I finally told my husband…

[peach2218]

Hi. It’s me. The girl who’s been agonizing over the decision of whether to tell her husband about the fetish. I’ve been posting about this topic for my entire relationship of over 8 years. (If you take a stroll through my post history, it’s 85% “Should I tell my S/O?” 
 

This last week something in me broke, and I knew I had to tell him. I tried last night with the help of some wine and it did NOT go well (go see my Snake Pit post). We spent the entire day in awkward silence today, and then after the kids went to bed we sat on the couch and put a movie on. Sat in silence for almost the entire movie before I finally gathered the balls to say “is this just going to be awkward until I tell you?”  I warned him again that it was strange, told him that he was allowed to laugh at me, and said that yes. I was dead serious. Then I pulled up the forum and plopped my phone on his chest. 
 

He looked at the phone for a minute and then squinted his eyes, shook his head a little, and said “So? It’s not that weird… there are weirder things out there.” He looked up and saw how distressed I still was about it, and he reassured me that it was fine. He giggled a little bit and cuddled with me. He didn’t ask any questions like I expected, and he just went to bed since it’s pretty late. I’m not entirely sure why, but I don’t feel a whole lot better yet. Maybe it’s because the fetish has been such a huge source of shame for me and I don’t feel like it’s “not a big deal” like he said. Or maybe it’s because he didn’t probe any further and ask questions to allow me to explain the fetish. For all I know, he probably thinks I get off to my own sneezing. 
 

Anyway, I’m stunned that I finally did it after keeping it a secret for 2 decades. I’m relieved that he didn’t take it too hard (at least not from what I could tell), and I’m hoping that after he’s had the chance to ruminate over it we’ll be able to have an open discussion about it and it won’t be weird. 

[Adw]

Considering how long you've been thinking about it, that was pretty courageous of you. I'm glad it went better than last night. Congrats!

Is something specific you'd want him to know, beyond that fact that you have the fetish? Whatever it is, when the time feels right, it might be worth bringing that up directly, and/or why it felt important to share it with him.

[peach2218]

2 minutes ago, Adw said:
Is something specific you'd want him to know, beyond that fact that you have the fetish? Whatever it is, when the time feels right, it might be worth bringing that up directly, and/or why it felt important to share it with him.

Yeah, actually, there is something specific and for some reason I think it’s even more embarrassing than the fetish itself. 
 

The “bless you/thank you” ritual after a sneeze is probably 70% of my fetish. My husband is not a blesser, and he usually ignores it when people bless him. Super depressing. I’m mortified at the thought of bringing it up to him, though. Maybe I’ll tell him about it in another 8 years. 😅

[Adw]

Interesting! FWIW, I don't think that's so bad.

My only other advice about bringing it up would be try to "own" whatever quirks you have as best you can. It could even be something like "I don't really know why this does it for me, but it does!". Most people are pretty happy to learn how to satisfy their S/O, so hopefully he'd be into blessing you even if that's not his typical response to sneezing right now. Anyway, good luck with whatever you choose to do.

[kiku]

@peach2218 See - it wasn't a big deal for him at all. 😊 ❤️ I'm sure you two can talk about it in more detail if you feel the need to. 💕

[SleepingPhlox]

I am SO happy for you. From some stuff you had posted, it seemed like having this out in the open between the two of you was very important to you, and I'm happy you got the chance to be able to do it.  And it still seems like he was more worried about how this was making you feel which is just so sweet and wonderful and again, just an internet stranger who doesn't know you guys, but girl, it sounds like you got yourself a keeper!

Couples should be able to communicate in relationships, whether it's about your financial goals or what you're into in bed, and the fact that he was open to letting you speak in your own time, hearing you out, and not judging you...well that's just the brightest neon green flag for your relationship, isn't it?

Seriously, so happy for you. And, goodness, tell him about the bless you thing.  If he's going to be THAT cool about being told about the fetish, what's a little "Oh, I also really dig it when people say a couple of words, could you start saying them for me?"

[sneezefan222]

6 hours ago, peach2218 said:

Hi. It’s me. The girl who’s been agonizing over the decision of whether to tell her husband about the fetish. I’ve been posting about this topic for my entire relationship of over 8 years. (If you take a stroll through my post history, it’s 85% “Should I tell my S/O?” 
 

