it your own voice, or someone else's? The voice of a parent or a friend or an ex or a particularly charismatic celebrity?

Life is hard and difficult and complicated and scary, and you get to make your own choices but THERE ARE SO MANY CHOICES on so many levels. This is why it's okay to let some of them take care of themselves.

I'm zooming out a little too far here, but my point is: relationships happen... or they don't. You can't make them happen. All you can do is make yourself comfortable and happy in your own life, and stay interested in other people. If you do that (and you get to decide how you do it) then you'll still feel bad about everything sometimes, but you will feel good about everything more often.

Good luck!

 

 

[Travel]

5 hours ago, March Hare said:

Because they are them, and you are you.

More importantly: they got lucky.

Or maybe they settled.

The point is: it is absolutely no use whatsoever to compare your situation with anyone else's. They are NOT where you want to be. They are at a place that looks good to you, but how do you know it is good FOR you?

Try to stop looking at where others are and look more carefully at where YOU are, right now, and what the things are that you would like to change. Change is scary. Almost everyone agrees on that. It's the most important reason why so many people stay in relationships that aren't good for them. But doing the scary things is the only way to go from existing to living.

Examine your expectations carefully. Why do you want a certain job/degree/skill-set/persona? Whose voice is that in your head telling you to keep going after something - is it your own voice, or someone else's? The voice of a parent or a friend or an ex or a particularly charismatic celebrity?

Life is hard and difficult and complicated and scary, and you get to make your own choices but THERE ARE SO MANY CHOICES on so many levels. This is why it's okay to let some of them take care of themselves.

I'm zooming out a little too far here, but my point is: relationships happen... or they don't. You can't make them happen. All you can do is make yourself comfortable and happy in your own life, and stay interested in other people. If you do that (and you get to decide how you do it) then you'll still feel bad about everything sometimes, but you will feel good about everything more often.

Good luck!

 

 

Thank you! 

This has all helped me feel better and feel like I'm on the right track again. 

Now on to something completely different: 

Have any of you managed to make yourself dream about something or someone? If so, how do you do it? 

[Rook]

Deer farm for the longest time I've been wearing Steven Avengers t-shirt the last time I wore was in 2017 I would never take it anywhere with me because I love it too much Steven wore that shirt a lot I wore that shirt a lot we shared the shirt but after he passed everyone was in a robotic mode and my mom can't remember where she put the shirt or if she sold it even though she called it donating it like I understand it was hard for everyone but I was the only one that would really care and actually want to be there when going through the clothes because I could fit into his clothes well most of them anyway and I'm genuinely upset about it because even though my parents good intention was to not let me see Steven when he passed away my mom didn't let me get a chance to really say goodbye and then she didn't bother to come and get me when we were cleaning out his closet and give me the chance to look and see what I wanted no one bothered to think about me when I wasn't I would remember wearing his shirt it was so vivid in my memory that it can't be fake I just want it back I don't know how to get over it if I can I just I can't explain to my parents how upset I am I don't think they understand how can I make them understand.. I have been stressed about this for the longest time I need help

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

@Rook i know this is hard to hear because it feels like losing some part of him all over again, but i think you may have to accept that the shirt is gone. no amount of telling your parents how upset you are about it is going to bring it back, and it would only upset you and them both to bring it up again. i think, as hard as it may be, you may need to let it go. i'm very sorry.

[Rook]

10 hours ago, 👻🎃🌛💀✨ ~ Q ~ ✨💀🌜🎃👻 said:

@Rook i know this is hard to hear because it feels like losing some part of him all over again, but i think you may have to accept that the shirt is gone. no amount of telling your parents how upset you are about it is going to bring it back, and it would only upset you and them both to bring it up again. i think, as hard as it may be, you may need to let it go. i'm very sorry.

Yeah your probably right I just it sucks

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

Dear Forum,

i decided that im going to add a little high intensity interval training to my life to help me reach my fitness goals! i'm excited to try it and see if i get the results i'm looking for, but i need a little help.

in order to do HIIT i need to choose a kind of cardio exercise, and i'm having trouble thinking of one that meets my needs.

it has to be something i can do indoors, so i can do it no matter what the weather is like. it has to be something i can go REALLY HAM AT for a couple of minutes at a time. and it can't involve too much jumping or the use of stairs, because i get very self-conscious working out in front of anybody and that includes "my mom hears me thumping around upstairs in my room bc im jumping so much"

does anyone have any ideas?

sincerely,

heavy at home

[Joal 555]

3 hours ago, 👻🎃🌛💀✨ ~ Q ~ ✨💀🌜🎃👻 said:

it has to be something i can do indoors, so i can do it no matter what the weather is like. it has to be something i can go REALLY HAM AT for a couple of minutes at a time. and it can't involve too much jumping or the use of stairs, because i get very self-conscious working out in front of anybody and that includes "my mom hears me thumping around upstairs in my room bc im jumping so much"

does anyone have any ideas?

