A Couple’s Cold 2: Electric Boogaloo

[GhostLily342]

My wife and me recently got over a nasty shared cold…or so we thought. See here for the first chapter of this cold that involved a great deal more sneezing.

We both started feeling better, then enjoyed about a day and a half of health, then our symptoms seemed to relapse with a vengeance: both of us lost our voices, and some of the crud settled in our chests (I’ll spare you those details). Also, don’t be alarmed: both of us have since taken a COVID test, and both came back negative.

This time around there’s not near as much sneezing, but in its place are two noses that just…won’t…stop…running! This is the snotty chapter of this relentless cold, which means we’re slowly burying ourselves in a mountain of tissues.

Neither of us can seem to go five minutes without needing to blow our noses. Seriously, if nose blowing were an event in this years’ Olympics, we’d be bringing home the gold.

I left work early on Friday since I was starting to feel awful again, but this vengeful cold had already hit my wife (“C”) hard. I texted her to ask what we needed from the store so I could stop on my way home, and this was her exact response:

“A couple of new bodies. Maybe some more theraflu and cough medicine. Tissues. I definitely need a new body.”

Since the situation sounded so dire, I called her once I was in the store. My poor baby could barely talk, and talking was made even more difficult as she was sniffling or blowing her nose the whole time. For the record, C’s blows closely resemble the sound of a trombone and always have, so if it’s possible to cram that much pitifulness into the written word, here’s how some portions of that phone call sounded:

😄 *snnfff* Ughhh, I feel so bad, I told mby director that I can’t work today, *snfff* SHHRRRRRRNNNKK!! *snnfff* oh mby god, mby nose…

M: Do we not have any tissues left? I thought there were still some in the top of the hall closet.

😄 Ndo, I just opened the last box, but—SHHHRRRRRRRNK SHHHRRNK—*snnff* ugh, I just opened the last box, and I just know we’re gonna ndeed mbore. I’ve been blowing my nose, like, ndonstop…”

Needless to say, I got the message; I left the store with no less than six boxes of soft, lotion-infused tissues, including a few boxes of the Vicks scented ones (Puffs are a favorite in our household). 

From there, the routine was fairly predictable: my runny nose picked back up not long after I got home, so between taking care of our son (who is strangely the only healthy person in our household right now), we’re a record-shattering team of sniffling, blowing, blowing, sniffling, and more blowing.

As luck would have it, C has more often seemed to be the one farthest away from a tissue box when she’s needed one, so (if you’re into this sort of dialogue, as I do) she’s had to ask me multiple times:

“Can you get mbe some tissues, or a paper towel or something?”

“Hey honey, when you come down, could you bring me some tissues?”

“Ughh, *snnff* could you hand mbe a tissue please?”

By now, I think three of those six boxes of tissues that I bought have been emptied; we reached the stage of attaching an empty tissue box to a full one with rubber bands to catch all of our soaked tissues.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying this for some obvious reasons, but I really do hope we can kick this thing soon so that we can face the work week semi-conscious!

Edited August 1, 2021 by GhostLily342

[GhostLily342]

UPDATE: After a few days of being unable to pass by a tissue box, we all decided that we needed some vitamin D; after all, after an unbearably hot and swampy week, the weather has turned nice again!

So, me and C loaded up our boy in his trike/stroller, and headed to the park a few blocks from our house. In my unmedicated stupor, my ditzy self forgot to grab our most essential piece of cold coping equipment: tissues 😱🤦‍♂️

Sure enough, we weren’t even a block away from the house when both of us started sniffling regularly. Neither of us acknowledged it, but both of us were wiping our noses on our shirts once sniffling failed.

We got to the park, and let our son run around on the playground. Both me and C were still sniffling and snuffling miserably, and I’m sure I wasn’t the only one trying to stave off a sneeze, but then, a lightbulb flicked on! The diaper bag on my back!

“Hey honey, *snnfff* are there still tissues in the back pocket here?”

“*snff* Ugh, god, I sure hope so.”

She only had to fish through that back pocket momentarily before hitting the mobile cold sufferers’ jackpot!

“Ah ha! Found ‘em! You need one too, probably.”

C pulled two tissues from a half-emptied pack and handed one to me. Both of us proceeded to blow our noses in relief. I think we both recognized the precariousness of the situation as well: if we were going to avoid running out of these tissues, we would have to make them last! Without saying a word, both of us clutched our tissues with that in mind.

We made our way around the park, blowing/wiping/sniffling all the way, and being sure to only discard a tissue when it had reached the point of being absolutely incapable of supporting another blow. Seeing as these tissues were not of the lotion variety, our noses were getting quite red in short order. At one point as I blew yet again, I remarked to C (and actually meant it), “Ugh, I’m getting real tired of this nose blowing thing.”

“I know, *snff* same.”