This last week something in me broke, and I knew I had to tell him. I tried last night with the help of some wine and it did NOT go well (go see my Snake Pit post). We spent the entire day in awkward silence today, and then after the kids went to bed we sat on the couch and put a movie on. Sat in silence for almost the entire movie before I finally gathered the balls to say “is this just going to be awkward until I tell you?”  I warned him again that it was strange, told him that he was allowed to laugh at me, and said that yes. I was dead serious. Then I pulled up the forum and plopped my phone on his chest. 
 

He looked at the phone for a minute and then squinted his eyes, shook his head a little, and said “So? It’s not that weird… there are weirder things out there.” He looked up and saw how distressed I still was about it, and he reassured me that it was fine. He giggled a little bit and cuddled with me. He didn’t ask any questions like I expected, and he just went to bed since it’s pretty late. I’m not entirely sure why, but I don’t feel a whole lot better yet. Maybe it’s because the fetish has been such a huge source of shame for me and I don’t feel like it’s “not a big deal” like he said. Or maybe it’s because he didn’t probe any further and ask questions to allow me to explain the fetish. For all I know, he probably thinks I get off to my own sneezing. 
 

Anyway, I’m stunned that I finally did it after keeping it a secret for 2 decades. I’m relieved that he didn’t take it too hard (at least not from what I could tell), and I’m hoping that after he’s had the chance to ruminate over it we’ll be able to have an open discussion about it and it won’t be weird. 

@peach2218 congratulations!! From this point forward life will get easier in regards to the fetish.  Once you two get to talking more about it, he’ll come around. 

[Reader]

As far as telling him about the bless you, make it relatable. Tell him that bless you is like words of affirmation and feels like a compliment. And giving him a bless you and receiving a thank you feels like feel-good acknowledgement. 
 

Some people feel like they have to say bless you in a sexy way because it’s a fetish. Warn him ahead of time if that’s not what you want.
 

 And make sure the bless you thing isn’t something he has to be a natural at to make it hot for you. If it’s still hot that he’s only saying it because you like it, all good to go. 

But yeah, he prolly won’t initiate/ask you questions and will wait for you to tell him what you like and what he should know. 

[peach2218]

1 hour ago, Reader said:

But yeah, he prolly won’t initiate/ask you questions and will wait for you to tell him what you like and what he should know. 

Yikes 😅 It took me 8.5 years to work up the courage to even tell him I had this fetish, it will probably take another 8 years to talk about it. Send help. 

 

9 hours ago, SleepingPhlox said:

Couples should be able to communicate in relationships, whether it's about your financial goals or what you're into in bed, and the fact that he was open to letting you speak in your own time, hearing you out, and not judging you...well that's just the brightest neon green flag for your relationship, isn't it?

Seriously, so happy for you. And, goodness, tell him about the bless you thing.  If he's going to be THAT cool about being told about the fetish, what's a little "Oh, I also really dig it when people say a couple of words, could you start saying them for me?"

Communication is always something I’ve struggled with. My husband, too. We’re both the type to sit in silence for hours if something upsets us, until one of us can’t take it any more and awkwardly breaks the silence. We’ve gotten better with communicating in just the last few weeks, though, so hopefully it’ll open new doors for us. 
 

As far as the bless you thing, I genuinely cringe at the thought of bringing it up to him! Maybe it will get easier down the line. What I might do is just start blessing him again and see what happens. He might take notice now that he knows I’m into sneezing. I blessed him like, 4 times in the first few months of our relationship and then stopped because he never acknowledged it. It’s probably been 8 years since I’ve said it to him (and I’m dyingggg). 

[taway298]

Congratulations!! I’m glad he reacted well, in terms of fetishes this is one of the tamer ones I suppose haha. Seeing outcomes like this gives me hope of someday telling my partner 😊

[peach2218]

19 minutes ago, taway298 said:

Congratulations!! I’m glad he reacted well, in terms of fetishes this is one of the tamer ones I suppose haha. Seeing outcomes like this gives me hope of someday telling my partner 😊

I’m still not completely out of the woods, as we haven’t talked about it since I told him and things are still a bit awkward, but I hope you do what’s best for your mental health and relationship! I hadn’t ever planned on telling him unless he found out by accident, but the guilt of keeping such a big part of me a secret just became too much. 