An exercise bike?

(I appreciate the cost may be a problem though)

Good luck with whatever you end up doing though!

[SleepingPhlox]

5 hours ago, 👻🎃🌛💀✨ ~ Q ~ ✨💀🌜🎃👻 said:

Dear Forum,

i decided that im going to add a little high intensity interval training to my life to help me reach my fitness goals! i'm excited to try it and see if i get the results i'm looking for, but i need a little help.

in order to do HIIT i need to choose a kind of cardio exercise, and i'm having trouble thinking of one that meets my needs.

it has to be something i can do indoors, so i can do it no matter what the weather is like. it has to be something i can go REALLY HAM AT for a couple of minutes at a time. and it can't involve too much jumping or the use of stairs, because i get very self-conscious working out in front of anybody and that includes "my mom hears me thumping around upstairs in my room bc im jumping so much"

does anyone have any ideas?

sincerely,

heavy at home

Maybe you might have some luck going onto darebee.com and browsing their exercise library?  They have SO many and there are diagrams and videos to show you how to do them.  Maybe you'll find one that suits you that way?  And I'm pretty sure I've seen low impact exercise collections on there somewhere.

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

5 hours ago, SpectralPhlox said:

Maybe you might have some luck going onto darebee.com and browsing their exercise library?  They have SO many and there are diagrams and videos to show you how to do them.  Maybe you'll find one that suits you that way?  And I'm pretty sure I've seen low impact exercise collections on there somewhere.

ooh, thank you!! i'll have to check that out :0

[Wilde]

14 hours ago, 👻🎃🌛💀✨ ~ Q ~ ✨💀🌜🎃👻 said:

Dear Forum,

i decided that im going to add a little high intensity interval training to my life to help me reach my fitness goals! i'm excited to try it and see if i get the results i'm looking for, but i need a little help.

in order to do HIIT i need to choose a kind of cardio exercise, and i'm having trouble thinking of one that meets my needs.

it has to be something i can do indoors, so i can do it no matter what the weather is like. it has to be something i can go REALLY HAM AT for a couple of minutes at a time. and it can't involve too much jumping or the use of stairs, because i get very self-conscious working out in front of anybody and that includes "my mom hears me thumping around upstairs in my room bc im jumping so much"

does anyone have any ideas?

sincerely,

heavy at home

Don’t take my word for this being a good idea because I’m probably the least exercise-y person you’ll ever talk to, but I like dancing for a bit of cardio. Just put some music on and go for it. That might not be ideal because of the risk of making noise, but still. Hope you find something good!

[Nameless]

2 hours ago, Dorian Gay said:

Don’t take my word for this being a good idea because I’m probably the least exercise-y person you’ll ever talk to, but I like dancing for a bit of cardio. Just put some music on and go for it. That might not be ideal because of the risk of making noise, but still. Hope you find something good!

Dancing is a great cardio workout! It's seriously underrated and the most fun in my opinion. I would suggest a dance class but if you're self-conscious, I can totally relate. There's heaps of free dance workouts on YouTube, and also websites where you can pay for them  you just follow along. This might be an issue though because of the noise. So apart from that I'd suggest an exercise bike or treadmill. 

[•.*°•☆. Q .☆•°*.•]

4 hours ago, Dorian Gay said:

Don’t take my word for this being a good idea because I’m probably the least exercise-y person you’ll ever talk to, but I like dancing for a bit of cardio. Just put some music on and go for it. That might not be ideal because of the risk of making noise, but still. Hope you find something good!

thank you, that's a really good idea too!! i was already planning to time my intervals out using music, so dancing fits into that really well!! ♡♡ 

i noticed a couple people have said exercise equipment, but unfortunately i don't have anywhere to put a stationary bike or a treadmill. i appreciate the idea tho!

[March Hare]

14 hours ago, Nameless said:

Dancing is a great cardio workout! It's seriously underrated and the most fun in my opinion.

I am thirding this with great enthusiasm! dancing is the BEST for your entire everything.