We actually did manage to make it home without running completely out of tissues though! After getting inside and putting our boy down for a nap, both of us collapsed on the couch with some mugs of Theraflu. As we sipped and I reached for another tissue, I asked C in genuine curiosity,

“Does Theraflu have some sort antihistamine in it or something?”

“I don’t think so, *snnff* but Flonase does, I think.” 

“I just need something to where I can stop blowing my nose every five seconds.”

“Grab the Flonase, it’s on the kitchen counter.”

I retrieved the nasal spray, returned to the couch, then turned it over in my hand a few times, perplexed; I normally don’t like using nasal sprays, but this time I genuinely did want something that would slow down my runny nose!

Seconds later, C asked, “Do you want me to do it for you?”

Having never been in this position before, the fetishy lobe of my brain suddenly thought, Hmm, this could be nice!

“…Yes.”

“Okay, lean over here. As soon as I squirt it, sniff.”

She pumped one shot into each nostril, and I sniffed as directed. Sure enough, it was rather enjoyable! Whether it would stop my streaming nose remains to be determined.

“So, that’ll stop my nose from running so much, right?”

“*glances at bottle* Well, maybe not. This is a steroid, so it might just open things up more in there.”

“Ohhh, cool.”

Hide your tissues, folks: none are safe from these two noses! 🤧🤧

[SneezeAbbie]

Sorry to hear that your colds came back with vengeance, feel better soon!

[GhostLily342]

6 hours ago, SneezeAbbie said:

Sorry to hear that your colds came back with vengeance, feel better soon!

Thanks! We may have turned a corner here, but still keeping the tissues nearby!

[GhostLily342]

UPDATE #2–MESS WARNING IN THIS ONE

As we might’ve expected, the Flonase did help briefly with some deep-seated congestion, but did almost nothing to stop my nose from running.

After we put our son to bed, we sat back down and started watching a movie. As I’ve mentioned in previous installments here, by this point I was rather tired of blowing my nose, but my nose was still dripping incessantly. So, most of the evening I was holding handfuls of tissues under my nose just to catch the drips, all while sniffling miserably.

My wife’s runny nose had started to dry up a bit ago, but she was still sympathetic; sometimes when I sniffled into my tissues she would pat my leg and say things like “Aww baby, your poor nose…”

Once after some particularly liquidy sniffling, my wife paused the movie, and said, “Okay, hear me out: I know you judged me for using the snot sucker the other day, but I’m telling you it works! We should try it on you; I really think it’ll help with your nose.”

The “snot sucker” is exactly what it sounds like: a handheld electronic tool intended for use on our son that literally sucks the snot right out of your nose! It’s true that I had playfully judged her days ago when she used it on herself, perhaps because I never anticipated using it.

“Ohhhhkay, fine.”

As she went to the kitchen to grab the tool, she turned and with a wink said “Want me to suck you out?”

Y’all. This woman 😏

She returned moments later with the tool and a spray bottle of saline.

“Alright, tilt your head up.”

I did, and she spritzed some saline in each nostril, which started visibly running out of my nose in seconds. It’s difficult to describe the equal mixture of cringe and arousal that washed over me as my nostrils streamed directly in front of my wife.

She then inserted the sucking tool, and said, “Okay, when I tell you, just sniff a little to get the suction going.”

I did as ordered, and at first the sensation was a bit unsettling; for a split second it felt as though this thing might suck out a portion of my brain.

I obviously couldn’t see from her vantage point until she removed the tool from my nose…and a huge string of snot came with it! She seemed not the least bit perturbed.

“Oh wow, nice!” 

She then grabbed a tissue from the box beside us and tenderly wiped and at the excess moisture around my nose.

As she got up and rinsed out the tool, she handed me the tissue, and said, “Here, now try to blow out all that saline and stuff that we didn’t get.”

I blew, and immediately I could see the appeal of the “snot sucker”: my nose felt clearer than it had in days! Imagine the most satisfying nose blow ever—one that you really have to work for, but that leaves you feeling crystal clear inside—that’s how it felt afterward!

From the kitchen as she was rinsing out the tool, C said “Yeah, we really got some good stuff out of there!”

A bit embarrassed, I said “I’m sorry you had to do that; it was really gross.”

Without missing a beat, she replied, “Honey, I’m not just your wife, I’m also a nurse; I really don’t mind.”

Again, y’all. This woman 😊

[Rick]

That's amazing, first time I've heard of that being done on an adult, but C is obviously a fan now!

I was surprised when you said in the previous thread that although C has a loud nose-blow, it's not very effective? I'd never really thought of that, a loud nose-blower still struggling (bless her), probably because when I blow hard and loud myself it clears me out completely. Maybe it's down to technique?

[Engmanny]

Wow let's hope this catches on, kinda like a neti pot I guess