[taway298]

2 minutes ago, peach2218 said:

I’m still not completely out of the woods, as we haven’t talked about it since I told him and things are still a bit awkward, but I hope you do what’s best for your mental health and relationship! I hadn’t ever planned on telling him unless he found out by accident, but the guilt of keeping such a big part of me a secret just became too much. 

I can totally understand that. We’ve dealt with some intimacy lulls and were talking about it one night, I wanted to tell her so bad because I know it could be a solution. But at the same time I’m worried she’ll be weirded out and it’ll have the opposite effect. I get very in my head about things too so that doesn’t help lol

[peach2218]

6 hours ago, taway298 said:

I can totally understand that. We’ve dealt with some intimacy lulls and were talking about it one night, I wanted to tell her so bad because I know it could be a solution. But at the same time I’m worried she’ll be weirded out and it’ll have the opposite effect. I get very in my head about things too so that doesn’t help lol

I feel like the vast majority of people on this forum who told their partners had good experiences! It is super scary though, I get in my head too and make things 100x worse for myself. 

[vanessa_vee]

On 7/8/2023 at 12:43 AM, peach2218 said:

Yeah, actually, there is something specific and for some reason I think it’s even more embarrassing than the fetish itself. 
 

The “bless you/thank you” ritual after a sneeze is probably 70% of my fetish. My husband is not a blesser, and he usually ignores it when people bless him. Super depressing. I’m mortified at the thought of bringing it up to him, though. Maybe I’ll tell him about it in another 8 years. 😅

That’s actually very interesting I’ve never heard of the fetish in that way. It’s interesting to know theres many different aspects of this fetish that people are attracted to. 

[RB]

21 hours ago, peach2218 said:

I feel like the vast majority of people on this forum who told their partners had good experiences! It is super scary though, I get in my head too and make things 100x worse for myself. 

You know your partner and your situation better than anyone in this forum ever can. I knew if/when I told my wife it would go badly and it did (I’ve told the story here before so I won’t repeat it). It’s fine to seek advice here, but at the end of the day, you have to deal with the consequences. If you don’t feel that it’s right to push it, don’t. If you think more discussion will help, do it. Your instincts are more likely to be correct than anyone here can tell you. 

[peach2218]

2 hours ago, RB said:

You know your partner and your situation better than anyone in this forum ever can. I knew if/when I told my wife it would go badly and it did (I’ve told the story here before so I won’t repeat it). It’s fine to seek advice here, but at the end of the day, you have to deal with the consequences. If you don’t feel that it’s right to push it, don’t. If you think more discussion will help, do it. Your instincts are more likely to be correct than anyone here can tell you. 

I agree. And it seems like male partners tend to take the news better than female partners. Not to generalize or anything, but that’s what I’ve noticed. 

 

2 hours ago, vanessa_vee said:

That’s actually very interesting I’ve never heard of the fetish in that way. It’s interesting to know theres many different aspects of this fetish that people are attracted to. 

I agree, I’m always surprised by how different we all are! Some people are only into sneezing in stories/artwork, some people are only aroused by their own sneezes….

[Guest]

I am so, so happy for you and the decision you made. It seemed like this was really eating away at you, and it must feel like a relief. It’s great to hear your husband took it lightly; I’m sure it may take some getting used to, but maybe introducing him to the kink/telling him more about the community will make it seem less awkward. Like Reader said, making it relatable (like I know many enjoy the sense of vulnerability/orgasm-like aspect of sneezing) could help him better understand. Who knows, maybe he has some things he was also afraid to share, or maybe he’ll get into the fetish as well! But I hope he understands that this doesn’t make you any different of a person he always knew and married.

But truly, congratulations for taking such a big step in your relationship, it couldn’t have been easy. I hope everything goes well for the two of you in the future.

[rysosneezy]

I just want to chime in and say congrats on building up the courage to tell your husband!  When my SO told me, it took me a bit of time to understand it, though I was not judgmental at all.  I asked her to basically teach me or show me the ropes of it, and it's been so much fun now!  Really really really wish she told me much earlier in our relationship.  But I can obviously see how tough it probably was to hide it and eventually tell me about it.

Again, I'm glad you were able to finally open up and get it off your chest and hopefully things just progress for the better now!

[peach2218]

1 hour ago, rysosneezy said:

I just want to chime in and say congrats on building up the courage to tell your husband!  When my SO told me, it took me a bit of time to understand it, though I was not judgmental at all.  I asked her to basically teach me or show me the ropes of it, and it's been so much fun now!  Really really really wish she told me much earlier in our relationship.  But I can obviously see how tough it probably was to hide it and eventually tell me about it.

Again, I'm glad you were able to finally open up and get it off your chest and hopefully things just progress for the better now!

I’ve read a lot of your posts on here and I love how accepting you are!! It’s awesome that not only are you ok with your SO’s fetish, but you actively enjoy it with her. 
 

I guess 8-9 years into our relationship is better than never. We still haven’t talked about it since that night since we’ve been so busy, but I’m really proud of myself for telling him. 

[timelysmith]

Oh  my goodness! I just saw your post on reddit hahaha.  I am super glad you told him and he was accepting.  I  told an ex ( I am single now) about it and she was super accepting.  Kudos to you

[peach2218]

35 minutes ago, timelysmith said:

Oh  my goodness! I just saw your post on reddit hahaha.  I am super glad you told him and he was accepting.  I  told an ex ( I am single now) about it and she was super accepting.  Kudos to you

Oh lord, not Reddit ☠️ Embarrassinggggg. 

[ALSF]

On 7/7/2023 at 10:43 PM, peach2218 said:

Yeah, actually, there is something specific and for some reason I think it’s even more embarrassing than the fetish itself. 
 

The “bless you/thank you” ritual after a sneeze is probably 70% of my fetish. My husband is not a blesser, and he usually ignores it when people bless him. Super depressing. I’m mortified at the thought of bringing it up to him, though. Maybe I’ll tell him about it in another 8 years. 😅

this was a great first step! weve built it up in our heads so much that we forget that it's usually such a tiny thing to others comparatively. Seriously, I don't see how more people dont find sneezes attractive. Youve broken the hardest part, now at some point it will probably come up again and be even easier to discuss. the bless you thing is something that can easily be worked into your relationship. Seriously, this is the man who gave you his life. He would want you to be happy and im sure hed do hell of a lot more than start saying bless you etc. Good luck, you'll feel better soon

[rysosneezy]

20 hours ago, peach2218 said:

I’ve read a lot of your posts on here and I love how accepting you are!! It’s awesome that not only are you ok with your SO’s fetish, but you actively enjoy it with her. 
 

I guess 8-9 years into our relationship is better than never. We still haven’t talked about it since that night since we’ve been so busy, but I’m really proud of myself for telling him. 

I can only imagine how my wife felt all the years before telling me!!

I don’t recall exactly how it happened but we were just having a rut in the bedroom area, and I decided to open up about some things I liked…. And she had the courage to tell me hers. Unfortunately she doesn’t indulge me in stuff I enjoy but I have no problem indulging for her and our pleasure

[solitaire-au]

@peach2218 I’m so glad it worked out for your!

A couple of points:

1) I think the only mistakes you made initially was relying too much on alcohol and using a long list of fetishes for him to guess from. (When I got my SO to guess, the internet was in its infancy, and this was way before smart phones.)

2) Go slow, but don’t be ashamed. Don’t ask him to induce unless he offers or asks about it.

3) Be very careful about talking about the forum or showing him that you still come on here until you know more about how he feels. Don’t bring it up unless he does first. Now that you’ve told him, he may consider your continued use of the forum to be the same as being virtually/emotionally  unfaithful to him.

I’ve told my husband almost 30 years ago, but have never told him about me lurking or signing up here or searching for content. Not only does he not need to know that, but if he came and saw some of the more shark-like behaviour, there’s the possibility he might jump to conclusions and wonder if I’m like that, too.

[Privatedancer]

It is amazing how hard this can be when I think I would LOVE if my husband had a fetish as long as it wasn’t something disgusting….and here is why.  It is like having a super power.  If he learns to embrace it, especially with how insanely easy your variation is, then he can take the intimacy to new levels previously not possible. The problem is people without a fetish don’t really understand that.  So I tried to explain to my husband (I told him early on but didn’t revisit and explain for years) that he had the cheat code to get me instantly and insanely turned on if he just embraces it (I had to explain in writing because I was too embarrassed) and that I really wanted him to use it and that I believed if he did he would find he loved it too.  He induces all the time now and says turns out he does have a fetish which is seeing how insanely turned on I get by him when he sneezes